More Than a Rogue

by Sophie Barnes

  “Yes, I know. But he judged me and found me lacking. So lacking in fact that he urged Langdon not to marry me.”

  “Do you believe you and Langdon would have been happy together?” Mary asked.

  “That is…” She’d been about to say, ‘not the point,’ but stopped to consider. “He would have given me children of my own.”

  “Not necessarily,” Cassandra said. “He has no children now, so there’s at least a fifty percent chance that he wouldn’t have been able to do so.”

  Emily shook her head. It wasn’t really the lost chance with Langdon that she found upsetting. She’d recovered from that a long time ago. It was the fact that Griffin had labeled her unsuitable at a time in her life when she’d struggled to attract attention. Gaining Langdon’s had been difficult. The dowry had been an undeniable help. And it pained her to think that even though Griffin had not known her back then, he’d still told his friend that he could do better.

  It added a superficial element to his character that she had been certain he lacked. And she’d loved him for his character. But now… “How can I love someone who would be so shallow?”

  “I think you’ve a few different things to keep in mind,” Mary said. “For one thing, people change with experience. You ought to consider the man you have gotten to know in recent months, just as he should consider the woman that you are now. To go backward would be a pointless endeavor, for it would only lead to misplaced blame.”

  “Mary. I—”

  “No. Let me finish.” Mary held up a hand in defiance of Emily’s protest. “You are not the same woman you once were. To punish a man for wanting the one you’ve become would be not only unfair to him but extraordinarily hypocritical. Do not forget that you have been hoping for Griffin’s attention since the moment you met him.” She gave Emily a pointed look. “Cass and I would have had to be blind not to notice the way you’ve been mooning over him like a starved woman in a pastry shop.”

  Emily sucked in a breath. Her cheeks heated with the embarrassment of having been so transparent. Had Griffin known all along that she was mad about him? If so, she now had yet another reason for never wanting to see him again. “I want to go back to Clearview. I want to return to the life I am used to.”

  “And abandon your best chance of the happily ever after you have always dreamed of?” Laura asked dubiously. She’d risen and come toward her. Stepping close, she drew Emily into a sisterly hug.

  “He does not love me,” Emily whispered. “If he did, he would have told me so by now.” She pulled away from Laura, afraid the sympathy and affection would bring on the tears she struggled to keep from falling.

  Mary snorted. “Men can be thickheaded when it comes to such things. My advice to you would be to forget the words, for that’s all they are, and consider his actions.”

  Emily frowned and attempted to do so. Her thoughts conjured memories of Griffin insisting that he would protect her, of him fixing her clock, of the pleasure in his eyes when he’d seen her wearing the red evening gown, the jealousy that had followed when Mr. Partridge had shown an interest, and all the kind gestures in between. There was no indication that he loved her, but it did prove that he cared.

  “If you leave,” Mary added, “you would be running away. And unless he chooses to follow, your issues will remain unresolved.”

  “I have no idea what to say to him.”

  “Then let him do the talking,” Cassandra advised, “for I am sure there is much he will want to tell you.”

  16

  His eagerness to see Langdon again had abandoned Griffin half an hour ago. He no longer wished to catch up with his friend, and he certainly had no desire to meet his wife when the woman had caused Emily distress. Especially since he had yet to discover if it had been done deliberately or by accident. But since etiquette had to be adhered to, Griffin accompanied his brother into the parlor where tea was still underway.

  Griffin greeted those present and then turned to Langdon, who had risen. The earl stepped forward, hand outstretched and with a broad smile upon his face. “When your brother invited me to come here, I could not refuse,” Langdon said. “It is so good to see you again, Griffin.” He glanced back at the woman who’d been sitting beside him. She too had now risen. “Victoria, may I present Lord Griffin. Griffin, this is my wife, the Countess of Langdon.”

  Griffin forced a smile and executed a bow. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance,” he said while straightening himself to his full height.

