Bless This Love

by S M Mala

  ‘I’m not replying and I don’t want him to turn up because he thinks he can,’ she whispered, sipping her drink. ‘I’ve learnt my lesson and I won’t ever do it again.’ There was a massive groan from the people in the pub watching someone miss a goal. ‘Oh God, even they don’t believe me.’

  The evening rolled on and at ten, Suri knew it was time to bail out. She had an early start and didn’t want a midweek hangover. Going to the toilet for a quick pee, she walked back in then stopped.

  The man who ran in the park was standing next to Len. He looked at her then glanced away, while sipping his pint of beer. In clothing he was gob-smacking, wearing a leather jacket, faded denim shirt and his hair was all tousled and sexy.

  Suri felt herself going bright red at the thought he probably would say something about her sitting in the park, gawping at him. She wasn’t in the mood to be mortally embarrassed. Taking the initiative, she slipped out through the side door, texting Naomi that she had to go.

  Quickly crossing the road, she walked behind the bookshop and the other array of shops until she got to her road. There was no car access as it was all a paved bit of land off the green. Her home was a small cottage at the end. There were only eight cottages, four on each side.

  It was quirky but she loved where she lived. Being close enough to the centre but not too close to the busy High Street. And her home was very cosy. It was her refuge from the outside world.

  She’d lived there for a year, selling her other flat at a good time and then she got a hefty bonus to help. The inheritance money from her dad had helped contribute towards the deposit. Suri knew he would have been happy for her to invest in bricks and mortar.

  Bolting the front door behind her, she headed for her bedroom, wondering who the jogging man was.

  ‘Please don’t call me again.’

  Suri was walking from the gym a few days later, and Ted rang. It was only by accident she answered and was regretting it.

  ‘We can meet for a chat, can’t we? Suri, I really want to see you.’ She recognised the tone. It was the one when he wanted to sleep with her. ‘Come on. I don’t even know where you live now.’

  ‘I told you a year ago but, at the time, you’d rather meet in sleazy hotels,’ she said, remembering one atrocious place in Bayswater. ‘And I don’t want you here.’

  ‘You know I make you happy. I kept thinking about you sitting on my face this morning. Watching you come when I had my tongue stuck-.’

  ‘No, you don’t! Stop talking about sex. Is that all it was?’ she said sharply, walking into a coffee shop and seeing the familiar barista preparing her drink. ‘I don’t want to see you.’

  ‘I know when we were together, I let you down. I won’t do it again,’ he whispered. 'No-one makes me feel the way you do. We are so good together. All I do is think about us and how happy we were.’

  ‘You were thinking of me?’ Suri didn’t want to sound too surprised as she got her beverage, swiped her card then proceeded to add sweetener. ‘I can’t remember that bit.’

  ‘Why are you so mean?’ he asked, softening his voice. ‘You know it’s meant to be, me and you.’

  Sipping her drink, she headed towards the park, shaking her head furiously before sitting on the bench.

  ‘Are you going to leave your wife?’ she asked, waiting for his response.

  ‘If you tell me you want to be with me, then it’s a done deal.’

  ‘You’re good like that, aren’t you?’ laughed out Suri, before glancing around seeing the usual joggers, and early morning workers head off into various directions. ‘Ted, I don’t want to see you again. It’s over. You let me down so many times, stood me up left, right and centre. I was an idiot to spend most of those eighteen months hoping you’d show up when you never did.’

  ‘You know what work’s like. I never know where I am from-.’

  ‘Is it true you started up with your personal assistant?’ Suri heard the heavy breathing on the other end of the phone. ‘You know what this industry is like, you can’t keep a secret.’

  ‘I kept us a secret.’

  ‘You’ll find I kept us a secret because I didn’t want Edgar Peters to find out or anyone, come to think of it,’ she said, knowing that was the basic truth. ‘I didn’t want people to look down on me because I was with you. Since you left, I’ve found out a lot about your chequered past.’

