Bless This Love

by S M Mala

  Laughing out loudly, he shook his head from side to side.

  ‘You know they want to put a plaque for Felicity. I’ve asked for one for Rory.’ She noticed he frowned. ‘He was my boyfriend and deserves to be remembered.’

  ‘Do you think that’s a wise move, considering you’re seeing the local Vicar?’

  ‘I think it’s a fair move.’

  ‘Does Janet know?’

  ‘Your ex doesn’t speak to me. Occasionally turns up her nose then whispers in front of my face.’ Suri took a deep breath. ‘It has been ten years, and I won’t let that place become a shrine to Felicity. It has to be a place of remembrance. Janet Peters thinks if it weren't for me they’d be alive, but that’s not the case.’

  ‘Who stabbed who first?’

  Suri stood up and knocked back her drink, not answering.

  ‘Does it matter?’

  ‘It does to me, and I know it does to you,’ he said, his smile slipping. ‘You see, as a father who lost a child, I can only think that my daughter was the victim unless you know she was the perpetrator.’

  ‘And if she was, what would you do?’ Suri asked, getting agitated. ‘You’d still want a memorial plaque, prayers every time it was her birthday or the day she died. It wouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference because, you know what? No one would want to believe such a nice young woman from a very good family could have done such a horrible thing.’

  ‘That’s unfair,’ Edgar said sharply.

  ‘If Rory hadn’t died and survived, he’d be in prison because that’s how quickly it would have turned against him. If it were the other way round and Felicity lived, she would have been a victim. So Edgar, knowing would make no difference because it would be the same outcome. I’d eventually get the blame.’ She noticed Annabel standing at the patio doors, listening. ‘There are so many things I didn’t realise at the time that I do now. If I had opened my eyes and observed what was going on, I’d have seen it. But I didn’t. Because I was blinded by love. The love for my friend and boyfriend. So Janet Peters is right, I did kill them by being a little bit thick.’

  ‘Why won’t you tell me?’

  Suri looked at him and wondered why Mrs Henderson never told him she was there. She must have been trying to protect Edgar, as well as herself.

  ‘Because if I did, then not only I would have got hurt, you would too. And it’s not about Felicity. Can we leave it at that?’ He looked at her with a confused expression. ‘At the time you had your mind on other things.’ Edgar stared at her, and she squeezed his arm. ‘For me?’

  ‘You should try and tell to me one day, when you think I can handle it.’

  ‘Edgar!’ Annabel said, walking closer to them. ‘Don’t be unfair.’

  ‘I’m not a child, Suri,’ he said, sipping his wine. ‘Your silence tells me something happened, and you don’t want me to know.’

  ‘It’s odd that I’ll be there, singing in front of your family. I don’t think it’s a good idea,’ she said, feeling anxious. ‘On so many levels, it’s wrong, can’t you see?’

  ‘I want you to sing,’ he said, letting out a long sigh then closing his eyes. ‘I need you to be there.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because you’re like my daughter now.’

  Suri closed her eyes. She felt bad about being mean.

  ‘I’ll sing Frank Sinatra songs and anything else you throw at me,’ she said, biting her lip and wanting to change the topic.

  ‘You know Felicity’s diary went missing after she passed away?’ Edgar said, and Suri held her breath.

  ‘Rory had a diary and…’

  There was no point saying the rest.

  ‘And what?’ persisted Edgar.

  ‘He loved me that’s all you need to know.’ She looked down at the neatly cut lawn. ‘Please tell Ted to leave me alone. I don’t care if he loves me; he’s not the man I thought he was.’

  ‘Was Rory?’

  ‘No,’ she honestly replied, seeing Annabel look quizzically at her as she looked at Edgar knowingly. ‘Then what man is?’

  ‘Jack, that’s not fair!’

  Suri was stood in his office, looking at the pile of filing. ‘Where did it come from?’

  ‘Well, I forgot I had it and decided that with your help, you could sort it out.’

  ‘I can sort it out into a bonfire,’ she replied, picking up a piece of paper and looking at the date that was six years previous. ‘Are they important?’

