Carnage Boxset

by Jones, Lesley

  “Cameron King’s got a club in Sydney now? Fucking hell, he’s gone up in the world, still, fair play to the boy; he’s always worked hard and tried to keep his nose clean.” Bailey rolls his eyes and then meets mine square on. My dad still treats me like I’m five years old when it comes to his business dealings, and he has no idea that I know exactly how his money has been made. Most of his dealings may be legit nowadays, but they most certainly weren’t in the past.

  “Why are you telling us this, George?” Marley asks. I wipe the sweaty palm of my left hand over the knee of my tracksuit bottoms. I look at the velour and the way the colour changes as it’s brushed forward and back. I look up and meet Marley’s eyes.

  “I was a bit of a mess Saturday night. It was not the best of days for me, and anyway, I was a bit drunk by the time I bumped into Cam. He realised this and he also knew that there were a few photographers about so we left the club.” I look at each of them, trying to gauge what they’re thinking. “Cam managed to get us out of a back exit and had his driver pick us up without being seen. I had a car picking me up at six Sunday morning to take me to the airport so I just wanted to go home. Like I say, I was a bit of a teary mess by the time we got back to my hotel and Cam didn’t want to leave me on my own so he came up to my room with me.”

  “Hang on, hang on,” my dad interrupts. “I didn’t know that you even knew Cameron King that well. Why the fuck were you taking him up to your hotel room? I mean, he’s an all right sort of bloke these days, but I’m under no illusion that he’s still as fucking dangerous as he’s always been.”

  “Frank, language, really.”

  “Fuck the language, Bern. I wanna hear where this is going. Carry on, Georgia please.” God, how do my parents have the ability to make me feel like a bloody teenager again. I’m thirty-two years old. I’ll spend nights in hotels with whomever I choose. I just don’t want them to think badly of me for doing it on the anniversary of Sean’s death.

  “Dad, look…”

  “Dad, Georgia was seeing Cam for a while, back when she and Sean split up. I didn’t tell you coz I didn’t want it complicating things. We owned the club together back then and there was already a bit of friction.”

  “You fucking what? You knew she was seeing him and you didn’t tell me?” Oh, for crying out loud.

  “Dad, it was twelve years ago. For fuck’s sake, are you all gonna listen to what I’ve gotta tell ya or what? Sit down, shut up and let me speak. I’m not a bloody child. I’m a grown woman. If I wanna spend a night in a hotel room with Cameron King, then I fucking well will!” The room falls silent and everyone just stares wide-eyed at me. I’ve never spoken to my dad like that. I don’t know if anyone has, ever.

  “Georgia, really—”

  “Mum, I swear to God, if you tell me not to swear, I will walk out that door and never step foot in this house again.”

  “Shut up, Bern. Let the girl talk.” I give up, my family are bloody impossible sometimes. To think that I’ve actually missed all of this. No wonder I’ve got issues.

  “Think what you like of Cam, but he did nothing but look after me Saturday night. He stayed with me all night. He ordered me food, made me eat it. He made me drink water and he listened to me talk and he held me when I cried.” I can feel a lump forming in my throat as I speak. I’m missing him and I so wish that I didn’t. “The problem is that the press somehow have found out that he stayed in my room and have run a story about it in Australia and the UK papers will be running one tomorrow. I just wanted you to know, that was all.” I finish my glass of wine, just as the intercom goes for the gates at the front of the house.

  “Get that will ya please, Bern?” my dad says to my mum and she huffs as she leaves the room. I can hear her speak to whoever is at the gates and she must wait at the front door to let them in.

  “Well, that’s very nice of Cam. I’ll buy the boy a drink next time I see him to say thank you.”

  “He’s not a boy, Dad. He’s older than me,” Bailey states.

  “So that’s it, nothing else happened, George?” Marley asks.

  “Nothing else like what?” I reply

  “Did you arrange to see each other again or anything like that?” I don’t really know what to say and before I get a chance to, I hear a commotion at the front door. A few seconds later, Cam walks into my parents’ front room.

  “I told you I would come and find you, Kitten. All you had to do was call me back. Why’d you always have to make things difficult?” I’m speechless. my mouth is hanging open. I reach for my wine glass, but realise it's empty. “Sorry about coming here like this, Frank.” He looks at my mum, “Bern.” He nods at Bails and Marley. “Boys, my apologies, but your sister is too stubborn to return my calls or messages and we need to talk.”

