The Land of Trademark Online

by Nikolai Chekhov

  “Sorry,” she said, and that haunted look was back. If I had time, I’d have worked at building up her confidence. Today was shaping up to be the day things played out for better or worse, and I was not sure issues that deep would get resolved in a day.

  “Aww, fuch. Ye fuchas gorna fuch up da livin’ room too? An’ dey say [Horny Rabbits] are bad, but dey ain’t got nuttin’ on ye bitches.”

  “Oh, I know what a grumpy squirrel needs,” Sun chirped. “Beefcakes! I’ll make them.”

  “Yeayea, boss. I’mma gorna like her,” Earle said following Sun over to the stove.

  Thump. Thump. A heavy pounding rattled my door. Opening it I found Sonya and Jason standing there, so I waved them in.

  “Damn man, you spent a lot expanding this place,” Jason said looking around.

  “Deuce,” Sonya said by way of greeting. “Sorry we didn’t include you yesterday, but honestly you are still a newbie and a loose end. I trust you though, so we decided on a job for you.”

  “Yeayea, boss gorna own dis shit.”

  “I hope so. We need you in the crowd creating [Drama].” Sonya paused and stared at Earle. “The squirrel is known to me. How you two paired up is a story I want to hear someday, but for now, that is what we need. Incite the crowd if possible. We believe he will attempt the ritual today, so the more distractions we have, the greater our chances of getting the Blaze Bots and me into the Stone Place.”

  “That’s it; just create drama, the more, the better?”

  “Yes, and we’ll take care of the rest. On a personal note, I am Dr. Soulstoner’s daughter, so I’ve known who you are and why you are here. It is why I’ve insisted on training you because this is just one battle in the war to come.”

  “Shit tits, I thought Amard was his daughter,” I said looking at her she slapped the back of my head.

  Sonya laughed. “No, she is like us, one of the [Committed]. My word, not an official one. Her history is hers to tell, but she is like a little sister and you better treat her as such.” I nodded in response. “Good, now get out there, the crowds are assembling. When it kicks off, find Jason, he’ll be near this building. His task is to take care of Nomar, and from what I understand you gave him the means to deal with him. I admit I’m curious.”

  A big grin stretched across my face. “You’ll see.”

  Her eyes narrowed, but she trusted her people to do what they needed to do. “Oh, last thing, there are at least five of the Blaze Bots here, including Eight, who is the martial expert. I think Seven, the Poet, is here too. Assist them where you can as they are important to this fight. Take this.” She handed over a pill. “That will instantly kill you if you swallow or bite it. Don’t get captured.”

  I took the pill and Sonya headed for the door, but Jason came over before he joined her. “Groundbeef has legs, and—just wait, you will enjoy this. Nomar will run and keep running until he reaches the Gamanges.” Jason whispered before he chuckled. “Thanks for letting me know about the cows. I have a way to level my class and get rid of it.”

  With that Jason and Sonya left. Sun, Amard, and Earle were ready within moments, but I finally had a [Beefcake], and it was basically ground beef between potato cakes. It wasn’t what I’d consider a breakfast food, but it was tasty.

  “Okay, Amard, you stay near here, Sun can stay with you. My role isn’t dangerous this time, just need to talk some shit, stir up the crowd. Something Earle is good at doing. So you don’t have to face him.”

  Amard wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly before whispering, “Thank you.”

  “I got her,” Sun said, and it was only then I realized how scared Amard had been. I sighed, not having time to deal with it, but promising myself that at some point I’d address it and fix it.

  “Let’s go, Earle.”

  “Yeayea, boss. Time ta do what we do bess. Cause trouble.” The squirrel chittered and was rubbing his little paws together eagerly. This psychotic squirrel had finally transitioned into a faithful companion, and I felt an odd sense of pride in having the bastard on my shoulder.

  Chapter 62

  Location: Outside the Stone Place

  Once we left the inn and turned a corner, people were everywhere. My room on the second floor looked out onto this open plaza, so it was not unexpected. Glancing up, I saw both Amard and Sun watching, and they wave when they spotted me. Leaning against the wall beneath them was Jason Shagwell, but a big straw hat hid his face.

