Loving the Heartland

by Marjorie Jones

  When had she lost confidence in herself? She wasn’t that woman. The one who snivels and takes the scrapes her partner, man or woman, throws to her when she feels like it. She would never be that woman.

  “Are you coming or not?” Casey grabbed the leftover pickle on the edge of her plate and bit into it.

  “No.”

  He shrugged, climbed onto his bike and roared east toward the highway onramp.

  Silence overpowered the small town noises around her. Even the cars passing by seemed to be moving through some silent film.

  Then Lacey rose to her feet and picked up her purse. “I knew you were only playing with her. I knew it. Go home, Michelle. Kendra is too good for you.”

  

  She shouldn’t have let them go into town alone. She didn’t think she’d be this worried, or this crazy. Ever since the attacks stopped, Kendra had had this weird feeling that something else, something big, was going to happen. Like Mason was just building his strength—back building like a goddamned tornado.

  She was losing her mind.

  The electrical cord in her left hand sparked and she dropped it like it was an open flame.

  “Damn!” She sucked the tip of her finger. “Brad, cut the power again.”

  Infernal machines. She didn’t even know why she bothered installing a new range. The whole house needed to be rewired to support the blasted thing.

  Maybe it was because she was a sucker for a good deal and Barry at the appliance store had offered her a great deal when she’d bought all new appliances for the old house. Maybe she was a glutton for punishment and remodeling-slash-rebuilding one house wasn’t enough.

  Or maybe she would do anything to make Michelle want to stay.

  Whatever the reason, the stainless steel, five-burner gas range sat in her kitchen in all of its shining glory.

  Mocking her.

  The cord sparked again.

  “Brad?”

  “Yeah?” her brother replied from outside the open kitchen window.

  “I said to cut the power.”

  “Oh, sorry.” A moment later, Brad came through the back door. “It’s off now.”

  “Thanks.”

  It was insane for her to even try to concentrate on anything except Michelle. The woman consumed her without even being in the same room. Kendra could sense her. Feel her. She could even taste her without even trying.

  And now she risked electrocution to install an appliance in her own kitchen when Michelle wasn’t even going to be here much longer. What was she thinking?

  Buy her a stove and she’ll stay forever? Install a microwave so she can make popcorn without getting her hands dirty and she’ll fall madly in love?

  Yup.

  Insane as they get.

  “Hey, Kendra. Where you at?”

  “In the kitchen! Keep Michelle out there with you!”

  The door swung open and Kendra glanced over her shoulder as she twisted the final wire.

  “No can do. She didn’t come back with me.”

  Kendra’s forehead itched and she almost growled aloud. “Did she say why?”

  “Nope. Just said she’d come home with the girls. She wasn’t too happy, either. Actually, none of them were. Here, this came for you.”

  Kendra shoved the wires into the wall and handed Brad a screwdriver. “Put that cover back on for me, will you.”

  She took the envelope from Casey and sat at the table. “It’s from the Bureau of Land Management.”

  “Uh-huh.” Casey shucked off his jacket and grabbed an apple. “Open it.”

  Kendra did and read the contents to herself. “Unbelievable.”

  “What?”

  “It says here that the land office isn’t going to renew our lease.”

  “You’re kidding? Just like that?”

  “Well, that’s that.” Kendra crumpled the letter and tossed it on the table. “Looks like we’re out of business.”

  “No way.” Casey picked up the letter and smoothed it. “We regret to inform you that as of October twenty-second of this year, we will not renew your public lands lease expiring in September of next year. We have received information concerning ranch operations which has made it necessary to reassign the existing parcels to another landowner.” Casey frowned. “That doesn’t make any sense. What other landowner?”

  “Guess.”

  “Mason doesn’t own any land around here. That’s why he’s been so hot to buy ours.”

  Kendra cursed and grabbed her hat from the rack. “That we know of.”

  “We already checked the records. He doesn’t own any land. Period.”

  “Well, it looks like he bought some.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “To town. I damn near killed myself installing that infernal machine for the woman, and Michelle is damn well going to see it.”

  

  “I said to get into the goddamn truck.”

  “What is the matter with you? You can’t come screaming into town and kidnap a person.” Michelle wanted to ball her fists and beat something, but she maintained a cool facade despite Kendra’s sudden appearance on Main Street.

  Kendra jumped out of the truck and circled the hood to meet her toe-to-toe on the wide sidewalk. “Why didn’t you come back when Casey came to get you?”

  “I wasn’t ready to come home. We still had shopping to do.”

  “Not good enough. When I call you, you come!”

  “Whoa, chickie. Back off. I don’t know who you think you are, but you’re not my jailor or my mother.”

  “No, I’m the person trying to keep you safe. What if something had happened, huh? What then?”

  “Did something happen to make you come after me?”

  “Yes. I mean, no. Well, yeah.” Kendra growled and leaned back against the fender of the still-running truck.

  Michelle stepped forward and brushed Kendra’s bangs off her forehead. She needed a trim. Then she ran her finger over the deep crease made deeper when Kendra scowled. “Tell me what happened.”

  “I was worried about you.”