  ‘That’s a pretty horrible thing to say,’ he said, getting agitated. ‘When I see you, I’ll work hard to make you change your mind. You’ll scream from the orgasms I give you. Suri, just let me in, and you’ll know how real this is for me.'

  ‘Just stop ringing and texting me,’ she sighed, shaking her head, realising that Ted had sex on the brain. ‘I don’t want to get together again, and it’s not going to happen. Pick on some other stupid woman, not me.’

  ‘Is this you playing hard to get?’

  She hung up and flung the phone the farthest she could.

  It didn’t go very far.

  Then it started to ring.

  ‘Bloody typical,’ she mumbled, but just as she was about to retrieve it, someone rushed forward and picked it up.

  It was the man who jogged in the park.

  ‘Is this yours?’ he asked, and she felt herself blush, quickly walking towards him. He had an accent, and she thought he might be from up north but couldn’t fathom it out. She was usually good with things like that. ‘Do you want me to answer it?’ Then he looked at the screen. ‘It’s Ted.’

  ‘Please don’t,’ she replied taking it back and cutting Ted off. ‘Thanks.’

  Shaking her head in shame, Suri turned around and walked back to the bench, watching the man run off. She put her headphones in and listened to Stevie Wonder, hoping it would make her feel happy.

  The church was being lit by the early morning sun. She examined the newly refitted roof and the cleaned up brick work. It looked wonderful, if it wasn’t for the fact it was a church.

  Since she was a child, all Suri did was look at the glass stained window of the angel. It was the prettiest thing she’d ever seen. Even now, she could see the window and it made her smile, gave her comfort.

  When she was little, she thought she’d get married there, the angel looking over her to make sure she was happy.

  That was never going to happen.

  The place looked so pretty on the green. Tall trees surrounded the greenery and pavements, as if sheltering it from harm.

  Suri wished something or someone did that for her.

  Her eyes closed, and she sipped her coffee, hoping Ted would leave her alone. The worst thing he could do was show up on her doorstep and try it on. There was her old rounder’s bat to the side of the door she could use, just in case.

  People like him were used to getting their own way.

  Something tapped her on the shoulder, making her startle as she opened her eyes.

  The man was looking at her.

  ‘Hi there,’ he mouthed. She couldn’t hear his voice so pulled out her headphones. ‘Didn’t I see you in the pub the other night? Aren’t you a friend of Len’s girlfriend?’

  ‘Yes, I am,’ she said, seeing the brown, green eyes smile at her. He was gorgeous, and she tried not to gawp. ‘Naomi’s my best friend. I’m Suri.’

  ‘I’m Joe,’ he said, putting out his hand and shaking hers. He had a very strong grip, and she didn’t want to scowl at the pain her palm was currently in. ‘I’ve known Len for years.’

  ‘Really, that’s-.’

  ‘Got to go!’

  Before Suri could even try to have a conversation, he had run off leaving her in mid-sentence. Suri looked at him sprinting away and wondered if Naomi had mentioned to anyone about her chequered past, with Rory and Felicity

  No wonder he was going at high speed.

  Most people usually legged it when they found out about what happened ten years ago.

  Suri turned her head when she heard the busker play a tune. Today it was ‘I Wish’.

/>   And wish Suri did, on finding something or someone to make her happy.

  ‘Think outside the box.’

  The managing director who ran the adult channel was trying to tell the editors, promo producers and schedulers, his vision.

  All Suri could do was hold off from laughing as the others sniggered at the man’s comment.

  ‘Yes, yes, very childish,’ he said, shaking his bald head. ‘I said ‘box’ and it’s a sex channel. I get it. We have competition in the market so have to rise to the occasion.’

  Another lot of titters.

  Alan wasn’t awful. He was skinny, bald and wore invisible glasses, always dressing as if he was addicted to fashion. His homosexuality didn’t deter from the fact he knew about good sex programming and wanted it all to be classier. His channels were for heterosexuals ideally but everyone knew he was trying to get a same sex channel. It was currently being considered but the American owners didn’t seem too keen, unless it was girl on girl.

