Hard to Hate: An Enemies to Lovers Romance (Hard to Love Book 1)

by L. M. Reid

  It’s not a secret that I hate my dad, it’s just not something I particularly care to talk about. Though I find myself tempted to talk to Chloe, open up to her. Just not tonight. Not when I am enjoying just being with her. I want to keep the bad shit out. I don’t want to blow off her question though so I give her the broad strokes.

  “Even if he would have, I didn’t want him to. I don’t want to be under his thumb.”

  He may not have helped me open Lust, but he did manage to out maneuver me when he bought the building that houses it, thus making him my slumlord.

  “I take it you two aren’t close?” she asks.

  “Astute observation,” I say with a chuckle. “No, we’re not, not by a long shot. We’re two very different people.”

  I turn to her, my head resting on my hand and my fingers slowly pulling the sheets down to reveal her spectacular body to me.

  “Let’s talk about something else,” I suggest. With the covers gone, her body lies before me, my fingers itching to touch it. So, I do, and I softly trace a line down to the spot on her lower stomach, just at her hip. “Like this.”

  There among her gorgeous body is a tattoo of a sun. Chloe and tattoos just don’t seem to go together so when I noticed it earlier, it piqued my curiosity.

  “It was stupid,” she says, her cheeks flushing a bright pink.

  Personally, I’m not into tattoos. Not having them at least. It doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate those that do. And Chloe’s? Well, it’s just too cute and innocent to not want to know about.

  “Why a sun?” I ask refusing to let the conversation drop. Mostly to keep her from asking any more personal questions about me.

  She rolls onto her back, her arm over her eyes. “Because… ugh… my mom calls me her little sunshine and I thought it would be cute, okay? I was eighteen and…”

  I press a kiss to the spot. “I think it’s perfect,” I tell her.

  A rash decision at eighteen to get a tattoo usually leads to a lot of regrets. I don’t want her to regret hers. It has meaning, it’s sweet.

  My chin is resting on her stomach as I look up at her. “What?” she asks with an almost bashfulness in her voice.

  “Close your eyes,” I tell her.

  She watches me for a moment, trying to figure out what it is I am going to do. When she finally gives in, I lift my chin and move just enough to gently press a kiss to her core.

  “Griffin,” she says, her head flying up from the pillow.

  “If tonight is all I get, then I need to have every piece of you,” I tell her.

  My head drops between her thighs and whatever argument she’s spewing out dies on her lips the moment my tongue swipes along her slit. I feel her hit the bed, her head heavy against the pillow and her fingers gripping the sheets.

  Everything about this woman captivates me. How is tonight supposed to be it? How am I supposed to walk away from this? Away from her?

  I’m already regretting the moment I am going to walk out that door and all of this comes to an end. So, I taste her. I stroke her. I feel, touch, and explore every part of her body so I can commit it to memory and have something to hold onto.

  23

  Chloe

  One year ago, today I bounced out of bed, grabbed the chocolate chip cupcake I hid under my bed and sang the world’s worst rendition of Happy Birthday at the top of my lungs.

  Today, I wake up with an ache in my chest and the inability to breathe.

  It’s Sierra’s birthday.

  Mom and Dad had always made a big deal out of our birthdays. Huge parties, mountains of gifts, a special dinner. It was always a huge event. So, when we went away to college, we always made sure to surprise each other with something special.

  This year, there are no surprises. There isn’t anyone to surprise.

  Tears begin to fall and I hope that Nat can’t hear me. I can’t take any more of her well intentioned pity. And I certainly don’t need her looking over my shoulder all day waiting for me to crumble, which I know I inevitably will.

  If therapy has taught me anything though, it’s that it’s okay to fall apart. As long as I pick up the pieces again. Unlike before, I can do that now. I can cry and let out all the pain and still continue on. Most days, at least.

  With quiet haste, I get ready and sneak out to class without waking Nat. I just need to get through these two classes today – then I can fall apart. So far, easier said than done.

