It's on Us

by Matthew Burkey-Gilchrist

  I was pretty sure that my mouth dropped open in shock. I never doubted that my friends cared for me, hell, even loved me, but it seemed to be a totally unwritten rule among teenage guys that you never actually said that. You never dare express that word and risk getting mercilessly teased.

  “Don’t act so surprised,” Tab said his voice teetering on the edge of cracking. “I should have said that before. I mean, long before this. And you know what else? I like the fact that you text us sleep tight. I sleep better after getting one of those.”

  “You do?” I asked.

  “Me, too,” Rory admitted. “I love you, Henry.”

  I couldn’t hold the emotion in anymore and started crying. Tab pulled me close as Rory draped his arm over my shoulder and Tab’s arm. When I looked up again, both Tab and Rory had tears in their eyes. I spent a few minutes crying, resting my head against Tab’s shoulder. They didn’t say anything and they didn’t have to. Sitting there, with my two best friends, crying my eyes out, I felt safe. I felt loved. It was an amazing fucking feeling, one that I vowed to never forget.

  “I love you guys, too,” I said after calming down some. “I don’t know what I would do without you guys.”

  “Live a pretty boring life,” Rory replied.

  “Your life might be easier, though. I’m so weird,” I said as I wiped tears from my face.

  "Alright, so you're a little weird. Actually, you're a lot weird. But you know what? So is everyone else. But you're also brave, and confident, and most importantly, you're always, always you. That's better than being fucking normal any day of the week,” Tab said. “And you’re fucking fierce.”

  “He’s right, you know,” Rory said from my other side. “I want my kids to know who you are. I want you to be there at my wedding, I want us to be three cranky old men together.”

  “And I’m going to need your help to teach his kids all kinds of horribly inappropriate things,” Tab pointed out.

  “And I did like Shawan, but do you think that I could ever be with someone so narrow-minded?” Rory asked. “She’s entitled to her opinion, but that will never change us, man. We’re friends for life, got it?”

  “Got it,” I said with a tearful nod.

  “But you have to promise that you’ll never think about doing that again,” Tab said as he gave me another side hug. “Really, Henry, come talk to us. I’m not going to lose you like we lost Noah.”

  “I will.”

  “Promise us,” Rory said softly.

  “I promise.”

  “Good.”

  We sat there in silence for a few moments, watching the fire.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  I looked over at Rory and nodded.

  “Why didn’t you tell us as soon as you thought you were gay?” Rory asked.

  “I’m not sure,” I replied. “I mean, I guess part of me was worried that everything would change after that.”

  “Everything did change,” Tab said with a shrug. “We know the real you now.”

  “I was worried that things were going to change beyond that,” I said after a few moments. “I was worried that you guys would feel weird when I gave you a hug or a high five, or, you know, touched you at all.”

  “That’s pretty dumb,” Tab said. “Why would that change anything?”

  “You said it yourself that things are going to be weird–”

  “Yeah, but I’m an asshole,” Tab interrupted me. “I’ll say a lot of things.”

  “He’s right, you know,” Rory added. “It didn’t change things.”

  “Changed things for some of the guys on the team,” I pointed out.

  Rory shook his head. “They don’t know you like we do. And really, it changed things for two guys on the team, Danny doesn’t give a fuck.”

  “And you’re not getting out of shoulder massages,” Tab said. “You’re still the best at them.”

  “I hate to say this, but you give amazing hugs,” I said, glancing over at Tab. “You’re never gonna let me live that down, now are you?”

  “And you see, that’s why I’d be the better lay.”

  “That does not make you the better lay,” Rory retorted. “I mean, in what way does that mean you’d be better at sex?”

  “Oh, come on. We both know that I’ve got way more stamina than you,” Tab said. “Really, I promise that I’d have you screaming in no time.”

  “I did not need the visual,” I said, suppressing a shudder.

  Rory rolled his eyes. “Oh, whatever.”

  “But now that we’ve bared our souls to each other, I think we should discuss something a lot less… heavy.”

  “What do you mean, less heavy?” I asked as I narrowed my eyes at Tab. “I hate it when you say things like that.”

  “Do you think that you’ll ever tell Danny how you feel?” Rory asked.

  “That’s not less heavy,” Tab pointed out as he got up to gather the s’mores stuff. “That actually sounds pretty heavy.”

  “I probably should, but I don’t want him to have to deal with any of the shit that you two have had to deal with.”

  “Don’t worry about us,” Tab said as he handed the skewers to us. “We can handle ourselves.”

  “I know, but I told him that I didn’t have feelings for anyone on the team, which was a total, flat out lie.”

  “He’ll understand,” Rory said. “Danny’s a good guy.”

  “Yeah, he’s been pretty cool about everything so far,” I said.

  “So, what’s with Cole?” Tab asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “He means, what’s his deal,” Rory clarified. “Like, is he into girls or guys or maybe both.”

  “I’m not sure,” I said with a shrug.

  “But he’s cute, right.”

  “Are you asking me or telling me?” I asked, looking over at Tab.

  “Telling you,” Tab replied. “He’s got a nice ass.”

