Careless (An Enemies To Lovers Novel Book 3)

by Michelle Horst

  “Coffee.” Hell, that one isn’t even debatable. “My laptop, but it has to come with free Wi-Fi for life.”

  “Why your laptop?”

  “I can study while I’m stuck there.”

  He lets out a burst of laughter, and I feel his body shuddering against mine. It’s amazing being skin on skin with this man.

  I bring my hands to his jaw and brush my fingertips over his stubble

  “I’ll bring you,” I whisper.

  “Why?”

  “You give good orgasms.”

  He chuckles, but I can see he’s satisfied with my answer.

  “What would you take?”

  “You, Marcus and food.”

  “I didn’t think of food,” I muse.

  “That’s okay, you can give me blowjobs.”

  I crinkle my nose at the idea. I’ve never given a guy a blowjob so I don’t know what it would be like.

  “That’s an experiment for later,” he whispers as he brushes some hair away from my forehead.

  “You feel so good underneath me.”

  I can’t argue there. It feels incredible having him on top of me.

  “Thank you for giving us a chance.” His voice is low and scratchy, and the emotions show on his face.

  He lowers his head slowly until his lips barely touch mine. I close my eyes as the anticipation of the kiss washes over me. I feel his breath on my face, and then he finally kisses me. I open my mouth to him, and as he slips his tongue inside, he lets out a deep groan.

  We pour everything into the kiss. Our past, our present and our future. We kiss the pain away and make promises we’ll never break.

  When he pulls back, I keep my eyes closed, scared of what I’ll see. I don’t want to see the goodbye in his eyes. I won’t survive it a second time.

  “Open your eyes, Doc.”

  I shake my head as fear claws its way up my spine.

  I feel his body pull back, and I hold my breath as I try to prepare myself for the blow when he leaves. But he doesn’t leave. He pushes his cock inside of me, so slowly that my body starts to tremble.

  “Look at me,” he whispers once his pelvis is flush with mine.

  I open my eyes slowly and tears well in my eyes when I don’t see a goodbye.

  I see love.

  I see the confirmation of the promises he made when he kissed me.

  He starts to move inside of me, not once breaking eye contact. I wrap my legs and arms around him, wishing we could stay like this forever.

  He pushes one arm under me and grabbing hold of my butt, he starts to move faster. Our breaths mingle, and the sound of skin slapping on skin fills the room.

  When the tightening starts to build in my abdomen, I dig my nails into his back. As the orgasm shudders through my body, he slams his mouth against mine, kissing me with so much passion it makes my pleasure increase tenfold. His body jerks against mine as he groans into my mouth.

  When the last of our orgasms fades away, he kisses me deeply. He only raises his body from mine, long after we’ve cooled down from our lovemaking session.

  When he pulls out of me, I see the flash of worry.

  “It’s okay. I’m on the pill.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have forgotten.”

  I can’t resist and slap his butt as he gets off the bed.

  “Oh, is that how you want to play this game,” he growls. He scoops me up and before I can catch my breath, he places me down in the shower. He turns the shower on, and I let out a shriek as cold water rains down on me. He steps in under the spray and soon the heat from his body chases away the chill in mine.

  Chapter 13

  JAXSON

  I’ve been trying to distract Marcus all day, but nothing is working anymore.

  I’ve tried playing cards, chess, and even scrabble. I’ve put on a comedy on TV, but he would just stare off into space.

  So now we’re both just sitting here watching the minutes tick by, and it fucking sucks. I keep looking at him, thinking of all the great times we’ve had together. I wish I could read his mind so I would know what to say to make him feel better.

  An hour before surgery, panic flashes over his face.

  “Jax, promise you’ll keep contact with Willow. Watch out for her. Make sure she doesn’t marry some fucker who won’t appreciate her. Promise me you’ll make sure she’s always taken care of.”

  His voice is filled with so much fear that I move to sit next to him on the bed. I place my hands next to his head and lean over him so that he has no choice but to look at me.

  “Don’t fucking start with this shit. You are going to be fine. You have the best doctor, and she won’t let you die. Don’t give up. Not now.”