  Everything seems to be going wrong today. I brought the wrong book to lecture and there was a pop quiz – I mean, who even does those in college? And now? Now as I make my way through campus, my bag rips, its contents spilling all over the ground. And that, for whatever reason, is my breaking point. I can’t force down the emotions anymore. I fall apart. Right here, right now.

  My heart breaks all over again. The pain is just as intense as the day I lost her. It’s not a happy day anymore. It’s nothing more than another reminder of what I lost.

  So here I am, on my knees, tears streaming down my face in the middle of the courtyard.

  Wracked in sobs I don’t hear anyone approach me, don’t notice anything until I feel my skin burn. Only one person can ignite me like that. My head whips around and I come face to face with Griffin. His eyes are soft and filled with concern. He’s kneeling next to me, his designer jeans that probably cost more than my parent’s monthly mortgage are getting stained in the dewy grass. His arms envelop me and pull me against him.

  Comfort. That’s what he’s offering me. While I’m inclined to reject it, the warmth of his embrace feels too good. So, I accept it. I relax into him, my head resting on his chest. The mixture of my tears and mascara stain his shirt. We stay this way for what feels like an eternity. When I lift my head from his chest, his eyes find mine. They’re searching for answers that I’m too afraid to let him see. The hurt and pain that I don’t want to share because I’m afraid to let him in.

  We aren’t supposed to mean anything to each other, we can’t. I’m his employee, he’s my boss. We had our one night. Okay, technically two, but I can’t do this. Not with someone who is just going to break my heart.

  He’s being so quiet, so patient. There’s a kindness and softness to him that I never let myself see before. But I see it clearly now. This entire time, all he’s tried to do is help me. Just like he’s doing now. He just doesn’t always know the right way how to.

  “It’s my sister’s birthday today,” I tell him. “I know it’s stupid, but…”

  “It’s not stupid,” he replies. There’s an understanding in his voice, one that tells me he’s been where I am.

  “I’m okay. It’s just a rough day, I won’t screw anything up at Lust. I won’t fall apart I…”

  “Chloe, stop.” He hangs his head, eyes trained on the ground. “The things I said to you, I… I didn’t know what you had been through, what you lost. I thought you were just some drunk out of control college girl. I know now that you’re not, you’re hurting. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to fall apart. It’s also okay, to need someone, to want someone to be there with you.”

  His hand reaches for the photo of Sierra that had fallen out of one of my text books. I stashed a photo in every book, just in case. In case I needed to see her, in case I needed a reminder, in case I wasn’t okay. There’s a look of familiarity on his face as he stares at the photo. When he says her name, I instantly panic. Holy shit, had she dated Griffin?

  I’m unable to control the “Oh my God,” that escapes my lips.

  Griffin’s head flies up. “No, no. It’s not what you think. Sierra and I… we never…we were…” He exhales. “I dated one of her friends.”

  Relief washes over me. Something about having had sex with a man that had also been with my sister felt wrong and dirty. When it comes to Griffin, the last thing I wanted to feel about whatever this is that is going on between us is wrong.

  I know all of Sierra’s friends, so now I’m even more curious. Which of them would he date?
Because they all sure as hell would have jumped at the chance to date him, that much I’m sure of. Even Sierra.

  “Who?” I ask.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  It doesn’t, but my curiosity is piqued. For the first time all day I feel remotely like myself. I need this. “Please, it will help me feel better.”

  He cocks his head to the side, he lips curling into a smile. “Seriously? You’re going to play that card now?” I nod my head. “You get one freebie… you sure that’s what you want to waste it on?”

  I nod again. I’m not sure why, but I need to know.

  “Fine, but now, I’m not buying you breakfast, you’re paying for your own.”

  Breakfast? What the hell is he talking about?

  I watch as his hands begin to put the fallen contents back into my bag. Griffin moves to his feet and reaches for my bag, holding it in one arm while he extends his free hand to me.

