Bless This Love

by S M Mala

  But he was a gorgeous looking man with a bright smile and lovely face. Incredibly symmetrical with high cheekbones and very full lips. There was something quite angelic about him though he hadn’t bothered to shave. The pierced ear was confusing. She immediately wondered if he was gay, as well as the two rings on his right hand. One in the middle and the other on his thumb.

  It was then she caught his eye and he smiled.

  ‘I see Suri most mornings when I jog around the park,’ he said with a smirk. She pondered if he thought she was spying on him. ‘Always with her headphones on, cup of coffee in one hand and staring at the church.’

  ‘Do you really, Suri?’ Naomi’s head immediately turned to look at her. ‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’

  ‘God and I don’t see eye to eye but it doesn’t mean I can’t look at one of his rental accommodations,’ she replied. ‘And one day, I’ll step inside, probably in a coffin.’ She flicked Naomi a sideways glance. ‘And you can arrange for a piss up here.’

  ‘You’re too depressing!’ Naomi said, standing up. ‘I’m going to get another bottle and find out where Len is.’

  Still Joe the jogging man was smiling at Suri as he sipped his drink.

  ‘Now’s a good time to run, when no-one’s looking,’ she shrugged, rubbing her forehead. ‘I know you’re pretty fast. I won’t be insulted.’

  He let out a little laugh. Then he took his chain across his neck, rubbed it against his mouth before releasing it.

  ‘So you know Len from work?’ she asked, wanting to sound a bit interested though she wasn’t.

  ‘I used to be a musician, studied music. We met through mutual friends. I decided to take another path so became a sort of social worker.’

  ‘Sort of social worker?’

  ‘It’s complicated but interesting,’ he said, letting out an uncomfortable sigh. ‘And you work in the adult industry?’

  ‘I am a continuity editor who happened to be, literally, shafted this afternoon. I work in the media park for a bastard broadcaster and I have a bitch from hell boss. They won’t make me redundant. I’ve tried to resign but I’m stuck there for life as punishment.’

  ‘What sins did you commit?’

  ‘Where’d you want to start?’

  ‘You’ve got the best job ever!’ exclaimed Len, rushing up to her and planting a kiss on her cheek. ‘What I’d give to do that!’

  ‘Leave me alone,’ she grumbled, wiping her cheek. ‘They want me to voice it!’

  Len’s laughter rattled around the packed pub, making Joe start to laugh.

  ‘Oh, that’s perfect!’ he said, giving her a hug. ‘And you’ve met Joe. You know he’s a-.’

  ‘Social worker, sort of,’ Joe said and she noticed Len’s eyebrows rise up.

  ‘He does a lot of community work, don’t you?’ mumbled Len, shaking his head from side to side at Joe. ‘But he doesn’t like to boast, isn’t that so?’

  ‘I like to keep a very low profile,’ he said and she noticed he was staring. ‘You look familiar.’

  ‘I don’t do anything else on those channels,’ she replied, holding up her hands. ‘But give me time.’

  ‘You don’t have to walk me home.’

  Joe was waiting outside as she said goodbye to Naomi, Len and a few others, who were heading out for a late night curry. ‘You should go with them.’

  ‘I need to get back,’ he said, smiling. ‘Do you live far?’

  ‘Not really. Just cross over and down the back then you’re there. If you’re closer, I can walk you back.’

  Suri felt a little tiddly and tried not to sway.

  Her bad mood had subsided due to Len’s constant piss taking. She lapped it all up realising the jogging man wouldn’t be interested in her. On several occasions, she’d caught him eyeing up some lovelies and getting a very positive response.

  Then her phone started to ring and it was Ted. Suri didn’t want to speak to him and cut him off, continuing to walk with Joe across the road.

  But Ted wasn’t having any of it and kept on ringing.

  ‘You should answer it.’ Joe said quietly. ‘It might be urgent.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk to him.’

  Suri turned off the phone and stopped walking, taking a deep breath.