  Lady Langdon smiled. Her expression was warm and welcoming with no hint of malice. One might even say she was pretty, but what struck Griffin the most was her height, for she was unusually tall for a woman. It was possible then, he considered, that a moment of self-consciousness might have overcome her when she met Emily. Langdon would have been wrong to compliment her on her looks in his wife’s presence. Especially when Lady Langdon knew they had once been attached.

  “I have heard so many wonderful things about you, my lord,” Lady Langdon said. “My husband holds you in the highest regard.”

  “Thank you, my lady. He and I were once fast friends. It will be interesting to hear how married life is treating him.”

  Langdon grinned. “Splendidly, I’d say. Victoria and I are extremely well suited.”

  “I am glad to hear it,” Griffin said. He glanced sideways at Mr. and Mrs. Howard, who were busily conversing with his mother. Caleb had now joined in, adding to the noise. Abandoned on the table were four cups belonging to Emily, Mary, Laura and Cassandra. “If you will excuse me,” Griffin muttered. He had no desire to socialize further. All he wanted was to make things right with Emily.

  “But you only just arrived,” Langdon said with a hint of distress.

  “True, but I have come straight from the stables. If you would please allow me a chance to freshen up, I would appreciate it.”

  Langdon inclined his head. “Perhaps we can have a drink later in the library?”

  “And a game of cards after supper,” Lady Langdon added. “I love playing with friends, but have had little chance to do so recently. We spent the last three months in Scotland, you see, visiting with Langdon’s sister and brother-in-law. Neither enjoys games.”

  “Then you have come to the right place, my lady,” Griffin said. “For there are many here who would happily engage you as long as you are willing to lose.”

  She laughed when he smiled, appreciating the joke, and Griffin decided that as inconsiderate as she had been earlier, she had not meant to cause any harm. He excused himself once again and went in search of his room. Arriving there, he undressed and used the wash basin to remove the sweat and grime from his ride. Once dry, he dabbed a bit of sandalwood on his jaw before pulling a clean shirt over his head. Next he put on a pair of taupe-colored trousers, a waistcoat, cravat, and a navy blue jacket. He then gave his hair a quick comb before putting on his shoes.

  With a glance at his dresser, he considered his purchases and wondered which one he should give to Emily first. Making a decision was complicated by the fact that a gentleman was not supposed to offer gifts to an unmarried woman. He had known this, but had not been able to resist. Not when he knew how happy the items he’d bought were sure to make her.

  Deciding that he could not carry anything large around with him, Griffin settled on a smaller package that he could fit in his jacket pocket. Excited to see her reaction, and hopeful that it would help her forgive him, Griffin left his bedchamber and went back downstairs.

  After ushering her friends out of her bed chamber with the assurance that she would return downstairs shortly, Emily washed her face and patted it dry, savoring the coolness against her skin. Her initial hurt and anger had subsided, allowing her to think more rationally.

  Mary was right. To begrudge Griffin for advising his friend as he’d thought best would be wrong. Especially since he hadn’t known Emily at the time. They hadn’t been friends when this had happened, and his loyalty had been to Langdon, not her. In t
ruth, he had advised his friend well.

  Furthermore, feeling slighted by Griffin’s dismissal of her six years earlier was childish. She had made a deliberate effort to change in the years since and was proud of the woman she’d become. She had evolved from a shy wallflower into a bold and courageous woman. Should she not then be happy to have caught his attention now rather than hurt by the fact that he hadn’t given her younger self a chance?

  After all, Griffin had asked her to marry him. His proposal might not have happened on bended knee or included words of endearment, but it did mean that he wanted her to be a more permanent part of his life. And after reflecting on his behavior toward her these past few weeks, she now believed that he cared about her a great deal more than she had last night. Yes, he’d yet to figure out how to put what he felt into words, but so did she. For all he knew, she didn’t love him either, since she’d not declared the fact.