  “Deuce, you know what to do, but once all hell breaks loose, don’t hesitate, get to me pronto,” Jason said with a big grin on his face. “Trust me, you don’t want to be in the crowd, and watch out for gnoks.”

  The smell of unwashed bodies, alcohol, and various pipe tobacco wafted from the gathering crowd. The cathedral was in the center of the Stone Place’s massive wall, but it also had a smaller meter high wall that the plaza surrounded on three sides, giving a clear line of sight to the gnoks manning it. Navigating through the people, the murmur of the crowd washed over me, and I caught snippets of conversation.

  “…Father created a competition, put his name in, and then forced people to vote for him…”

  “…he won the biggest newb…”

  So word was getting around about the competition, not that it was surprising. From what I’ve seen of his followers, the Father is blind to the fact that most don’t really care about him at all. They are just riding his coattails to fame.

  “…Did you see the new decree?” I edged closer to hear the rest of this conversation.

  “No, what did it say?”

  “All announcements, auction postings, items crafted, ads, and things like that require you to include an endorsement to the Father on them. The decree said you can’t make any posting without accrediting the Father, and it must stand out on its own.”

  “That’s an atrocious abuse of power. Why?”

  “Said if you don’t, you gain a 50% hit to your [Drama Meter]. And he said because he helped us write our books, it’s just a nice thing to do.”

  “What!? That fucking asshat…”

  Shit tits. Things were worse than I thought, but their talking didn’t stop, even with all the small beeps that could be heard as they took hits to their [Drama Meters].

  “…another [Author] disappeared last night. The Father is removing all of them to consolidate his power…”

  “…why did you get The Father tattooed there? Brad, we are never having sex again…”

  “…council made it to the wilds near the Gamanges. We should go, they are trying to build a better way of life…”

  “…the Father reminds me of my creepy uncle Larry, the one always smelling his fingers…”

  “Yeayea boss, dis town hassum serious pro’lems,” Earle whispered into my ear. “This place is like food poison’n, its ‘bout to pop.”

  The squirrel wasn’t wrong, and the deeper into the crowd I went, the crazier the stories became. The Father was a little neurotic, and that was probably an understatement. Then again, most [Authors] I’ve come across are strange.

  At the front of the crowd, I could see the front of the cathedral was the only part outside the walls. The walls butted up against the sides of the church, and stairs went up to a platform before the large wooden doors. Gnoks were lined up row by row in front of this entrance while more were on the walls. Below these grounds was the [Prison of Terrich], which caused me to shudder involuntarily.

  Overall, it was an impressive display of power arrayed before the massive crowd, and no one even tried to cross the meter tall wall. Pressed against the barrier, I could hear the shrill whispers I associated with the gnoks, but with as many of them as there were, I expected they’d be louder than they were.

  “…heard that all the Blaze Bots are in town. I saw Blaze Bot 3—he was dropping [Truth Bombs] in the plaza last night…”

  I wanted to hear more, but the crowd shifted again. The sea of murmurs swallowed up the conversation. The atmosphere was taut, and I wonder
ed how the Father could not see that this writhing mass was at the cusp of a revolt. Or maybe he saw it, but as the only town in the realm at a kingdom level, he probably didn’t care.

  The last time a crowd gathered like this back home, my mom gave me a lot of cough syrup, said it would help calm me down. I woke up two days later, and the fair had moved on, and my parents made sure I never made it, their little monster in the basement.

  A bell sounded deep within the cathedral and moments later the massive wooden doors opened. The father stepped out with Nomar and Spymon right behind him, and at the end of the procession—my nemesis—BanHammer. The [Paladin] had a bored look on his face, and he walked up to stand next to Nomar.

  The minotaur stood taller than everyone there, and even from the crowd, I could hear his heavy breathing. A musician behind their group strummed a lute and Nomar twitched, or maybe it was dancing, hard to say. The Father stepped forward, and the man must have loaded up on Charisma as he did on Twinkies.