  “I’m so fucking scared. What if I don’t wake up? What if I fucking die, Jax? What’s after death?”

  His starts to hyperventilate and the monitors go crazy, filling the room with noise. Before I can call for help, Sebastian rushes into the room. He presses a button, and the noise ceases. I stand up and get out of the way when he places an oxygen mask over Marcus' face.

  I can only stand with my hand covering my mouth as I watch my friend break when he needs to be at his strongest.

  “Come on, darling. Take a deep breath. Look at me.” Sebastian breathes with Marcus. His eyes are wide with fear as he stares at Sebastian.

  Sebastian keeps soothing him and places Marcus’ hand on his chest. “Breathe with me, baby. Deep in, there you go, let it out. Deep in, and let it out.”

  He patiently sits with Marcus until he’s calmed down. All I can do is fight the tears that are threatening to fall.

  “Keep breathing,” Sebastian whispers. He takes Marcus’ hand and holds it as he makes sure he’s okay.

  “There you go.” Sebastian removes the oxygen and smiles at Marcus. “Don’t get yourself so worked up. You’re in good hands.”

  Sebastian starts to pull his hand free and to my surprise, Marcus grabs hold of him.

  “Don’t leave. Stay and talk to me. Tell me anything. Just keep my mind busy, or I’ll go insane.”

  Sebastian sits on the side of the bed and smiles teasingly.

  “You sure you want to give me free reign over the subject?”

  Marcus nods as he keeps taking deep breaths.

  “Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Let’s see…” Sebastian’s face lights up. “Oh yes, you’re gonna love this one. So, there I was, hiding in the closet cause it wasn’t socially acceptable to be gay. I mean, I was literally in the closet trying on my Mamma’s heels. She had a leopard print pair I really liked. She opened the door and there I was with my leg in the air, trying to force her heels onto my foot.”

  Sebastian starts to laugh, and it draws a smile from Marcus.

  “Darling, let me tell you my mamma was pissed. Boy, I thought she was going to whoop my ass. She hauled my ass out of the closet and picked up her heels, holding them to her chest.”

  A sentimental look softens his smile.

  “She was angry because I was trying to get my big feet into her four hundred dollar shoes. She wasn’t angry because I was gay. Even though I had to take the trash out for a week, it’s one of my favorite memories.”

  “Have you always known you were gay?” Marcus asks.

  “Gay is just a label. I’ve always known I was different from other boys. I wanted to stay home and play with dolls while they played with their cars. I chose to stay home and bake with my mamma while my brothers went fishing with my dad. I’m lucky. My family never treated me differently. My oldest brother would beat up any kid who tried to bully me. When I was confused about my feelings for Ryan, my mamma sat me down and told me a soul doesn’t get to pick its mate. You’re soulmates because you share a soul.”

  “Do you believe that?”

  “I do, with all my heart. I can’t imagine my life without Ryan.”

  “When your mom talked to you about soulmates, was that when you knew Ryan was the one?”

  “No, she
just gave me a talking to so I would pull my head out of my ass and go claim my man. When I saw Ryan for the first time, I knew. I knew he was the right one because I kept going back to him. I couldn’t let go of him no matter how I tried to fool myself. Trying to stay apart is like trying to tear a soul in half.”

  The door to the room opens, and Leigh comes in followed by another doctor.

  “Are you ready to get those fragments out of you?” she asks Marcus while smiling warmly.

  Sebastian gets up but doesn’t let go of Marcus’ hand.

  “Can he come with? He’s a nurse. Is it allowed?”

  The panic and fear rush back into Marcus’ eyes, and I wish I could be the one to hold his hand.

  “You don’t have to ask. I’ll be there with you through the whole procedure,” Sebastian assures him.

  “It’s time to go, Marcus. Would you like a moment alone with Jaxson?”

  “Please,” he whispers, his voice thick with tears.

  Sebastian kisses the back of Marcus’ hand. “I’m right outside the door. Call when you’re ready.”

  When everyone has cleared the room, I turn back to Marcus.