  Finding the downstairs empty, Emily drifted toward the back of the house where a French door was flung open to let in a cool April breeze. Through the beveled glass, she could make out Griffin, his long body slumped in a white wrought iron chair with blue damask cushions. He was keeping company with Caleb and Cassandra, who were leading the conversation with animated gestures and encouraging smiles. By contrast, Griffin wore a tight expression devoid of all humor. He appeared like a man for whom joy had died, causing a tight knot of pain to expand against Emily’s breast.

  Unbearable guilt was etched in his features, assuring her of the regret he felt over the hurt he’d caused her. She took a deep breath and allowed a brief glance at the lawn where Mary was showing the children how to set up a game of pall mall. The knot eased in response to their happy faces. Peter and Penelope were securing arches to the ground while Bridget and Daphne appeared to be arguing over which colored mallet they would each get to use. Edward’s attention was completely swallowed by a pair of squirrels chasing each other up a tree.

  Could she really give them up and move away so soon after they’d had to suffer through losing Mary? Even though she and Caleb had visited Clearview once since their marriage and the children had been to see them in London, they’d expressed deep regret over having to let Mary go. Bridget had been especially forlorn, asking Emily how Mary could possibly choose a man over them. And it would be nearly impossible for Cassandra to manage Clearview on her own.

  Emily decided right then and there that no matter what happened, she would not leave her friend unless a solution could be found to this problem. Not after everything Cassandra had done for her over the years.

  With this in mind, Emily proceeded out onto the terrace. Langdon and his wife were thankfully nowhere nearby. They appeared like colorful flecks in the distance as they strolled toward the lake, the very picture of wedded bliss.

  “There you are,” Cassandra said, her voice pulling Emily toward the seating arrangement and alerting Griffin to her presence. “Will you join us?”

  Before she could manage a response, Griffin was on his feet. His eyes burned into her soul, searing her until the heat flooding her body grew almost unbearable. “If I may,” he began, his words uncharacteristically shaky, “I would…” He paused, took a deep breath, but seemed to falter.

  It was too uncomfortable for Emily to watch. “Perhaps,” she said, but he spoke simultaneously, causing her to swallow her words. She stared at him and he stared back. A nervous laugh pushed its way up her throat as the air thickened.

  “Please,” Griffin murmured without a hint of humor. “I did not mean to interrupt.”

  “Oh no, by all means, do go ahead,” Emily said. She hadn’t really had anything meaningful to say anyway and was far more anxious to hear him out.

  “Indeed,” Cassandra quipped, “I can barely stand the suspense.”

  Griffin frowned but chose not to respond. Instead, he kept his gaze firmly on Emily. And then he spoke, his voice slightly more stable than before and so clear that there was no chance for her not to hear him. “I would be honored if you would walk with me, Emily.”

  She could see the anxiety building inside him, conveyed by the tension in his posture, the rigidity of his stance, the tight set of his jaw. If she hadn’t known better, she might have believed he was furious and eager for a fight. Instead, she noted the truth in his eyes for they reflected the tortured state of his soul.

  “Thank you, my lord. The garden does look particularly inviting today. I would be happy to walk with you as long as Cassandra and Camberly have no objection.”

  “Objection? Oh no. How could we possibly object? By all means do go ahead,” the pair spoke in unison, their words overlapping in their eagerness to shoo Griffin and Emily along.

  Emily returned Cassandra’s seemingly innocent expression with a wry smile that was sure to inform her that she wasn’t fooling anyone. It was clear that she wanted Griffin and Emily to resolve their issues as quickly as possible so they could move on. And while Emily appreciated that, she wished her friend wouldn’t be quite so obvious. After all, she had yet to hear Griffin out, and then she would have to make some big decisions. Nothing was certain yet. Especially since he would surely have to return to Vienna.

  He stepped toward her and offered his arm. “Shall we?”

