Bless This Love

by S M Mala

  ‘I know what you’re like. I can tell you’re willing to shaft me.’

  The evil grin said it all.

  ‘A Vicar, who would have thought?’

  Len whispered while they stood in the bar located in the business park. Suri got herself a second gin and tonic. ‘Not very street cred for these media sluts, is it?’

  ‘You’ve avoided a one to one with me for weeks,’ she whispered, looking around and spotted Ted surrounded by women. ‘Why didn’t you say?’

  ‘What difference would it make? He’s touchy about it, especially with new people. Everyone wants to quarrel with him over what he does. I feel sorry for Joe. He just wants to help. Have you got used to the idea yet?’ Len started to laugh. ‘You know, he was the last person I ever thought who’d join the clergy. When we were younger, he’d shag around like a bunny on heat.’

  ‘Really? He never said.’

  ‘Like I said, he keeps a lot to himself.’

  ‘And he’s serious about putting God first?’

  ‘He has to prove to the diocese that he’s a good Vicar who can make the right decision.’ Len grinned. ‘And right now, that’s what he’s doing.’

  ‘But what about relationships? How does that figure.’

  He then turned very serious and took her away from the buzz of noise.

  ‘Suri, you need to make sure you’re prepared when he steps back or even gets sent somewhere else. He will. Joe has told me time and time again; he doesn’t want to get caught up in anything where a judgement would be made against him. And he’s not ready to settle down.’ Len smiled half-heartedly. ‘And I know, like Naomi, that’s what you’re looking for. It’s all well and good if that’s what the bloke wants. And sometimes we don’t.’

  ‘Does that include my best friend?’ Suri waited for Len’s reaction as he shrugged. Then she noticed the disgruntled expression. ‘You mean, it’s not serious between you and her?’

  ‘I’m very fond of-.’

  ‘No!’ she said, putting her hand in front of his face. ‘If you’re using the ‘fond’ word then I’d advise you to end it now. It’s not fair on Naomi.’

  ‘I like her.’

  ‘Obviously, not enough.’ It would be Naomi’s pride on being dumped, nothing else considering what her friend had told her about Len. ‘Tell her soon so I can be there to comfort her.’

  ‘But we’re okay?’

  ‘Of course,’ she said squeezing his arm. ‘Oh, shit!’

  Ted was walking towards her.

  ‘Hey, I’m pleased you came,’ he smiled, looking at her up and down. ‘Absolutely gorgeous!’

  ‘I wouldn’t, if I were you. She’s going out with my best friend,’ said Len, sipping his pint. ‘And it’s serious.’

  ‘Sure it is,’ Ted smiled, still eyeing her up. ‘Can I have a word? Alone?’

  ‘I’m in the middle of a-.’

  ‘Please?’

  It was the look she knew so well. The loving and caring one.

  ‘Unless you’re meeting your boyfriend?’ Ted asked, looking around, and then grinned.

  ‘Okay.’

  They walked further away. The strength of the sunshine that day had left the air warm.

  ‘I want to see you, talk things through,’ Ted whispered. She could see he looked genuine but didn’t know what to say. ‘I made a pig’s ear out of it and I want to try again.’

  ‘There’s no way that’s going to happen,’ she quietly replied. ‘You lied to me for such a long time and I never questioned you. I thought you were travelling on business. Is that what you told your wife when you spent weekends with me? And your children? Two young sons who need their dad.’ Suri noticed he didn’t look guilty but shrugged. ‘That’s why I can’t be with you. You just don’t care. You have no soul.’

  ‘I do have a soul.’ Ted stepped closer. ‘Do you think I took what I did lightly? I know I was deceiving her, but I didn’t care. All I thought about was you.’

  ‘You should have told me. I had to find out from someone else. Eighteen months you lied.’

  ‘Suri, you don’t do commitment and, deep down, you know you liked the way it was. Me not being there all the time, it gave you your freedom. You think your new man is willing to put up with your odd behaviour? Sitting around the church, staring at it as if you’re waiting for some apparition?’

  ‘How the hell do you know that?’