  “Hey, ya’ll!” The Father called out, and the crowd went silent as the gnoks cheered. “I love the Goddess of Games. As such, I’ve built my Kongdom based on rules to protect her. First, no [Drama], not even in your books. I’m serious, your books have [Drama], I’m gonna ban you. Speaking of, Jason Shagwell, you are hereby banned. Get out.”

  The murmuring of the crowd picked up, and that is when I received a notice I’m certain no one else saw.

  [City Drama levels increased to 15% (70% until Civil Unrest)]

  “I’m sure you all saw him having sexual relations with my girlfriend and mother.”

  “Stop calling me your girlfriend. You creep.” A female voice called out from the crowd. “I am attracted to your mom, and we will be married one day. I’ll be one of your moms.”

  The Father ignored her as if she had said nothing and smiled at the crowd. “There are those among you who want to take everything I’ve built—”

  “…Russians created the Goddess, not you…”

  “—I cannot tolerate this. I will not tolerate it because I will do everything in my power to protect my goddess. I have sacrificed everything for you, and still, you take and want more. You call me your Father—”

  “…No, we don’t…”

  “…You haven’t done shit for me…”

  “…they should call him the Father of Drama…”

  “Silence! I am talking,” The Father snapped, and the crowd went still, but the sounds of beeps from various [Drama Meters] still rung out. “Going forward, there is no leniency. If you create too much [Drama], you are no longer welcome here. All future comments about me will raise your meter 25%, and further to use any of my services you have bring five other people into the Kongdom. Yea, it’s a shameless pyramid scheme, but look at how fast my Kongdom has grown. I will no longer assist you unless you assist me. If you haven’t figured it out, I only care about my readers. Any [Author] that goes against that is—”

  “Banned?” Earle called out, and it was only at that point that I realized he had left my shoulder. “Yeayea, dum dums shouldn’t speak.”

  The crowd laughed, but everyone was looking around for the person that dared speak.

  [City Drama levels increased to 50% (35% until Civil Unrest)]

  “Show yourself, and maybe—”

  “Yu’ll ban me?”

  “Stop—”

  “Interruptin’ ye? Dat means I’d respect ye, like me boss. But I don’t. Yer juss a punk ass bitch with middling writing ability, a lot of cunning, and no fuching heart. I’ve seen yer kind, the little bullied kid, hidin’ in da woods and cutting up li’l animals. Yer a monster.”

  “Who’s your boss?”

  “I am,” I said stepping forward. “My father is an asshole, but he gave me a piece of advice that stuck with me. He told me if a man operates from the shadows, then he is not a man. Of course, he said that while trying to poison my food and kill me—” The crowd chuckled, but I wasn’t joking. “You fear [Drama] because it detracts from your vanity. You are a child pretending to be an adult, and the irony is that you call yourself a Father.”

  “Yeayea, my boss is smart, he gorna dick hole ye.”

  “I have no idea what dick holing is. But—I’ve heard your speeches, and most likely you would spew nonsense about how an orphanage burned down killing children to deflect your inadequacies as a man.” Adding the last part felt like a stroke of genius because I jammed up his redirect. [POV Shifts] were growing on me.

  Beep! My meter dinged at me.

  “And you think you are a man?” The Father laughed. “This is all MINE! Do you understand that little boy with daddy issues? You have no idea who or what I’ve fought to get here. I will not give her up without a fight.”

  “Then you’ve already lost,” I told him. “You want to control something that is not yours to own, and to try shows your immaturity and your arrogance. You want to summon Trademark, then go for it. You will fail.”

  “I do not fail.” The Father laughed.

  “Have you seen your website?” Blaze Bot 13 called out as he stepped out of the crowd. “That’s an epic fail. That site is all about you and is not about the goddess. Only a blind idiot would think—Oh, right, your gnoks—no eyes. Ignore that.”

  “Blaze, I thought I banned you.” The Father’s voice was strangely quiet.

  “Only the original Blaze, I’m BB13, bitch. The Webmaster.”