  ‘I met a guy and thought he was nice. Now I look back on it, it was a physical thing. Ted lacked certain aspects of the emotional side like honesty. He is a senior director in the company but I never knew, until after eighteen months, he was married. There were no tell-tale signs. My fellow colleagues never told me because, well, there was no way they’d know we were seeing each other. I kept it a secret. I found out because someone told me. I called it a day immediately but he’s a hard man to get rid of.’

  ‘That’s rough,’ Joe said, walking slowly down the road with her. ‘But you’re still in touch?’

  ‘He moved location. I was relieved it was all over and mostly sickened by my stupidity, believing everything he said about going away on business. Two timing someone is not nice and neither is he.’ She thought of Rory and how he did that to her. ‘That was nearly a year ago and now he wants to start all over again but I don’t feel the same.’

  ‘He must have realised what he did was wrong and wants to make amends.’

  ‘No way! When someone tricks you, that’s an impossible situation to turn around, especially about being involved with someone else.’

  ‘I met someone,’ he said, turning to look at her. ‘A widow and I liked her, pretty much like you did. Then I found out that her husband wasn’t dead, when he caught us in bed.’

  ‘What!’ Suri stopped and looked at him.

  ‘Couldn’t make it up if I tried!’ he laughed, shaking his head. ‘Anyway, after calming things down, I found out that he was in the army and away on duty. I walked away with everything intact.’

  ‘And what about the woman?’

  ‘I think she was going through a bad time and needed some company.’

  ‘That’s some company!’ laughed Suri.

  ‘She’s a lovely woman.’

  Suri could see he was a kind man and wasn’t going to get drawn into her petty name calling. This made her smile.

  ‘Then what happened, Joe?’

  ‘It wasn’t thought of a good thing in my line of work.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘She was a client,’ he mumbled. ‘I got transferred to keep me out of trouble.’

  ‘So we’ve both had the curse of the married partner,’ she sighed, turning the corner and walking towards her door. ‘Did you see her again?’

  ‘No but there’s an occasional email. It’s been well over a year, and she’s trying to work things out with her husband,’ he shrugged, looking down. ‘I think she was lonely but I believed she was single. Did you believe Ted?’

  ‘I still don’t believe a word he tells me.’ Looking for her keys, she pulled out the cord they were clipped to.

  ‘Ingenious!’ he laughed.

  ‘I’m forever having a panic that I’ve lost them so at least I know what’s at the end.’ Suri smiled and let out another large sigh. ‘Sorry for being miserable earlier on. I’m going through one of those phases when nothing seems hopeful.’

  ‘Life is hopeful.’

  ‘Life gives me a headache. I think I’m not suitable when it comes to the matter of the heart.’

  ‘Why do you say that?’ he grinned.

  ‘I run away,’ Suri said, feeling the depth of her honesty. ‘I’m so afraid of getting hurt, and I just run.’

  ‘You like jogging?’

  ‘I try and get out of the relationship. With Ted, maybe I knew there was a get out clause. Shit, that’s a bit honest.’

  ‘It’s good. Have you always run away from commitment?’

  ‘Not always. Once I was very ready but it wasn’t ready for me.’ Her cheeks froze on saying it, knowing it was the sad and bitter truth. ‘I think I’ve had my moment.’

  ‘You never know.’ Joe looked at
her in a quizzical manner. ‘You might not run away and could have another chance. And talking about running, are you going to sit in the park tomorrow and watch me jog?’

  It was immediate, Suri going red.

  ‘That’s very sweet,’ he smiled.

  ‘It’s peaceful that time of the morning, even when it rains,’ she replied, knowing she’d been caught.

  ‘I know. I’ve been jogging for three months, and I’ve seen you every time, looking deep in thought at the church. Are you hoping for some answers?’

  ‘What’s the meaning of life?’ she asked, starting to laugh, feeling her hot face cool down.

  ‘Depends on what you want to hear.’

  ‘Something magical and simple.’

  ‘Love,’ Joe said quietly. ‘And loving all around you.’

  ‘Oh God!’ she groaned. ‘You’ve just reminded me that I’ve got to look at some porn tomorrow morning!’

  ‘Morning!’

  Joe was running towards her as Suri sat shell shocked on the bench.

