The Land of Trademark Online

by Nikolai Chekhov

  Something about Amard riled me up, but he was right. We had a monster to kill, and then I needed to get cleaned up. Rather than comment, I trudged forward and turned to see Butter alongside me.

  My body moved like I was thirty pounds lighter, and I felt ready to fight. Something had changed with my stats, I knew that, but didn’t have the time to practice it.

  “Man suit fight? Mating better fun.” The creature jumped into the air high enough I had to look up to see its feet. I wish I had not looked up, and seriously what sick ass developer came up with this encounter?

  The rabbit landed with enough impact to buckle the ground and send a ripple of disturbed earth towards me. Stumbling, I had to use two of my hands against the ground to maintain my balance. “Man suit die, then mate.”

  “No,” I growled. The two arms bracing me shoved me upward, and I shot forward all in one seamless motion. My arms all struck independently but in concert. The first three hits rocked it, but [Mister Fister] struck the rabbit’s hip with a solid thunk and the massive creature stumbled back. It used [Swipe] and sent the scythe towards me, but it was off balance and it lost its grip on the weapon. I shoved it into my bag before he could pick it up.

  Fire spewed from my mouth as I released the dragon through my [Fire Breath], and in the heat of the flames, I shifted. The only warning I had was a feeling of vertigo, and then I was standing on the other side of the bunny. I spun back towards the ghoulish rabbit, and it took a double right backhand and then two left hooks.

  The battle rhythm had me in its thrall. I could sense my allies, but in my battle haze, they barely existed. Each step, fist, and kick moved with a precision that defied explanation. Hell, it defied my knowledge of fighting, and at that moment my doubts resurfaced.

  Frankie, yeah I named the rabbit, caught my hesitation and lightning quick its mangled paw swiped against my chest before I could react. My armor shredded and in my battle mode, my heightened senses could feel my flesh parting.

  My health plummeted. Not that I paid too much attention to it because Frankie sent me flying. I landed roughly five meters from the fight. The pain wasn’t horrible, muted from combat, but my health was in the single digits. A healing potion materialized in my hand, and I downed the candy-flavored drink. This time I didn’t stop myself from drinking another one, I deserved—Crap, I’m totally addicted, I don’t give a shit what they said about the side effects.

  Butter went flying before I could get back into the fight. Amard kept firing arrows but was already moving to help the thief. We were getting our asses handed to us.

  My strikes brought the rabbit’s focus back towards me. I kept dancing in and out of the fray, not willing to take another one of those strikes. At random times I’d breathe fire, but Frankie was figuring out how to shut me down.

  The rabbit stayed on the defense because with my extra arms it was all it could do to avoid my strikes. Admittedly, neither of us was getting the upper hand. It was Butter’s backstab that changed the fight, and Frankie spun but stumbled to a knee. I shot forward and rammed [Mister Fister] into the ghoulish rabbit’s kidney, and a message flashed across my face.

  [Critical Hit! (20%) Reduced target’s HP by 200.

  OTM: A critical hit reduction is calculated by base health, not current health. (i.e., A hurt creature whose health is at 18 out of 100 that is hit with a critical hit that reduced by 20% would lose 20 health.) The reduction percentage changes based on certain factors that include (but not limited to): Weapon, where the hit lands, attributes, weakness of the opponent, the skill used, etc.]

  The giant rabbit stumbled away from us and dropped to its knees. My [Heat Sense] pinged as thousands of red dots encircled the clearing. We could see a wall of white at the edge of the valley, and our arena was shrinking by the second. The entire wave of [Horny Rabbits] rushed towards their master. I had a sinking feeling if they reached the boss, we’d lose this fight. Not even thinking about what I was doing, and ignoring the shouts of my allies, I charged at the big beast, the fight inside burned hotter than before.

  Smoke from my skin had turned to heat waves, and I wondered if I’d catch fire if this kept going. Sensing the danger, the ghoulish rabbit turned, its glowing eyes towards me. It attacked my [Inner Dragon] and tried to corrupt my source of mana.

