Bless This Love

by S M Mala

  ‘You’re repeating yourself. On the plus side, you have a direct line to God whenever you want it.’

  ‘Take off your clothes.’

  Joe pushed her back onto his tiny two seat sofa, flinging off all the papers and books. ‘This is all I’ve been thinking about.’

  ‘Is this why you’re always rampant on a Sunday? Because you’ve done your good deeds for the week,’ she gasped, feeling his hands ride up her dress while his mouth travelled up her neck. ‘Behave!’

  ‘You look so pretty but that dress is not staying on.’

  ‘We need to talk,’ Suri said, peering into his eyes. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘People are judgemental,’ he said, still his hand was stroking her thigh. ‘And you said a few things when we first starting talking, I realised it was best to win you over with my personality and sex magnetism.’

  ‘You’re a clergy man,’ she quietly said, looking into his eyes. ‘I’m not going to help you with brownie points if anyone finds out. Though, based on the full house of God groupies, you don’t need anymore.’

  ‘Listen to me, pretty lady. You told me something recently that made me realise you’ve had a tough time. A young adult suffering the loss of a friend and lover is hard to cope with. Maybe I can help you?’

  ‘How?’

  ‘Support and care?’

  Suri grinned before pushing her hand through the back of his hair, watching him close his eyes.

  ‘Jack knew then?’ she whispered, starting to kiss his face. ‘He thought it was hysterical, me seeing you in your uniform.’

  ‘Did you miss me?’

  ‘Of course I did…’ Suri could feel her heart beating fast. ‘Joe, you do need to explain it to me.’

  ‘Can we just make love?’ he whispered into her ear. ‘I want to make love to a beautiful woman on a sunny Sunday afternoon. And for the first time, it’ll be in my bed.’

  Then he picked her up, walking her into the bedroom, but not before knocking her head against the side of the door and then her legs.

  She laughed when he threw her on a single bed.

  ‘They don’t want you to entertain, I take it?’ she sighed, looking around the room. There were boxes and clothes strewn all over the place. ‘And I can tell, neither do you.’

  ‘They’ve offered me the services of a cleaner,’ he laughed out loudly. ‘Not a real cleaner, but one of the good ladies of the church to come and tidy up. I refused.’

  ‘You should have taken up the offer,’ she said, kicking his sweatpants off the covers.

  ‘Do you want me to keep the collar on?’ Joe smirked, stroking it. ‘I don’t mind.’ He knelt on the mattress and looked down at her. ‘The sheets are only two weeks old, so they don’t smell that much.’

  ‘They whiff of you, so that’s good.’

  Joe took a deep breath and started unbuttoning the front of her dress as she looked up at the very sexy Vicar.

  ‘Are you allowed to have sex when you’re not married?’ she asked, wondering what the rules were. ‘Is that why you got into trouble the last time?’

  ‘I’m allowed to have sex. I’m a human being, and I don’t want to wait until I’m married as I’d probably be using a Zimmer frame by then.’ He let out a little laugh. ‘Because I have no intention of getting married for a long time.’

  ‘Is that a hint?’

  He stopped undoing her buttons and looked at her.

  ‘It’s how I feel,’ he said. She realised he was a man of God and an honest one about his feelings. It didn’t stop the small plummeting emotion she was experiencing on hearing him say it. ‘My work comes first.’

  ‘I understand.’

  Suri didn’t want to hear anymore.

  Joe was putting her into check, and he probably thought that now she knew his first love was God, honesty was the way forward. And she felt sad knowing she couldn’t compete with the Lord almighty on any level.

  It then occurred to her that it was probably never going to work.

  Joe and her.

  Maybe that was the appeal for Joe? Pick on someone who everyone knew was the black sheep then it didn’t matter. They were discreet enough, and no one would find out.

  Suri would be his mistress until he found someone worth marrying, worthy of his love.

  A good godly, Christian woman.

  Not her.

  She pushed him away when he was in mid snog and looked at him.

