More Than a Rogue

by Sophie Barnes

  It had nothing to do with the fact that she cared about Griffin’s wellbeing or that she wanted to do something nice for him. Even if she might have ruined things between them last night by turning him down. She could only hope that she hadn’t, but his continued absence as the morning wore on concerned her. He still wasn’t back when she and her friends returned from their walk, and while Emily had initially been nervous about seeing him again and not knowing what to say or how to act around him any longer, anxiety started to grow in its place.

  By the time she sat down to lunch, an uncomfortable restlessness kept her from enjoying the meal. There could only be one explanation at this point. Griffin was either avoiding her or he’d had an accident with the horse. Her heart thumped loud and fast at both thoughts, and she caught herself glancing at doors and praying for him to walk through one of them soon.

  “He’s done this many times before,” Caleb said, breaking through Emily’s worries that afternoon. She was standing on the terrace, staring out across the fields and wringing her hands. Every awful possibility played out in her head, making her sick with dread.

  She flinched in response to his words for she’d not heard him approach and was startled to find him standing close to her shoulder. “I beg your pardon?” Caught off guard, she wasn’t quite able to make sense of his meaning.

  “You’ve been searching for something all day, and judging from your questions during breakfast, I expect it must be Griffin?”

  “I…” She swallowed the lie on the tip of her tongue and gave a small nod. “I must admit that I’ve gotten used to his presence.”

  “And now you find his absence unsettling?” He rocked back on his heels while studying the landscape she’d been scanning. Rolling hills lay in the distance, beyond the flat fields bordering the Montvale property. A forest of dense trees sat to the left, and to the right Emily could glimpse a few houses where the nearest village began. “But you don’t have to worry. Griffin’s just thinking.”

  “Thinking?” By saying he meant to go for a ride and then not returning? “How do you know that?”

  “Because it is what he did when he was a lad and needed to work through a problem.” He dropped a glance at her and grinned, his appearance so similar to his brother’s and yet so different. Having gotten to know Griffin better, Emily could easily tell them apart now, even without the scar. Each had his own unique expressions. While Caleb smiled broadly, showing off neat rows of teeth, Griffin tended to just lift one corner of his mouth. And then there was the way in which Griffin frowned. His eyebrows would arch in a way Caleb’s didn’t, his brow puckering mostly above his nose while Caleb’s frowns were more evenly spread across his entire forehead.

  “Your Grace,” a footman announced from behind them, causing them both to turn. “The Earl of Langdon has arrived.”

  “Thank you.” Caleb gave his attention back to Emily. “Stop worrying. You shall see my brother again very soon. If you’ll excuse me now, I must go and greet my guest.”

  Emily waited until he’d disappeared back inside before taking a long fortifying breath. It was time for her to face the man she’d once believed she would marry. And she would do so with her head held high and a smile on her face. After all, she had not loved him. There really wasn’t any reason why they could not put the past behind them and try to be friends.

  15

  Griffin swung off his horse when he reached the edge of the Montvale property, deciding to walk the remaining mile. Or perhaps he was looking for a way to delay his arrival. Being gone most of the day without explanation would likely result in questions. But he’d had to get away in order to gather his thoughts and think clearly. He would not have been able to do so knowing that she was nearby.

  He kicked a lump of earth with the heel of his boot as he passed over it. His horse, Apollo, puffed out some air. The effort caused his upper lip to flutter in a way that showed off his solid teeth. Griffin breathed in the afternoon air and reached up to slide his hand over Apollo’s neck. The horse swung his head and nickered.

  Griffin smiled. During his ride, he’d come to one startling conclusion. And that was that he was an absolute fool. What surprised him was the length of time it had taken him to draw this conclusion, which was most of the day. But the fact had become increasingly clear the more he’d thought about Emily and the time they’d spent together at Clearview. He’d looked back on their conversations, on the joy in her eyes when he’d fixed her clock, the pleasure with which she’d cooked for him, and a host of other reasons why his heart felt full when he envisioned her face.