  A roar tore at my ears, and then I felt my throat burn as fire ravaged my vocal cords. Deep inside of my core, I felt the dragon inside me awaken for the first time. Whatever it was doing, my health was crashing, all of which I registered but ignored. The only thing my mind focused on was the boss.

  I stepped up on its hip, and one hand gripped its bunny ears and yanked the evil bastard’s head back. My second hand grabbed his throat to keep steady, and my remaining two hands grabbed its warped mouth prying it apart. The hand on top curled under the teeth with the palm smashing against its wet nose while the other grabbed its lower jaw and wrenched downward. The jaw snapped, and the lips ripped. Its mouth gaped like a bottomless chasm. The dragon fire rushed out of my mouth and into his, destroying the ghoul from the inside out.

  Shit tits. Vertigo hit me, and I groaned—oh, please no. I followed the flames down Frankie’s throat, the magic-protected me as I reformed, but the rabbit’s body practically exploded around me. I fell out of its stomach in a pile of mutilated flesh and slid across the ground feeling like the world’s most screwed up fetus.

  Amard vomited and turned away while Butter gave me a slow clap. Asshole.

  [You have performed a Fatal Finisher

  Calculating reward…

  Choose:

  Extra Feat Slot

  +5 Attributes (distributed any way you like)

  Random Class Skill (Uncommon or higher)

  Fire Breath +2]

  I tried to swipe the message away, but a warning appeared telling me if I did so I’d decline the reward. I ruled out attributes because the extra feat trumped it. I had several with over five attributes. So the decision was between an extra Feat slot or a class skill, which the odds said it’d just be an uncommon one. My Feats Feats were just too powerful.

  Extra Feat Slot. I thought and stopped dancing around a decision I knew I had already made.

  [You now have 5 Feat Slots (4 of 5 used)]

  “Ok, what the hell gives? That fire stuff was crazy, and I’ve seen nothing like it,” Amard was standing over me as I laid in the rabbit’s entrails. The archer, or whatever he was, used a cloth to wipe his mouth clear of vomit.

  I did the only thing that seemed sane. I laughed.

  Chapter 24

  Location: Horny Rabbit Valley

  Laughing hurt my raw throat. Stress melted away when Amard shoved a [Healing Potion] into my hand which sent shivers of anticipation through me. The sweet liquid soothed my throat, cleansing my throat of damage. I did not even bother to stop the euphoric sigh that escaped my lips.

  [Breathing +1]

  Butter and Amard were still staring at me when I opened my eyes. Waiting. Wanting an answer.

  “I know you want answers, and I want to tell you, I do. However, you’ve already guessed I have an advanced class, yeah?” They both nodded “That’s obvious, but the unique quest associated with it has a few stipulations, and sharing details will cause it to fail. The things I can say, it’s fire-based and I am a monk of sorts. When I can, if you are both still around, I will provide more details.” I gave them enough information to let them know that prying would do more harm than good. It was the information about the quest that got through to them because unique quests were best left not mentioned until completed.

  Amard provided water for me to clean up and backed up Butter’s story about the river being dangerous. I was still skeptical, but they both spoke about it with a reverence I shouldn’t ignore. Once I felt more normal and less like a blood-covered furry, we looted everything.

  The [Horny Rabbits] only dropped [Tokens of Acclimation] and [Tufts of Rabbit Fur] which was a component used by tailors. Probably not worth much, but I wondere
d if a tailor could make a rabbit suit with them. Americans were full of sexual deviants, and I was sure one of the harems running around would purchase something like that.

  [Loot: 781 Tokens of Acclimation, 1252 Tufts of Rabbit Fur]

  “Why do you want all that?” Amard asked while looking at me strangely.

  “You’ll think I’m insane,” I said and realized that my aggression towards him had dissipated with my fighting will. Not that it mattered all that much, we—

  “Try me.”

  I cocked my head as I looked at him and then shrugged. “A rabbit suit. So many harems, so few outfits for the misfits.”

  “A costume for furries? That is insane and brilliant. You could charge thousands of gold for something like it. I know a tailor that is crazy enough to do it if you don’t mind and trust me.” A big smiled stretched across Amard’s smooth face.

  “Sure, it’ll save me time, and we can split the profits evenly.”

