Separate Like Stars

by Diana Kane

  “You mean rules?” I ask for clarification, even though Mr. O’Connor was the last one to speak.

  “Yes, rules,” he clarifies.

  “Don’t do this!” Olivia immediately protests. “You know we can’t be like other kids. The only places we can be together are this house and our house. If you take that away, you’re essentially telling us that we can’t be together!” She quiets herself when I squeeze her hand a little too hard.

  “Liv, it’s okay. Let me talk,” I say, trying to calm her down, surprised she got so emotional so quickly. “I think what Olivia means is that if we were a typical couple, or if this town and its inhabitants were more forward-thinking, we could act like any other teenagers and sneak around behind your backs, go to parties and be together, go on dates, and everything else. But we don’t have those luxuries. This town isn’t ready to be okay with us being a couple, meaning the only safe spaces we have to do that in are our homes. If we aren’t allowed to be together there, then you’re forcing us to sneak around in public, which we all know could prove problematic.” I take a deep breath, attempting to stay calm as I try to reason with them. “Mom, we might have an unorthodox mother/daughter relationship in that you’ve always let me make my own choices as long as I don’t lie about my actions and I don’t break the law. I don’t want to start lying to you now,” I finish, watching my mother assess my intent.

  “As your parents, we have an obligation to protect you,” Mr. O’Connor begins. “That said, you’re right. This town isn’t ready for a lesbian couple. The two of you wouldn’t be safe. We aren’t trying to keep you apart either.” Olivia and I exchange a glance before my Mrs. O’Connor continues the conversation.

  “We already know that Olivia spends most nights here anyway. We sleep too soundly to police what she does once we’re out and your job has you occupied several nights a week,” she says as she glances at my mom. “Even if we said no sleepovers, the two of you would just sneak around and do it anyway,” she adds while shaking her head.

  “So we’ve agreed on some ground rules. Abide by them, and we will continue to be understanding. Break them, and I’ll find someone to stay with Jordan on the nights I have to work.” My eyes bulge at my mother’s threat. I haven’t had a babysitter in years. “So the rules are your homework will be done. Your grades will not suffer. You will not skip school or work. You will both make sure your chores are completed. You’re to be asleep at a reasonable hour on school nights. And any other rules that were in place before this discussion, remain in effect,” my mom intones as she ticks each rule off on a finger. “Did I forget any?” she asks Mrs. O’Connor when she finishes.

  “I don’t think so,” she assures my mother before turning back to Olivia and me. “None of us are thrilled by our lack of control over this situation, but if things were different, either of you could be sneaking around with a boy. This agreement works on trust. We’re trusting that the two of you want this badly enough that you’ll follow the rules. Break them, and this will have to be revisited. Understood?” Olivia and I both nod, the pair of us unable to speak. “Good. Dana, we’ll let you get some sleep. We know you’ve been up all night. Jordan and Olivia, dinner at the house tonight. You’ll both be there.” We both agree that we will be as the O’Connors rise from the table and head for the door. My mom sees them out as Olivia and I continue sitting at the table in stunned silence.

  “Goodnight girls,” my mom calls as she heads upstairs to go to bed. What the hell just happened? I wonder as I gaze into Olivia’s equally baffled eyes.

  *****

  Olivia and I settle into a comfortable pattern during the ensuing weeks. After the intensity of our first night together we both agreed that we should only have sleepovers on the weekends. We stick to the agreement, for the most part. She picks me up for school a few minutes earlier now so that we can share a few intimate moments before being faced with the difficult task of pretending we aren’t together at school. We’re both exceedingly careful in public to appear as nothing more than friends, with no one seeming the wiser. After school, and sometimes Olivia’s work, we retreat to one of our houses to do our homework, make dinner and of course, spend quality time together.

  “I missed you,” Olivia murmurs as she lays with her head on my stomach, looking up at me as her fingers softly rub along my forearm.

  “I missed you too,” I answer as I play with one of her wavy locks. “How was Thanksgiving dinner with your family?”

  “It was good. Kurt’s new girlfriend seems nice. Grandma kept asking where my boyfriend was,” she says with an eye roll. “How was being back in the city?”

  “Great! Uncle Eddie and Uncle Ryan always have the best holiday celebrations. We did some shopping on Friday, with all the other crazies out there. Oh, and Uncle Eddie’s lesbian friend Dee gave me a movie. She said we have to see it.”

  “I need to meet this woman who keeps supplying you with lesbian-themed books and movies. I think she’s trying to corrupt your mind so she can steal you away from me,” she says with a smile.

  “Well I always did see myself running off with a 40-year-old woman before I reached the age of 17,” I tease her back before leaning down to kiss her. When I break off the kiss, intending to lay back again, she stops me and shifts her weight as she sits up and kisses me again.

  “Girls, I’m off…oh! Jordan, your door is open,” my mom exclaims, abruptly ending our kiss.

  “Relax mom. It was just a kiss. We’ve just been talking, and we’re fully clothed,” I try to calm her.