  ‘Hello,’ she replied, trying to get the images out of her head from the early morning viewing.

  She thought if she was slightly hung over it would make some of the excerpts more digestible to watch.

  Never had she been so wrong.

  The image of the threesome between two fat men and a fat woman came into her head for the programme ‘Roly Poly Porky Pie’ and she couldn’t eat her blueberry muffin. She’d seen enough dark holes to last her a lifetime.

  ‘Morning,’ she said, looking up and pulling out her headphones. Now he seemed to have shaved and looked very fresh faced. ‘I don’t usually see you here at the weekends.’

  ‘Were you looking out for me?’ he laughed, bending over to catch his breath then looked up at her. ‘How are you feeling? Did you do your work this morning?’

  ‘I’m not cut out for this sex stuff,’ she groaned, seeing him smile. ‘My vocabulary is limited, so I watched a comedy show instead, then starting seeing double meanings in everything.’ Suri smiled at the man she hardly knew. ‘Thank you for walking me home. I told you a lot last night. Sorry about that.’

  ‘We all make mistakes.’ Joe then sat down, removing his headphones, still smiling. ‘You don’t seem to be eating your cake.’

  ‘I’ve lost my appetite,’ she said, holding it out. ‘Do you want it? I’ve not even bitten into it, so it’s safe.'

  ‘Sure,’ he said, taking it out of her hand and pulling the wrapper off. ‘What music are you listening to?’

  ‘I have limited taste,’ she laughed. ‘Right now I’ve got Stevie Wonder on loop. It makes me focussed except when the sad songs come on, then it makes me cry. I expect you’ve got some heavy metal thing ringing in your ears to make you pound the ground.’

  ‘Well, my tastes aren’t that far off from yours as I love Stevie. I’m listening to Marvin Gaye. I like mellow sounds when I’m running.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Why do you look so surprised?’

  ‘What sort of music do you like?’

  ‘All sorts,’ he said, munching on his cake. ‘I play in a band for fun so we try to do as much as possible. We get some gigs but with my work, it’s pretty hard to schedule things in.’

  ‘As a sort of social worker, what do you do?’

  He went bright red. There was no mistaking he was blushing.

  ‘You’re not an escort, are you?’ she asked, recalling the two large men from the porn footage. ‘I won’t judge.’

  Joe started to laugh out loudly, and looked at her, sighing as he stopped.

  ‘I’m not an escort, for sex, so to speak. My social work doesn’t involve getting physical, except for the woman I told you about. Okay, I’ll explain. I help the local community and try to make sure that they get the support they need. It could be young people or the elderly. I’m there to support.’

  ‘Do you have a job title?’

  ‘Yes,’ he smiled. ‘Joe Isley.’

  ‘Like from the Isley Brothers?’

  ‘Just as soulful.’

  ‘I’m Suri Thomas.’

  She liked his answer.

  ‘Why do you come here and look at the church? Are you hoping for salvation?’

  ‘Not at all,’ she replied and stared at the place. ‘I like this park and the view’s pretty.’ Right then, she didn’t want to look at the best view she’d seen in years sitting next to her. ‘Sometimes I need a moment of contemplation.’

  ‘Go into the church.’

  ‘No!’ She knew she shouted it out. Joe was in mid bite and looked shocked. ‘I can’t go in.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I had a bad experience there nearly ten years ago.’ Suri closed her eyes and didn’t want to tell a complete stranger more things about herself. ‘It’s nothing to do with the church; it’s to do with me.’

  They sat there in silence as he ate the muffin, and Suri turned to watch him looking at the church.

  ‘It’s very beautiful, don’t you think?’ Joe finished the muffin and screwed up the paper. Suri held her hand out, and he put the wrapper in her palm. ‘Maybe you should go in and see what happens.’

  ‘I know what will happen. Janet Peters will try and hammer me to the crucifix in there and throw bibles at my head,’ she laughed out and noticed his confused expression. ‘One of the ladies of the church can’t stand me. Never has, from what I’ve heard. I don’t blame her.’ Suri let out a little whimper. ‘She has every right not to.’

