Bless This Love

by S M Mala

  ‘Not until eight but I’ve got to go home and get changed. I’d ask you to come along but it’s a work thing. Sometimes, in my job, you have to go to these functions over the weekend,’ he said breathlessly.

  ‘It’s okay,’ she said, stroking his head and closing her eyes.

  ‘You think I’m wonderful then?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘I think you’re pretty wonderful too.’

  Suri opened her eyes and looked down at him. The smile was now replaced with his angelic, earnest expression.

  ‘I hope so.’ Then she hesitated. ‘I’m not a trouble maker. I’m a truth teller and people just won’t listen to me. They cast judgement on something that happened nearly ten years ago.’

  ‘Will you tell me what it is?’ Joe sat up on his elbows, looking down at her. ‘I hope you can trust me.’

  ‘Oh Joe, it was a bad time and I feel terrible.’ Suri didn’t know how to start. ‘You see I met this guy when I was nineteen. He was like you, musical and caring. I thought he was the best thing ever. We’d been together four years, and I thought that was it. I’d found true love.’

  ‘I’m sure you did but now you’ve met me, you know that’s not the case,’ he said, kissing her forehead.

  ‘It was the ultimate young romance and I loved him so much. Then it all ended.’

  She knew it was going to be hard to say the next bit. Slowly she pushed him so he could lie down as she sat up.

  ‘Why?’ he asked, stroking her arm. Suri looked down at her beautiful lover, worried he’d misjudge her. ‘You should have been married with kids, if that’s the case.’

  The comment about children stuck her hard in the chest so she closed her eyes.

  ‘Nothing ever turns out as it seems,’ she said, drawing a deep breath. ‘He, unbeknown to me, slept with someone else. It was a horrible shock when I found out. I couldn’t believe it. I’d started working in the television company but saved up enough money to go travelling for a year with him.’

  ‘That’s really horrible,’ Joe said, sitting up and putting an arm around her. ‘How did you find out?’

  ‘She told me. To stop us from going, she told me everything.’

  ‘Did you know her?’

  Now was the moment she hated.

  The real depth of the betrayal.

  ‘I did. It was Felicity Peters, Janet Peters’ daughter and my friend.

  ‘Wasn’t she killed?’

  Joe was deep in thought for a moment. ‘That’s what I was told.’

  ‘She was. Nearly ten years ago.’ Suri looked at Joe mulling something over. ‘It all happened very quickly.’

  Standing up, she put on her dressing gown and turned to look down at Joe, his eyes narrowing with confusion.

  ‘Felicity came round to see me a few days before we were supposed to go. She told me she was in love with Rory, and it was mutual. The only reason he was going travelling with me was because he didn’t have the guts to end our relationship.’ Then she remembered everything as if it was happening again. ‘And I felt devastated. My friend had been screwing my boyfriend behind my back. I was so angry and upset; I shouted and screamed at her. Felicity was crying, telling me to end it with Rory but I felt so hurt… I couldn’t take it all in.’

  ‘Jesus!’ muttered Joe, standing up and putting on his boxers. ‘I don’t think I want to know what happened.’

  ‘Why? Have you heard different?’

  ‘I know she died,’ he said solemnly.

  ‘You think I killed her?’ Suri asked, blinking quickly.

  ‘No! Not at all. I never said that.’

  ‘Well, in some way, you’re right. I had something to do with it. And right then, I wished both Rory and Felicity would drop down dead.’

  Another surge of pain hit her chest. That was the guilt for thinking it at the time.

  Suri walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs to her small living room, sitting on the sofa. She heard Joe’s footsteps follow her down then head off to the kitchen.

  He walked in with two glasses of wine, handing her one.

  ‘Tell me the rest,’ he gently asked, stroking her cheek.

  Suri let out an uneasy sigh before looking at him.

  ‘I told him she could have him. If that’s what she wanted, I’d gladly give her my ticket and she could be with him, but not before I spoke to Rory directly. Then Felicity got all panicked and asked me not to say anything. I could see something was going on, but I wasn’t sure.

