Careless (An Enemies To Lovers Novel Book 3)

by Michelle Horst

  Ryan quickly glances back at Danny to make sure she’s still sleeping.

  Rhett looks impressed with the answer as he sits and thinks about it.

  “Yeah, I like option number two better.”

  “Eww… I’m right here,” Mia hisses. “Ugh, I’m scarred for life.”

  Logan starts to laugh but at once tries to swallow it when Mia glares at him.

  Della is staring at the room while her face is turning red from keeping in the laughter.

  Carter lowers his head, and his whole body starts to shake Danny as he silently laughs.

  The next second we all burst out laughing. It relieves a lot of the tension.

  I give Ryan a thankful smile as he leans into me.

  “You’re welcome.”

  ∞∞∞

  LEIGH

  Every time I walk down this hallway, my stomach knots.

  I take a deep breath as I fight the tears. Normally, I wouldn’t be affected by something like this, but because it’s Marcus, I can’t help but feel.

  He was high-risk, just like Mom.

  When I get to the door, I close my eyes as I try to control my emotions.

  I need to be professional. I’m a doctor. I can’t cry.

  I feel a hand on my shoulder, and when I glance behind me, I see that it’s Dr. Magliato.

  “Would you like me to speak to the family?”

  As the first tear rolls down my cheek, I nod. There’s no way I’ll be able to stop crying once I see Jaxson.

  “Please,” I whisper as I step to the side so she can go in first.

  When she opens the door, I follow her into the waiting room.

  Everyone is here. Jaxson is the first to stand, and his eyes find mine. My tears come faster, and I cover my mouth.

  The blood drains from his face, and I want to tell him it’s okay, but I can’t get any words out.

  “Mr. Reed’s surgery was a success. There was a minor complication, which Dr. Baxter handled with great care. The patient is in recovery right now. I suggest you all go home and get some rest. You’ll be able to see him tomorrow.”

  “Thank you, Doctor,” Carter says with great relief as he shakes her hand.

  Knowing that they need this moment to celebrate that Marcus survived the surgery, I leave the room and rush to the elevators. When the doors open, I quickly step inside and repeatedly press the button for the doors to close. I watch as Jaxson walks into the hallway and our eyes meet for a split-second before the doors shut in front of me.

  The cab driver keeps giving me looks filled with pity as he drives to the address I gave him. When he stops outside the house, I pay him.

  I rush up the stairs to the front door and bang my first on the wood until he opens.

  “I could’ve saved her,” I cry. “Why didn’t you save her?”

  “Come inside, Sweetheart,” Dad whispers. He pulls me inside and shuts the door.

  We walk to his study where he takes a folder from his safe. He hands it to me with an unsteady hand.

  When I open it and see that it’s Mom’s file, I drop to the floor and scatter the pages over the carpet so I can see them all.

  I wipe the tears from my face with the back of my hand as I take in all the information.

  When I get to the last piece of paper, I double over and cry into it.

  “She had a DNR. It was her choice, Leigh. When her heart stopped, I couldn’t go against her wishes.”

  I crumble the DNR to my chest and stumble to my feet.

  I nod at Dad and whisper, “I understand.”

  When I walk to the front door, Dad calls after me, “Where are you going?”

  “Mom,” I whisper as I leave the house.

  My feet automatically move, placing one step in front of another. The streets are quiet. Normally, I love this time of night. But not tonight.

  When I get to the cemetery, I walk down the narrow path which leads to Mom’s grave. I stop in front of her headstone and hold the DNR out to her.

  “Why?” I gasp. “Why would you sign something like this? You had no right. You were a mother. You were my mother.”

  I kneel on her grave and wait inconsolably for an answer.

  “You chose to leave me,” I whisper.

  I lie down and curl my legs into my chest. I cry because Mom wouldn’t fight for me the same way Marcus fought for Jaxson.

  I don’t know how long I lie on her grave.

  I lose count of the number of times I ask why.