  Yes, there was desire. His lust for her had grown into a chained creature that pulled on its manacles, desperate to be freed. But there was more: a yearning for her company, a longing to hear her thoughts and to share his own thoughts with her, a sense of loss creeping under his ribs when she wasn’t near. She was bright and happy and beautiful, and he, idiot that he was, was hopelessly in love with her.

  Except he’d been too bloody dense to realize it sooner. Worse, he’d failed to tell her last night when the opportunity had arisen. Which meant she might not believe him now. She might just think he was telling her what she needed to hear in order to get what he wanted. So he was back to the idea of courtship. It was the only way he could think of to show her the contents of his heart and convince her that she had become the single most important person in his life.

  With this in mind, he’d stopped in the village to buy a few things – gifts with which to surprise her during the coming days. Things he hoped might prove not just how well he knew her, but that he’d been paying attention to her in a way that only an infatuated man would. He smiled at that thought. Everything would be right with the world now that he’d figured out how he felt. It would no longer feel as though it tilted sideways at an uncomfortable angle.

  Satisfied with the self-discovery he’d undertaken and the plan he’d made right after, Griffin returned Apollo to the stables, collected the purchases strapped to his saddle, and strode toward the house. He had to force himself not to run up the front steps since coming off overly eager would look too suspicious. So he deliberately paused and took a deep breath before opening the front door and entered just in time to catch the swirling hem of a gown disappearing up the grand staircase.

  Griffin frowned and took a step back when Mary arrived from the parlor, her face drawn tight and her mouth set in a firm line. Cassandra and Laura followed on her heals, both halting as soon as they spotted him.

  “Is everything all right?” he asked just as Caleb came to join them.

  “Not exactly.” Mary said with a quick backward glance at her husband.

  “You’ve hurt her,” Laura said with sadness.

  “How could you?” Cassandra asked, her soft tone affecting him more than if she had yelled.

  Griffin frowned. He looked to his brother, hoping to understand what had happened. Clearly they blamed him for something, though what it might be, he could not fathom. But it did have the prompt effect of dimming his spirits and casting a shadow of uncertainty over his happiness.

  “I’m not sure what you’re accusing me of,” Griffin said as calmly as he could manage. He offered a smile in an effort to ease the tension, but it only seemed to irritate them more.

  Muttering something that Griffin couldn’t hear, Mary shook her head and continued toward the stairs. Cassandra and Laura were right behind her, but when they reached the first step, Cassandra paused to say, “You ruined her chance of happiness. Recovering from that won’t be easy.”

  The words echoed through Griffins mind, over and over without making sense. He looked at Caleb whose expression was growing stonier by the second. “What the devil?”

  “You’ve got some explaining to do.” Caleb gestured in the direction of his study. “And then a fair bit of groveling, I expect. If Emily’s ever going to forgive you.”

  Griffin stood where he was for a good five seconds, unable to move. None of this made any sense. Unle
ss someone had seen him entering or leaving Emily’s bedchamber last night and she now had no choice but to marry him. That would explain Cassandra accusing him of ruining her chance of happiness, he supposed.

  “Griffin?” Caleb’s voice jolted him out of his reverie. He blinked and forced his feet to carry his heavy body forward. When he entered the study, Caleb was already pouring brandy into a pair of tumblers. “You’re going to need this.”

  “What I need,” Griffin said, rallying, “is for you to tell me what the hell is going on.”

  Caleb gave him a pensive look, then went to the door, shut it, and handed one of the tumblers to Griffin. “Have a seat.”

  Bristling, Griffin glanced at one of the two chairs standing opposite his brother’s. A wide mahogany desk stood between them. He didn’t feel like sitting. What he felt like right now was pacing – a means by which to work through the agitation sparking his nerves.

  “We’ve a lot to discuss, Griffin. Sitting would make that easier.”