  ‘So I got in my car and drove off to find him. He was rehearsing as he was playing a gig that night in a pub down the High Road. I pulled him out and told him what she’d told me. His face...’

  Again, it was so clear in her head, every single second.

  ‘He looked shocked then blamed Felicity, saying she’d pursued him, not the other way round. He wanted to call it off and by going away, he thought she’d get the hint. He said he only slept with her once when he was drunk; he couldn’t remember it. But I wasn’t listening. Rory admitted he screwed her so where did that leave me? Nowhere. I flung the tickets at him and told him to take her instead. I ended our relationship and said I never wanted to see him again.’

  ‘What did he do?’

  ‘He begged and cried. Told me he was sorry, said he couldn’t live without me, but I didn’t care. Rory betrayed everything we had for sex with Felicity. They knew I’d be hurt. No way could anyone come away unscathed from this.’

  Suri rubbed her face hard, knowing the next section would probably shock Joe.

  ‘Off I drove, back to my home. I was so upset and angry. I couldn’t focus because of the tears. Then I saw the lights of the church and parked my car. I knew Jack would be there, and I wanted to see him. He was the only person who would help me.’

  ‘What did Jack say?’

  ‘He was on his way out and could see I was upset but he told me to wait in church. And I did. I got on my hands and knees and prayed shit things would happen to them,’ Suri whispered, wiping her eyes before any tears fell. ‘I never wanted to see either one again. They both fucked up my life. That’s what I thought right then. As I did my angry prayer, I heard screaming from outside. It was horrible.

  ‘I rushed out and stood in shock. Rory looked like he punched Felicity in the neck, and I ran to see what was going on. I noticed something reflect the light and fall to the ground. Then I saw it, the blood. He didn’t punch her; he stabbed her.

  ‘I screamed and screamed. I was hysterical, but I needed to stop him. So I ran and pulled him off but she was staggering and then fell to the ground. I called for help, holding the stem of blood. Behind me, I saw Rory fall. I didn’t know, you see. I had no idea right then.’

  Her hands were trembling, and Joe held them in his, very tightly as she couldn’t stop her tears from falling.

  ‘I bent over to look at Felicity. She said ‘I love Rory, and I won’t let you have him.’ I pulled back and then turned. Rory was lying on the grass, blood all over his top. I crawled over to him, the man I loved, and I didn’t know what to think.

  ‘I clung on to him, and even though he’d just broken my heart, I couldn’t let him go. So I cradled his head in my arms, covering him with kissed, and he looked up at me then smiled. He said ‘Forgive me. Yester-me, yester-you, yesterday. I love you Suri, don’t forget me, ever.’

  ‘Then he died and I never did forget him, ever.’

  ‘I was the only one left standing.’

  Suri sipped her wine. ‘Two people dead, both aged twenty-three, so you can imagine the furore it caused. A stabbing outside the church. Before I knew it, I was dragged down to the police station and told them what happened.

  ‘My poor mother was in shock and my dad; he didn’t know what to say. Then Janet Peters was on the warpath. Saying all sorts of things, like it was my fault it all happened. Firmly pointing the blame at me and Rory. I know she was grieving, but she didn’t want to face up to the facts. Felicity stabbed Rory, and he got the knife and stabbe
d her back. Then Janet Peters said that Rory took the knife from her home. She then played dirty and said I’d defend Rory and not to trust my statement. One other person knows what happened and thought best not to say anything.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Best not to bring their name into it.’ Suri grimaced knowing she couldn’t tell him.

  ‘That’s complicated.’

  ‘I’m told he was on the way to the church to see me and she followed him. They called the whole thing ‘misadventure’ because what could you do? And you know what Felicity did on her death bed? She told her mother that he stabbed her first because he loved her not me, and she rejected him. That’s when everything changed.’

  Just then, she turned to look at Joe.

  His expression said it all.

  Shock.