  I can’t understand why Mom would choose to leave me.

  I don’t hear the footsteps coming up the path. I don’t fight when arms slip under me, and I’m lifted to a chest.

  I just hold on to the DNR – the proof that Mom didn’t fight for me.

  “Is she okay?” I hear Sebastian whisper

  “Yeah. Let’s get her home,” Jaxson says, and his voice rumbles against my ear.

  “I’m all for leaving this place. Being in a cemetery at midnight messes with my mojo. I swear to you Jaxson, if I see a ghost, I’m leaving you right here. I’m too good-looking to become a zombie.”

  “You can’t become a zombie,” I whisper.

  “See, I told you it would work. She can’t resist setting me straight.”

  “Unless you’re infected by the cat parasite, Toxoplasma Gondii,” I say as my mind returns to its haven filled with facts.

  “Say what?” Sebastian shrieks. “Woman, don’t say things like that until I’m out of this place. OMG, I need to bathe.”

  I block out Sebastian’s rambling and turn my face into Jaxson’s chest.

  I start to process the facts, one after the other.

  In medical school, most of the students had a DNR. A survey in our class showed that eighty percent wanted less aggressive end-of-life care.

  It didn’t bother me back then what they all wanted.

  Now that I’ve lost Mom because of a DNR, I wonder what they knew that I didn’t.

  Chapter 15

  JAXSON

  I place Leigh gently on the bed and remove her shoes before I lie down next to her.

  My heart breaks when I look into her eyes. I’m not sure what happened. Her dad called Sebastian and told him that Leigh left his place in a state. If he didn’t tell us where to find her, she would still be lying on her mother’s grave.

  I reach for the piece of crumpled paper in her hands and pull it slowly from her fingers.

  I open it and when I see that it’s a do not resuscitate order, it all makes sense.

  “When I closed Marcus up, it hit me that I could’ve saved her. Knowing that…”

  She curls into a small bundle against my chest. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly, waiting for her to let it all out.

  “Why would she sign a DNR?”

  I close my eyes wondering if she’ll ever heal from the loss of her mother.

  “Dad showed me the file. He could’ve saved her. Her spine was also injured. She might have been paralyzed, but she would’ve been alive.”

  “Doc,” I pull her back so she’ll look at me. “I didn’t know your mom, but do you think she would’ve coped with being paralyzed? She didn’t sign the DNR because she didn’t love you. She signed it because she wanted to have a say in how she died.”

  “I wouldn’t have cared if she were paralyzed.”

  “Put yourself in her shoes. We get married, and we have a little girl who looks just like you. She’s fucking brilliant and has an amazing future ahead of her. What would you want for her?”

  I can see that she’s starting to think about what I just said, so I continue.

  “Your mom had a full life, Doc. Even if her spine wasn’t damaged, it was still her choice to make. You choose to not sign a DNR for your own reasons. It was her choice to make. She had her reasons, and her reasons made sense to her.”

  “I just wish I knew her reasons,” she whispers.

  “Do they really matter? I know you have this need to understand everything in lif
e, but Doc, that’s not always possible. What matters is the time you had with her. What matters is that she loved you. You’re so consumed with how she died, that you’re forgetting to remember how she lived.”

  Her eyes widen and her lips part as the realization hits.

  “You’re right,” she breathes.

  She sits up and looks at me with the same look of amazement she had the day I comforted Sebastian.

  “Jaxson, you’re right. I’ve been so selfish. I might not understand why she made the choice, but she understood. I’ve been trying so hard to figure out what happened that night, that I’ve forgotten what she looks like.”

  She scrambles from the bed and yanks open the closet doors. She stands on her toes and takes a box from the top shelf.

  I sit up as she places it on the bed. She takes the lid off and climbs onto the mattress, sitting on her knees.

  With a trembling hand, she reaches inside the box and takes a photo out.

  A smile wavers around her mouth as she stares at it. I watch her look at every photo and then she pulls an envelope from the bottom of the box.

