An Incident at the Border

by Kieran Lynn

  ARTHUR: ... Well?

  REIVER: He doesn’t know. He said that new entry and exit procedure hasn’t been agreed on yet.

  OLIVIA: How long will that take?

  REIVER: How long will that take George? He said ‘That’s the big question, isn’t it?’

  ARTHUR: ... Yes.

  REIVER: He was being rhetorical. You’re not the only one who can be rhetorical, you know?

  OLIVIA: So until they decide on a procedure...

  REIVER: He won’t be able to come back. Not until the bureaucracy is settled.

  ARTHUR: I can’t come home?

  REIVER: Doesn’t look like it.

  ARTHUR: Why are you doing this?

  REIVER: It’s my job.

  ARTHUR: Do you really want to do this?

  REIVER: You mean, would I do it if this wasn’t my job?

  ARTHUR: Yes.

  REIVER: No I wouldn’t.

  ARTHUR: Exactly.

  REIVER: Because if this wasn’t my job, then this wouldn’t be a border, it would just be a piece of tape. If you are asking me if would I come here on my day off and draw a meaningless tape line through the middle of a park, then the answer is no.

  OLIVIA: Do you believe in the border?

  REIVER: Of course I believe in it. I can see it. It’s right there.

  OLIVIA: Not do you believe it exists. Do you believe in it being drawn?

  REIVER: I don’t care.

  OLIVIA: How can you not care?

  REIVER: I’m not involved.

  ARTHUR: Neither am I.

  REIVER: I mean in this. Or I wouldn’t be involved, if I wasn’t, you know, involved.

  ARTHUR: I don’t understand.

  REIVER: You wouldn’t care about the border if you weren’t involved in it.

  OLIVIA: I would.

  REIVER: People only care about what effects them directly.

  OLIVIA: That is not true. I care about a lot of things that don’t effect me.

  REIVER: Name one?

  OLIVIA: ... I can’t think of one off the top of my head.

  REIVER: Exactly. I’m the same, if this border dispute wasn’t my job, I wouldn’t care about it at all. If I didn’t know you and someone told me about you I wouldn’t care about you either.

  ARTHUR: I am beginning to see why you have never had a girlfriend.

  REIVER: Because I am honest. If we were honest all the time, none of us would have girlfriends.

  ARTHUR: That is not true.

  REIVER: Or boyfriends.

  ARTHUR: That is definitely not true.

  OLIVIA: Actually, it probably is.

  REIVER: See.

  OLIVIA: If I said to you even half of the things that crossed my mind, you would not have stayed with me for very long.

  REIVER: He would probably have committed suicide by now.

  OLIVIA: He wouldn’t have.

  ARTHUR: I might have.

  OLIVIA: I’m not that bad.

  ARTHUR: And if I had said some of the things I had wanted to, you probably wouldn’t be here either.

  OLIVIA: If you had said half of the things you wanted to say to me we might have actually had a decent conversation once in a while.

  ARTHUR: We talk a lot.

  OLIVIA: I talk a lot.

  ARTHUR: I know. It’s me has to listen to you.

  OLIVIA: Well, sitting in silence is not as much fun for me as it is for you.

  ARTHUR: Silence is important. I only speak when I have something interesting to say.

  OLIVIA: No wonder you never open your mouth.

  ARTHUR: Those who speak don’t know, and those who know don’t speak.

  REIVER: Who know what?

  ARTHUR: You don’t know.

  OLIVIA: There is a delicate balance between choosing your words, and not having words to choose from.

  ARTHUR: When I have something to say I say it.

  OLIVIA: But that is not what I want Arthur.

  ARTHUR: Well, what do you want?

  OLIVIA: I want us to talk. To talk about everything. I want us to talk about the important stuff and about trivial stuff. I want you to ask me questions. Hundreds of questions.

  REIVER: Can you two save this for later?

  ARTHUR: About what?

  OLIVIA: About anything you want?

  ARTHUR: Whenever I ask you anything we always seem to get back onto the same subject.

  OLIVIA: And what is that?

  ARTHUR: Since we are being honest, that, is the ins and outs of your emotional wellbeing. And, frankly, I find your emotional wellbeing quite dull.