  ‘Don’t know,’ he shrugged then grinned, stroking his rotund stomach. ‘It’s not as if you’re busy, are you?’

  ‘I have things to do.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Things,’ she shrugged, knowing that her main task of the day was to change the sheets for Joe. ‘Any news about my enquiry into getting a plaque for Rory?’

  There was a grunt, followed by a sniff.

  ‘What does that mean?’ she asked, sitting opposite him.

  ‘It’s on the agenda for the church committee meeting,’ he said, glancing away. ‘Which is next week.’

  ‘And when’s Felicity’s shrine being erected?’

  ‘Suri, that’s not very nice.’

  ‘I bet it is though, isn’t it?’

  ‘After Christmas.’ Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath. ‘You know, as much as I will try to help, if they refuse there’s nothing I can do.’ Then he half smiled. ‘And I know Janet is on the war path. I heard about your impromptu visit a few weeks ago to Mrs Rodgers’ house.’

  ‘Yeah, well, it was his idea. Janet made it clear to Joe what she thought about him seeing me,’ she replied, taking the paper and putting it on the table by the window. ‘He was upset and, I don’t know. Maybe this is too much for him. I’m too much to deal with.’

  ‘Don’t you dare split up!’ Jack barked, making her jump. She immediately dropped the papers. ‘And don’t make a mess!’ He then laughed. ‘He was so bloody miserable. Do you know what it was like for me? Hearing him whine on about you, again and again. It was like listening to Janet Peters every time your name is mentioned.’

  ‘Don’t you dare compare him to her!’

  Jack pushed his chair away and walked closer, as she picked up the strewn paperwork and placed it on her desk.

  ‘And your mother knows about you two,’ he whispered, tapping her shoulder when she stood. ‘I’m not quite sure if she has recovered from the shock.’

  ‘Again, another Joe idea.’

  ‘And what’s your plan for Joe?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ she asked, turning to look at him.

  ‘What’s your intention?’ Jack asked, starting laugh. ‘You know, you can’t go playing with a Vicar’s heart.’

  ‘We’ve not known each other for that long,’ she said, sitting at the desk. ‘And we’ve broken up once, so who knows? It’s his birthday next week, and I want to throw him a nice party.’

  ‘Ah,’ he said, turning and walking back to his desk.

  She knew something was up.

  ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘You see, the ladies want to throw him a little party too, and some of the gentlemen of the parish. He’s very popular, as you know,’ said Jack, clearing his throat. ‘They’re thinking of having it at Janet Peters’ house as she has a rather large garden.’ He put on a fake smile. ‘Everyone is welcome.’

  ‘Except me,’ she said, feeling a little put out.

  ‘It’s the Sunday before his birthday and the event takes place after church,’ he said, trying to look cheerfully at her. ‘You can arrange to do something another time, couldn’t you?’

  Suri glanced at the mound of papers, knowing that Janet Peters would try and find ways to push her out from the church social scene. The exclusion would only make Joe see Suri wasn’t right for him.

  ‘Oh, well, maybe I’ll do something nice for his birthday next year,’ she smiled, knowing she wasn’t sure if he’d even be in the parish based on his popularity. ‘He will be here next year, won�
��t he?’

  ‘Depends.’

  ‘On what?’

  ‘If he wants to stick around.’

  Blinking hard, she started wading through the paperwork. Something had just occurred to her. The man she loved might be moved somewhere else.

  ‘He might want to stay here if there was something worth staying for,’ continued Jack, sitting back down on his chair. ‘Is there something for him?’

  ‘Look, old man,’ she said, getting agitated. ‘I’ve had Edgar having a go at me recently and now you. I don’t need this. I love Joe very much.’ Suri started to choke with emotion. ‘And I’m gob smacked that he likes me, I really am. No, I’m not ideal but at least my love is true and how I feel about him.’

  ‘And you think that’s going to be enough? He will never earn great pots of money; his congregation will want his attention twenty-four hours a day. Sometimes he’ll be torn between the need to help people as well as convincing them not to lose their faith. Our life isn’t about weddings, christening and funerals. There are so many things we are expected to do as part of the community and we also need people coming to church. Can you, Suri, be the dutiful partner and accept this?’

