Never Ever Tell

by Kirsty Ferguson

  She lay on the bed, holding Wren’s hand tightly as another contraction shot through her body like a cannon blast.

  ‘Breathe, Mom. Just breathe,’ Wren said loudly over her moan of pain. She looked over at him, inhaling deeply, and her heart filled with pride. She copied him and he gave her a smile. So grown up for ten years of age.

  Finally, at precisely 3.32 p.m., after laboring for nine hours, her second little baby boy was born. And he was perfect.

  Wren stared at the naked baby lying on her chest. ‘Mom,’ he said in wonder, ‘that’s my baby brother.’ The look of pure joy on his face as he grinned at her was priceless. She was so glad she had let him come; he’d encouraged her and fed her ice chips the whole time. Who could have asked for a better labor partner?

  ‘Yes, he is. And now that you’re a big brother, it’s also your responsibility to protect him always. You need to be there for him and love him.’

  ‘He’s just beautiful,’ came a soft voice from the doorway.

  ‘Mom?’ Vanessa was shocked to see her. Her mom hadn’t spoken to her since she’d told her about her dad’s affair with Maggie. ‘How did you know we were here?’

  ‘Well, I went to your house to talk to you and your neighbor Verna said that you and Wren had gone to the hospital. Looks like I’m a little late, though.’

  ‘Nannie, I have a baby brother. I’m going to love and protect him.’ For a moment, they were all thinking the same thing. From Mark.

  ‘I know, darling, isn’t it wonderful?’ she said as she opened her arms up for a hug. He slid off the bed carefully so as to not disturb the baby and hugged his nannie.

  Vanessa looked at her mom as Wren settled back on the bed. ‘I kicked him out,’ her mom stated.

  ‘Oh, Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to be unhappy, I just had to tell you.’

  ‘Let’s not speak of that right now,’ she said, ‘not when we have a new addition to the family. What’s his name?’

  ‘Well, since Mark won’t care, I’m naming him Tyson, Ty for short.’

  Wren smiled and her mom peered down at the baby now swaddled on her daughter’s chest. ‘Hey, Ty, welcome to the world. You are so loved.’

  Vanessa swallowed the lump in her throat and looked over at her eldest son. ‘I couldn’t have done it without you, Wren. Thank you, honey.’

  Vanessa knew that her mom wanted to ask where Mark was and why he wasn’t here, so she answered before she could. ‘He didn’t want to come. With Maggie, I suppose.’

  ‘I had heard the rumors. They’re true, I take it?’

  ‘They are.’

  ‘And she had the cheek to call you the S-word,’ she said over Wren’s head. Vanessa gave a quiet chuckle at her mom’s comment.

  Her mom took a reluctant Wren home with her for the next few days, although they came up and visited Vanessa and Ty for a few hours a day. Vanessa used the time to think. By the day she returned home, she’d created a plan, but she needed her mom’s help to carry it out.

  She had to leave. The safety of her children was paramount. She didn’t care about his threats anymore.

  Vanessa had just started packing Wren’s suitcase when she heard a knock at the front door. She stuffed the suitcase into the back of the wardrobe and walked to the door. She moved aside the curtain and paused for a moment.

  She opened the door. ‘Maggie. What are you doing here?’ she asked in a flat voice. She didn’t have time for this.

  ‘Can I come in?’ Maggie said, looking around her as if paranoid someone would catch the two of them talking.

  If Maggie wanted to talk, then Vanessa didn’t have much choice, but she needed to make it quick. ‘Come in, but I really only have five minutes – I have to go and pick Wren up. What’s wrong?’ she asked, getting to the heart of the matter.

  ‘It’s cozy,’ Maggie commented, looking around the room.

  ‘Yeah, it’s a real palace,’ Vanessa said sarcastically. ‘Maggie, why are you here?’

  ‘I wasn’t very nice to you when you came to see me.’

  ‘That’s fine, Maggie.’ If all she wanted was absolution, then Vanessa was happy to give it to her, but she needed for her to go.

  ‘I guess I didn’t want to hear, want to believe the things you were saying about Mark. I guess I wanted him to be the guy that I remembered. But he’s not. I know that now. For a while we were happy, well, at least he said he was happy to be finally back with me. I was flattered that he chased me for so long and fought so hard to get me.’

