Bless This Love

by S M Mala

  Slowly their lips parted.

  ‘That was…’ he gulped. ‘Very good.’

  Joe grabbed her hand and took her into the living room, sitting her down then returning with two cups of tea and a plate of scones.

  ‘I’ll be mum,’ he said, smiling brightly before starting to laugh. ‘I didn’t know what to do. I thought I’d wait a few weeks then realised I couldn’t. Sorry Suri, you look so shocked.’

  ‘A wonderful shock,’ she said, examining his mouth, wanting to kiss again. ‘I thought you weren’t interested.’

  ‘I was getting to know you,’ he smiled, putting a scone to her lips. ‘And I don’t know much but I do know more, other than you sit on a park bench and drink skinny cappuccino in the morning.’ Joe’s smile then faded. ‘And I know you’re in need of someone who cares.’

  ‘That’s very romantic.’

  ‘That’s the sort of guy I am. Eat up.’

  He shoved half a scone into his mouth and smiled as she bit into her half. Slowly chewing, she looked at him and wondered what had just happened.

  ‘Do you feel sorry for me because of something Reverend Jack said?’ she asked, knowing he probably had lots of questions about her. ‘I know he’d never say much.’

  Joe carried on eating and drinking his tea, continually glancing at her.

  ‘You know what he said to me?’ Joe whispered. ‘He said you’re one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen and if I like you, I better get a move on.’

  ‘You spoke to the Reverend about asking me out?’

  ‘I go to church,’ he shrugged and took a sip of his tea. ‘You can always trust a man of the cloth.’

  There was so much she didn’t know about him but wanted to find out.

  ‘And a few things you need to know about me,’ he said, putting down his mug and turning to face her. ‘I’m badly paid so I can’t take you to anywhere posh but I can afford to buy you a bag of chips from time to time. My hours are varied so sometimes I won’t be able to make it when I’ve promised desperately to meet you. Weekends are my busiest times and some evenings are taken up.’

  ‘Well, on the plus side, I have set hours, and I earn a good salary. Most of my weekends and evenings are free plus you know where I live.’

  ‘We have to keep this to ourselves, is that all right? And I won’t sing that song again, okay,’ he whispered into her ear. ‘Not if it’s going to make you cry.’

  ‘I feel like an idiot.’

  Joe then touched her face before placing his lips against hers.

  The kiss was slow and long, their mouths searching for each other. It seemed like she was lost until he gently pulled away.

  ‘I’d like to take this really slowly,’ he whispered. ‘Just to know that it’s right.’

  ‘I agree,’ she happily sighed before apprehensively asking. ‘You’re not married or have a girlfriend, do you?’

  ‘I’m married to my work, and that comes first. It’s important I do well and can reach my goals. Plus I like it here and don’t want to lose my job.’

  ‘I understand.’ Suri examined him looking at her then stroked his face. ‘Slow is a good word. I’ve rushed quickly into too many things, and then I got stuck.’

  ‘I rushed quickly with one thing and nearly got sacked,’ he laughed, before leaning closer and kissing her face. ‘There’s something missing in this room. Music.’

  They spent the rest of the afternoon talking, eating, listening to music and kissing.

  And for the first time in ages, Suri felt as if she’d met her soul mate at long last.

  This time, she wasn’t prepared to let him go, no matter what.

  ‘I hope you’re okay.’

  Three weeks later, he was good to his word. He’d stood her up about four times. The night she thought he’d turn up, and they’d consummate their relationship, he was nowhere to be seen.

  She’d even shaved and waxed within an inch of her life hoping he’d appreciate the effort. And all her bed sheets had been changed.

  But, as per usual, it was a waste of time.

  Suri wasn’t quite sure how she felt about him not turning up again and was equally disappointed she would never get the chance to get hot and sweaty with Joe.

  It reminded her of when Ted wouldn’t show and she’d wait around, hoping he’d call when he didn’t.

  Joe was a little bit more complicated because she wasn’t quite sure where he was and what he was doing.