  “Deal,” He said, and I handed over all the tufts just as Butter came walking up.

  “All done. We looted everything except the boss.” He pointed at the pile of entrails still laying on the ground and stuck in the middle of it was a [Loot Sphere]. Most of the other rabbits and gore had long disappeared, but that big mess was still there. It made me wonder where the other rabbits had gone, the moment the boss died they vanished from my [Heat Sense].

  Sighing, I walked over to it and grabbed the [Loot Sphere] from the entrails mess. Inside I found two rare items.

  [Loot: 75 Tokens of Acclimation, 232 Gold, Ring of Egoists, Ghoul Bunny Mask

  Item Name: Ring of Egoists

  Item Type: Cursed Magical - Rare

  Durability: Indestructible

  Armor: 4

  Effect: Charisma +20 | Agility +5

  Effect: 100% increase to [Agro] distance

  Effect: While wearing this ring, the only person that can turn you on sexually is you.

  Cursed Effect: Putting on the ring prevents it from being removed for 24 hours.

  Cursed Effect: While in a city or safe zone, you will request a duel with anyone that does not kiss your ass, worship you, or adore you. In a PvP area, if they do not show proper respect, you will have ten seconds to attack them. If you do not attack, the spirit within the ring will use your body to fight for you.

  OTM: Agro is a gamer shorthand for aggression. Agro references hate and distance. Agro distance is like an invisible bubble around a mob or NPC, crossing that line will cause the enemy to attack. They will only attack if you are on their hate list. Hate is how much aggression an NPC or mob has towards you.

  During a battle, if a gamer gains agro, it’s because they are the highest on the hate list. There are classes, like [Tanks], that have techniques and attacks that can manipulate their hate.

  Item Name: Ghoul Bunny Mask

  Item Type: Cursed Magical - Rare

  Durability: Indestructible

  Armor: 1

  Effect: Charisma +5

  Effect: While wearing this item you will look like the Ghoul Bunny you destroyed to get it. The illusion is complete, meaning no one can dispel or see through it. Cursed illusions are powerful but have side effects.

  Side Effect: This is an Undead Illusion, and will make you Kill on Sight (KoS) to all city guards. However, you will gain attack bonuses against Paladins and Priests while wearing the mask.

  Wardrobe Effect: Putting this item into your wardrobe will copy a safer version of the illusion to your effects. However, the wardrobe cannot consume cursed items or armor so the original item remains with you.

  Item: Creaper’s Harvest

  Soulbound: Deuce Bigbelow

  Item Type: Cursed Magic Weapon - Rare

  Durability: Durable

  Damage: 10% Increased Damage with Polearms (Current: 3 to 7 Damage per attack)

  Effect: Stalker – If you have stalked anyone for more than an hour, they gain the hidden status Stalked. Attacking your stalked targets with this weapon grants +3 Damage. (Type: Passive | Effect Ends when you have killed your target, or you have not stalked them in the last five days)

  Cursed Effect: Reaper’s Harvest – Every Stalked Soul you’ve reaped increases your charisma and creeper vibe. If this weapon collects 20 souls, it might be best to avoid towns. Your outward appearance will channel your inner monster, and monsters of that type will worship you and do your bidding. (Warning: This could destroy your standing with good races)]

  “Anything good?” Amard asked.

  “Uhh, I honestly don’t know. These items are cursed, and I can’t tell if they are awesome or complete shit. How did I bind the scythe to me?”

  “You picked it up. Had you waited, it’d have shown up in the [Loot Sphere],” Amard explained. “The ghoul would have killed us with it, so looting it was the correct call, but it also means it has marked you. Just don’t use it and you’ll be fine.”

  “Yeah, that weapon is powerful but dangerous,” Butter said looking at the items in the sphere. “Undead usually carry cursed items. Cleansing an item of its curse causes it to lose quite a bit of its power. The mask is good, keep that. The ring… that much [Charisma] is enough to convince a king to do your bidding, but if he resists, you’d be forced to fight him. Maybe save the ring and have it cleansed. Even if it only ends up with five [Charisma] that is still damn good.”