  That was news to Vanessa.

  ‘But he began to put me down, little snide comments at first. How the women in his life had him by the balls, stuff like that. Then he started talking about you and the baby that was coming and about Wren and he got really angry.’ She hiccupped, on the verge of tears. ‘I wanted the man he used to be, not this ball of anger that he’s become. He said that you had ruined his life and broken him, and I think that he may be right. Not the part about you, but the part about him being broken.’ She paused for breath. Vanessa didn’t say anything, she knew Maggie would get to the point soon, well she hoped she would. ‘He hurt me, Ness. I said that maybe you weren’t to blame for everything and that at some point he had to take responsibility for his own actions.’

  Vanessa sucked in a breath. That wasn’t good. ‘What did he say?’

  ‘He didn’t say anything.’ She pulled up her top. On one side she had a huge black and purple bruise, she probably even had a cracked or broken rib. It was brutal, ugly.

  ‘Oh, Maggie, I’m sorry.’

  ‘I really didn’t want to believe you, but you were right.’ She dissolved into tears and Vanessa gave her the hug she so desperately wanted, needed. Only Vanessa would understand. Maggie was rigid in her arms for a moment before molding her body to Vanessa’s.

  ‘I’m not sure what you want from me, Maggie.’

  ‘I want… actually… I didn’t think much past coming over here and clearing the air. I’ve seen your bruises, everyone has. Why do you stay?’

  She wanted to tell Maggie that she was about to leave but decided to keep that information to herself. ‘Honestly? Some days I don’t know. I think I stay out of guilt. For what I did to you.’

  ‘Ness, you don’t need to pay with your life. I forgive you.’

  The words Vanessa had longed to hear for so many years and here Maggie was, saying them. She forgot her time crunch and hugged Maggie. ‘What are you going to do, Maggie?’

  ‘I’ve loved him since school and in a way, I still do… or did, but I have to protect myself somehow.’

  Vanessa understood the allure of love and of Mark; she too had paid the price. In school, she had thought he was the one, but after they’d married, she’d seen the real Mark. The man who was a powder keg waiting to explode.

  ‘I’d better go. I don’t want him to find me here.’ She looked around her as if expecting him to catch her in the act at any second.

  ‘Maggie, I’m glad you came. Maybe we can get past this and be friends again.’

  ‘I’d like that. I’ve missed you, Ness.’ Vanessa touched her on the arm briefly, saw her to the door and watched her drive away. She empathized with her, she really did, but she had her own worries, namely protecting Wren and three-day-old Ty. She would ensure that they were safe from their dad. Forever.

  5

  Vanessa was walking down the street on her way to the grocery store, so intent on finding her cellphone in the depths of her bag that she didn’t see the man in front of her until she collided with something unyielding. Gasping in shock, she took a step back and looked up. At first there was no recognition there until he said in a surprised tone, ‘Vanessa?’

  She took a good look at the large man whose bulk blocked the sun from her view. ‘Oh my God, Billy! Hi, how are you?’

  ‘I’m great.’ She noted his eyes as they ran over her, taking in her long, scruffy, tangled hair, the blue-black tinge under her eye and the yellowing bruise that marred the side of her
face. Suddenly she was self-conscious and tried to flatten down her hair into some semblance of order.

  ‘You look good,’ she said, and he did. Billy had been a friend from school. They hadn’t exactly travelled in the same circles, but he was one of the few people who had been nice to her after everything with Mark and Maggie back in school.

  He gave her the signature smile that she remembered: lopsided and sincere. She felt her stomach do a lazy turn and was taken aback by it. She hadn’t showed an interest in anyone, so gun-shy she was with men. Mark may have played the field and slept around, but she had been faithful to a man that would have cared if she had cheated but only because it would have reflected badly on him. She was his, he’d told her often enough.

  Ignoring the feeling in her stomach, she asked Billy what he was doing in town. Last she’d heard, he had been living in the city.

  ‘My mom passed away recently and I’m here to sort out her house so I can sell it.’

  ‘Oh, Billy, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even know she was sick.’