  Taking a sip of his drink, Griffin placed his purchases on the nearest chair and sat down in the other. He leaned back, fingers drumming impatiently on the armrests. “Proceed.” He wanted this over with quickly. If he had to apologize for something he didn’t even know he had done, then by all means he’d do it. One way or another he would get back to the plan he had of showing Emily that he loved her.

  “Langdon arrived an hour ago.” Caleb took his own seat, sipped his brandy, and allowed the comment to linger while studying Griffin.

  “Can’t wait to see him,” Griffin said. “It has been too long.” And Caleb was now causing further delay. Griffin took another sip of his drink, savoring the sharp, burning flavor as it slid down his throat.

  “His wife is extremely talkative. Pleasant lady and perfect for Langdon, but not the sort one can trust with a secret.”

  Griffin frowned. “What in blazes are you talking about?” If he was suggesting that he had a secret with Langdon’s wife whom he doubted he’d ever met, then perhaps a physician should be called to evaluate the sanity of everyone who might believe such rubbish.

  “Well,” Caleb muttered. “We were having tea and enjoying a pleasantly mundane discussion about what we’ve all been up to these past ten years, when Lady Langdon let it slip that she ought to be glad her husband did not marry Emily after all.” His eyes searched Griffin’s face before he quietly added, “She claimed to have you to thank for her matrimonial happiness.”

  Griffin stared at Caleb. “What?” He tried to think back, to some moment in the past when he might have discussed Emily with Langdon. She would have been too young when he’d left for Vienna, so if Langdon had formed an attachment to her and Griffin had cautioned him against it, it must have happened later.

  By correspondence.

  An unrelenting chill suffused his body, like a spindly hand reaching inside his chest to clutch at his heart. “Dear God.”

  “I gather you now recall what Lady Langdon was referring to?”

  Griffin gave a tight nod. He then downed the remainder of his drink before going to the sideboard and pouring himself another. Fortification would not be enough to get him through this. What he needed was a bloody miracle.

  “Griffin?” His brother’s voice prodded him gently.

  Griffin turned to stare at him blankly. Every dream he’d allowed himself to have today was crumbling and turning to dust. He would lose her over this. There was no chance in hell that she would ever forgive him.

  “Langdon wrote to me roughly six years ago and asked for advice about a woman with whom he was contemplating an attachment. Her name may or may not have been mentioned. I do not recall, for I had no idea who Emily Howard was at the time, so it would not have mattered anyway.” He expelled a tortured breath, added more brandy to his glass and went back to his seat. “All I remember is that she was described as a woman from a good family whose dowry would help Langdon pay off a debt his father incurred prior to his passing. Beyond that, she was said to be unremarkable – a wallflower as I understood it. While Langdon wrote that he liked her character and enjoyed her company, he was critical of her appearance and doubted he would ever find her attractive. So he asked me to advise him on whether or not he ought to abandon all hope of a passionate union in favor of one that ensured his financial security.”

  “Marrying for convenience is common enough.”

  “Yes, but I knew Langdon wanted more, and he would not have asked my opinion unless he was struggling with some uncertainty. Besides, he was an earl while the woman he contemplated marrying had no title to speak of.” Griffin looked away from his brother, unable to meet his gaze any longer. “Since his heart was not invested, I told him to end things with her and keep on looking.”

  “And thus put an end to Emily’s hopes of ever making a match, of escaping her domineering mother, and starting a family of her own.”

  “She did escape though,” Griffin muttered. He hated how defensive he suddenly sounded. “She went to Clearview.”

  “Yes. She did. But I daresay she’d rather have been a wife and a mother.”

  Shit.

  Caleb was right. “Emily’s smart. She’ll know I told Langdon that she wasn’t good enough for him. She’ll know I judged her before I met her. She’ll think the only reason I’m pursuing her now is because she looks different than she did back then.”

  Caleb tilted his head. “Does she?”

  Griffin Shrugged. “She says she’s lost weight. That it has altered her appearance.”