  ‘I think you’re all pathetic,’ he said, throwing his tablet onto the table. ‘Listen, this is supposed to be a brain storming not you lot being juvenile.’

  ‘It’s not our market,’ piped up Suri. ‘We’ve been told to contribute but it’s not like writing for the comedy channel or creating trailers for wildlife, is it?’

  ‘Could be,’ Pete laughed, who was the head of creative. ‘Same sort of thing.’

  ‘I want Suri to concentrate on writing all the continuity and hopefully voice it,’ Alan said, smiling at her. ‘You were very good.’

  ‘I’m an editor, I don’t write, and I certainly won’t voice it. That’s why they pay continuity announcers to write and talk. And don’t shaft me on this. Just because I covered for a fortnight doesn’t mean anything.’

  ‘But you did the voice over and the ratings went up.’

  ‘I had no choice! Maybe it was the season to wank off!’

  There were a few giggles in the room.

  ‘You were very good. Even sounded sexy,’ said Peter, knowing he was winding her up. ‘I’d give you one just listening to your dulcet tones.’

  ‘Denise approved it,’ Alan smugly interjected. ‘And you can’t say no to her, can you?’

  Denise was Suri’s boss and a complete bitch at the best of the time.

  She was the female version of Ted but more of a predator than anything else.

  Gossip on the grapevine was that Denise used to date Ted before he got married. The man upped and left her, deciding to get hitched to a daughter of a socialite.

  It was like salt into leprosy as Denise was working class from Manchester and had very little feminine attributes other than her overly large fake cleavage.

  And when Suri heard Edgar was going to hire Denise, she told him not to do it but he thought she might shake things up.

  She certainly did.

  Suri’s patience and nerves.

  Her new boss was lazy and completely incompetent, leaving Suri to clean up the mess. It infuriated her that the woman could get away with it. But Denise was so good at self promotion. She was delusional and believed her performance to be brilliant.

  And Denise also called Suri, Edgar’s pet puppy, because that’s how he treated her, so the butch bitch thought. Many a time Suri felt like biting the woman but held off.

  Her master might put her down if she did.

  After the meeting, Suri slowly walked to Denise’s office, knocked on the door waiting for a response. As per usual, she was ignored.

  She pushed open the door and Denise quickly glanced up.

  ‘I’m not doing the continuity writing or voice over, and it’s not in my job description,’ she said, so a few others could hear. ‘If you want me to leave the company, then just say.’

  ‘Suri, close the door,’ Denise said, in her deep voice.

  She did as she was told and stood looking at the woman.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Suri asked, seeing Denise sit back in her chair, openly looking at her up and down. ‘Why let Alan do the deed?’

  ‘You did a very good job for that fortnight and the figures showed it,’ she said, putting on her fake smile. ‘And it’s only for a few months until we find someone who can match you. You have a sexy voice.’ Denise didn’t hide the fact she was turning up her nose as she said it. ‘So they keep telling me.’

  She was in her mid-forties, dyed short blonde hair, fake tan, bright lipstick and the bitchiest eyes Suri had ever seen. Her body was toned with large muscles in the right area, but there was a lack of any human softness. In Suri’s eyes, she could have been a man who decided to be a woman. Nothing would surprise her.

  ‘I’m not doing it. I’ve got enough on my plate,’ Suri said, avoiding eye contact, and looking out onto the man-made waterfall that ran through the centre of the business park. ‘Unless this is a demotion, and you want to constructively dismiss me. It’s up to you.’

  There was one thing about Suri.

  She wasn’t scared of anyone who thought they could get one up on her.

  This is where she rose to the challenge.

  And she knew the chairman Edgar well enough to realise she was safe in her job.

  He was the father of her friend who died nearly ten years ago, Felicity Peters, whose mother was Janet Peters, the woman who gave Suri’s mother hell in church.

  It was all perfectly linked.

  And Denise knew there was a connection but not what it was. That’s why she disliked Suri, as she couldn’t get the better of her.