  OLIVIA: That is not all I talk about.

  ARTHUR: That is certainly how it feels.

  REIVER: Seriously, can you stop bickering?

  OLIVIA: I talk about a wide variety of topics.

  ARTHUR: Really? Who to?

  OLIVIA: If this line wasn’t in between us I’d hit you.

  ARTHUR: That would make a nice change from pushing me.

  OLIVIA: I don’t push you.

  ARTHUR: All you do is push me. You push me closer and closer to exploding.

  OLIVIA: Exploding? That would be a bit much for you.

  ARTHUR: I could explode.

  OLIVIA: It would be like a balloon bursting.

  ARTHUR: A very large balloon.

  REIVER: Give it a rest! Listening to you two argue is worse than listening to you complain. If this is how much you like each other I don’t know why you’re working so hard to get back together. If there is so much you don’t like about each other then why not stay separated. I have done the hard part for you.

  Silence.

  REIVER: I’ll check in with George. See if there is any change.

  Now, if you haven’t got anything nice to say to each other, then don’t say anything at all. George, I am still here. Things are going very well, though the duck pond remains somewhat of a danger zone.

  OLIVIA: The duck pond?

  REIVER: Say that again George.

  OLIVIA: He hasn’t bordered the duck pond yet.

  REIVER: Why are they doing that?

  OLIVIA: Arthur, cross the pond.

  REIVER: I will. I will stay right with them. Bye George.

  OLIVIA: It hasn’t been bordered yet, there is nothing there to stop you. Come on Arthur.

  ARTHUR: No Olivia.

  REIVER: George said /...

  OLIVIA: Why not?

  REIVER: George said that /...

  ARTHUR: Because this situation is bad enough as it is. I don’t want to make a break for the duck pond. I want to stand here and hope that things do not get any worse.

  A blue siren light on the opposite side to the red one.

  ARTHUR: Oh good.

  REIVER: George said the other country have mobilised their army.

  ARTHUR: Of course they have.

  Reiver: They must have seen our troops at the border.

  OLIVIA: The border guards are getting guns.

  REIVER: I am to make sure you don’t do anything that could provoke either side.

  ARTHUR: This is getting worse by the minute.

  REIVER: George has trusted me.

  OLIVIA: Tell them to put their guns down.

  REIVER: He has given me a very important job.

  ARTHUR: (To Border Guards.) We are innocent!

  REIVER: Why would he do that if he didn’t think I could handle it?

  ARTHUR: Put your weapons down!

  REIVER: I’ll show him I can handle it.

  ARTHUR: (Shouting to soldiers.) Mr Soldier?

  OLIVIA: (To ARTHUR.) Mr Soldier?

  ARTHUR: Well I don’t know his name, do I?

  OLIVIA: I can’t believe this is happening. This is all your fault, you know?

  REIVER: It isn’t all my fault.

  OLIVIA: You drew the border that separated us, you stunned Arthur, and you don’t know how to do your fucking job.

  REIVER: I do know how to do my job.

  OLIVIA: Obviously not very well. Look w
hat you have caused.

  REIVER: If you have a complaint, you will need to speak to someone higher up the ladder. I am just following my orders.

  OLIVIA: Higher up the ladder. That is what they always say.

  REIVER: It is if you need to speak to someone higher up the ladder.

  OLIVIA: Passing the book. Always passing the book.

  REIVER: I haven’t passed the book.

  OLIVIA: Yes you have.

  REIVER: I don’t even have a book.

  ARTHUR: I actually think that the correct expression is passing the buck. Not book.

  Silence.

  ARTHUR: Never mind.

  OLIVIA: You want to pass responsibility on to someone else, and claim that you are just doing your job.

  REIVER: But all of that is true.

  OLIVIA: This isn’t your decision?

  REIVER: No, I didn’t even really know what was happening until quite recently. I am not involved like you.

  OLIVIA: You’re just following orders?

  REIVER: Yes, I am.

  OLIVIA: No one is forcing you to do your job?

  REIVER: They are not forcing me, but I do have to do it.

  OLIVIA: Why?

  REIVER: Because otherwise it wouldn’t be my job for very much longer. Are you employed?

