The Land of Trademark Online

by Nikolai Chekhov

  “Yes, but who leads them?” A pirate captain with that level of organization was worth meeting.

  “He’s a ghost. A man they call Mik Atamano V, or Vee for short. The Medu are his people, and the rumor is that Vee’s home is inside the [Magic Dome]. He was on the lake when the dome came down, stranding him and his people.”

  “I met Vee,” I told them.

  “Bullshit,” Amard laughed, and spoke more loudly than he intended.

  “I did. Butter was there. Some guy shouted ‘gnoks rule’ at the inn. Vee unzipped his face revealing a lizardman underneath. After he bit the gnok’s head off, another [Author] told me his name was Vee.”

  “Shit. I saw that,” Butter silently shook himself. “Did not know he had a presence in Shreddit, but makes sense since its a free town. Not that I’d want to deal with that man, but…”

  “But what?”

  “Deuce, Vee appraised you and even smiled. If he is leader of the Medu, you might swing him to our cause. Their kind respect strength and little else. Acknowledging you is about as much respect as you’ll get out of his kind. You could try contacting him next time you are in Shreddit.”

  “All that is neat, but we still have the problem of crossing this bridge.” Amard interrupted us. “Gnoks swarm the forest, guards have a roadblock, and there are plenty of assholes in between so we either go back or continue on and get fitted with a band.”

  “Forward. I don’t have time to go back.” I told them, and we got in line. People were still complaining, but most of them realized it was futile.

  The object looked like a watch but instead of time, it measured [Drama]. Cool metal wrapped around my hand fluidly, before sealing together creating my shackle. The magic affixed to my arm so I could not remove it.

  My guide, the reasonable soldier from the earlier shouting, took pity on me and explained. “Inside the Kongdom’s influence, you won’t be able to remove that without a powerful blessing. It is like a cursed item. Once you cross back over that bridge you can just pull it off and it’ll crumble away.”

  “Oh, thanks.”

  “Little bit of friendly advice. Stay out of trouble, because the Father uses these bands to track everyone inside the Kongdom’s area of influence. Which is everything north of the lake and this river. Off to the west of here is the [Infinite Depths], which the Father will never claim. He fears anything maintained by Lit Dungeo, the God of Dungeons. To the east, the Kongdom does not extend past the [Vitriol Volcano]. Beyond that is the Magic Dome, which the Father still claims is part of his Kongdom but not even he ventures past the volcano. The Magic Dome has kept his lands safe from their invasion.”

  “What is in the dome?”

  “It could be empty for all we know, but at one point it was a city full of Russian [Authors]. We do not know. Rumor is that it contains [Authors] from another nation. Either way, the Father had a massive wall erected to prevent people from coming and going. There isn’t even a gate to get through and plenty of gnoks guarding the tops of the walls.”

  “Thank you for the information.”

  “Now for the bad news. That band tracks [Drama], which means if you get caught doing things you shouldn’t be doing, that needle rises. It rises faster than it declines. If you hit the red bar here—” The soldier pointed at the color coded sections on the gauge. “Then the gnoks are coming for you.”

  “What happens if they catch me?”

  “Well, since you are an [Author], most likely they’ll send Nomar or Bustin after you. Either way, you need to run and keep running until you are out of the red or you will end up in the [Prison of Terrich]. Anyone who enters that prison disappears, if you get caught, die. Do not let them take you in there.”

  “And what constitutes [Drama]?”

  “Pretty much everything except smiling and saying how much you love the Father.”

  Beep! The soldier looked down at his wrist and frowned as the needle rose.

  “Oh, and what if I say—”

  “No!” The soldier hissed. “Never speak out against the Father, especially if gnoks are around. Those bands create a network of watchers. As long as others are around you to hear you speak, that gauge will rise. I have to escort you out. Don’t worry, your friends will be at the north part of this makeshift village.”

  “You turning this into a real town?” I asked him as we walked.

  “The Father has stated as much. But more of an outpost or fort than a town, because he wants to control everyone coming and going. Father calls this place the [Catacombs].”