  Leigh, I wish you knew how much I love you. You’ll only understand just how much when you hold your own child in your arms. To the world you’re brilliant, but to me, you’ll always be my baby girl. I’m proud of everything you’ve accomplished, and I’m proud of the woman you will become. I know you will be successful in everything you do. I have so much faith in you, my baby. If something happens and I have to leave, please forgive me. Please try to understand that the world isn’t always black or white. There are gray areas you can’t see. There are things you can’t argue, and there are things you can’t justify with facts. If I had one wish for you, it would be that you would accept this. Just because I’m gone, doesn’t mean that I will stop loving you.

  Always, Mom.

  “Did you know gray isn’t a color? It’s a shade,” she says, as she folds the letter and places it back in the box.

  “I didn’t.”

  “If you mix a color with white, it’s called tinting, and if you mix a lighter color with black, it’s called shading.”

  “Doc,” I say to get her attention.

  She opens her mouth to say something else, so I cover it with my hand. I pull her onto my lap and wrap my arms around her.

  “She loved you. It’s the only thing that matters.”

  She nods her head and glances up at me.

  “You’re so much smarter than me,” she whispers, as a smile spreads across her face.

  “Oh yeah? Hold on while I grab my phone. I want to record that. Fifty years from now I can use it when you argue with me.”

  She starts to laugh as she pulls me down on top of her.

  “Fifty years from now?” she whispers against my mouth.

  “Yeah, if you’re okay with that?”

  She wiggles under me and pulls her phone out of her pocket. I watch her type something and then my phone beeps. I push myself up and dig my phone out of my pocket.

  Doc: 1=0.999999999999999999999 ∞

  “Okay, I’ll bite. Enlighten me, Doc.”

  She looks at me with such emotion I’m too scared to blink. I don’t want to risk closing my eyes, and when I open them, the look will be gone.

  “Strogatz once said; I love how simple it is. Everyone understands what it says, yet how provocative it is. Many people don't believe it could be true. It's also beautifully balanced.”

  She leans against me and points at the screen.

  “The left side represents the beginning of mathematics, which is us right now. The right side represents the mysteries of infinity, which is us in fifty years.”

  I’m not sure what she’s trying to say, except that she sees us together in fifty years.

  “It means I love you now, Jaxson, and I’ll love you infinitely for all the years to come.”

  The phone slides out of my hand as I stare at her.

  “Say that again,” I whisper.

  “I love you, Jaxson. I love you so much that it can’t be measured. My love for you is infinite.”

  “How did I get so lucky?” I ask as I pull her against me.

  “You got me wet.”

  I laugh as I press my mouth against hers.

  “I like it when you’re wet,” I growl against her lips as I start to unbutton her shirt.

  ∞∞∞

  LEIGH

  I’m busy with my rounds and checking on Marcus while Sebastian is giving him a sponge bath.

  I hear a slap and tear my eyes away from the monitors to see what they’re up to.

  Marcus is covered from the waist down, and Sebastian keeps trying to push the material lower so he can wash Marcus.

  “Stop it,” Marcus growls as he pushes Sebastian’s hand away again.

  Sebastian shoves his hands into his sides and glares down at Marcus with a raised eyebrow.

  “Darling, if you have a problem with me washing your ding-dong, I can always let Leigh do it.”

  Marcus opens his mouth and closes it again a few times, clearly at a loss for words.

  “I don’t mind,” I say, just to tease Marcus.

  “Hell no, woman! You want Jaxson to kill me? I just made it through one life-threatening event.”

  “What’s it gonna be, babe? Are you gonna keep still or are you taking your chances with Jaxson not finding out you made his woman touch your ding-dong?”

  “I can do it myself,” Marcus wines.

  Sebastian starts to laugh and holds the sponge out to him.

  “Fine. Let’s see you do it.”

  Marcus freezes, and after a few minutes, he glares at Sebastian.

  “You want it to rot and fall off?” Sebastian adds.