  ‘I do.’

  ‘I’m not asking you to marry him,’ he burst out laughing then stopped, letting out a groan. ‘He wants to put his work first.’

  ‘I know,’ she said, looking around for the files or a filing cabinet. ‘He told me, time and time again. Joe broke up with me quoting the same thing. Jack? Where do I file these?’

  ‘Over there,’ he said, pointing to a two drawer filing cabinet.

  She noticed papers were coming out of it. Giving him a disgruntled stare, she walked over to see it was stuffed with loose paper.

  ‘Oh Suri, you can do that filing while you’re at it.’

  Three hours it took her to sort it all out. File alphabetically and make it all neat. She also managed to create a pile for shredding.

  But some of the letters she stopped to read.

  They were wonderful and heart breaking.

  The many ‘thank you’ notes about weddings and christening.

  Long letters expressing the sadness over a death.

  Even doing the filing made her see that it wasn’t only a place of comfort.

  The church was a business and had to be run as such.

  ‘Suri,’ she heard someone say and turned quickly around.

  To her horror, Janet Peters was standing at the door. She looked around, and Jack was nowhere to be seen.

  ‘Hello, Mrs Peters.’

  Carrying on with what she was doing, Suri continued to hole punch and put everything in order.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Janet Peters asked, in a cold tone. ‘Where’s Reverend Pinter?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Should you be here, alone?’

  ‘Why? What do you think I’m going to do? Pinch the holy water?’ Suri glanced at her, receiving a dirty look in return, very reminiscent of Denise. ‘I’m helping out, as per instruction by my mother.’

  Janet Peters closed the door and walked closer.

  They hadn’t been alone in the same room for ten years.

  The last time, Janet Peters was near hysterical and very angry.

  Suri could sense that nothing had changed.

  ‘I don’t know what you think you’re playing at, but Reverend Isley is too good for you. Is this some sort of a game?’ she hissed, stopping behind Suri. ‘Are you getting a kick out of this?’

  ‘Why ask a question like that?’

  ‘He’s not staying in the parish for long. I think he might be trying to save your soul, and that’s a lost cause.’

  ‘What do you mean about him not staying?’ Suri asked, trying to hide her gulp.

  ‘This may be a temporary thing and he could be sent somewhere. He might have to be, just to get away from you.

  Finishing off the last bits of filing, and silently trying to get her head around what she had just been told, Suri stood up and looked at Janet Peters. The woman’s tall figure could be mistaken for intimidating, but Suri didn’t care.

  ‘You’ve had your own way for ten years and I let you get away with it,’ Suri whispered, watching Janet Peters’ eyes narrow. ‘What goes on between Joe and myself is no-one’s business but ours. Jack is happy for us so why can’t you be …’ She knew she’d be pushing it. ‘… more supportive to the new Vicar.’

  ‘You know about his past, don’t you?’

  ‘I know what happened, and he was an innocent victim. It’s awful when people lie about things, especially when they know the truth.’ Suri stared straight into Janet Peters’ defiant eyes. ‘But sooner or later, truth does prevail and it will.’

  They stood eyeballing each other when the door was flung open, and Jack walked in.

  He stopped in mid waddle.

  ‘I’ve done the filing, so I’m going home now,’ Suri said, putting her things together. ‘I might even go to the pub for a pint of cider.’ Then she took a deep breath. ‘Tell me how it goes about Rory’s memorial plaque.’

  ‘That’s never going to happen!’ Janet Peters said sharply, shaking her head furiously around. ‘You really are pushing your luck.’

  ‘And you think Felicity deserves one, do you?’

  ‘She was murdered.’

  Knowing she shouldn’t say anything, Suri glanced at Jack and then back at Janet Peters before mumbling, ‘So was Rory but I expect you’ve known it all along and wanted to hide the truth. What did Felicity say on her death bed? That I’d love to know. Because she cared about Rory a hell of a lot, and I am certain she didn’t point the blame at him. Someone else did that.’