  ‘Are you using me?’ Suri asked quietly, suddenly feeling upset and stupid. Her self-revelation of about being in love with Joe had been very premature. ‘I’m not suitable marriage, let alone, girlfriend material. You can have your fun and no-one will know. No-one will care.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘I should go,’ she said, standing up quickly and pulling herself together. ‘Unfortunately, I want more than you do so I’d rather stop now before I make a fool out of myself. It’s not because you’re a Vicar. It’s because you have other ambitions and a true focus. If people found out it would only mess it up for you. To be honest, I can’t compete with God.’

  Doing up her dress, she didn’t know what to think and why she was walking away.

  Once upon a time she gave her heart to someone and it didn’t work.

  Suri hadn’t been enough, and the day she found out was the day Rory died. And then Ted did the same thing, in a roundabout way by being married.

  ‘I don’t want anything bad to happen,’ she said quietly. ‘Not to you. And it will happen if we keep seeing each other. Jack probably thought, because you were new, and he knows me, it might be fun for you. But not long term. That could never happen. Have a good Sunday.’

  She walked out of the bedroom and took her handbag, not wanting to turn around.

  Bitter disappointment was all she could taste in her mouth and the salty tears she was swallowing.

  A mistress to someone who was married and more than likely, deeply in love with God.

  Which was one thing she was sure Joe didn’t feel about her.

  He tugged her arm.

  ‘Suri?’ he said quietly. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’

  ‘I want something more,’ she said, not looking at him. ‘I don’t want to be someone’s bit on the side because they’d rather be committed to someone else. We’ve had fun so let’s call it a day, okay.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ he said, turning her around and looking down. ‘I really like you, you know that. I explained about what trouble I got into, and now I have to prove myself. I want to concentrate on my job and serve the church as best I can.’

  ‘And I want to be with someone who will, one day, fall in love with me and want to get married. You don’t want that so I have to keep on looking. And, if I’m lucky, I’ll find him.’ She kissed his cheek before stroking his collar. ‘It suits you. I always thought you looked like an angel.’

  Then she walked out of his flat knowing she was in love with a holy man who could never fall in love with her.

  Just confirming what she knew already.

  God didn’t like her at all, and now he was teasing her with one of his disciples.

  ‘Where are you going?’

  Joe was following her down the road. ‘Can you stop?

  Knowing they were outside and not too far from the church, she didn’t want to make a scene and did as she was told.

  ‘You know, Suri, you have a habit of running off,’ he said from behind her. Joe stepped in front, and he’d removed his clerical collar. ‘We’re talking at cross wires here.’

  ‘No, we’re not. Now I know what you do for a living, it’s pretty blatant to me there are no wires to cross. You told me again and again work comes first, and everything comes second. And, just now, you’ve been more than straight with me about what you want from the future. In a way, my mum did me a favour by making me turn up with the cakes.’

  ‘Ah, your mum. Mary Thomas. She told me a lot about her daughter who seems to have lost her path.’

 
; ‘You’ve been talking to her about me?’ Suri was starting to get annoyed. ‘You shouldn’t try and pump her for information.’

  ‘I wasn’t doing anything of the sort.’ Joe then smiled. ‘So you want to settle down?’

  ‘I’m thirty-three years old. It’s taken me nearly a decade to realise I don’t want to be alone. I think…’ Suri hesitated because she knew any honest comment would make the Vicar dash away. ‘You might have made me clear my head about that.’ She was met with raised eyebrows. ‘Not that I’m saying I was pinning my hopes on you! You’ve been very straight about that from the start.’

  He wasn’t smiling now.

  Suri thought he looked a little annoyed with her comment.

  ‘I like you Suri; I like you a lot,’ he quietly said. ‘Don’t pin your hopes on me as I might let you down, and I don’t want to do that. You can now see why I have to be on good behaviour. A young Vicar sleeping with a married woman, even if I didn’t know it, is still a black mark. They cleared me, but I was at a loss when I couldn’t do my clerical duties. It made me realise that I don’t want to lose the church. And I’m not even sure how long I’m here for.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Last year I went to two different parishes and I’ve been here since January. Who knows where I’ll end up?’