  “You are going to be fine.” It’s all I can say. I need him to believe it too.

  “Don’t tell the guys about this. I don’t want them to remember me being scared.”

  “Fuck, Marcus,” I hiss. I lean over him and cradle his face in my hands. “You will not die. I will follow you right through those fucking pearly gates and drag your ass back so I can kill you myself. You’re my fucking soulmate. Don’t you even dare think about leaving me.”

  “I’m scared, Jax.” He gasps for air as tears roll into my hands. “I’m so fucking scared.”

  “I love you.” I press my forehead to his, and I can’t keep the tears back any longer. “I love you. I fucking love you, Marcus Reed. You hear me?” I stare deep into his eyes as he nods. “I love you, and you will pull through this. Do it for me. I’m too fucking selfish to lose you. I can’t live a life where you’re not in it. You’re in my fucking bones. Promise me you’ll fight. Fight for me.”

  He grabs hold of my wrist, and with a shuddering breath, he whispers the words I need to hear.

  “I promise, Jax. I’ll fight. I’ll fight because I want to be there for every minute of your life. I’ll fight with everything I have.”

  He swallows hard, and his face crumbles under the emotion which only makes me cry harder.

  “But if I don’t make it, don’t think it’s because I gave up. Don’t blame yourself, because I know you will. Don’t blame me for not fighting harder.”

  “What the fuck do I do if you don’t make it?” I groan as the pain rips through me.

  “You live,” he cries. “You fucking live for both of us. You live knowing I loved you … so fucking much.”

  We both cry because no matter how good Leigh is, there’s a chance he won’t make it.

  ∞∞∞

  LEIGH

  As Dr. Yang administers the anaesthetics, Sebastian holds Marcus’ hand. He presses a kiss to Marcus’ forehead and smiles warmly at him.

  “I’ll be right here when you open those gorgeous eyes again,” he whispers as Marcus starts to go under.

  Taking the scalpel, I look down at his chest.

  This isn’t Marcus.

  This is a patient.

  He’s a patient.

  I take a deep breath and make the skin incision, and cut through the layers of soft tissue. I open the sternum with a saw and cauterize arterial bleeding points on the underside of the sternum to minimize blood loss. We use sternal retractors to maximize exposure, and the second I see the beating heart, I take a deep breath and allow my mind to take over.

  ∞∞∞

  JAXSON

  I sit in the waiting room, and I’m about to start chewing my nails when Ryan walks in.

  “Sebastian called and said you might need some company.” He hands me a cup of coffee and sits down next to me.

  “Thanks. I just wish I knew how it was going.”

  “I don’t know much, but I’m sure he’s going to be okay.”

  “I hope so,” I whisper.

  My phone rings and when I see Carter’s name flashing on the screen, I answer.

  “Hey.”

  “How are you holding up?”

  “I don’t know. I keep going from hopeful to scared out of my fucking mind.”

  “We’re just about to land. We’ll be there soon.”

  “Hurry,” I squeeze the word out.

  Ending the call, my shoulders slump. I need my friends here.

  The two people who mean the most to me in the world are in that operating room, and I’m scared that only one will walk out of there.

  Ryan places a hand on my back, and that’s all it takes for me to start crying. The worry is too intense. I can’t breathe past it.

  Chapter 14

  JAXSON

  Having Ryan sit with me is helping a lot. Ryan is married to Sebastian, and knowing that Sebastian is holding Marcus’ hand right this second, makes it feel like I’m there with them.

  “Why couldn’t we see him before surgery?”

  Hearing Mia’s voice makes my head snap up. Seconds later the whole crew comes barreling into the waiting room.

  “That’s what Marcus wanted. You’ll see him when he’s out of surgery,” Logan patiently explains.

  “Hey guys,” I say to everyone in general.

  “How is he?” Rhett asks

  “Is there any news?” Carter asks a second later.

  Ryan holds up a hand to stop any further question.

  “We’re still waiting. It’s too soon for any news.” He reaches a hand out to Carter. “Ryan Ward. I’m Sebastian’s husband.”