  “But nothing has happened in weeks, Kendra. The legal papers must have scared him off, and I don’t see what all the alarm is about.”

  “He didn’t get scared off. He went another way.”

  Michelle shook her head as confusion settled in her brain. “What does that mean?”

  “He bought some land, I guess. The state has awarded him the land lease and we’re going to have to sell the herd.” She shrugged as if she’d known it all along and the whole thing was expected. No big deal.

  Her heart must be breaking. Michelle’s was, and it wasn’t even her land. “But, it’s not over, right? I mean, we can still do something. I mean, there must be some kind of appeals process, right?”

  Her heart lodged in her throat. If it was over, then it was time for her to leave. She wasn’t ready to go home to Las Vegas any more than she’d been ready to go home to the Heartland. Kendra still meant more to her than anything else, and she wanted to share her life for just a little while longer...

  Kendra’s expression closed and she pushed herself off the fender. “Get in the truck. Please?”

  She obviously wasn’t going to help Michelle understand. If Kendra loved her, really cared about her, wouldn’t she want to share everything? In the past weeks, Kendra had taken Michelle into her confidence on so many occasions; she’d begun to feel like a real part of her life.

  Now that she felt the ordeal with Mason and the precarious balance of the ranch had been settled, maybe she just didn’t want Michelle anymore. The thought stung and she blinked back tears.

  She had known it was coming.

  When she got back to the house, she’d pack her bags and return to her real life. The whole thing had been a terrific mistake. A complete waste of time.

  Reluctant to feed Kendra’s demands with compliance, she climbed into the truck anyway and called Lacey to tell her she was going home with
her sister.

  At least Lacey would be happy she was leaving. Would they ever be friends like they had been? She had no doubt they would remain close, but how close? Would Michelle think of Kendra every time she saw Lacey? Would Lacey remember the pain she felt Michelle had caused her sister? The woman who had raised her?

  So much had changed in such a short time. She wished she’d never come.

  No.

  That wasn’t true.

  She wouldn’t trade her time with Kendra for anything. Not one touch, not one kiss, not one aching, thunderous orgasm. No-one would ever fill her the way Kendra had.

  Do not cry!

  They rode the thirty miles back to the ranch in stiff silence. Michelle practically hugged her door, and Kendra kept both hands on the wheel the entire time.

  The sun hid behind storm clouds in the west. Dark and swirling, they seemed to say what she couldn’t.

  It’s over.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I didn’t mean to order you around.”

  Kendra’s words ricocheted in the back of her mind as Michelle stood in the kitchen. Kendra had tried to apologize more than once since she’d pulled the truck to a stop on the gravel drive. By the time she’d made it into the house, alone, Michelle thought her heart would explode. Sheer determination on her part had been the only thing to keep the tears at bay. But Michelle had clung to whatever independence she had left and used it like a shield.

  Kendra already had her heart. She couldn’t afford to lose what was left of her soul.

  When Michelle hadn’t answered her, Kendra had sighed and that sound resonated through her now, as well. And so did every touch, every glance, every argument and every kiss since they’d met.

  “There’s a microwave, too.” The hollow sound of Kendra’s voice shook her.

  What had Kendra done? A tear spilled from her eyes and trailed heat over her cheek. She wiped it away and then rubbed both eyes. “I can see that.”

  “Well, hell, I didn’t think you’d get all that emotional over it. I just thought it would make life easier for you while you’re here.”

  A smile spread her lips against her will. Did she have no comprehension of what something this thoughtful might tell a woman? It was like Scrooge sending his girlfriend on a cruise or something.

  She had to admit it, though. When Kendra bought something new, she went all the way. Five gas burners, an extra large oven and a mounted microwave. Not cheap.

  “Why?”

  “I just told you.”

  “No. I mean, why did you do this? So I can make popcorn? I don’t think so.”

  “You deserve nice things, that’s all.”

  “But, I... I don’t live here.”

  Would she say the words she’d been hoping for for so long?

  Ask me to move here. Ask me to stay with you forever.

  “It was time for a new range, anyway.” She shrugged.

  Michelle bit her lip and forced a smile. “Well, I’m glad you installed it. But since I won’t be here much longer, I hardly see how it had anything to do with me.”

  Her voice sounded cold. Calculating. She didn’t like it. Nobody on the planet made her feel more confused or could bring out the worst in her... or the best. She wanted to scream.

  Mason won.

  “I suppose you can go home now, any time you like.”

  A lump formed in her throat. She swallowed against it, but she doubted it would ever really go away. Her words sounded...

  Final.

  “Yeah. I guess so. I’m sorry everything was such a waste of time, Kendra.”

  “It was a nice try.”

  “But, you knew it wouldn’t work the whole time.”

  “A part of me hoped.”

  She hated awkward silences. Almost as much as she hated good-byes. “I’ll go pack.”

  “You’re leaving now?”

  “Why wait?”

  Kendra glanced at the floor and pinched her bottom lip between two fingers. The rim of her hat hid most of her face. When she looked up, her face wore a mask. Cold. Indifferent.

  Just like how Kendra felt about her.