  She now knew Ted was doing his wife and family.

  And then there was the fact Joe never wanted to go out locally, other than to the pub they all frequented. When she suggested somewhere else down the road, he’d talk her into going to ‘The Roebuck'.

  Public displays of affection were completely limited, other than a discreet touching of fingers.

  Sometimes he’d stride off down the road, ahead of her, as if he didn’t want to be spotted in her company.

  Behind closed doors, he was rampant but never went too far. There was a squeeze and a stroke, but all in all, he was well behaved. Suri knew he was getting turned on, just by how flushed his face would get, then he’d take control and hold back.

  She really wished he didn’t.

  Suri, on the other hand, was desperate to take him to bed and considered if this was his trick to make her beg.

  It was very close to happening.

  Plus his flat seemed to be out of bounds because he never offered to take her there. That’s when she realised he was with someone or, he was using her to pass the time of day. Recalling what Naomi said about Len’s friends’ inability to hold onto a relationship, she wondered if she’d stumbled into the same thing.

  Looking at the moussaka he sweetly asked her to make, Suri wondered if Joe was playing with her.

  When they were together, he was amazing, attentive and loving. He’d sing to her and they’d laugh so much. Joe made her happy and she couldn’t remember when a man made her feel like that for a long time.

  Little by little, her barrier was breaking down and she could feel herself falling for his kind heart and charm. There was nothing she could fault him on.

  He was near to perfect.

  Other than when he was supposed to show up at a pre-arranged day and time.

  That’s where he failed.

  When they were apart, he didn’t keep in contact. All he did was text her the day before advising if he could meet in the evening.

  She wasn’t totally unhappy about it.

  They’d meet most mornings when he was running. Joe would stop for five minutes, kiss her quickly, making sure no-one was looking and sip her drink then run off again.

  If those were the crumbs of affection she needed, then there was nothing to complain about.

  But today, she didn’t feel so good.

  Deep down she wanted him to like her as much as she liked him.

  In the back of her mind, she guessed there was someone else but she was blind to it. Playing stupid was her only way of being able to keep him.

  It was pretty sad, all things considered.

  Joe knew she had been seeing a married man and probably thought she was used to being stood up.

  Suri examined the table, all prettily laid out, and the candles ready to be lit. Then she got up and examined herself in the mirror. Today she wore a dress that she hoped would make her look so appealing, he’d want to remove it in seconds.

  It was like a familiar repetition of what she would have to do next.

  Approaching eleven in the evening, he was three hours late. Suri went to her cupboard where she kept the old takeaway containers and started to slice up the very large moussaka. She always kept the containers because when she was with Ted, they came in very useful for freezing the untouched food she’d prepared, then he’d not turn up.

  Suri stopped.

  She was starting to get upset so put the rest of the moussaka in the fridge as well as everything else. The wine bottle was empty and all she needed to do was go to sle
ep.

  The next time he contacted, she’d tell him they should call it a day.

  That’s if he bothered.

  She'd learnt her lesson once before, and she'd stop it now.

  Many months had been wasted previously doing the same thing.

  Then she went to her system and put on Jocelyn Brown’s ‘Somebody Else’s Guy’, singing along as loudly as she could.

  It was pretty obvious Joe was somebody else’s too.

  ‘I don’t mind.’

  Suri had been summoned into work on an emergency, late on Sunday afternoon. Still Joe hadn’t called, and she presumed that was his way of ending it.

  Gavin, a man as old as Edgar and large as Len, was editing a package that had gone horribly wrong by a trainee promotion producer which Suri now had to re-edit for pre watershed.

  ‘Why do they show all the bits when they know we can’t transmit it?’ she sighed, shaking her head from side to side. ‘Don’t they teach them to do it properly?’

  ‘Not like when you were a promo producer and used to fall asleep at the back of the edit because you were hung over, aye?’

  ‘I’ve grown up,’ she laughed. ‘And I did it for eight years, it started to piss me off.’