  “He’s totally right about that,” Rory said as he handed me some graham crackers. “And he’s been hanging around you an awful lot lately.”

  “He’s just being friendly.” I insisted. “Cole is not gay.”

  “Have you asked?”

  I arched an eyebrow at Tab. “Um, no, I guess I haven’t actually asked.”

  “Then how do you know?”

  “Gaydar,” I replied, which I knew was total bullshit.

  “You haven’t been gay that long. I’m pretty sure that your gaydar isn’t that well developed.”

  “My gaydar is just fine,” I replied. “Did you guys find dates to the Homecoming dance?”

  “Tried, but he kept rejecting me,” Rory said. “It’s a shame because he’s a great dancer.”

  “And really fun to be around,” Tab added.

  “You guys are pretty relentless.”

  “One of our better personality traits,” Rory said. “But no, I haven’t really been looking. There are a lot of girls in our class who seem pretty hung up on the fact that we’re friends.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not,” Rory replied. “They can fuck off.”

  I laughed. “What about you, Tab?”

  “I’m staying out of the dating arena for now. It’s a freaking minefield out there.”

  “How do you think I feel?” I said. “I’m the only out teenager in the whole town. My dating prospects are worse than yours.”

  “True,” Tab said. He held his s’more up in the air in a toast-like fashion. “To shitty dating lives.”

  “To shitty dating lives,” we said.

  “So, what kind of guy are you looking for?” Tab asked.

  “We are not having this conversation.”

  “Oh, we totally are.”

  “We are not,” I said.

  “We’re going to someday. Might as well be today.”

  I groaned, but I had a feeling that there was going to be no way that I was able to avoid this particular topic of conversation forever.

 
; “So?” Tab asked.

  “What do you mean, so?” I tried to play dumb.

  “Out with it,” Rory demanded. “What kind of guys do you like?”

  I shrugged, even though I already had a pretty good idea of what kind of guy made me go all wobbly in the knees and decidedly less wobbly someplace else.

  “You are not getting out of this conversation,” Tab said again. “Blonds? Brunets?

  “Redheads,” I said.

  “Cole is not a redhead,” Rory pointed out.

  “But he does have a pretty good body,” Tab said. “And a killer smile.”

  “Don’t forget his ass,” Rory added. “Yeah, I mean, I guess I can see why you’d go for him.”

  I laughed. It felt good to just hang out with them like this again. No huge secrets between us, just honesty and friendship. For the second time that week, I realized that things would be okay. Maybe not okay tomorrow, maybe not okay next week, but eventually, things would be okay. I could handle that. Hell, with these two, I could handle anything the world could throw at me.

  CHAPTER 20

  “Now, every time I witness a strong person,

  I want to know: What darkness did you conquer in your story?

  Mountains do not rise without earthquakes.” ~ Unknown

  Rory dropped me off at my house shortly after ten the next morning. I pretty much begged him and Tab to head to the dance without me and assured them both that I would be totally fine with a weekend in. There were plenty of shows I could watch on Netflix that would keep me entertained well into the wee hours of the morning. Plus, as much as I loved the smell of bonfire, I really needed to take a shower.

  My parents and Davis were gone when I got home, off at one of his soccer games. I showered, changed, and then checked the social media feeds. Mercifully, things appeared to have quieted down. Well, at least until we released the latest video. We decided that on the off chance I did go to Homecoming, we’d wait until the following Monday to avoid making a scene. I scanned through the comments quick before closing down my tablet and heading up to my room.

  If I was smart, I’d get a head start on the pile of homework waiting for me on my desk. However, it was a Saturday, and I did have all day and all of tomorrow to try and work my way through it. So, I left it in a pile and headed downstairs to watch some TV. I was flipping through various stations when everyone else arrived home. Davis gave me a quick wave and bounded up the stairs to shower.

  “So, you still think you’re just going to hang out here all night?” my dad asked.

  “Kinda,” I replied.

  “You’re not going to take them up on their offer?” my mom asked.

  “I don’t think so. Besides, I’m sure they’ve found other dates by now.”

  “You’re more than welcome to come with your mom and me for dinner,” he said. “We’re heading into Omaha. Thought we might eat in the Old Market.”

  “No, thanks,” I said. “I appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll just stay in and chill tonight.”

  My dad frowned. “I still think that you should reconsider taking them up on their offer.”

  “Again, thanks for the advice, but I really think that I’ll just stay home.”

  Davis came charging down the stairs, his hair still wet, and wearing only his boxer-briefs.

  “Mom, you seen my dark jeans?”

  “Check the laundry,” she called from the kitchen. “And would you put some damn clothes on!”

  “Thanks,” Davis shouted as he pivoted and headed for the laundry room.

  He reappeared a few seconds later, this time wearing pants. “You’re more than welcome to tag along with me and Ellis. We’re just going to head down to the bowling alley and play a few games, maybe hit up the theater.”

  “Again, thanks, but no,” I said. “I am perfectly capable of entertaining myself here at home.”

  “Alright, alright,” my dad said. “Let us know if you change your mind.”

  “Will do.”