  ‘You’ll obviously get some support while we try this out, and it goes without saying, a pay rise. In the meantime, we’ll look for an announcer to fill your shoes.’

  ‘I am not trained to do voice over,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘I was taking the piss when we recorded it.’ Suri then let out a deep breath. ‘I know you hate me. You know you hate me. Why don’t you tell Edgar what you think and have done with it?’

  The look was priceless and worth receiving. If it was a mythological time, Suri would have disintegrated into a pile of dust.

  ‘I see,’ Denise said, slightly swivelling in her chair. ‘Are you refusing?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘We’ll see about that.’

  ‘Suri, you were good.’

  Edgar Peters had called her up to his office on the top floor. She knew he was trying not to laugh. ‘I thought it sounded professional and-.’

  ‘She hates me. I know it. You know it. Why’d you hire her? There are so many other people who could do that job.’

  ‘Ah,’ he said, tapping her knee as they sat on the sofa next to each other. ‘I offered the job to you and you refused. What could I do? You would have been brilliant, but I think you have a phobia with commitment and responsibility.’

  ‘That’s not true! There are so many people out there better than me. Make me redundant or something!’

  He smiled, sitting back on the sofa. For a tall man, he also had a degree of elegance. Short grey hair, fine features that came from good breeding, he was polished as well as professional.

  For years he was always good to Suri. Getting her a job on one of the channels when she was twenty one before the whole place exploded with success.

  ‘When you’re ready to go, I’ll give you an excellent package but, right now, you might enjoy doing this and-.’

  ‘Edgar, I’ll have to watch porn. I don’t want to watch porn!’ she said in alarm. ‘I only got the notes from the press releases which prevented me from spooling through.’ He started to laugh. ‘Honestly, this is not the way I thought my life would turn out.’

  Then she noticed it, the automatic pain in his eyes.

  His daughter never got the chance to have a life. And she felt the same pain in her comment, looking away.

  ‘Suri, it’s okay,’ he said gently, leaning forward. ‘You’re allowed to be ungrateful from time to time. You were there when she needed you the most, we all know that.’

  Staying tight lipped, she knew the tr
uth of what happened that day but didn’t want to ever tell Edgar. That would hurt him too much.

  ‘It should never have happened,’ she said, trying to compose herself, not wanting to think about it.

  There were still so many things she hadn’t told people.

  The death of his only daughter completely wrecked his marriage. Janet Peters was inconsolable and very angry, venting it at Suri to the very day. Luckily, Edgar met someone a few years later, Annabel, and divorced the tyrant, which only made Janet Peters worse.

  ‘I wish it was me that died, not her.’

  ‘Well, if her mother got the choice,’ Edgar said, clearing his voice. ‘I think she might do the deed for you even to this day.’

  ‘Oh no!’

  Naomi was trying to look at Suri who had her head on the table in the pub on Friday night. ‘You might enjoy it?’

  ‘I don’t want to! Even Edgar won’t back down. They’re not going to rush to find a replacement, I know it. God is punishing me.'

  ‘Hello again,’ she heard someone say. Looking up it was Joe, the jogging man. ‘What’s God punishing you for?’

  ‘Oh,’ she said, not bothering to sit up. ‘For breathing.’

  ‘That’s pretty hard core.’

  Naomi started to laugh, and she knew her mate had linked it to her new work predicament.

  ‘It’s the truth,’ she mumbled, flashing evil stares at her friend.

  ‘Joe this is Suri and Suri this is Joe,’ said Naomi, putting an arm around her and giving a cuddle. ‘She’s being forced to take part in porn against her will.’

  ‘Really?’ he asked, sounding more bemused than turned on or shocked.

  ‘That’s not true,’ said Suri, sitting up, to find a napkin stuck to her forehead. Naomi pulled it off and started to laugh. ‘Even my head has tissues on hand.’

  ‘Can I join you?’ Joe asked, smiling at her.

  ‘If you want to be depressed, go ahead.’

  She watched him sit opposite and couldn’t be bothered to eye him up.

  He was a friend of Len’s and that meant he wouldn’t be interested.