  “Langdon did compliment her excessively on her looks when he arrived. His wife started looking rather displeased.”

  “Perhaps Lady Langdon dredged up the past on purpose,” Griffin said. “She may have been jealous and deliberately sought to wound Emily.”

  “If that was her motive, then she succeeded. I worried Emily might either fling her teacup at Langdon or burst into tears. Thankfully, she left the room before it came to that.”

  Griffin scrubbed his hand across his jaw. Christ, what a mess! The idea that Emily was upstairs now, suffering because of him, twisted his gut. And the risk that he might have wrecked his chance with her years ago before he’d even met her caused panic to tumble through him. He was disgusted with himself, with his shallow dismissal of her. Although he was forced to consider that if she’d married Langdon, he would never have had a chance of making her his.

  Griffin expelled a breath. He was sorry he’d hurt her, but he was glad she was still unattached.

  He looked at his brother, seeking comfort in his steady gaze. “What am I going to do?”

  Caleb’s mouth slanted just enough to convey that whatever the case, he was on Griffin’s side. “That depends on how you feel about her.”

  Griffin spoke without hesitation. “I love her.” It felt good saying it out loud, as if putting his feelings into words made them real.

  “Have you told her that?”

  “No. Not yet. It only just struck me earlier today while I was out riding.”

  Caleb grinned. “Love does tend to catch one by surprise, that’s for sure.” He sobered. “Apologize first. Grovel, if you must. Then tell her how you feel and trust that everything will turn out right.”

  Griffin snorted. “That is easier said than done.” When Caleb said nothing, he explained, “When I asked her to marry me last night, she refused.”

  Caleb’s eyes widened. “You proposed?” Griffin nodded. “And she refused?”

  “That is what I just said.” Irritation added a bite to Griffin’s words.

  “It would seem that your problem is far more difficult to tackle than I realized.” Caleb’s features tightened, straightening his mouth. “You cannot force her to be your wife.”

  This wasn’t helping. “I. Am. Aware.” Griffin took another long swallow of his drink. He lowered the glass and stared pensively into the amber liquid. “The thing is I do think she’d marry me if she knew the depth of my affection for her.”

  “Then I sugges
t you show her.” Leaning back in his chair until the leather squeaked beneath him, Caleb allowed a conspiratorial smile to pull at his lips. “Lay your heart bare, Brother. Women love nothing better than a man who’s willing to be vulnerable. But first, apologize for the wrong you have done her. Romancing her will be easier if you’ve been forgiven.”

  Emily refused to cry. It wasn’t her style. Even though she felt like a good sob would help wash away some of the pain. Still. She didn’t like the idea of dissolving in tears because of a man. To do so would give Griffin too much power over her. Power he didn’t deserve. So she stared stiffly out of the window, her blurry gaze focused on a tree in the distance.

  Silence draped the room in loneliness. Until Cassandra spoke again. “Lady Langdon was wrong to mention her husband’s connection to you. It was badly done.”

  “Deliberately spiteful,” Mary said. “I do not like her at all.”

  “Neither do I,” Laura murmured.

  Emily glanced at her friends and her sister and turned away from the window so she could better face them. Mary stood next to the dressing table while Cassandra and Laura sat on the bed. They looked every bit as bleak as Emily felt.

  “Thank you, but my issue is not with her. It is with Griffin’s interference in my affairs.” When neither one spoke, Emily said, “Do you not see? These past six years, I have blamed Mama for my inability to secure a proposal from Langdon. I have resented her for something that wasn’t her fault at all.”

  “You should probably apologize to her,” Laura said.

  “Of course I must, but…” Emily spun away, frustrated with the way things were going and feeling a need to move. Would there always be something in the way of her dreams? “I never would have taken Griffin for such a thoughtless man.”

  “He probably did what he thought was in his friend’s best interest at the time,” Cassandra told her soothingly. “His allegiance was to Langdon. Not you.”