  ‘Heart attack. She’d had a good innings.’ Vanessa remembered that Billy’s mom had had him later in life, so she had been older than all of his friends’ parents.

  ‘I’m sorry if this is forward, but are you OK?’ Billy asked. ‘I can’t help but notice the fading bruises on your face and the finger marks on your wrist.’ Vanessa glanced at her wrist, pulling her sleeve down to the middle of her hand. ‘Vanessa, are you in some kind of trouble? Is it Mark?’

  It was public knowledge that she had married Mark right out of school when she was pregnant.

  Vanessa looked around, as if afraid that Mark would come running down the street to hurt her. She had spent so long in hiding, hiding her bruises, hiding her broken bones, hiding who she was, that it was difficult for her to open up to anyone, yet she felt a calm settle over her, the uneasy feeling lifting. There was something about Billy, there always had been. ‘I… I… uh. I don’t know what to say.’ She looked down at her bitten-down fingernails – a stress-related thing.

  ‘Tell me the truth,’ he encouraged gently.

  ‘The truth? I’ve not told many people the truth, only one person actually. Mark… he… he hits me sometimes.’ There! She’d said it out loud to Billy, and she felt like a weight had lifted from her shoulders. ‘Sometimes’ was an understatement.

  He reached out and drew her into a gentle hug, before wrapping his long arms firmly around her. She was aware that they were near the bar and Mark could catch them at any moment, but she felt so comforted wrapped in Billy’s embrace that she began to cry softly. He rubbed her back, soothing her, much like what she did with Wren when he was upset. It worked. Her soft sobs tapered off. She stepped out of his embrace.

  ‘God, how embarrassing. I’m so sorry, Billy. I’m mortified.’ Vanessa rubbed the remainder of the tears from her eyes, wishing she could rub the shame from them too.

  ‘Don’t be. Let me ask another question. Would you leave him if you had somewhere to go?’

  She didn’t even need to think about it. It had come to the point where she just had to leave. She didn’t mention the already packed suitcases hidden away at home for the day she built the nerve. She needed to protect both her children: they were the most important thing to her.

  She nodded slowly. ‘I think he’s going to kill me one day,’ she whispered.

  ‘Well that solves it then. I’m helping you move out. Tonight.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I own an investment property on the other side of town that I was going to move into while I sorted Mom’s house, but why don’t I stay at Mom’s and you take the other house? You’ve got a little one, right?’

  ‘I’ve two. Wren and Tyson, Wren is ten and Ty, he’s only a baby.’

  ‘Oh, well, I guess congratulations are in order. The house is empty, but you can take furniture from Mom’s house.’ He smiled again.

  ‘I’m worried for their safety, but are you sure about the house?’

  ‘Definitely. It’s time to go. Head back home, pack up some things, a few bags, boxes of stuff you can’t live without and I’ll bring my pickup and trailer round and take you and your boys over. How’s that sound?’

  Vanessa couldn’t verbalize her thoughts, so she merely nodded, smiling like an idiot at him. She gave him her address and her phone number, and he put them in his phone straight away. ‘What time shall I come over?’ Billy asked.

  ‘Mark has a split shift tonight, so he’ll be gone by eight o’clock. So maybe eight-thirty? We’ll be packed and ready to go. I don’t have any money to repay you or for rent, though.’ She was stricken and embarrassed. She couldn’t rely on more generosity, not when Billy was already being so generous. ‘I don’t work, what with Wren and now Ty…’ Her voice trailed off. They only had Mark’s wage coming in, and that was spent as soon as she got her meager portion.

  ‘Don’t worry for now. I won’t charge the deposit and we can talk about rent when you’re on your feet again.’

  She felt like crying. ‘Why are you helping me?’ she asked bluntly.

  ‘Why? Because I’m a nice guy and you’re a nice girl. I remember when I was new to the school, you were kind to me.’

  Vanessa had thought that he had a little crush on her in school, but she couldn’t read people anymore. Maybe he was just being helpful. ‘Thanks, Billy.’ She put her hand on his arm, and he looked down at it. She felt a blush creep up her neck. She couldn’t have an attraction toward her new landlord, that wouldn’t work. She had to focus on her children.

  ‘OK, I’d better get over to the other house and open the windows – give it a good airing out for you. It’s probably a bit musty.’