  I spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon on the couch, pretty much spacing out. I started watching a fairly interesting documentary on the rise of Adolf Hitler, but never finished it, mostly due to the fact that it was drawing some very eerie parallels to our current political climate. After that, I settled on watching some sort of true crime TV show. I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes again, it was almost five.

  Slowly, I pushed myself off the couch and stretched, glancing around the room.

  “Look who’s up,” my dad said, coming into the room. “We’re going to head out in a bit. Are you sure that we can’t persuade you to change your mind?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  I was headed to the kitchen when there was a knock at the door.

  “I got it!” I called out.

  I was not prepared for what, or rather who, was standing on the other side of the door. Rory and Tab stood there, both grinning at me. Rory even held a boutineer in one hand while Tab held a small yet tasteful bouquet of flowers. I know I said I didn’t have sexual feelings for either of them, but they both looked hella hot. It must have shown on my shocked face because their grins broadened.

  “What are you doing here?” I finally managed to ask.

  “Taking you to Homecoming,” Rory said. “And, as per tradition, we brought flowers.”

  “He wanted to bring you chocolates. I thought flowers would be more tasteful,” Tab said, handing them to me. “So, go on inside and get changed. We have dinner reservations at six thirty.”

  “Um guys…”

  “Henry,” Rory said softly. “Let us do this for you. Let us be the friend you’ve always been for us. We want to take you, we want to dance with you, we want to show you and the rest of the whole damn school that you’re our friend. So, what do you say? Want to be our date for Homecoming?”

  I wanted to say no, I really did. But there were my two best friends, standing there, asking me to spend the night hanging out, dancing, and otherwise doing entertaining things. Two guys who were putting themselves out there to make me feel better.

  “Yes, I’d love to go with you guys.”

  “Great,” Tab said, easing himself inside. “Now, go shower and change. I’ll head up to your room and see what we can pull from the closet.”

  “Alright,” I said. “And you’re sure about this?”

  “Just get changed,” Rory said.

  Twenty minutes later, I was changed, clean shaven, and standing in the driveway with Rory and Tab. My parents were standing on the porch, grinning like total idiots. I hated to admit it, but I was, too. They took pictures, which was endearing, but more than a little annoying and then we climbed into Rory’s car.

  “Where are we going to eat?” I asked.

  “Sebastian Brothers,” Rory answered as we reversed out of the driveway. “And you’re totally getting the lobster.”

  “Uh, that sounds expensive,” I said.

  “Doesn’t matter. You’re our date. You aren’t paying for anything.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” I said.

  “Yes, we do,” Tab said. “Again, you’re our date. We’re going to treat you like one.”

  I knew that arguing was pointless.

  “Alright, fine.”

  It only took us another ten minutes to get to the restaurant, which was already packed, most of it with kids from school. For a brief moment, I thought about ducking back into the car and demanding that we give the whole thing up. Then I took one look at Rory and Tab, and all that evaporated. They had my back, no matter what happened.

  There were plenty of looks as soon as we walked in, most of them deflected easily enough by the meanest glare that I had ever seen Tab given. We were taken to our table, which happened to be right across from Hunter and Shawna. I would like to say that we did the adult thing and totally did not flip them off, but that would have been a total lie.

  And after a while, sitting there talking with Rory and Tab, I forgot about
all the looks. I forgot about the stares and the fact that my mortal enemy was sitting no more than twenty feet from me. I simply enjoyed my friends’ company and the food. And I laughed, probably harder than I had since before this whole coming out business.

  After eating, we paid and hurriedly made our way to the dance. Walking in, we received our fair share of strange glances, but they were getting easier and easier to ignore. Rory paid for my ticket and before we walked inside, both Rory and Tab offered me their arms.

  “What? Are you serious?” I asked.

  “You’re our date,” Rory said. “That means we get to walk you in.”

  “You don’t have to do that. People are going to start talking.”

  “Fuck them,” Tab said.

  “Yup, what he said.”

  I smiled and shook my head and then took their arms. If we were going to go down, we might as well all go down together. We strode into the gym, which was already pretty packed full of people. There were a few people who turned and looked at us. However, most didn’t even notice it. Thank heavens for small favors.

  “Want something to drink?” Rory asked, leading us to a table.

  “Um, sure.”

  Two other guys in my class gave me a questioning look and hastily retreated in the opposite direction of the refreshment table. I sighed. This was going to be my life now.

  “Assholes,” I heard Rory mutter.

  “You know you can’t catch gay, right?” Tab shouted after them. “I mean it's not a foot fungus or something.”

  Despite my dismal mood, I smiled.

  “Holy shit! I think you got him to smile!” Rory exclaimed.

  “Guys, really, you should go have fun. Try and find some girls to dance with you,” I insisted. “I may just go hang out outside for awhile.”

  “Not that I don’t think that you can’t kick some ass,” Rory said. “But I don’t know if you should be alone right now. There are a lot of dumbasses in this room who may think that they need to start some shit or prove how manly they are or something.”

  “I can take care of myself,” I snapped.

  “I know, but we’re friends. We’re supposed to take care of each other,” said Tab softy.