  She logged into her work emails and noticed one had been sent on Friday night.

  Suri did a double take.

  ‘Fuck!’ she said loudly, reading it for the fourth time.

  ‘What?’ Gavin asked, pushing his chair away from the desk.

  ‘Ted Green’s coming back to work here!’

  ‘He’s a cool guy.’

  Suri glared at Gavin in response and re-read the email, hoping she’d got it wrong.

  This was the last thing she wanted.

  After finishing her work, she walked down the road, through the busy lunchtime array of families enjoying the spring sunshine.

  Then she stopped in her tracks.

  Joe was speaking to a woman then hugged her before planting a tender kiss on her cheek. They were outside the tube station and Suri’s heart slumped.

  That said it all.

  He was too busy entertaining someone else and had simply forgotten about her.

  ‘Of course there’d be competition!’ she said, banging her hand against her forehead. ‘Why am I so stupid?’

  Marching off at high speed down the road, she couldn’t be bothered to cross over and tell him he was a shit. It felt like too much hard work, as her feelings were pummelled even further into the ground.

  ‘Why me?’ she mumbled to herself. ‘Why me?’

  ‘Suri!’ she heard him shout and decided to ignore, weaving in and out of the people coming towards her. ‘Suri!’

  He came rushing past, making her grind to a halt.

  ‘Why didn’t you stop?’ he said, holding his arms out to prevent her from going further.

  She looked at the smile and knew it was a crock of shit.

  With men like him, it always was.

  ‘Obviously you’re not telling me everything. Frankly, right now, I don’t want to be messed about with. If you say your phone had run out of charge or some cock and bull story, then I know you don’t respect me. I’ve been pissed around enough in the past few years, and I’m not going to stand for it. Joe, it was lovely to meet you, but it doesn’t matter how busy you are, manners don’t cost a thing. I’ll see you around.’

  Suri continued to walk down the road, knowing she was venting at him because she was mad about Ted’s return.

  And the bastard got a promotion to boot!

  There was little chance of her telling Edgar Peters to change his mind. She’d then have to confess to an affair and knew the man would be bitterly disappointed with her, only enforcing the theory that her choice in men was poor.

  And knowing what she just witnessed with Joe, he’d be spot on.

  Plus she was bitterly disappointed that another man had let her down again.

  She was stopped again because he had run in front of her, and was now walking backwards, facing her at the same time.

  ‘You’ll trip!’ she said, trying not to look upset. ‘Please, can you just go off and do what you do.’

  ‘I know I should have called but it was complicated.’

  ‘I’ve heard all the clichés before so don’t say anything else. It would just add insult to injury.’

  ‘Something happened,’ he said, and the smile slipped. ‘A person I cared about died.’ Suri stopped in her tracks. ‘I used to visit them at their sheltered accommodation. I got the call when I was on the way to see you. Then I wanted to be on hand to comfort her family. I meant to call you, but things escalated and truly, I was on my way round to yours right now.’

  Suri looked at the earnest expression and realised no one in their right mind could make up an excuse like that. Again, he was trying to show her how good and kind he was.

  But, unfortunately, she wasn’t feeling the same.

  ‘I’m sorry to hear about your friend and your loss.’ Suri then took a deep breath seeing his sad face. ‘But come on, you could have called but you didn’t want to. And just there, you’re canoodling with a woman on the high road, that same road you refuse for us to go out together just in case we’re spotted, I expect. I’m not a complete idiot, you know. Leave me with some dignity, please? You probably saw me coming. It’s more than likely an invisible tattoo on my head. ‘Stupid, gullible, slapper,' that’s what it probably says.’

  ‘That was my sister, Sarah. She’s come to London for a conference tomorrow and wanted to meet for lunch today. I told her I had to see someone special,’ he said solemnly. ‘You have trust issues, and I don’t blame you. A man, or men, have let you down in the past, and you think that I’ll do the same thing. I won’t.’