  OLIVIA: So all you do is take orders?

  REIVER: Isn’t that all anyone does?

  OLIVIA: You take orders from above and you do whatever they tell you.

  REIVER: Yes.

  ARTHUR: So you’re really just a servant?

  REIVER: Well, I suppose that is one way of looking at it.

  ARTHUR: And what is another?

  REIVER: I am a cog in the machine.

  OLIVIA: And you like that?

  REIVER: I am as important as every other cog. If you take one out then the whole machine stops working.

  OLIVIA: Do you not want to be an individual? To be unique?

  REIVER: No. Never again. You have no idea how long I have felt like I was an individual, unique, and on my own. I like being a part of something bigger.

  OLIVIA: But each and every person is a unique character, with individual wants and desires. And we all deserve to be treated as individuals by every authority that we encounter.

  Silence.

  REIVER: Well that is never going to happen.

  OLIVIA: Not with people like you in positions of power.

  REIVER: I like the sound of that. A position of power. Me. In a position of power. Have you ever been in a position of power?

  OLIVIA: I’m not even going to answer that.

  ARTHUR: What are you two talking about?

  REIVER: It’s none of your business. Is it Olivia?

  OLIVIA: Who is actually telling you to do this?

  REIVER: George.

  OLIVIA: And who actually is George?

  REIVER: George is... George.

  OLIVIA: Have you ever met him?

  REIVER: No.

  OLIVIA: So you take orders from somebody you have never met?

  REIVER: They don’t just put somebody on the radio, you know? They only put the top dogs on the radio. The best of the best. I imagine, whoever George is, that he is an extremely qualified and capable person. To me he sounds like a natural leader, he has that sort of voice, it is authoritative, and yet somehow friendly. No, not just somebody at all.

  OLIVIA: But still, you don’t know who he is, but it is your job to do what he says?

  REIVER: I suppose so.

  OLIVIA: Wouldn’t you like to know more about him?

  REIVER: I would, but I can’t see him telling me anything. He is very careful with his words is George.

  OLIVIA: You have a right to know your employer. This situation is very serious, don’t you want to know more about the man who put you in it?

  REIVER: ... As a matter of fact I do. He knows everything about me, why shouldn’t I know at least something about him?

  ARTHUR: You should.

  OLIVIA: It’s only fair.

  REIVER: George. Hello George. The situation is about the same really. Yes I will, but first I wanted to ask you a few questions. About yourself. Is George your real name? He said that is above my clearance. How old are you? That as well? Well, how long have you been doing this job? Classified is it? Favourite colour? You don’t feel comfortable giving that one out. Favourite animal? Tiger! Oh. The Tiger. Good choice. Thanks for telling me George. I feel closer to you already. Now is that the Bengal or the Siberian? George? He’s gone. Wow. That was amazing. I feel much better now. Thank you for making me do that. The Tiger.

  OLIVIA: That wasn’t really what I had in mind.

  REIVER: Still, it starts small like that, next thing you know George and I are playing tennis together on the weekends. Or going for lunch on our days off.

  OLIVIA: This is why I want to be involved.

  REIVER: In our lunch? I think George might prefer it if just the two of us went. He may not feel comfortable talking with you there.

  OLIVIA: Involved in events, I mean. We need to be more involved in the world Arthur.

  ARTHUR: Why?

  OLIVIA: I want to know who is making all of these decisions on our behalf. I want to know who is in charge of drawing the lines on the ground, and who is on the other end of the radios.

  ARTHUR: What difference would it make?

  OLIVIA: A lot to me.

  ARTHUR: So you would know who was doing all of these things, but it wouldn’t change anything. They would still get done regardless.

  OLIVIA: Better the devil you know.

  ARTHUR: Better the devil I know what?

  OLIVIA: Than the devil you don’t.

  ARTHUR: The devil I don’t what?

  OLIVIA: It’s better than the devil you don’t.

  ARTHUR: (To REIVER.) Do you know what she is talking about?

  REIVER: Some kind of code, maybe.

  OLIVIA: It’s an expression. Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t.

  Silence. They don’t get it.

  ARTHUR: I don’t follow.