  ‘How do you think? I used to wonder where you went to in the mornings and then I found out what you were doing. Don’t you think I know what happened all those years back? Doesn’t take too much research to see you’re totally fucked up about it.’

  Suri closed her eyes and shook her head.

  ‘You had no right to pry and-.’

  ‘Edgar Peters’ daughter was your friend. I never knew why you were so close to him, then it all made sense.’ Ted took a deep breath. ‘I never told you I knew because I wanted to see if you’d tell me. But you never did.’

  ‘It’s private.’

  ‘I understand you. I know you better than you think. That’s why we should try again.’

  ‘But I don’t want to be with you.’

  ‘I’m the only man who understands and cares.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ Joe said, suddenly standing next to her, making Suri jump and slightly spilling her drink over her hand. ‘She’s with me. I take it you’re Ted, the married man?’

  ‘Joe?’ she gasped.

  ‘Hello Suri,’ he said, before planting a soft kiss on her lips. ‘Len told me you were going for drinks, and I thought I’d join you.’ Then he turned to Ted, putting out his hand, and there was a wide friendly smile across his face. ‘I’m Joe, lovely to meet you.’

  Suri noticed Ted was staring at Joe. The look was odd, as if he wasn’t quite sure Joe was real. They shook hands, but she figured out that Ted took this to be a challenge.

  ‘So she told you about me?’ Ted looked at Suri.

  ‘She tells me many things.’

  ‘You’ll find Suri keeps a lot to herself,’ smirked Ted. ‘I should know.’

  ‘How do you know?’ Joe asked challengingly as he grabbed her hand and gently squeezed it.

  ‘We were together and-.’

  ‘You committed adultery and that’s not a good thing. I know you didn’t tell her until the end of the relationship. Is that why you did it? Because you knew she’d back away?’

  ‘Joe, please don’t,’ Suri whispered, seeing Len did a double take when he looked over. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  ‘It matters to me that someone can abuse your trust and then think they can take you back when they want,’ he said and this time Joe looked annoyed. ‘It’s insulting especially now they know you’re with someone else and it’s serious between us.’

  Her heart was about to burst with happiness when she heard him say it.

  ‘I see. I know she likes you,’ replied Ted, looking uncomfortable. ‘She even said-.’

  ‘Can you just go away?’ Suri sharply interrupted. ‘Denise keeps looking over.’

  Ted glared at Suri, and she didn’t divert her eyes. Len was walking up to them, and all she wanted to do was leave.

  ‘I’ll bid you a pleasant weekend,’ Ted eventually replied before walking away.

  ‘What was all that about?’ said Len, watching Ted walk past as he moved closer. ‘The ex is trying to make a stand?’

  ‘What did you tell Ted?’ Joe asked, half smiling.

  ‘Nothing,’ she shrugged. ‘Thanks for telling him it’s serious between us.’

  ‘I had to say something so he’d get the hint.’

  Her gut felt as if she was in a lift, and it had quickly moved down three floors. The moment of elation was quickly turning to disappointment.

  ‘I’ll get some drinks,’ she said and avoided eye contact while she headed to the bar.

  All her hopes were pinned on Joe, but he was a man after all, not just a Vicar. He wasn’t going to want a long term relationship. Suri realised she’
d have to accept what he had previously told her, heeding Len’s words that evening. Joe had only confirmed it when he had lied about them being serious, if only to shut Ted up.

  Taking the drinks, she walked back to Len and Joe, who were whispering then stopped when they saw her.

  ‘Here,’ she said, handing them over. ‘I need to mingle.’

  Joe grabbed her arm as she was about to walk away.

  ‘I came here to see you,’ he said, a look of confusion appearing. ‘Not the back of your head.’

  ‘You two catch up. I’ll be fifteen minutes.’

  Suri walked away and weaved herself through the people and stopped when she saw Ted speaking to Denise. She caught his eye and was given a look of confusion. Then she headed for the ladies, managed to find an empty cubicle and sat down, sipping her drink.

  She was running away with it all.

  The months they had together were wonderful, and she couldn’t fault Joe on anything.