  Taking a deep breath, she could see he wasn’t going to give up that easily.

  ‘And you never invite me to your home,’ she muttered. ‘That makes me doubt what’s going on between us.’

  ‘I’m moving into my new place next week. Do you want to see it?’

  ‘Will the wife and kids be there?’

  ‘At the moment, I haven’t got either,’ he grinned.

  Suri now examined him closely. He was wearing a black shirt opened to his chest, and she saw dark hair plus his gold chain with a small cross, which he liked to tug at a lot when she was with him.

  And he looked too darn sexy and probably knew it.

  That was how he got away with being unreliable.

  Very much how Ted did.

  ‘Ted’s coming back to work at my company,’ she blurted out, watching Joe’s smile slip. ‘And that’s going to make my life a misery. And believe me, I don’t want to go through any more of that than I’ve had to.’

  Her shoulders slumped, and Suri shook her head.

  ‘I’m never going to find happiness or someone who will care and respect me,’ she groaned. ‘I might as well be a nun.’

  ‘That would be a terrible waste,’ he said, frowning. ‘You kiss too well.’

  ‘Are you seeing someone else? Tell me now.’

  ‘Work is my focus. I told you that weeks ago.’

  ‘Then you should concentrate on that.’

  ‘I’m having a hard time as I keep thinking about you.’

  Joe stepped forward and took her hand in his, before kissing her fingers.

  ‘Are you sure you should be doing that in a public place?’ she whispered. ‘You never want to be publicly seen out with me. It's not that busy so you’re safe from whoever you’re hiding from.’

  ‘I’m a bit cautious but-.’

  Joe grabbed her around the waist, making her lean backwards and kissed her very gently on the lips.

  ‘What did you do with the moussaka?’ he asked, staring into her eyes.

  ‘I froze most of it. When I was with Ted, he’d stand me up pretty much like you and-.’

  ‘I’m not married or with anyone else, so you know.’

  ‘I even have a set of containers which I, luckily, never
threw away.’

  ‘Can I come and have some? I’ve been thinking about it non-stop.’

  ‘I don’t think-.’

  Her answer was stopped because he kissed her again, until she couldn’t breathe.

  ‘Let’s go back to yours,’ he whispered seductively. ‘I really want to see your moussaka.’

  ‘Is that some sort of euphemism?’

  ‘No, it’s a Greek dish.’

  ‘I’m listening.’

  Suri was sat on the armchair while Joe looked at her music system. Then he sat opposite her and ‘Somebody Else’s Guy’ played.

  He grinned and she knew he was trying to make a point.

  ‘You played this last night, did you?’ he asked, leaning forward. ‘Great tune.’ Then he started singing along with it. ‘Did you play this a lot when you were with Ted?’

  ‘No. I could easily let him go when I realised he was two timing his wife and me.’

  She waited to see what would come up next. Then laughed. Joe, once again, tugged at his chain before letting go.

  ‘My Cherie Amour’ by Stevie Wonder was now being played and Joe sang along, this time sloping off the chair and crawling towards her, stopping at her feet.

  ‘I used to play this when I was jogging in the park. Hoping you’d spot me,’ he whispered. ‘And you did.’

  ‘I see,’ she smiled. ‘The charm assault.’

  ‘From now on, to make you feel secure, I’ll call you. I’m a bit rusty on the relationship side of things,’ he said, sitting up on his knees. ‘I’m not happy that I can’t see you. I figured something was up when you weren’t in the park yesterday.’

  ‘But you couldn’t be bothered to call?’

  ‘You only left one message on Friday night. I didn’t see you making much of an effort.’

  ‘It was more than you did. I bothered to show you that I was concerned but I’m not pushy.’

  Joe then smiled and moved very slowly towards her, putting his hand gently behind her neck.

  ‘I won’t take you for granted again,’ he whispered and kissed her cheek. ‘It’s hard to cope with my work hours, I know. But I want to make a good impression and I should be doing that to you.’