  I shake my head at him. “You need to go. I’ve got nothing to say to you.” I look him up and down. He’s wearing a grey hoodie and a loose pair of jeans. He puts his hands in the pocket at the front of the hoodie.

  “You don’t need to say anything, Georgia. You just have to listen. Now you can either do that here or we can go somewhere private and talk. It’s up to you. I kept my mouth shut last time. I didn’t tell you how I felt and you left me.” Oh, God, where’s he going with this, in front of my dad and brothers? I’m about to get up and take the show outside when my dad says, “Na, na, sunshine, whatever you’ve gotta say, you can say it here. You ain’t taking her nowhere.” Great, I look to my mum for help but she’s busy pouring me and her more wine. I take a large swig from mine.

  Cam continues, “Fair enough, Frank.” He takes his hands out of his pockets and puts them on his hips. He looks around the room at everyone, then from me to my dad. “I’m in love with your daughter, Frank.” My stomach doesn’t just back flip, it puts on an Olympic gold medal winning gymnastics floor show. My dad sits back in his favourite wing back chair, crosses his right leg over his left and taps on his lips with the index finger of his left hand, all while I’m about to spontaneously combust on my parents’ sofa. Cam turns back to me. I’m so embarrassed and concerned about this ending up with my dad and brothers lynching Cam that I’ve not even taken on board what he’s just said.

  “I love the fuck out of you, Kitten. If you’d have answered your phone, listened to your messages or read your texts, you would have known this. It would’ve been just between us and we could’ve spoke like grown-ups and sorted through our feelings, but you’ve chosen to behave like a child so here I am, making myself look like a complete cunt and getting ready to be shot by your family.” He looks at my mum. “Excuse my language, Bern, but your daughter would make a saint swear.”

  “Oh, I know, Cam. I know.”

  “Seriously, Mum, thanks for your support.” I’m obviously not thinking straight or listening to what he’s actually telling me as I reply, “Well, you’re always making yourself look like a cunt and it’ll make a change from you doing the shooting,” realising as soon as the words leave my mouth what I’ve just said.

  “Georgia, do not say that word,” my mum shrieks.

  “What the fuck does that mean? What shooting?” My dad turns towards me. “Has he been shooting people in front of you?”

  Before I can speak, Cam replies, “I took her for lunch a long time ago and Terry Riley happened to be in the pub we went to. He’d just come out of nick and was celebrating.” He looks from my dad to me and his head tilts to the side. He closes his eyes for a long moment and lets out a long sigh as he looks back towards my dad. “I’m not proud of what I did that day, Frank, and I apologise now, even though it was twelve years ago, but Terry started given it large.” He rakes his hand through his hair. Bailey is suddenly up on his feet.

  “You blew Terry Riley’s kneecaps off with a shooter, in front of my fucking sister?” Bails turns to me. “Is that what happened? Were you there? Did you watch him do that?” My face burns. I’m in so much trouble. I don’t know how to answer. I don’t want to lie, but I don’t want to get Cam in t
rouble with my family either. I look from Bailey, to my dad, to Cam, who shakes his head at me.

  “She was there. She saw it all. Benny made sure she was safe. I fucking lost it. What can I say, I’m sorry. I really am sorry. I would never put her in danger.” He sits down on the sofa next to me.

  “Sit down, Bailey. You’re making the room look unfucking tidy,” my dad says.

  Bailey sits down next to Marley, who is just staring at all of us like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. If I hadn’t witnessed it myself, I would probably have the same look on my face too.

  “He shot someone in front of her, Dad. Does that not concern you? He can spout off about how much he loves her all he likes, but that won’t keep her safe. Same as it didn’t keep his wife safe.” An audible gasp comes from both myself and my parents, and I panic as I see the cold hard stare Cam fixes Bailey with.