  ‘What did you do that was so bad?’ Joe was looking at her, examining her face, and he shook his head from side to side.

  Taking a deep breath, she needed to tell him the truth.

  ‘I fell in love with a boy, and that changed everything.'

  ‘Night.’

  Joe was standing on her doorstep. Three weeks later, he had taken to escorting her home after a Friday night session.

  ‘Night.’ Suri stood there, smiling. ‘Do you want to come in for a nightcap? It’s not a proposition just a question.’

  He started to laugh and stepped closer.

  ‘You know Len asked me why I’ve walked you home for four weeks on the trot. I said it was because I’m a gentleman.’

  ‘You are a gentleman.’

  Since they spoke a few weeks back, they’d met in the park most mornings and had an exchange of what they were listening to, swapping headphones to hear the choice of the day.

  Suri’s tunes were mostly the same, but Joe’s were more diverse but all very soulful. She liked his taste in music.

  But she liked him even more.

  A few weeks back she was hoping he’d at least try and kiss her but he didn’t seem interested. And she tried her hardest to get information about him from Naomi, which was a waste of time. All she knew was there was some married woman, and he had to move because of it.

  Then as the weeks went by, she realised Joe was a friendly guy, talking to everyone and making friends at the drop of a hat. Suri just sat in the pub watching him in awe. He was confident and comfortable, even talking to the regular drunks who hung out on the bench, outside.

  Also she had seen him openly chat up women and get numbers.

  That’s when she realised he didn’t fancy her, and thought Len was probably paying him to take her home so he and Naomi could go off for a hot night of sex.

  By then, Suri realised that he didn’t find her attractive.

  Joe was indeed a gentleman, through and through.

  ‘I’m playing in my band tomorrow night. A pub in Hammersmith. Would you like to come?’ he grinned. ‘I think Len and Naomi are going.’

  ‘They’ll just think I’m the third leg.’

  Suri was unable to wipe the smile off her face because he was smiling at her.

  She felt a little silly but couldn’t help it. He had such a great grin.

  ‘Just say you’re with me, though…’ He hesitated. ‘I’ve recently got burnt and I’m not looking for anything. My work has to come first, now and
for the next few years. Relationships are going to have to go on the back burner for a long time.’

  ‘Oh!’ There was nothing she could say to that. The fact he even bothered to tell her was interesting. ‘I got burnt too, and I understand where you’re coming from. We could keep each other’s company on days we’re free or in need of a chat. Unless you meet someone special and decide to share your time with them. I’ll be here for your free moments.’

  ‘You won’t stay single for long,’ he replied, glancing down at his feet, putting his chain in his mouth and playing with it before letting it fall back. ‘I know these things.’

  ‘I’ve not made very good choices when it comes to men and it’s not as if there’ve been reams of them. From my side, I can’t afford to make another mistake as it’s too much for the soul to take.’

  ‘Okay, I will.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘Come in for a nightcap.’

  Turning to open the door, she walked down the corridor and headed to the kitchen in the back.

  ‘Go into the living room. It’s quite cosy in here,’ she shouted out. ‘Do you want a beer or something stronger?’

  ‘Beer’s great,’ he said and she felt a little nervous but realised nothing was going to happen, they were going to be friends.

  Pouring a glass of wine and getting the beer, he was standing in the living room looking around.

  ‘This is a really nice place. Do you live alone?’ Joe asked, taking his beer bottle and tapping it against her glass.

  ‘I do,’ she grinned and looked around. ‘It’s small and has two bedrooms with the tiniest bathroom in the whole wide world. I was lucky to have got it. My dad left me some inheritance and I thought it was a good place to buy.’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear about your dad passing but I’m sure he’d be proud.’

  ‘What sort of place do you live in?’

  ‘Put it this way, the whole area is about as big as your living room. It’s temporary. I’m waiting for work to sort out a new flat. Some minor refurbishments. It’s going to be on the other side of the green, near the fire station.’

  ‘That’s close to where Reverend Jack lives, the local Vicar,’ she laughed and shook her head. ‘He thinks I’m a lost cause but not when I offer to buy him a drink down his local. Funny old so and so.’