  “You coming or not?” he asks.

  Placing my hand in his, he helps me to my feet. “Where are we going?”

  “Are you sure you want to know who she was? You don’t seem to listen to a thing I say anyway. Breakfast. We’re going to breakfast.”

  “Who says I want to have breakfast with you?” I ask. There’s a huge smile on my face though. One that screams I would go anywhere with him.

  With our hands still connected he pulls me against him. Our bodies touch. I should pull back. I should say no to all of this. We had our one night. Why won’t he just give up already?

  “I have class in an hour,” I tell him.

  “Skip it. You deserve to celebrate today.”

  “And just who am I going to be celebrating with?”

  He flashes me a beaming grin. “Me, of course.” He leans in even closer. “I’m the boss, I make the rules.”

  “You also break them, a lot,” I remind him.

  “Only for you.”

  Fuck that pitter patter in my heart and the butterflies in my stomach. I hate that he can do this to me. I hate that like every other woman, I fall for his lines. That’s what they are right? They’re just lines to get what he wants?

  It doesn’t make sense though. I already gave him what he wanted. Several times. Why won’t he drop this? Does he really want something more?

  “Under two conditions,” I tell him.

  “Okay.”

  “One – you need to tell me why you’re on campus right now,” I say. If I am going to do this, allow him in even just a little, I need to know that I am not just another notch on his belt. I need to know that he isn’t here because he was with some other girl just days after we were together. I need to know. It shouldn’t matter, but it does.

  “Are you jealous?” he asks with a smirk.

  “Forget it,” I say turning to walk away.

  “I had a meeting with the Chancellor,” he shouts. “I’m working on something with him. That’s it, I swear.” I turn back, his hands up in surrender. “No one, Chloe. No one since you, no one but you.”

  “Condition two,” I say as I walk back to him. “You have to tell me which of Sierra’s friends you dated,” I say, letting him know he I haven’t forgotten, or given up.

  Griffin groans, but nods in agreement. “If it gives me time with you, I’ll do whatever you want.”

  He takes my hand in his and we begin to walk. Despite our intertwined fingers, several women make passes at Griffin as we stroll through campus. His attention never leaves me though.

  “Are you trying to prove a point?” I ask.

  “To you, yes. To them?” he shrugs. “I don’t care about them. I care about you.”

  “We wouldn’t work for so many reasons.”

  “Like the fact that you hate me?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

  “I’m more at a dislike stage now,” I say trying to remain serious, but my smile breaks through.

  We approach a diner just off campus. Griffin seems comfortable here, as if he frequents it often. We slide into a corner booth, sitting across from each other.

  “You’re going to have to tell me eventually,” I taunt him.

  “I don’t have to do anything,” he replies. “But I will tell you, as soon as we order.”

  He smiles up at the waitress who is standing next to our table her hand resting on Griffin’s shoulder. She’s near sixty and clearly enamored with Griffin.

  “Well, hey there, handsome. Long time no see,” she says.

  “Hey, Betty,” he smiles. “I know, I’m sorry.” He gives her hand a squeeze. “You look amazing though.”

  He really is quite the charmer. Doesn’t seem to work on Betty though.

  “Well, I already know that. What I don’t know, is what you two will be having.”

  We place our orders with Betty. As though he can see the question running in my mind – why a man like him would frequent a rundown diner like this he says, “My mom and I used to come here all the time when I first started school. She loved the pancakes.” Griffin takes a sip of his black coffee. “I prefer the french toast.”

  “Loved?” I ask. His use of past tense not lost on me.

  “Yeah, she uh… she passed away five years ago.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I resist the urge to cover his hand with my own to console him.

  “Thanks. It uh… It hit me pretty hard. I had just graduated, was getting ready to open Lust then, bam.”

  “What happened?” I ask, but I instantly regret my intrusion. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

  “It was an accident. She was hit by a drunk driver, on her way home from helping me with some stuff for Lust.”