  ‘Their funerals were held two days apart, to stop both families from meeting up. Everyone was uncomfortable. Me? I didn’t know what to think. After that night, all I could remember was the stain of blood on my skin. Both Felicity’s and Rory’s intermingled on my body and clothing. And I was heartbroken and full of hate. Because God answered my prayers, but not in a good way, in a bad.’

  ‘God has got nothing to do with it. It was a crime of passion, and there was the loss of two young lives. It’s a horrible thing to have gone through.’

  ‘Joe, at their funerals, I was numb. No one could speak to me. What were they going to say? Only a few people know the truth. Rory’s family moved away within months. It wasn’t a good place for them to be. Janet and Edgar Peters stuck it out. Their marriage fell apart eventually. He runs the company I work for to make it all the more confusing.’

  Joe sat silently in contemplation, all the while thinking hard. She didn’t know what was going on in his head. It was as if he was trying to figure something out.

  ‘Suri, that’s the reason you don’t go to church anymore? Because of this?’

  ‘Two of the three reasons.’

  ‘What’s the third reason?’

  ‘I can’t tell you that,’ she said, looking at him, as he wiped her wet cheek. ‘It made me realised there was no God.’

  ‘Do I have to?’

  Suri let out a groan down the phone. ‘Why?’

  ‘You know at the end of August what’s happening,’ her mother replied anxiously. ‘All you have to do is show up with the cakes and hold your head up high.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because tongues are wagging.’

  ‘I don’t think me being there will help…’ Then she hesitated. ‘And nothing for Rory?’

  ‘Suri,’ her mother said gently.

  ‘He was killed by her.’

  ‘He killed Felicity.’

  ‘Then why remember two murderers?’ she angrily replied, knowing the ears were deaf to her words.

  ‘It was a loss of two innocent lives. Suri, people want to see you there. Not everyone is bitter like Janet Peters. She not only lost her daughter but also her marriage, and I heard she found consolation in the bottom of a bottle of gin. As much as I dislike that woman, I would never want to live with the pain of losing you.’

  Suri grabbed her stomach, closing her eyes and couldn’t speak for a moment.

  ‘I can’t stay. I’ll drop the cakes off and then I’ll go. I need to see someone later on, and it’s very important.

  That was putting it mildly.

  Joe had been off to a conference and then went to see his parents before returning home that night. He had been wonderful, texting and calling.

  Suri knew, since her revelation a few weeks earlier, he had been very kind and not judgemental.

  That was all she wanted.

  Someone to understand she’d been hurt and was still coming to terms with it.

  And she missed him.

  The truth was, she was falling in love with a man who she wanted a future with. Her plan for that evening was to make love to him and shower Joe with love.

  Now her mother was putting her on the spot.

  ‘All you have to do is get the cakes and put them on the back table, where we have our little get together afterwards. There are so many people coming to church. No-one is going to notice you.’

  ‘So why turn up?’

  ‘Janet Peters’ strawberry gateau.’

  Trying not to laugh, Suri knew about the cake wars when it came to church, and how Janet Peters always thought her creations were better than anyone else’s.

  ‘Fine, I’ll do it. All for the sake of cake.’

  Making sure she looked presentable just in case she got spotted, Suri put on a blue dress, making sure that her underwear would turn Joe on when they met later.

  After getting the cakes, she drove to the church and parked on an adjacent road. Now she needed to get the cakes from her car to the church.

  Carefully carrying the containers and cursing her mother, she stopped a little away, hearing the choir sing. They did sound pretty good. Placing the containers down and trying to check there was blood still flowing to her arms, she opened the glass doors then frowned.

  Jack was speaking, and she smiled, knowing he was probably going to crack a joke soon.

  Glancing around, she noticed Janet Peters’ strawberry gateau still took pride of place in the middle of the table, on the crystal cake stand she’d used for years.

  Suri never liked the cake. It tasted bitter like the woman who made it.

  Taking the containers, she pulled up the net cloth to protect the food and placed her mother’s offering in a prominent position. She had no intention of staying a minute longer than she had to, but then something happened.