  “Why? Is there burial ground here?”

  “No, we aren’t sure why he called it that, but we don’t question him either. As the Father wills it, so it shall be.” The soldier intoned and then kissed the tips of his fingers and tapped his forehead with his head bowed.

  “What was that?”

  “My [Obeisance] to the Father. You should know it if you travel further into the his lands, because showing a lack of proper respect will not end well.”

  “This place sounds like it—”

  “Don’t say it.” The soldier said while pointing towards his wristband. I sighed.

  [Breathing +1]

  At the outer edge of the makeshift town, there was picket fence. Maybe a palisade, but just not a tall one. Either way, it provided a little bit of shelter from the random creatures, and kept those crossing over from escaping to the forest. Not that it mattered since—

  “Gnoks Rule!” A chorus of gnoks intoned, and I could hear the fist beat against their chest. It was as if they knew I was thinking about them. I must have snorted or made a sound, because the soldier responded.

  “Think that’s annoying? Trying living among them. It’s non-stop. Hell, they cause more [Drama] than anything else. Anyway, it looks like your companions are waiting. Good luck, Deuce.”

  “Thanks, see you around.”

  Butter and Amard spotted me and we followed the road, going left at the fork. It was another hour before we reached the southwest gate of Sharmon.

  Chapter 26

  Location: Sharmon, The Horseshoe City

  A meter-tall wall surrounded Sharmon, which was a token defensive structure. It might keep out most small pests. A few patrols walked outside the wall, but they weren’t stopping anyone from climbing the walls. Guards at the gate had devices they used to scan our [Drama Meters] before granting entry.

  “Welcome to the Horseshoe City,” the guard said after scanning our bands.

  “This isn’t Sharmon?”

  “It is, but most people call it the Horseshoe City because of its shape. The town wraps around the Cherry Blossom Grove. The grove is in the center of town and extends to the north. Also, the grove is sacred, so do not harm the trees.

  “In the center of the grove is the Copper Mansion run by Mayor Giddy.” The guard lowered his voice, “I’d avoid him too.”

  “We are looking for an inn; maybe you can help us?” I asked the guard who continued to scan bands while we talked.

  “Sure, we only have one inn, but there are several brothels.” The guard held up his hands in a U shape and pointed to the bottom left. “We are here, the southwest gate. The road we are on has this wall on one side and buildings on the other which makes for a wide avenue called the Outer Course, but everyone calls it Outer.”

  “So if we take this road south it’ll curve back north, eventually?”

  “Correct. Now there is also the Inner Course or Inner for short. Buildings are on one side, and the other is the Cherry Blossom Grove. Finally, we have the side streets that connect the two. I will warn you, if you take the side streets, do not use the alley that runs between the two rows of buildings. It's packed with thieves, murderers, and probably monsters.”

  “And if we are headed towards Dungeon Lord Inn, which way would you recommend?”

  “Stay on this road; it is safer. The inn is here at the southern-most tip, and you can’t miss it because it’s several stories taller than the surrounding buil
dings. No other building spans the distance between the Inner and Outer course. If you are staying there, you could pass through its walkway to get to the Inner Course, and it's much safer than the side streets. Think you can find it? Or would you like me to summon a [Pixie] to create a trail for you?”

  “I’m pretty sure I can find it,” I said, but curiosity got the better of me. “But can you summon one, anyway? I’ve never seen one before.”

  Behind me, I heard Amard groan and felt myself grinning.

  “Sure thing. Newbie tip, do not give it alcohol. Pixies belong to the [God of Portals] and are mean drunks. They like to portal people around, and you could end up in the middle of [Immersion Lake].”

  “Um, maybe I’m not so curious anymore,” I said looking back at the others nervously.

  “Oh don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe. Just no alcohol, got it? You [Authors] always think it’ll be funny and never come back laughing.”

  The [Pixie] appeared and flicked me off.

  Shit tits, what did I do?