  

  Michelle’s suitcase sat open on the bed. Perhaps if her arms didn’t weigh a gazillion pounds each, she could have filled it more than half-way by now. But every time she picked up an article of clothing and placed it inside the case, she had to rest. It was amazing how tired one could become when one had no heart left.

  “Can I come in?”

  Seated in an old rocking chair in the guest room, Michelle glanced at the door. Brent leaned against the doorframe and smiled. “You’re not giving up too, are you?”

  “Giving up what?” She released the ironic snort she’d tried to earlier. Sure, now her sarcasm worked.

  “The fight. I read that letter the BLM sent. They said they were provided with information that made them change their leasing decision. Did anyone think to ask what that information might be?”

  Despite her will otherwise, she leaned forward in the chair. A spark of hope, or maybe it was just curiosity, burned in the back of her mind. “Go on.”

  “Well, it seems to me that Mason probably sent them a bunch of bogus accusations and supplied them with forged records or something along those lines. Why, after every dirty trick and strong-arm tactic that he’s employed to date, are we assuming that he’s suddenly on the up-and-up, now? We’ve managed this land for more than one hundred years. Our family. Why would the feds suddenly switch?”

  “Money. Mason bribed someone. It’s obvious.”

  “Not to me. Mason is a fat cat around these parts, and he may have some connections back under whatever rock he crawled out from under. But up at the capitol? No, I don’t think so. And sure as hell, not in D.C.”

  “I don’t know, Brent. I’m tired. Have you talked to your sister about this?”

  “As a matter of fact, I have. She’s going up to the BLM headquarters in Salt Lake City in the morning.”

  “She is? When did you talk to her about this?”

  “About two hours ago.”

  Two hours ago, Michelle had been buried under her covers, sobbing.

  It really was over. Kendra wanted her to leave and that’s why she hadn’t come to tell Michelle that it wasn’t time to give up. Not quite yet.

  Or maybe, just maybe, she was too bull-headed to ask her to stay.

  Energy surged through her limbs and she threw the shirt she’d been holding into the suitcase.

  Fine. If she wanted her gone, she’d make herself gone. And Kendra could fight the good fight, or save the day, or whatever-the-hell else she wanted to do without Michelle Loving.

  “Tell your sister I’ll send her my bill from Las Vegas.”

  

  “Tell her yourself.” Kendra pushed the door open and braced herself for what she suspected lay on the other side. An open suitcase and a woman out of her mind with rage if the stiff set of Michelle’s jaw meant anything.

  Even with the fire in her eyes, Michelle still possessed more beauty in one strand of her hair than any other woman alive.

  “What do you want?”

  You.

  Kendra took a deep breath. “I came to ask if you’ll go to the capitol with me in the morning.”

  She froze, half-bent over a dresser drawer with her arms full of socks and satin panties. “What?”

  “I’m not good at this political stuff.” She glared at Brent who ducked out of the doorway and headed down the stairs. “Brent didn’t need to come up here. I was going to tell you myself. I just had some thinking to do. That’s all.”

  “About what?”

  She couldn’t tell her. How could Kendra explain how much she loved her? Any other fool would just take the risk and tell her, but not Kendra. She loved Michelle too much to make her choose. Michelle’s reaction today proved it to her at least, even if Kendra had proven nothing to herself. She couldn’t change who she was and she didn’t want to. If Kendra kept he
r here, Michelle would only grow to resent her.

  So, she’d come up with a way to make her stay for just a little while longer. She was the only reason that Kendra would keep fighting. If Michelle left, Kendra didn’t care if the whole place went to hell.

  So, she lied. “How to move ahead. And I was thinking that we demand to see whatever it was that changed their minds; maybe we can change it back.”

  “And you want my help?”

  “Yeah.”

  Michelle slowly placed her under things back into the top drawer and stood to her full height. She looked so damned adorable, Kendra’s heart ached.

  “Alright, I’ll go with you. But...”

  She didn’t finish her thought and chewed on her bottom lip, instead.

  “But what?”

  “From now on, it’s strictly business.”

  

  “Well, that was a waste of a morning,” Kendra grumbled as she stalked out of the BLM office.

  Michelle wanted to run her fingers over that deep crease in her forehead, smoothing it and taking some of the frustration away with it. The weight of the world was back on Kendra’s shoulders and a part of Michelle felt guilty for making her bear the load alone. But she had to keep herself safe, too. She was important, too.

  As many times as she reminded herself of that, Michelle still didn’t believe it. Not really. A flutter of remembered passion gripped her belly, forcing her eyes closed. It would pass in a few seconds. She took a deep breath, opened her eyes and followed Kendra to the truck.

  “Are you alright? You don’t look so good,” Kendra asked.

  A smile pasted on her face, she replied, “I’m fine. And I don’t think it was as bad as you think. They did confirm that Harold Mason is the other landowner, and they said he supplied them with the reports. I’ve said it before. Information is power and we have more information now than we did before.”

  Kendra grunted and ran a hand through her hair before slapping her hat back on. “Yeah. For all the good it does me. Malpheasance? Mismanagement? Land deprivation? It’s all a bunch of bunk, Michelle. And they know it. They are just playing along with Mason because he’s promised them something, or paid them off. Or worse, because he’s paid off their bosses.”