  There was a strum of a guitar, and she did a double take.

  The voice was highly recognisable, and she wondered why Joe was singing.

  It was when she stepped to the side to get a better view; she nearly keeled over.

  Joe was wearing a Vicar’s collar.

  Suri had to do a double take.

  That’s when she noticed Jack had clocked her and was laughing from the back of the church.

  Joe was singing ‘Say a little prayer’ to the congregation, oblivious to her watching him.

  Slowly Suri walked in, unable to get her head around what she was seeing. Her first reaction was to turn around and run. Then she saw the packed church.

  It was full of women and men.

  A lot of men.

  Her boyfriend had increased the amount of people attending because he looked absolutely gorgeous in his black shirt, trousers and clerical collar.

  ‘He’s wearing a dog collar,’ she mumbled and then felt Jack touch her arm.

  She hadn’t noticed he’d sidled up to her.

  ‘And who said you weren’t touched by the hand of God,’ he laughed out. ‘There he is.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she asked, not knowing what to do. ‘He lied-.’

  ‘He never lied but I warned him what you were like. I realised when I saw you in the pub, you liked him a lot. It’s good you know who he is. Might be a revelation in this, somewhere.’

  Then Joe saw her and stopped singing.

  ‘Carry on, Joe! You’re doing a fine job!’ shouted out Jack and before everyone was about to turn, Suri ran out of the church and fast as she possibly could.

  She’d been shagging a man of God.

  ‘Suri, will you stop!’

  Joe was chasing her down the road, and all she wanted to do was get into her car. When she got there, her hands were trembling and she didn’t know what to do.

  ‘Suri,’ he said, putting his hand out. ‘Let me explain.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she said, getting tearful. ‘You’ve made me look like a fool!’

  ‘How?’ he asked, smiling. ‘I didn’t tell you because, if you want to know, Jack told me not to.’

  ‘Jack?’

  'Yes.'

  ‘You’re a Vicar!’ she said, pointing a finger at him. ‘A Vicar in that church. Oh my God!’

  ‘Blaspheme away. You
usually do it when we’re in bed,’ Joe smiled, putting his hands in his pockets. ‘I don’t mind because we’re usually doing heavenly things together.’

  ‘And when were you going to tell me about this?’ She pointed to his collar. ‘I don’t believe it!’

  ‘Soonish.’

  ‘Soonish?’

  ‘My place is near and we hardly ever spend time there.’

  ‘You never ask me.’ Suri was trying to compose herself. ‘Joe?’

  ‘Let’s go somewhere quiet.’

  He grabbed her hand and walked down the road, crossing over until they reached a small house. Grabbing his keys, which she noticed were attached to a piece of cord to his belt, he opened the door and led her to the door, by the stairs.

  Joe turned and smiled, opening it and walked up to the next floor.

  Suri followed and noticed a small one bedroom flat.

  It was evident why he never asked her to his.

  It was covered in leaflets, books, boxes and guitars. Then she noticed the books on the table. That would have been a giveaway. All the reading material regarding various faiths.

  She looked at him, standing in the middle of the room, grinning.

  ‘I hated not telling you, and I never lied. I’ve been honest about what I did; it’s just that I never told you I worked for Jack.’

  ‘And that’s not lying?’ she asked, still unable to get over the shock. ‘I feel-.’

  ‘He told me not to say anything. You see, I mentioned I’d seen you while I was out running. He came out one day and told me to see if I could win you over. So I tried, and hopefully, you’ll see that even though this is my first love, I need the love of a good woman also.’

  ‘I could kill you!’

  ‘That means we’re not breaking up?’ he asked, stepping closer. ‘You’re not going to turn your back on me?’

  ‘Joe?’ was all she could say. ‘A Vicar? In that church? That church?’

  ‘I missed you.’ He grabbed her hands, pulling Suri closer. ‘It has been over a week.’

  ‘You!’ she said then grabbed him, kissing with all her might. ‘A Vicar!’