  Chapter 63

  Location: Outside the Stone Place

  “We are all here for your coronation. When you finally drop the pretense of being a benevolent Father and claim your throne as the Tyrant King.” Blaze Bot 8 stepped forward, and he was followed out by his brothers. They all stood on the wall that divided the townsfolk and the gnoks. “You know why we are here.”

  “And you think you can stop me?” The Father was smiling now, but it did not reach his dead cold eyes.

  Earle appeared on my shoulder once more, and we edged back towards Bad Seed Inn. We did our part, and the crowd was rife with discontent—time to see what happens next.

  “You think I need to?” Blaze Bot 8 laughed. “Look around you, see the dead eyes of your people. I want nothing to do with your oppressed town. I’m just here to stop you from summoning Trademark.”

  “You are too late because my faithful have already finished scribing the summoning circle. I’m the distraction. My people are complacent cows, they don’t see what I’ve achieved, and they won’t stop me. My summoning will go through uncontested, and you will have failed.”

  Another bot came forward; the number seven artistically etched into his forehead. “You know why they call me the Poet? Aside from my writing being better than yours I mean? I know everything there is about being an [Author], and that is every little quirk involved. You believe you won, and that shows how little you know of how to summon Trademark. All these people have to do is show discontent, and Trademark will turn on you. So summon him.”

  “You think they will help you?” The Father let loose a big laugh. “I’m balls deep in their mind. They are my broken children.”

  [City Drama levels increased to 65% (20% until Civil Unrest)]

  What happens at eighty-five percent? The question kept popping into my head, but still, no one else seemed to get those notices. Glancing upward, I saw Amard pointing at her [Drama Meter] and miming an explosion. Shit tits, no one else knows. And just like that, pieces fell into place one by one. The messages were all about Amard.

  “Earle, go stir up more shit, a lot of it.”

  Earle grabbed my chin and turned my head towards him, his little paw wasn’t strong, but his nails were sharp. He looked into my eyes and chuckled. “Bless me heart, yer serious. Now ye truly are me boss.” He put his other hand over his heart and his other furry finger wiped a tear from his eye before he pretended to stumble off my shoulder. Mist shrouded him and then he disappeared. Only to reappear on one of the Blaze Bot’s shoulders. From here I could see that the bot had the number two emblazoned on
it.

  “Oi, yeayea, you. Father of the wee gnoks, oh, and hey BanHammer, yer sure pretty. If’n ye were a squirrel, I’d stick it in ya.”

  “I’m a man.” BanHammer said with a frown.

  “Yeayea, I don’ fink so. My boss is a man, yer too dainty, not manly ‘nuff to be a man. Plus, yer gorna need one o’ dese to be a man.” Earle grabbed his nutsack, and the crowd laughed at his expense. BanHammer was not pleased, but I could see him glance at the Father and biting his tongue. The paladin’s face became ugly to behold.

  [City Drama levels increased to 70% (15% until Civil Unrest)]

  “Are you going to continue to talk shit, or do you have something legit to say?” The Father asked, but his eyes were looking right at me. I grinned in return, not bothering to reply. I’d wondered if Amard was still clearing off my [Drama] because I felt I should be close to triggering the band. It wouldn’t surprise me if this event evolved her Ku, because the amount of [Drama] building even I could sense.

  “Gnoks rule!” I mocked him, pounding my two right fists to my chest while flicking him off with my two left hands. It was the most annoying thing I could think of, and I could see him flushed with anger. His eyes narrowed to two pinpricks as if willing me to die.

  “Yeayea, li’l bitches wanna party? Ye all know who he is?” Earle asked slapping his paw against the bot’s head. “Dis one ‘ere is the Conspiracist, and I’mma tellin’ ye, da sekrets dis one hides, make me look like a saint. I’mma tell ye a good’un, ye know why calling ‘im da Father is ironic?” His Cause he has [Performance Anxiety] an’ canno’ get ‘is wee willy up.”

  “My personal affairs are none of your business!” Father hissed, his face screwed up into a sneer that showed how much he appreciated talking to a rodent.