  ‘I see,’ she said, looking up into his eyes and not knowing what to do. Then he put his hand out and touched her cheek. ‘It must have been horrible for you.’

  ‘It was horrible but it doesn’t compare to what you went through, and so you know, I have a room in my heart for you too.’

  ‘Don’t be nice,’ Suri shrugged, knowing he probably could tell she liked him more than he liked her. She was hoping he couldn’t spot that she was in love with him. Now she knew he’d run a mile with that piece of information. Or he’d be sent away, happily, just to get away from her. ‘I better be going.’

  ‘You’re not going anywhere.’

  He held her hand and started walking back to his flat. Suri didn’t say anything as she didn’t know what more to say.

  ‘You need to let go of my hand,’ she whispered. ‘People might see us.’

  ‘No one comes this way after church. They’re too busy gossiping while eating cake,’ Joe replied, in a less happy tone. ‘For some people, it’s their main social focus of the week, which is good.’

  ‘Shouldn’t you be there?’

  ‘I have more pressing things to deal with. I was never sure about joining the clergy. Since I was a kid, I enjoyed going to church but I wanted to do other things. I have this need to help people and thought I could do it by joining charities. When I was working hard, going off and playing gigs, I always missed the church. I know what good they can do for communities but rarely get recognised. We have so many heathens nowadays.’ He flicked a glance over his shoulder. ‘And some have good reason.’

  ‘I’m not a heathen. I don’t discuss my feelings about God that’s all,’ she said, looking away.

  ‘Then about seven years ago, I thought I’d go for it. I did the meetings and was assessed. They thought I was a little young but once my mind was made up, there was no turning back. I took the exams, and I’ve worked really hard. One slip up nearly changed everything. But I’m pleased I did slip up because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met you.’

  Suri didn’t know what to think.

  He was giving mixed messages, and her radar was completely off.

  Following him up again to his flat, he led her straight to the bedroom and closed the door.

  Joe looked down, and she let out a hefty sigh.

  ‘I want to make love to a beautiful woman this afternoon and all night. The one I’ve thought about for weeks on end and who I missed when I was away. The same one I speak about all the time when anyone asks. The woman, who gives me enough space to do my work and is always happy to see me, other than today, but that’s excusable. Do you agree?’

  Suri closed her eyes and nodded.

  He had now confused her.

  Then she felt his lips on hers and the tingling sensation throughout her body. The arms wrapped around her back; he kissed her passionately, his tongue moving around with her own. Suri held on tightly as he manoeuvred her back onto the bed until she was lying down.

  Joe lay on top as the kissing continued, then he started to unbutton her dress and she looked up at him. His eyes were travelling down.

  ‘I like your underwear. It’s very sexy.’

  ‘I put them on for you,’ she replied as he parted her dress, revealing her under garments. ‘I’m pleased.’

  ‘I know I don’t tell you, but I’m pleased we met. I really am.’

  ‘You don’t have to be nice if you don’t want to be,’ she whispered. ‘I’ll just play this by ear. When you’ve had enough, be nice on how you tell me when it ends, that’s all I ask. I don’t want any nasty surprises. I’d hate to find you cavorting with Janet Peters over her strawberry gateau.’

  Joe then kissed her very gently as she looked him straight in the eye. Slowly, she unbuttoned his shirt and stroked his chest as he pressed his skin against hers. There was a surge of tingling in her body, knowing she cared about him too much and wanted him to touch her.

  And he did.

  With great care, his fingers traced her legs and arms, her stomach and backside. Then it started to get a little heated but there was no rolling around.

  A single bed wasn’t the place to be creative.

  It felt as if everything was in slow motion. The way they touched and kissed. There wasn’t going to be much foreplay, not at the rate of their breathing. He was stroking her pubic bone through her knickers, and she was gasping at every fluid motion.