  “Fuck, you’re worse than a woman,” he snaps.

  “Thank you, babe,” Sebastian exclaims. “I’ll take it as a compliment coming from you because you’re being a real dick.”

  “Just fucking get it over with.” He hisses while shutting his eyes.

  I watch as Sebastian keeps it professional and quick, and moves on to wash Marcus’ legs.

  The door opens, and Rhett walks in.

  “Hey, bro,” he says, then he looks up, and he freezes. His eyebrows shoot into his hairline. “Dafuug?”

  I suck both my lips into my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

  “It’s not what it looks like,” Marcus defends as he tries to move his leg out of Sebastian’s reach.

  “I’ve heard that one before,” Sebastian mumbles.

  Rhett tilts his head, and when it’s clear that he can’t figure out what he’s seeing, he points to the door.

  “I’ll… I’ll come back later.”

  “Rhett,” I cry as I start to laugh. I bend over and place my hands on my knees to keep myself up. “It’s just a sponge bath.”

  Rhett’s eyes grow huge. “You give those here?”

  Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Not the kinky kind you’re obviously well acquainted with. I swear, the postal address for that dirty mind of yours is smack bang in the middle of the gutter. Instead of standing there like a lost fart, come hold him still so I can finish. I still have other patients to see to. Some of them happen to appreciate my sponge baths.”

  “Damn, woman,” Rhett whispers as he carefully moves closer to the bed. “Is it that time of the month?”

  “Don’t you go and bring the bitch out in me,” Sebastian warns while wiggling a finger in front of Rhett’s face.

  I bury my face in my hands and laugh until tears drip from my fingers.

  I wish I could’ve recorded it.

  When Sebastian is done, he gives Marcus a pointed look.

  “Payback’s a bitch, darling. As soon as your ass is mobile again, you have to sing karaoke with me. I won’t take no for an answer. Keep that in mind next time you sass me.”

  When Marcus opens his mouth, I quickly cover it with my hand.

  “It’s going to be fun,” I say.

  As soon as Sebastian leaves th
e room, I look down at Marcus.

  “Don’t mess with his karaoke. He held your hand for over five hours. The least you can do is sing one song with him.”

  “I’m starting to wonder if I didn’t die. I’m sure this is what hell is like,” Marcus mutters.

  Rhett sits down and props his feet on the side of the bed.

  “If this is hell, I’m all for it. I can’t wait to see you sing with Miss Sebastian. I’d pay good money for that.”

  Marcus glares at Rhett. “As soon as I’m out of here, I’m going to kick your ass.”

  Rhett wags his eyebrows. “You love my ass.”

  Rhett’s the male version of Sebastian. I have to remember to never leave them alone.

  As I move onto my next patient, I can’t help but feel sad. As soon as Marcus is better, they will all leave.

  I’m not sure what will happen with Jaxson and me then.

  Chapter 16

  JAXSON

  Now that Marcus is out of danger, Carter is heading back to New York. I’ve asked all the guys to meet me in Marcus’ room.

  Rhett walks in and pretends to look around for someone. “What? No sponge bath today?”

  “Shut up,” Marcus hisses, giving him a glare of warning.

  Rhett starts to chuckle which makes me ask. “What did I miss?”

  “Nothing,” Marcus says way too quickly, which means there’s definitely something I’ve missed out on.

  Rhett wags his eyebrows. “Miss Sebastian has been giving Marcus sponge baths.”

  “Fuck you, Rhett,” Marcus grumbles, but I can see the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

  Carter and Logan walk into the room, stopping me from making a comment.

  “Thanks for meeting me here guys,” I say as soon as they’re all settled. “I want to discuss either opening a branch here or if you’re prepared, to buy me out of IIP.”

  They all stare at me blankly, as if I’m not making any sense.

  “I’m going to stay here with Leigh,” I explain.

  Carter looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “Jax, in all the time we’ve known each other, have I not had your back?”

  Now I’m confused. “What does that have to do with me staying here?”