  It paused staring down at all of us before flying up above the crowd. Seconds later she sped off into the distance leaving a yellow tube-like trail behind. The trail did not fade, and we found it easy to follow. Curious, I looked behind me and saw the yellow streaking fading where we had already been.

  At about the southern tip of the horseshoe, there was a house against the fledgling wall. Which was strange enough already because no other houses were on that side of the road. Off to the right of the house was a massive stable. Near the pathway into the main building were two thick poles with a large sign nailed up between them.

  [Welcome to the Whorse House]

  Below that was a monogram, maybe a branding mark. It was hard to say, and the sign looked expensive. Butter stopped a man leaving the stable. According to my scan, his name was Luke, and his profession was a Stable Hand.

  “Hello, chap. Are you aware that you misspelled whore?” He asked while pointing at the sign.

  “Hey Appal, we have another [Grammar Granny],” Luke called out and headed back towards the stables.

  “What the hell is a [Grammar Granny]?” I asked Amard.

  “A folk legend that reminds me of Baba Yaga. I’ve heard her as both benevolent and wrathful, depending on who you ask. Supposedly she will destroy—or repair—any sign or paper she finds that is not grammatically correct. Repeat offenders are race changed into a [Anidem], and before you ask, I don’t know. I have never seen the Granny, nor anyone that is an Anidem.” Amard paused dramatically. “Besides, if the granny existed, most of the [Authors] in this realm would get turned into [Anidems].”

  “That’s a little harsh, but I like your style.” I laughed which died in my throat as a woman—or horse—or both, stepped out of the house.

  The human skin had the same patterning as her horse half—black with splashes of white. Her hair on the horse half shimmered as she moved and it looked soft. I thought about touching her, but then she turned. My eyes were drawn upward to her pert little breasts. Very human breasts that she did not bother covering.

  “Get a good look?” She snickered or whinnied or—I had no idea what to call it, but it was melodious.

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but what are you?”

  “I’m a centaur. And the sign is not misspelled; it’s clever.”

  “Your name is clever, but that sign is horsible.” Butter said, and Amard slapped him on the back of the head.

  “Thought you said puns are for the—what did you call it—intellectually challenged?”

  “Ignore them, the goddesses grants us puns, and I would never disparage them. I assume you are named after the horse breed Appaloosa, and I have to say I admire your sleek lines. If I weren’t helping our fearless leader here, I might even beg to spend the evening with you.”

  “Well darlin’, I enjoy your roguish determination, but I’m the madam. I am not one of my whorse.” She looked over at me again. “But I like you, handsome. If you ever fancy a ride in the countryside or a roll in the hay, come’n find me.”

  I coughed. “I—I mean I have a girl—”

  “Now, now. A girl like me don’t like to reveal secrets,” Appal leaned over and whispered in my ear. “But I know ye ain’t got no girl. I’m gonna leave the offer out there. Stop by any time, I’m a patient woman, but ne’er keep a lady waitin’. Besides, how ya gonna resist all this?” She asked while shifting sideways so I could see her muscular body in exquisite detail.

  I’m not a robot and admit I felt the stirrings of arousal. The woman was gorgeous from the waist up, but I lacked certain knowledge of centaur anatomy. I had no idea how sex worked with a woman like her, and I was afraid of the answer.

  “Will do,” I told her as she moved away, and all three of us turned around because the remaining bit of our yellow trail took us directly across the street.

  “Appal is a good woman to have on your side. Centaurs have twice the endurance of a horse, and that can come in handy for more than sex. Such as traveling across the realm.” Amard was about to hit Butter again, but he dodged back. “I’m serious. Centaur cavalries are incredibly powerful because they can charge into battle in plate armor without slowing down. Hell, I’m not sure I’ve seen one get winded.”

  “I’ll think about it. We are here,” I told them and pointed towards the sign for the Dungeon Lord Inn, and below it, painted in red, was ‘Ya Mouth.’ If those signs aren’t safe in the Kongdom, then I doubted they were safe anywhere.

  “Wonder who is painting those things,” Amard mused.