  My throat tightens, the words he’s saying sounding too familiar.

  “Still after all these years, I feel guilty. Like if I hadn’t asked her for her help…. maybe she would still be here.”

  “I know that feeling,” I commiserate. “Sierra had asked me to go with her the night she died, but I needed to study for finals. I keep thinking that if I had gone…..”

  “We’re both wrong, you know,” he says. “Nothing we could have done would have changed what happened. It was them, not us.”

  “I know that, deep down.”

  Griffin sips his coffee. “Do you?”

  “No,” I say with a small laugh. “Do you?”

  He shakes his head. “Sometimes. But some days? Some days the whole thing still tears me apart.”

  “Our parents, they always made our birthdays so special. And when we got to college, we tried to keep the tradition alive. No matter what we did though, we always started the day with a chocolate chip cupcake. But, I guess, all that’s gone now.”

  “Who says?” he argues. I give him a confused look. “You can still celebrate. In fact, I’ll celebrate with you.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” I say.

  I may have hesitated, but he sure as hell isn’t. His hand covers mine and gives it a squeeze. “I want to.”

  His touch feels so good, so calming. As much as I want to hate him, I can’t. All I want is to take what he’s offering and to celebrate Sierra.

  “You can start, by telling me which of her friends you dated,” I say needing to change the subject.

  His head drops and he chuckles. “Really hoped you were going to forget about that.” A sigh escapes him. “June.”

  June. That’s all he gives me. Yet, in that one word he says so much.

  “I’m sorry.”

  My apology earns me laughter. “You and me both.”

  I didn’t know June well, mostly because I didn’t want to. Of all the people Sierra knew, June was – awful. She was a terrible friend, talked shit behind everyone’s back and well, she was just shady as fuck. I’m not quite sure what she was into, or up to, but whatever it was it was always bad news.

  Of anyone he could have said, June, she made the least sense. For the life of me, I can’t picture him with her. It just… it doesn’t make sense. But, the heart wants what the heart wants I guess. You d
on’t always get a choice in the matter.

  “I take it things ended badly?”

  “Imploded is more like it.” He shrugs. “We met when she started working at Lust.”

  He says nothing more, letting the sentence drop there, allowing me to infer what I need to from it. I don’t have to infer though, the statement speaks volumes. It’s why he hesitated with me. It’s why he froze after we had sex that first time. His rules, they’re in place because of June. She is the reason for a lot of the things Griffin does and the way he acts. It’s not him being a dick, it’s him being guarded. He’s afraid to let anyone in. And knowing June, with good reason.

  The little information Griffin may have divulged, was certainly not little to him. It’s so much more than he lets anyone else have, except maybe Gabe. So, I let it be. I give him a pass because I know what it’s like to be pressured to talk about something you're not ready to discuss.

  I put my fork down, stuffed from the amazing french toast the diner provided.

  “So, just how do you plan on us celebrating today?” I ask the question instead of the millions of others swarming my mind.

  “That depends.”

  “On?”

  “What did Sierra like to do? I knew her, but not well. So I’m going to need your help with this part.”

  “This part? There are other parts? And, you already have them covered?”

  “Don’t underestimate me, Chloe.”

  Looking into his eyes, I know I already have. There is so much more to him than I ever gave him credit for.

  With my eyes wide open now, I fully intend on giving it to him now. Whatever this is, I plan on enjoying it because whether I hate him or I like him, since it seems to be ever-changing, one thing always remains the same. He makes me feel alive again when for months, I felt nothing.

  24

  Griffin

  When I first saw Chloe today, I had intended on avoiding her. Just like I had been since the last time we had sex, the night that Dylan attacked her. She had told me she could only give me one night, that she wasn’t ready or willing to open her heart to anyone. So, I was doing my best to give her space. But seeing her on campus today, watching the events unfold, I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t give her that space. Whether she wants to admit it or not, she needed someone today. I am more than happy to be that someone.