  For some inexplicable reason, the severity of his voice sent a frisson down her spine. She had no reason to be nervous and yet she was. Perhaps because his demeanor made her feel as though there were insurmountable barriers between them. She could not relate to this somber man he’d turned into, though she had to admit she would not have been pleased if he didn’t look slightly remorseful. But the lack of boyishness about his eyes and the absence of his cheeky smiles made her long for the man he’d been before he’d discovered his mistake. For it was as if the light inside him had faded, leaving nothing but darkness behind.

  Linking her arm with his, Emily relaxed a little in response to the familiar reaction he inspired in her body. A hum of awareness vibrated through her, and her heart beat faster than it had seconds earlier. “My parents are not outside,” she observed when they’d gone a few paces in silence. “Neither is your mother.”

  “It is my understanding that they have chosen to take an afternoon nap.”

  “I see.” Emily bit her lip and tried to think of something else to say. “Langdon’s wife seems nice.” She winced when she felt Griffin’s arm go rigid. Of all the things to mention.

  “Emily, I—”

  “A bit tall for a woman, but quite pretty if you take the time to consider her features properly,” Emily added. She was suddenly quite unable to keep quiet, the words rushing off the tip of her tongue like water flowing over a fall. “She says she likes playing cards, which is something that I quite enjoy as well, so there is a chance we can find some common ground there. To be sure, she does not appear as approachable as one might wish, but given the fact that we shall be here for a while, rubbing shoulder to shoulder, I cannot imagine us leaving without have formed some sort of friendship. In fact, I—”

  “Emily.” His voice was louder, firmer, and unquestioningly demanding now. They’d reached the trimmed hedge leading into the rose garden, and he pulled her through the opening and turned her to face him. His breaths were low and labored, his eyes filled with the sort of determination that could convince a woman he would slay every dragon in the kingdom for her. “I have wronged you in the worst possible way and I…” He released her to rake his fingers through his hair. The result afforded him with a wild look of abandon that was rather appealing. “I was wrong to advise Langdon on a matter that I knew nothing about. I should not have said anything. I should have allowed him to make his own decision.”

  “You were his friend. To answer him when he specifically wrote to you and inquired about your opinion was only natural. Indeed, it would have been thoughtless of you not to.”

  “Thoughtless?” He scoffed and spun away, the soles of his boots upsetting the neatly raked gravel. “All I have been is thoughtless. Toward you and toward him.
For I pretended to know what was best even though I was far away. Even though I had never met you and thus possessed no information on which to base my opinion. And yet I gave it, damning your future and possibly his in the process.”

  As hurt as Emily had been to discover his involvement in her broken attachment to Langdon, she hated seeing Griffin as torn up over it as he was. Hesitantly, she approached the spot where he stood, staring down at one of the many flowerbeds filled with thorny stems and green leaves. It would be at least one more month, perhaps two, before buds began appearing.

  Stepping up beside him, Emily placed her hand on his arm. The slight tensing of muscle was the only indication that he noticed. “Everyone makes mistakes, Griffin. As it turns out, yours might have been for the best.”

  He glanced at her, his eyebrows dipping beneath his frown. “You didn’t speak to your mother for almost six years because of me.”

  “You helped us make peace with each other.”

  “Which wouldn’t have been necessary if I hadn’t interfered in the first place.”

  Emily sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder.

  “My mother and I had our differences long before I was introduced to Langdon. Eventually, he became a way for me to escape her control, but that is all it would have been since I never fell in love with him.” She drew away from him slightly so she could tip her head back and look at his handsome face.

  Steeling herself for the cliff over which she intended to leap, she took a quick breath, pushed her fear as deep as it could possibly go, and said, “I fell in love with you, Griffin. With your considerate nature, teasing personality, and unpretentious ways.”

  He stared at her in silence. Oh, how she wished he would say something so she didn’t feel so alone right now. Perhaps she’d misjudged him? Maybe his feelings for her weren’t as deep.

  “I don’t deserve you.” He spoke as if what she’d just said made no sense. “You should be angry with me. Indeed, I would prefer it if you would yell or shout or at least give me some sort of set-down for what I did.”