  ‘I wonder if you’re playing a trick on me, God?’ she said, looking up at the light above. ‘Showing me something I can’t have.’

  Getting up, she walked out, exchanged a few words of polite banter with some of her colleagues before heading towards Len and Joe, who were laughing.

  ‘We thought we’d go to ‘The Pilot’ over the way and hear a live band,’ Joe said, smiling brightly at her. ‘I need to check out my competition.’

  ‘Why don’t you both go and I’ll see you later,’ she said, knocking back her drink quickly.

  Suri noticed Len frown.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Joe whispered. ‘You’re not upset I came?’

  ‘No, not at all. It’s good to see you and a lovely surprise. I thought you were busy tonight.’

  ‘Change of plans,’ he said but she noticed his smile was fading fast. ‘I’d like to spend an evening with you, if that’s okay?’

  ‘Leave it, mate, we can go another time,’ Len said cheerfully. ‘The band’s probably crap.’

  ‘You said they were good!’

  ‘I just wanted a change of scenery.’

  Suri smiled at the men and wondered what she should do. If she walked off, it would look like she was bothered about him not being serious.

  ‘Okay, I’ll come with you for one,’ she said, letting out a miserable sigh. ‘I need a walk.’

  Then she strolled across the business park, knowing the short cut. Within seconds, they had caught up, and Joe put his arm around her. She obliged by wrapping her arm around his waist, all the time concentrating on the pattern of the pavements.

  Joe and Len chatted as she thought hard about how Joe would end it with her.

  On the upside, it might run for a year.

  On the downside, it was going to hurt.

  She’d have to slow down on falling in love, or try to revert it.

  Quickly glancing up, she realised falling out of love with Joe would be hard.

  Len rushed off ahead to get the drinks in. There was a woman singing some mellow jazz tunes accompanied by a piano player. A few people were dancing, and Suri smiled.

  It wasn’t the loud music she had been expecting and felt relieved.

  They found a table outside, in the corner, and sat down. Len then arrived with the drinks, sitting next to Joe.

  ‘Cheers!’ he said, raising his glass up.

  It was a beautiful evening, and Suri listened to the songs coming from the pub, smiling at the Nina Simone sound alike. She felt mellow considering her mind was all over the place.

  ‘Why do you guys never last long in relationships?’ she turned to ask the shocked looking pair. ‘Is it something you just think isn't important now or are you saving yourself up for someone wonderful?’

  They looked at each other then back at her.

  ‘It’s just a question.’

  ‘My work comes first, as I told you, and relationships sometimes complicate things,’ Joe said, putting down his beer. ‘Why are you asking?’

  ‘Len told me to prepare myself for when you step away or get moved. Also, you don’t want a judgement to be made against you.’ She saw Len choke on his drink. ‘Knowing what you do about me, aren’t you playing with fire?’

  Joe flashed Len a disgruntled look before taking a deep breath.

  ‘What’s there to know about you?’ Len asked, sheepishly glancing away.

  ‘Is that the reason for when we eventually break-up, it’ll be an easier excuse?’

  ‘Where’s this coming from?’ Joe asked quietly, leaning forward.

  ‘Ted’s wrong. He doesn’t know what I’m like, he has no idea,’ she said, sipping her drink. ‘No one knows, not even your boss, God. Could be Ted’s right that I don’t want true commitment. Maybe I can’t. I’ve never thought of it like that before. Yes, I suppose we’re a perfect short term couple, all things considered.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Joe,’ Len mumbled. ‘We were honest with one another. I told her what I thought about Naomi.’

  ‘These things happen,’ she mumbled and avoided eye contact with Joe. ‘That means she’ll have time to meet someone else and not pin her hopes on someone who’s going to leave her.’

  ‘Okay, enough!’ Joe said, standing up. ‘Dance with me, please?’

  It was then she thought it might be a good idea to call it a day with the man, there and then. Suri got to her feet and noticed Len was grinning.

  ‘What has got into you?’ Joe whispered into her ear, before laughing. ‘You’re thinking out aloud.’

  ‘I’m thinking you’re going to ultimately hurt me. You’ve told me time and time again about what you do and don’t want, and … oh, it doesn’t matter!’