  “I agree with the thief. And you can keep the items. Cursed items are impossibly hard to sell, and even more expensive to cleanse,” Amard said. Shrugging, I put them into my [Bag of Holding] and prepared to leave. “Deuce, I wanted to apologize. I came off a little harsh when we first met.”

  “A good battle cleanses the soul, yea?”

  “Yeah. Would you let me travel with you to Sharmon? I don’t trust the thief, but I think you and I could help each other level up.”

  “I’m right here. And what class are you?” Butter asked before I could reply.

  “[Performer]. Picked it up from a traveling circus and rather enjoy it. Most of my attacks are ranged as this class excels in thrown items, archery, and acrobatics.”

  “No idea what that means. Do you have magic at least?”

  “Oh yeah, but mostly useful for animals I’ve tamed.”

  “Ah.” Butter said. “Advanced Beastmaster class, and an interesting one at that.”

  “Technically a cross over between Beastmaster and Rogue. But… I meet the requirements for another rare class, and I might switch if you let me tag along.”

  I let those two talk and absorbed the information. While I may not have been the most active kid in recent years, I did a lot of reading. Absorbing information was just something I picked up along the way. I made sure I filed away the [Performer] and [Beastmaster] information.

  My two companions were founts of information, and they continued to talk while we walked. I followed the river west, and they trailed behind me. The sun was high in the sky by the time we reached the bridge, but I did not expect all the people.

  Chapter 25

  Location: Bridge Crossing Dragon Con River

  “You gnokking son of a bitch,” an older gentleman yelled at the guards. “Let us cross. This is—”

  “Sir, please stop. It is not my place to question the Father.” The guard looked uncomfortable but the others with him were spoiling for a fight. “He has claimed the lands on the other side of this bridge, and I’m not permitted to grant entry unless you wear a [Drama Meter].”

  “Follow the rules, or go back to that trash heap you call a town,” The man who looked like a bored nobleman said dismissively. He even had the poofy shirt and tights. In my country, the only men that wore tights were in the ballet, a noble profession. This guy did not look like he could pirouette—hell, I doubted he could pick up a hamburger at his feet.

  Behind the roadblock was a small army. At a quick glance, I didn’t see any [Authors] among the mix. It did not mean they weren’t out there. Besides, it wasn’t the soldiers that bothered me, but the gnoks in the fo
rest behind them.

  Even in daylight, I could spot the glowing green eyes watching us. Anyone that pushed their way through the roadblock would not make it far.

  More concerning was the forest behind them. In the shadows I could see the occasional green glowing eyes of a gnok, waiting for anyone to break through. It was the tapping of their claws against the trees that was the most unnerving, and it carried over the sound of the people and the river. Clack. Clack. Clack.

  “Gnoks are in the trees, is there no other way over?” I whispered to my two companions. There was no way to fight all of them. Unless there was a way around, we were getting a [Drama Meter].

  “If you can find someone to smuggle you across the [Immersion Lake]. The problem with that is the pirates. They call themselves the Ro-Medu, and in some ways they are worse than the Father,” Amard whispered.

  “He is right,” Butter also whispered. “On [Immersion Lake], the Medu are fearsome. The lake takes up almost half the realm, so controlling it solidifies their power base. Not to scare you, but they can also sense when boats are on their waters.

  “The Father used to send trade ships to [Shreddit], until the Medu took his ships and sailed them into the [God Well]. I’d call them pirates, except that they don’t keep any of their ill-gotten gains. The [God Well] might just be a myth, but its persisted long enough I believe it’s out there.”

  “What is the well?”

  “It’s a big hole out on the lake. From the description, it sounds like it’s a spill over for when the lake rises too high. The Medu use it to pay tribute to the Goddess of Games by taking their gains and dumping them in the well.” The thief was shaking with excitement, but then pulled himself together when he saw us staring. “Sorry, so much treasure lost to that pit. Alas, you still have to get by the Medu, which is impossible unless you know someone or have a navy. The [Drama Meter] is our only recourse.”

  “Butter is not wrong, for now. But keep an eye out for people with a Gecko tattooed on their wrist and the tail coiling around their thumb.”