  ‘I honestly don’t care, Billy. I’d sleep in a tent to get away right now.’ He laughed, but then he saw that she was serious. She could see a flash of pity in his eyes and she had to swallow her pride.

  ‘See you tonight,’ she said turning to go before realizing that she’d been heading the other way. She turned back and walked toward him. He let out a throaty laugh as she passed him. She threw him a smile in return.

  Vanessa was throwing clothes and toys into a box ready to add to the suitcases she’d already packed when she heard the front door open. She quickly stuffed the box she was filling back into the wardrobe, safe, hidden.

  ‘Vanessa!’ He screamed. ‘Where’s my dinner? I’ve got to be back at work in an hour.’ She knew he’d be pissed that he had to do a split shift – the shift he hated the most – and he was usually a complete bastard to her and Wren for the hour in between. She already had his dinner cooked and was keeping it warm in the oven. She quickly walked down the hallway, spotting Wren in his room. She stopped in the doorway and put her finger to her lips in a shushing motion. Ty was with her mom, a deliberate act on her part – not that Mark would ask where his son was anyway. He showed about as much interest in Ty as he did in Wren.

  He was popping the cap off a beer bottle when she walked into the kitchen. He glared at her but didn’t say anything as she donned some oven mitts and slid his dinner from the tray to the table in front of him.

  ‘Be careful, it’s hot,’ she warned.

  ‘Not a fucking idiot,’ he mumbled under his breath, loud enough that she heard it. He ate quickly, all but licking the plate. For all that he complained about her cooking, it never stopped him from eating it all.

  Vanessa flicked a quick glance at the clock, seeing that he would be leaving for work in ten minutes. She would finish packing their bags and then she would be leaving this house, and Mark, forever. She thought about Billy, the almost familiar pull of attraction making her feel guilty. She had done nothing wrong, yet she felt she had. He was just being nice. Helping out an old friend, that’s all.

  Mark burped, signaling the end of his beer. He drank a lot these days. At work, at home, in the car on the way to and from work. She was surprised that he’d never been caught drink driving.

  ‘I’m leaving,’ he announced. He didn�
�t say goodbye, and she didn’t care. She waited until she watched his car reach halfway down the street. She had half an hour before Billy arrived with his trailer.

  She strode down the hallway, entered Wren’s room and grabbed his bag from under the bed. She handed it to him as he sat on the floor playing with Lego.

  ‘What’s going on?’ he asked in surprise, seeing her flushed and excited face.

  ‘We’re leaving, that’s what’s going on. Pack some of your toys, maybe a favorite book or two. Whatever we can’t take, we’ll buy later. I’ll going to get mine and Ty’s bag. We have to be ready in twenty minutes.’

  Vanessa watched as what was happening dawned on Wren’s face. ‘We’re leaving home?’

  She nodded.

  ‘We’re leaving Dad?’

  She nodded again, watching his face light up. She should have done this years ago. ‘A friend of mine is helping us move and lending us a house.’

  Wren stood, crushing himself against her chest. ‘Mom,’ he said excitedly. ‘I can’t believe it.’

  ‘Believe it, honey. Now quickly pack a bag – Billy will be here in twenty minutes to pick us up, and we absolutely must be gone before your dad gets home.’

  A shadow passed over his face at the mention of his dad. ‘I’ll be ready,’ he said, a serious look on his face.

  What had she put this poor child through? The horrors that he had seen and heard. The attacks he’d witnessed and the many times he’d had to patch her up. Once, he’d even applied her makeup when Mark had left her with a broken wrist and a face full of bruises. She’d asked so much of him over the years, but now was the time to take him away from all the horrible things he’d faced. They were going to make new, happy memories. Vanessa, Wren and Ty. Just the three of them.

  She had the bags and boxes by the front door and was ready to go with ten minutes to spare. There was some furniture that she was taking since Billy was bringing a trailer. There was a knock at the door, and she peered out the window. She saw it was Billy and opened the door. She smiled. ‘Thanks so much for doing this, Billy, you have no idea how much this means to us and how it’s going to change our lives.’ She couldn’t express in words the debt she felt toward him, the level of gratitude.