  “That’s enough, Bailey. That was low. Do not be so disrespectful,” my dad shouts. “Terry Riley had it coming to him. It’s just unfortunate that my daughter happened to witness him getting his dues.” He looks towards me. “It obviously didn’t have too much of an effect on her if it’s the first we’re hearing of it.” He looks from me to my brothers. “I remember someone leaving her in a much worse state and no one had any objections to that relationship.” Oh, God, I don’t think I can take much more. This conversation is just becoming more surreal. Is my dad really saying that because the bloke had it coming, it was okay to shoot him in a pub car park in front of me, and that what Sean put me through, or I put myself through, however you want to look at it is worse? I look at Cam and just start to laugh; nerves, jet lag, the wine, I’m not sure what causes it, but I just can’t help laughing at the conversation going on in my parents’ living room right now.

  I hear the front door slam and Ashley walks in with Joe, Connie and Annie behind her. She looks around the room at all of us, her eyes widen as they land on Cam.

  “Fuck me, TDH, what the fuck are you doing here?” Her eyes flick between mine and Cam’s. “Oh, my fucking God, is everything I just heard on the radio all true?”

  I frown in confusion as I look at Cam, but Marley speaks before I can ask Ash what she’s talking about. “How the fuck d’ya know him, Ash?” He gestures with his chin at Cam. Ashley shrugs and looks at me then back to Marls.

  “He’s G’s Mr TDH, babe, I’ve known him years. He owns the wine bar we used to drink in.”

  “Why’d you call him TDH?” he asks and I can’t help but smile as I wait to hear her response, Cam’s just gonna love this and it’ll make that self-inflated ego of his even bigger no doubt.

  Ashley smiles as she says, “It’s just what we christened him, back in the day, Georgia’s Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome. TDH for short.” She shrugs. I watch Cam as he sucks in his cheeks while trying not to smile; it makes my belly squirm, flash fucker. Ashley turns back to me. “So is it true, you ol’ slag. Did ya spend Saturday night shacked up in a hotel room with Mr Nine-Inch Nob?”

  No, she didn’t just say that?

  Out loud?

  In front of Cam, my parents and my brothers? This day, seriously could not get any worse.

  My mum steers my nieces and nephew out of the room as I sit and stare open mouthed at my friend. I don’t take my eyes from her as I’m too embarrassed to look at anyone else in the room.

  “How the fuck d’ya know he’s got nine inches?” Marley asks. I bury my face in my hands. Please just let me be dreaming all of this. Please let me be hallucinating due to my jet lag.

  “Oh, come on, Marls, girls talk about these things.” I take my hands from my face and look up at the ceiling, what must my dad be thinking? I don’t have to wait long to find out.

  “Georgia, you said nothing happened in that hotel room Saturday night. Were you lying?”

  “No,” Cam and I both say at the same time. I sit forward on the sofa.

  “Dad, look, Cam and I had a relationship when Sean and I split up. I was still seeing Cam right up until I got back together with Sean. We haven’t seen each other for years, except for the odd occasion. I bumped into him Saturday night and everything happened exactly like I told you.”

  “Nothing happened between us Saturday night. I swear, Frank. Georgia was a little drunk and tearful. It was a tough day for her. I didn’t know that when we first started talking, but once I realised, I got her out of the club and back to her hotel and made sure she ate, and drank some water.” He turns and looks at me. “We talked through a lot of stuff that was never resolved between us and that was it.” Not all entirely true but I’ll go with that.

  My mum walks back in the room, her hands on her hips. She looks furious and I’m not sure if it’s aimed at me or Cam as she seems to be looking between us.

  “Have you got a pregnant girlfriend?” Oh, fuck!

  “No, I, let me explain… I, she’s not my girlfriend.” Cam looks from me to my dad.

  “Spit it out, son. I’m listening.”

  I stand up. “I can’t take much more of this. Why is my life up for discussion by everyone? Why is it okay, for all of you, to talk about me and my relationships like this?” I look around at everyone. “I’ve never sat at the dinner table and discussed the brothels, the prostitutes or the drugs you two have been involved with.” My dad’s mouth falls open. I look at Marley and then at Ash. “I’ve never discussed in front of everyone else that you like to watch your wife with other women.” I turn and look at my mum. “I’ve never sat with Dad and talked to him about the fact that you know he’s fucked other women. So why, please tell me, do all of you openly discuss everything about my life?”