  ‘That’s evidentially not true.’

  Then they started dancing. The tunes were now upbeat, and it was the first time she properly looked at her lover grooving away.

  It was sickeningly annoying.

  He could dance really well.

  Suri swayed her hips, realising he was trying to match her beat, moving closer and grinning, touching her arm then kissing her hand. She was having a problem thinking straight as the floor became more crowded, and he moved closer.

  Joe then placed her arms around his neck while he put his hands on the small of her back. They looked at each other while shuffling from foot to foot.

  ‘Do you want us to stop seeing each other?’ he asked, pulling her closer so her head could rest against his chest. It was the last thing she wanted. ‘You can tell me.’

  ‘We might as well call it a day now before there are any more mixed messages.’

  ‘I’m not sending any.’

  ‘Maybe I’m receiving them and hoping for something that’s never going to happen.’

  Closing her eyes, she smelt his skin knowing the idea of being without Joe scared her.

  But he was only the second man she’d fallen desperately in love with so it would be hard.

  Suri would have to end it sharpish.

  Then she realised Joe had stopped and was looking down at her.

  ‘Suri,’ he whispered.

  ‘Yes.’

  He then pushed his lips against hers and gave a passionate kiss. Suri closed her eyes and felt him against her lips and tongue, searching each other until she had to pull away.

  ‘I think that said it all, don’t you?’ Joe said, stroking her face.

  ‘Says what?’ she replied, watching him grin.

  ‘Do you need me to say?’

  ‘You like me, I get it. That’s lovely. Thank you.’

  ‘I love you, Suri.’

  Then he kissed her again, this time her head was spinning, and she couldn’t believe what he had said.

  And he was right.

  The kiss said it all.

  ‘I love you, Joe.’

  Weeks after Joe making his declaration and Suri reciprocating the words nearly every day, all was wonderful. Time had flown, and they’d grown so close.

  Each moment she spent with him, Suri would fall deeper and deeper in love.
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br />   He spoke about his work, his faith and his love of what he was doing. His enthusiasm and passion were admirable. Even though Suri had her own issues with religion, she admired his strength of belief in what he was doing.

  And never did he try to convince her to embrace it. Joe spoke about how he felt, and she loved him more for that.

  The perfection in the man held no bounds and Suri knew he was the one for her.

  Albeit a Vicar.

  But she didn’t care.

  She would stand and face the likes of Janet Peters all for the love of Joe.

  Suri admired him sat up in the single bed in his bedroom. He looked gorgeous.

  ‘And I’m very happy,’ she smiled.

  ‘Tell me about it,’ he yawned.

  ‘Have you been in bed all day?’

  ‘The meeting didn’t finish until late and Jack wanted to have some whiskey, which I can’t take. I had to stay in bed to sleep it off. Don’t worry, I had a shower and freshened up for you. I even changed the sheets.’

  Suri started to laugh.

  ‘You’re very naughty for someone who goes to church,’ she grinned, standing in her underwear. ‘Wanting to go to bed in the middle of a Friday afternoon.’

  ‘Take off your clothes and come here,’ he said, stretching out his hand. ‘What did you say to get out of work early?’

  ‘I had an appointment.’

  Suri looked at him, with his mischievous smile and a sheet covering his private parts. She pulled the sheet down and crawled up the bed, kissing his knees and thighs. Licking his skin then she noticed his broad smile.

  ‘You are amazing, do you know that?’ he sighed. ‘And you turn me on rotten.’

  Continuing with her charm offensive, using her lips until she captured him in her mouth, sucking and licking slowly. There were appreciative groans of satisfaction, which turned her on even more. His skin felt and tasted delicious, totally enveloped between her lips.

  And he was rigid.

  Gently, she pulled away and kissed all the way up his stomach, stroking and caressing his skin. When she got to his face, there was no smile. He greeted her with an intense look and she stopped.

  ‘Hello,’ she said and started kissing his face.

  ‘I don’t want this ever to stop,’ he whispered. ‘I love you very much. Every time I’m with you, I feel it getting deeper.’