  REIVER: No, lost me.

  OLIVIA: I want to know who is doing what. There are people out there somewhere, and the things they do effect us all, and I want to know who they are. So you answer to George?

  REIVER: Yes.

  OLIVIA: And who does George answer to?

  REIVER: Good question. George? Come in George. Just a quick one George. I answer to you, but who do you answer to? Yes they did ask, but I am asking because I would like to know, I am not just asking because they asked. Right. I see. He answers to Frank.

  OLIVIA: And who does Frank answer to?

  REIVER: And who does Frank answer to? Right. Frank answers to Mark, but Mark is very busy so Frank usually talks to his personal assistant, David.

  OLIVIA: And who does Mark answer to?

  REIVER: And Mark answers to? In fact George, could you just keep telling me, to save me asking after every one? Mark answers to John, but John cannot do anything without Charles’ signature. Charles actually answers to a board of people on which sit, Michael, Deborah, Anna, Marcus, and Jean-Paul. Michael then answers to Malcolm. Deborah answers to another board, on which sit, Thomas, another Charles and Kathleen. Anna answers to Marco, who answers to François. Marcus answers to Bill, who answers to Sergey, Steve and Ron. Jean-Paul answers to Nicholas, and Nicholas answers to a board containing Alain, Simeon and Rick. The other two both answer to Andrew, and Simeon answer to Theodore, and Joseph. Joseph actually answers to the second Charles that Deborah answers to. Does that answer your question?

  OLIVIA: When does it stop?

  REIVER: When does what stop?

  OLIVIA: Who is at the top? Who doesn’t answer to anyone?

  REIVER: Who is at the very top George? Is there someone who doesn’t answer to anyone? He doesn’t know. He thinks it keeps on going.

  OLIVIA: Well there is the problem.

  REIVER: Thanks George.

  OLIVIA: Too ma
ny cooks. No wonder it takes so long to actually get anything done. Files are getting passed from boardroom to boardroom, from committee to committee, and from person to person, meanwhile, there are real people down here whose lives are in the balance. We are waiting here for information that could change our whole life, meanwhile, Frank is talking to Deborah, who is asking for David’s assistant’s signature, so he can ask Marcus, if Charles is allowed to talk to Jean-Paul. Everyone is so busy talking to everyone else that nothing is actually being done.

  REIVER: I actually think Frank answers to Mark, not Deborah.

  ARTHUR: She is right. All we want is a straight answer, and we don’t even know who we have asked the question to.

  OLIVIA: We need simplicity.

  ARTHUR: More like the ducks.

  OLIVIA: Kind of like the ducks.

  ARTHUR: Simplicity.

  OLIVIA: Yes, but if you put this to George, don’t tell him we want to be treated like ducks. Tell him we want to be treated like people, and we want some answers.

  REIVER: I agree.

  OLIVIA: You do?

  REIVER: Yes I do. I think there is far too much confusion. I agree, you, and I, we deserve a straight answer. I will put it to George right now. I will see that this gets done. George. Me again. We’ve had a little chat.

  OLIVIA: Not a little chat, an important discussion.

  REIVER: I mean, we’ve had a vital discussion on this subject, and we have come to a drastic conclusion.

  OLIVIA: Good.

  REIVER: There is too much complexity George. There are too many people. The system needs to be simplified, otherwise we risk frustrating people, and losing their respect, which will make it much harder to get them to help us, should we need their help. How can we expect them to be straight with us, if we are not straight with them?

  Pause.

  OLIVIA: What did he say?

  Pause.

  REIVER: He loved it. He agrees. He thinks it is a great idea.

  OLIVIA: Really?

  REIVER: Yes, he thinks it’s something that needs to be addressed immediately.

  OLIVIA: Really?

  REIVER: Yes.

  ARTHUR: What is he going to do?

  REIVER: He is going to put it to Frank, who will mention it to David, in the hope that David can convince Mark to bring it up at next year’s annual general meeting.

  OLIVIA: Next year’s?

  REIVER: Yes, the topics for this year’s meeting have been in place since last year, and it is too late to make any additions.

  OLIVIA: We need to speak to someone ourselves, and stop having other people speak for us.