  I drain my wine glass and feel my pulse throb in my throat. I take a breath and continue, “You’ve always done it, even when Sean was alive it was the same. I’m not public property. I’m a person, a human fucking being and I have feelings.” I can feel tears welling up and I fight really hard to say what I’ve got to say without crying. I’m so sick of crying. “All I ever do is try and please everyone. Everything that I do, every breath I take, I worry. I worry about what you lot will think. I worry about how the press will report my actions.” I look around the room at all of them, but I leave my gaze on Marley a little longer than everyone else. “When I was younger, it was always my brothers I worried about pleasing or just the family name. I was a Layton. I was expected to behave a certain way. Nobody ever saw me as Georgia. I was Frank and Berni’s daughter or I was Bailey, Lennon and Marley’s little sister, then, then I was Sean’s girlfriend.” Don’t cry. Don’t you dare fucking cry. “I’m not famous. I’ve never wanted to be famous. I just fell in love with a boy who ended up being one of the biggest rock stars in the world. I just happen to be the sister of a boy in one of the world’s biggest bands, and because of that, the press haven’t left me alone. I’ve been dealing with the press and their bullshit stories about me since I was sixteen and was titled ‘The underage harlot who broke a rock star's heart’.” Now I start to really struggle. The lump in my throat, the knot in my stomach are alternating between making me choke and making me want to vomit.

  “I did nothing wrong, nothing. I stayed home. I went to school and when my boyfriend and my brother were photographed in a hotel room, snorting coke off a whore’s tits and later accused of raping that whore, guess what… Guess what, everyone?” I look around the room at everyone again, my mum’s crying, Marley’s not far behind her, Ash has her hand over her mouth. My dad and Bailey are wide-eyed and silent. I can’t even bring myself to look at Cam. “It was me the press went for. It was my reputation that they ripped to shreds. It was me that got death threats and dog shit sent through the post. It was me who lost my boyfriend, access to two of my brothers and my best friend. It was me who paid for their stupidity and then… then when Sean and I eventually sorted our shit out, they still didn’t leave us alone. He’s gay. He’s having affairs. He’s fucking her. She’s fucking him. All they ever do is judge.” I wipe my now snotty nose on the back of my hand and look at
my mum, just daring her to comment. “And even now, despite everything, despite all the shit that I’ve been through, they still won’t leave me alone. My husband’s been dead a year. How long do I have to wait, how old have I got to be before I can just be Georgia? How long till I’m not just Frank’s daughter, Sean’s wife or that ‘poor girl’? When can I just be me and not give a fuck about having you lot, the press and the rest of the world think that it’s all right to judge and discuss my life?”

  I don’t know where the words are coming from. I never even realised I felt like this, but the words just keep coming.

  “When Sean and I split up, I had a mental breakdown, and you lot did nothing. You pandered to me. I know you thought you were doing the right thing, Mum, but all that aside, one of you, someone, should have stepped up and told me to liven the fuck up. If it wasn’t for Ash forcing me to go out, I don’t know how things would’ve gone, but even then, I spent a good six months on a different road of self-destruction.” I pause and look at my parents. “Sorry, but you need to hear this. You need to understand what I went through. I slept around. I did a lot of drugs and not one of you knew or you did and just chose not to say a thing.” My mum moves and stands behind my dad’s chair and puts her hand on his shoulder, and I smile at their unity.

  “I’m not telling you all of this to hurt you. I’m telling you so you understand me, me, Georgia, not Frank’s daughter, not Sean’s wife, the story of me, so you can just try for a minute to understand what my life’s been like.” I look at all of them.

  “I was angry. I was angry at life. I was angry with Sean. I thought he’d found it easy to move on and I couldn’t.” I shake my head, almost drowning in the emotions I feel as I remember just how hopeless life seemed to me back then. “And then one night, one night, this man, this man right here stepped in.” I finally look at Cam, his big hand is covering his mouth and his brown eyes glisten as he looks at me. “He didn’t care when I told him I loved Sean, that I would always love Sean. He didn’t take my bullshit. He let me cry. He let me talk, and piece by broken piece, he put me back together. He fixed me, and just when I was mended, I fell straight back into Sean’s arms and never looked back.” I sit back down next to Cam. I feel totally drained, but there’s more I need to say. “Please don’t ever tell me that he won’t look after me, because you’re wrong. I know without a shadow of a doubt, he would lay his life on the line for me. I’m not saying any of you wouldn’t and I know that Sean would, Sean did; he put himself between me and that car as best he could and he died because of it, but I just don’t want any of you calling into question what Cam would do for me.”