  “I know, it’s just this is not what I’m used to seeing when I check on you. It’s fine, just…maybe close the door from now on.”

  “So you want us to close the door?” I ask, feeling like I’m being set up.

  “You might as well. You already have unsupervised sleepovers whenever I work.”

  “Mom, we haven’t had sex,” I answer the unspoken question I know she is wondering about. Olivia gives me a shocked look that my mom can’t see, while mom continues to stand in my doorway looking beyond uncomfortable. “Anyway, I assume you’re off to work?”

  “I am. I’ll see the two of you tomorrow,” she says as she closes my door.

  “Bye Dana,” Olivia calls out. “You just told your mom that we haven’t had sex,” she whispers as my mom’s footfalls fade.

  “I know, and we haven’t. You know my mom and I have a very open relationship. Was it wrong for me to tell her that?”

  “No, it was the truth. It’s just…”

  “You want to know where I’m at?” She nods her answer as she gnaws her bottom lip. “I sorta feel like it’s gonna happen when it’s supposed to. Do you think you’re ready?”

  “I don’t know. I know I want more when we’re messing around. Like I have some primal need for it. If that makes sense. When we’re not, I’m definitely thinking about it. Please don’t think I’m trying to pressure you. I don’t want it to happen until we both know it’s what we want.”

  “Me either. But I think I’m in the same place that you are, especially now that I’ve done it alone.”

  “How was it?” she asks with a shy smile.

  “Honestly?” She nods as she takes my hand, waiting for an answer. “The first time was one of the nights you weren’t here. I had this dream about you and woke up excited. Only at first I couldn’t replicate the feeling. I think I was too much in my own head. But then I remembered the dream and imagined it was you. That worked.”

  “Why do I ask you to tell me these things?” she grumbles as she flops back on my bed and exhales dramatically.

  “Because you like thinking about me touching myself,” I answer as I straddle her at her waist. She grins as she meets me halfway, drawing my lips to meet hers. The longer our kisses last, the lower her hands slide, until they make their way underneath my shirt to slowly inch towards my breasts. The first brush of her thumbs over my nipples causes me to reflexively grind myself against her, eliciting a quiet moan from me and a soft
whimper from Olivia. She teases my nipples again, and before my mind can stop my body, my hips sway against her once more, causing me to moan into her mouth. “Liv,” I gasp as I pull back from her.

  “Don’t stop if you don’t want to. I want to watch you,” she answers as she relaxes against the bed, her hands still on my breasts. Before I can make a move in either direction, her hands caress my breasts again, gently pulling my nipples between her fingers. My hips make the decision for me as they resume working against Olivia’s pelvis.

  “Liv,” I manage again as I feel the early signs of my orgasm coming on.

  “Oh god, Jordan,” she answers as she lifts her hips into me.

  “I’m close, do that again,” I demand as I continue working against her, my breath quickening as I feel my thighs starting to quiver.

  “I think I’m going to be sick,” she says, her voice tinged with enough urgency to make me open my eyes as her hands drop to my hips and push me off of her. My mind struggles to catch up as I watch her fling open the door and bolt down the hall towards the bathroom. I can hear the sounds of her retching as I make my way to check on her moments later, my body still disoriented from the rapid change in circumstance. I enter the open door and sweep her hair up in one hand as I rub her back with the other.

  “Are you okay?” I ask once she has stopped getting sick. She shakes her head no as she flushes the toilet. “Can I get you anything?”

  “No, I’m just going to brush my teeth,” she answers as she pads back to my bedroom. I follow her but nearly get bowled over when she turns without warning to run back to the bathroom. I make my own u-turn and hold her hair again until she stops.

  “Let’s get you to bed. Maybe you have the flu or something,” I suggest. Olivia doesn’t protest, and in minutes we find ourselves laying in my bed as I rub Olivia’s back while she lies in the fetal position, shivering away.

  “I’m freezing,” she informs me as her teeth chatter. I stop rubbing her back and snuggle in against her, happy to offer her some of my overabundant body heat.

  “Liv, you’re burning up,” I inform her as she continues to shiver. “Did you eat something today?”

  “No. I haven’t been hungry the last couple of days, and I just wanted to get back here so I could see you,” she manages, her teeth clicking the entire time.

  An hour later I’m on the phone with my mother, my concern for Olivia’s wellbeing enough to make me bother mom at work. “You want me to what?” I ask once I’ve explained to her what is happening and that her parents are still up north at the cottage.

  “She needs to be seen. You’ve been practicing for your road test. Just be very careful and don’t speed. If you get pulled over, explain to the officer what’s going on. Hopefully, they’ll take pity on you and either let you go or bring you here.”

  “Way to not make me more nervous.”

  “Jordan, you’ll be fine. There are all of two police officers in this town. Just get her here as soon as you can. Does she have the number for the cottage? Her parents will have to speak with the attending before she can be seen. Have them call me when you get here,” she says before hanging up.