  The look Janet Peters gave her was priceless.

  And it said it all.

  ‘You have to practise the songs.’

  Joe was standing in her living room with his guitar. She had marched away from the Vicarage, constantly swearing before downing a pint of cider and going home.

  Now the man she loved wanted to sing.

  There was no tune left in her body as she was mad with Janet Peters.

  ‘Ah!’ Suri glanced at the ground. ‘I’m reading the lines.’

  ‘Suri?’

  ‘Yes, Joe,’ she said as he wrapped his arms around her.

  ‘I want you to do well. Singing at the wedding would be a wonderful thing for you.’

  ‘Not if I’m off key.’

  ‘Then practise. Let’s sing together.’

  She froze.

  It was instant, and he looked down into her eyes.

  ‘I’ve not sang with anyone in ages,’ she said, knowing it was a little white lie.

  The previous Sundays, she’d secretly did her little gig, now changing her location so no-one would spot her. She was starting to make more money each week, but was exceptionally careful not to get caught.

  No one had questioned how she got the donations.

  ‘But it’s with me, and we’ve been put together to make sweet, beautiful, music,’ he whispered into her ear.

  ‘I’m scared,’ she blurted out, stepping back. ‘I can’t explain but it worries me. Singing to people, singing with you. I’ve not done it for ten years, and I know it’s going to go wrong. I do practise.’

  ‘When?’ he asked, gently smiling.

  ‘In my head.’

  ‘That’s not exactly helpful unless you think the audience are telepathic,’ he laughed. ‘Let’s have a little run through.’

  Suri plonked herself on the sofa and let out a large sigh. She didn’t want to do it.

  ‘You know, I have faith in you, you need faith in yourself,’ he said, sitting next to her and putting the guitar on his knee. ‘What’s the main song he wants you to do?’

  ‘Here,’ she said, pulling out the list from under a book on the side table. ‘Just the three songs.’

  ‘Three?’

  ‘He’s getting his money’s worth.’ Then Suri put her head in her hands. ‘I shouldn’t be singing
at the wedding. It’s wrong.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because it is.’

  ‘That’s not a good enough reason,’ he said, gently removing her hands from her face. Joe peered into her eyes. ‘He wants you to sing and you should.’ Biting her lip, she looked away. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘They won’t approve Rory’s plaque and I feel so angry with Janet Peters, and Felicity.’ Immediately, she felt guilty on saying it. ‘I know she’s dead but I can’t help it. Crispin, Felicity’s brother, will be there and family members who still think Rory’s to blame. What are they going to think of me? I can’t do it.’

  ‘Jack mentioned you had a visitor.’

  ‘Are you two connected by radar?’ she asked, swallowing hard.

  ‘I know whatever Mrs Peters said upset you. Are you going to tell me?’

  ‘She said you won’t be around for long.’ Suri bit her lip and looked up at him. ‘Are you going away soon?’

  ‘Not that I know of.’

  ‘And she thinks horrible things and it pisses me off.’

  To avoid talking about it any further, she stood up and took one of the song sheets. Instead of singing, she recited ‘Fly me to the moon’ and watched Joe grin. Suri was too nervous to break out into song so did the next best thing.

  ‘Is that your version of rap?’ he asked cheekily as she frowned, taking another song sheet and now re-laid the words for Nat King Cole’s ‘When I fall in love.'

  Once she finished that one, Suri then said word for word, ‘Somewhere over the rainbow.’

  It was loud laughter she wasn’t expecting as Joe put his guitar to the side and sat back on the sofa.

  ‘Why are you laughing?’

  ‘Why won’t you sing to me?’

  ‘I have a blockage in my throat.’

  ‘When I heard you sing in church, I realised that I wanted to be with you,’ he whispered. ‘And I’ve not heard a peep from you since.’

  ‘Are you changing your mind?’

  ‘Why you little-.’ He grabbed her hand and jerked her down to the sofa, then placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. ‘Why am I in love with you again?’

  ‘You think you can save my soul,’ she sighed, looking at his smiling face. ‘And I think you’re taking that literally with my singing.’