  “My money is on the [Mist Squirrel Mafia],” Butter replied, and I had no better answer. It was something those squirrels would do, but I might be biased.

  Pushing open the door to the inn, we found the place mostly deserted. The [Quest Merchant] was still working, but he did not look up from the paper he was writing on.

  Did they work different hours here?

  “Welcome to the Dungeon Lord Inn. How can I be of service?” The innkeeper asked.

  “Need a room, let’s make it a week. And I’ll pay for these two.” I counted out the coin and put it down without asking how much.

  The innkeeper chuckled. “I see Hal still hasn’t learned his lesson, eh? I can always tell when you [Authors] are one of his victims. Tell ya what; I’ll throw in the evening meals for free. Hal is my brother, and he can be a greedy twat. Wait until you meet my sister, she runs an inn out in the [Wayside]. She is tough as nails, even feeds the goblins in the area, not fearing their evil tendencies. I’m sure you want to head to your room, so go on down that hall there, and you have rooms eleven, twelve, and thirteen. They ain’t big rooms, but they are close together.”

  The innkeeper was quite the talker, compared to his brother who barely said anything. We each took our key and headed to our rooms. The second my door closed, Dr. Soulstoner appeared.

  Chapter 27

  Location: Sharmon

  Dungeon Lord Inn

  “The game world sucks you in doesn’t it?” Dr. Soulstoner asked. “We’ve had to instate mandatory logouts. Obviously, it doesn’t apply to you, but people were starving to death. Literally.”

  “A lot is going on, all the time. Maybe too much? I get we have an issue and time constraint, but a few hours’ journey took almost a full day.”

  “To be fair, you took quite a detour. Had you stayed on the road, you wouldn’t have run into anything crazy and could have killed low-level monsters on the way. However, your path was unconventional, and the system rewarded you for it. The system takes notice of those who forge their own trails. Hell, you even picked up another LitRPG Trope, that’s impressive.

  “Also, meeting with Soulkeeper was unexpected, she is very obsessive compulsive, and an Archgoddess, so don’t piss her off. She is one of the few Archgods that have a realm, and it’s one of the largest in the entire game. Everything that dies ends up in the Under Realm, at least until she revives them or tosses them back into the primordial [Ku].”<
br />
  “Well, she wasn’t happy about my instant revival, so you messed with her status quo. It’s fine; she gave me an item that lets me bind myself within a mile of the altar. It’s awesome. How many kilometers are in a mile?”

  “A mile is about 1.6km. Soulkeeper must have liked you because she rarely gives out any items and has one of the largest treasuries in the game.”

  “Are you saying she has a treasure hoard?”

  “Yes. Where do you think the items on dead NPCs end up? Under her realm are rivers of [Ku], and she has armies of the dead tossing [Common] and [Uncommon] items into those primordial rivers. Not even sure [Rare] items are safe at this point. But this is a good lesson for you; in this game, nothing is gone until it is reclaimed by [Ku], including NPCs.”

  “I assume [Authors] are immune?”

  “You’d assume wrong. The system protects [Authors] to an extent, but they are not safe. It would take a lot to get your character removed. As long as you don’t become an evil villain, or commit an unignorable heinous act, you are safe. However, if you go down an evil path, the system will eventually change your [Casual] flag to [Hard Core] mode. Which means if you die that character goes into the river. Those like my daughter, and soon you, would die permanently. Also, if you are in her realm again, do not go into the rivers, always use the ferries. The boatmen are creepy as hell but harmless.”

  “You seem more amicable than previous interactions. What gives?”

  “You are working with me, and I’m pleased with the results. The Father is in a tizzy about something, so things are in motion. A few of the prisoners, the good ones, have even said they’d help in the upcoming days to create dissent. So I will give you a little bonus.” The doctor’s gaze unfocused for a second and then my room grew to twice the standard size. A standard room was about five meters by five meters, so between the size of a hotel room and a small apartment. Ten meters by ten meters is almost twice the size of a standard one-bedroom apartment and nearly the size of a one-bedroom home.