  Thankfully Olivia knows the number to the cottage, allowing me to call her parents before we leave my house. I explain what’s going on and that I’m taking her into the emergency room. They agree that they’ll wait to hear from the doctor before leaving for home.

  *****

  “Jordan?” I hear Olivia murmur my name, her voice thick with the post-anesthetic fog.

  “Hey,” I whisper as I kiss her hand. “You’re in the hospital. You had to have your appendix removed. Your parents should be here soon.” The ER doctor was able to use an over the phone consent with an in-person signature from my mom to run an IV and do tests. When Olivia’s results came back, he quickly declared it an emergency after speaking with Mrs. O’Connor on the phone, citing the scan results, her cell counts and the severe persistent pain she kept reporting. He debriefed my mom after surgery, giving her the impression that if it had been left much longer Olivia’s appendix would have likely ruptured.

  “How’d I get here?” she murmurs, her eyes narrow slits despite the dimly lit room.

  “I drove you. Do you remember anything?”

  “I remember driving back from up north because I wanted to see you. I remember that I hadn’t felt great the last few days but nothing alarming. I remember we were…,” she trails off as her eyes snap open.

  “Yeah, I don’t think that went quite the way either of us thought it would,” I say with a chuckle.

  “Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she proclaims as she tries to pull the blanket up over her head.

  “Don’t be,” I answer as I tug the blanket back down. “You scared the shit out of me though,” I inform her as I look to see if anyone is watching us before standing up to plant a kiss on her forehead as I tuck the blanket back around her shoulders.

  “I’m so sleepy,” she says through a yawn.

  “So go to sleep,” I tell her as I brush her hair out of her face. She closes her eyes and just when I think she is out, she speaks again.

  “What movie did Dee give you?” she asks from out of left field.

  “It’s called Bound. I’ve never heard of it, but Dee said it just came out on video.” Olivia’s eyes immediately fly open causing me to giggle. “I take it you have heard of it.”

  “Promise you won’t watch it without me. I’ve been waiting to see it.”

  “I promise I’ll wait,” I say as I chuckle about Olivia’s sudden intensity. “Get some rest.”

  “One more thing,” she whispers. “Please don’t leave,” she pleads as her hand tightens around mine.

  “I’ll be right here,” I assure her as I kiss her forehead again.

  Chapter 9

  “Are you comfortable?” I whisper in Olivia’s ear before kissing her cheek. She releases a contented murmur before placing her hands over mine. It’s been two weeks since her surgery, and she’s starting to return to form, the soreness she has been experiencing finally starting to dissipate.

  “Very comfortable,” she answers as she relaxes against me, her back against my chest, her head resting against my shoulder as she sits between my spread legs. “It’s about time we had a chance to watch this.”

  “I agree. Are you warm enough?”

  “Yeah. I’m not sick anymore,” she replies. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine,” she finishes with a kiss to my neck, eliciting a full body shiver from me. “We have popcorn and candy. What more do we need?” she asks as she reaches over and grabs the remote to start the movie. The last two weeks have been pure insanity trying to keep Olivia up to speed in our classes, working on projects, and getting ready for finals. On top of that, we’ve both had early family Christmas festivities to attend as well. Tonight we’re both thankful to be able to relax at her house and finally watch Bound.

  “Damn she’s hot,” I utter when Gina Gershon’s character appears on the screen. Olivia chuckles as she tips her head back and kisses my neck again.

  “You think she’s hot?” she asks as she runs the tip of her nose against my jaw.

  “You don’t?” I ask, not believing for a second that she doesn’t.

  “Oh, I do, it’s just that I’m starting to realize that you have a type.”

  “And what would that be?” I skeptically ask. If I had a type, wouldn’t I know before Olivia?

  “Dark hair, pouty lips, female. I haven’t figured out the rest, but I’m building an archetype,” she says with a smile.

  “I prefer your eyes,” I inform her before kissing her. I run my tongue over her lower lip, drawing the kiss out. Olivia turns and intensifies the kiss before abruptly pulling away.

  “I’ll add blue eyes to the list,” she says as she reaches for the remote and rewinds the movie. “No more distractions. I’ve been dying to see this ever since I first read about it.”

  “Yes dear,” I sarcastically whisper in her ear b
efore pressing my lips to the side of her head.

  *****

  “It’s too early,” I mumble as the alarm goes off. Olivia’s arm leaves my waist as she slides out of her bed and shuts off the music.

  “I know,” she says as she stretches, her tank top riding up and revealing her midsection, the pink scars from her surgery finally scab free. We’ve been so busy since her operation that things haven’t progressed any further in our relationship, even though I’m ready. “I have to get moving. Remember we promised my parents that I’d be ready to leave on time.” Indeed we did, it was the only way they would let us spend the night together last night. Now Olivia will be gone for the next three days on another ski trip with her family.

  “I know. I’ll head home so you can get ready,” I say as I leave the comfort of her bed. “I’ll miss you,” I whisper in her ear once I’ve wrapped my arms around her waist.