  The underwear removed; they were both naked, still his hand was gliding in the same movement and he then parted her swollen lips, rubbing her nub so gently, she held her breath.

  Reaching out his other hand, he pulled out a small drawer and got a packet of condoms, emptying the contents and picking one up. Suri took it out of his hand and tore the top open, handing it to him.

  ‘I want you,’ she whispered as his head moved down and sucked her nipples.

  She watched him put it on then parted her thighs. His hand was holding onto his erection while he glided into her.

  Suri bolted at his thrusting as Joe lay back on top, wrapping her legs around his back.

  This time they both moved slowly, kissing and holding on. It was if she could feel every ridge of him when he gyrated into her hips. Her fingers stroked and scratched his back; her lips still joined to his.

  They reached their climax while groaning into each other’s mouths, all the time never separating for moment.

  When she realised he was finished, she looked at him as he did her.

  There was no mistaking it.

  She was desperately in love with the Vicar.

  ‘Come for a drink.’

  Ted was sat on the end of her table, and she didn’t want to go anywhere. ‘You know you want to.’

  Today he was wearing a crisp, tight, white shirt and looked casual. She couldn’t help but notice his bronzed chest because his buttons were undone. Then she glimpsed Denise glaring at her from the office.

  ‘My boss doesn’t look impressed. You better go,’ she said, hoping he’d speak to someone else.

  ‘Since I’ve been back you’ve not come out for anything.’

  ‘Since you’ve been back, all of the six weeks, I’ve been avoiding you,’ she hissed, trying not to rise to the bait. ‘Go and annoy someone else.’

  ‘How’s your boyfriend? Or was he all pretend?’

  ‘He’s not pretend.’

  ‘Were you trying to get me jealous?’

  ‘Get lost,’ she whispered. ‘Joe is very real.’

  ‘When can I meet him?’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Check out the competition,’ he laughed then stood up. ‘One drink with a group of people after work, today. It’s Friday night, and there’ll
be others around just in case you think I’ll try it on.’

  ‘Try what on?’ asked Denise, tottering towards them and standing against the glass wall of Suri’s office. She could see the woman was pushing one of her breasts against the glass, mainly because it looked like she had a double chin. ‘Shouldn’t you be upstairs?’

  Suri noticed she’d thrust out her chest when meeting attractive men. Considering it was common knowledge they’d been together, once upon a time, they did like to flirt openly.

  ‘Hi sexy,’ he said, and Suri watched Denise giggle like a school girl. From the strain on her face, it looked like she was desperate for a poo. ‘How’s tricks?’

  ‘Very firm,’ she said, licking her lips. ‘And don’t you know it.’

  There was no mistaking that Denise was probably more masculine than Ted. Even the muscles on her arms seemed bigger. But when she was sexy? It was horrible.

  ‘Oh, get me a sick bucket,’ mumbled Suri.

  ‘Don’t go disturbing my people. We’re extremely busy.’

  ‘You heard her,’ Suri said, smiling at Ted. ‘Run along to the important floor and go away.’

  ‘I’d rather have you on the floor,’ he whispered, making Suri frown.

  Then he grinned at Denise before walking off towards the lift, getting a few head turns on the way.

  ‘What did I see in him?' Suri said under her breath.

  She then realised Denise was staring.

  And it wasn’t a nice look either.

  Then again, it rarely was.

  ‘What’s going on between you and Ted? He seems to come down here a lot.’

  ‘As long as he doesn’t come down on me, I’m fine.’

  ‘You think he fancies you?’ laughed Denise, walking to her desk and parking her backside in the same place as Ted did. ‘Listen love, a word of advice. You be nice to the people at the top as you never know what might happen.’ Then she smirked. ‘I know you’re very nice to Edgar, and that’s how you get your own way, continuously.’

  ‘I didn’t get my own way about writing the porn links, and I certainly didn’t get my own way when I told him I wished he never hired you.’

  ‘You can’t even play nicely.’