  “Carter Hayes. Sorry, but who’s Sebastian?” he asks, as he shakes Ryan’s hand.

  “He’s a nurse here. He’s currently with Marcus. He’ll let us know the second they have an update.”

  “Thank you,” Carter says, as he takes a seat next to Ryan.

  Mia sits down next to me and gives me a hug.

  “How are you doing?” she whispers.

  I shake my head and let out a breath.

  Wrapping her arm around my waist, she rests her cheek against my arm.

  I’m surprised when Della and Danny walk into the waiting room. I didn’t know they were coming.

  Danny smiles as she walks straight to me. She wiggles her way onto my lap and gives me a big sloppy kiss.

  “Why do you look so sad, Uncle Jax?”

  I drop my eyes from hers and whisper, “My heart is just a little broken.”

  She places her hand over my heart, as her bottom lip starts to tremble.

  “Don’t cry, Uncle Jax,” she whispers.

  I try to blink the tears away and suck in a deep breath of air, but then Danny scrambles to her knees, and she wraps her tiny arms around my neck.

  “It’s okay,” she whispers, as she pats my back. Her tiny hand starts to caress my hair, and I lose it.

  “It’s okay,” she keeps whispering as she comforts me. “Just don’t get snot on me, okay? I’ll ask Mommy for a tissue if you need one.”

  I laugh and cry at the same time at her words, and I have to admit, I feel a little better.

  When I manage to control my emotions, Danny pulls back. She takes hold of her shirt and tries to see if I got snot on her. Della hands her a tissue, and she gets busy wiping the tears from my face.

  “You’re lucky, Uncle Jax. You don’t have snot. When I cry, my snot runs all over the place. It just keeps coming and coming and coming.” When she’s done, she smiles brightly. “There, now you’re all better.”

  “Yeah, Princess,” I say as I press a kiss to the top of her head. “You fixed my heart.”

  After a few minutes, Danny crawls off my lap and gets onto Carter’s. It doesn’t take her long to fall asleep in his arms.

  The room is quiet as we all sit and wait. Every time I look at my watch only
ten seconds has passed.

  The door opens and Sebastian comes in. He freezes, and his eyes scan the room.

  “Oh my, there’s so much testosterone in this room my poor ovaries are going to combust.”

  “You don’t have ovaries,” Ryan says as he gets up.

  “My imaginary ones. I think we should swap places. I’ll comfort the hunks, and you go hold Marcus’ hand.”

  “Sebastian,” I say, ready to have a nervous breakdown. “How is he?”

  “Oh, yes!” He finally remembers why he came here. “Marcus is doing well. I have to get back. Too-de-loo.” He wiggles his fingers in a wave and disappears out the door.

  “What the hell just happened?” Rhett asks with his eyes still on the door.

  “My husband is a scatter-brain. All that matters is that Marcus is doing well,” Ryan says as he sits down next to me again.

  He places a hand on my back and locks eyes with me.

  “Marcus is doing well, Jaxson.”

  “He is,” I whisper as it sinks in. “Thank God.”

  “Is he allowed to wear lipstick to work?” Rhett asks.

  I shake my head. I know it’s coming from a good place, but Ryan might not think so.

  “Sure. It’s the same as any other female wearing lipstick to work.”

  Rhett nods. “True, I didn’t think of it that way.”

  I can see another question coming, and I let out a groan.

  “How do you kiss?”

  “Fuck, Rhett,” I groan, dropping my face into my hands.

  “No, I don’t it mean like that. It’s just whenever I have to kiss a woman, and she’s wearing lipstick, I end up with most of it smeared over my face. None of your women wear lipstick so I thought I’d ask Ryan.”

  Ryan chuckles, and I’m just thankful he’s amused with Rhett.

  “That’s why you take them to dinner. If they eat first, you won’t have a lipstick problem.”

  Rhett opens his mouth, but Ryan holds up a finger to stop him. He leans over me and whispers to Rhett.

  “If you want to skip dinner, just let them blow you. It gets rid of the lipstick, and you score.”