Bless This Love

by S M Mala

  And he arrived in the shape of Joe.

  ‘You’re the god busker!’

  The child was looking at Suri as she and Joe were at the checkout in the supermarket.

  ‘Pardon me?’ asked Joe, putting the goods onto the conveyor belt.

  ‘She’s the god busker!’

  Suri started shaking her head from side to side at the kid so he wouldn’t say anymore.

  ‘I think you’re mistaken,’ said Suri, forcing a smile. ‘Don’t you mean he’s a ghost buster because he’s a Vicar?’

  ‘Gerald, will you stop pestering people,’ his mother said, looking flustered while she pushed a buggy. ‘I need to get some milk.’

  He was dragged away, looking a little confused.

  ‘Kids,’ Suri said, swallowing hard and rubbing her stomach. ‘They are funny, aren’t they?’

  It was the first week of May, and she knew that all chance of covering her baby bump was long gone. Her gut was protruding, and she had on her elasticated clothing. It was also very warm for that time of year, and she’d taken to wearing fewer clothes.

  ‘When are you due?’ the woman at the checkout asked as Suri rubbed the stretch developing in her side.

  ‘Eight weeks,’ smiled Suri noticing Joe was grinning while packing the bags.

  ‘You’re going to get so much bigger,’ the woman said. ‘This is when you’ll explode. One day you’re that size and the next, you can’t get out of bed.’

  ‘That’s something to look forward to,’ she grimaced and helped Joe. ‘How come I’ve got you for most of Saturday afternoon? Shouldn’t there be a wedding or something?’

  ‘Don’t complain.’

  ‘I’m not complaining. A bank holiday weekend and you’re spending it with me.’

  ‘God busker?’ he said, shaking his head. ‘What’s that about?’

  ‘How are the rehearsals going? I can’t believe you’ve got through to the final,’ she quickly asked, trying hard to change the subject. ‘Do you think you’ve got a chance?’ The look he flashed her said it all. ‘I’m not being rude, I’m just asking.’

  ‘You, my little darling,’ he said kissing her nose. ‘Have no faith in my choir. We’re really good.’

  ‘You’re really good. I saw a picture of you and the God groupies on the local website.’ She let out a loud laugh. ‘How many others in the final?’

  ‘Three choirs but we can kick their butts.’

  ‘Very charitable,’ she said and paid for the shopping as he put the goods in the trolley, and they headed to the car. ‘Am I allowed to come to the final?’

  ‘Are you sure?’ he said, turning to look at her then he stopped and smiled. ‘You look absolutely gorgeous. Do you know that?’

  ‘Fat with big tits, that’s what you mean.’

  ‘That’s not what I said.’

  ‘Your eyes always travel downwards.’

  They put the bags in the boot of the car, and she return the trolley to get her money back.

  That’s when she noticed Joe was speaking to someone.

  It was Mrs Rodgers with her husband, who was rarely seen at church, if ever. As soon as Suri walked up to them, she noticed the woman do a double take while stopping in mid-sentence.

  ‘I’ve got fat,’ she said, holding her husband’s hand.

  ‘You’re Suri, aren’t you?’ the man asked, putting out his hand to shake hers. ‘You won’t remember me but I’ve known you since you were little. You’ve blossomed into a beauty.’

  ‘Are you pregnant?’ Mrs Rodgers asked, looking confused then raising her eyebrows.

  ‘I suppose you’re itching to tell Janet Peters the news,’ sighed Suri. ‘Yes I am pregnant. But because there are so many nasty little gossips, we kept it under wraps, until I got big. It’s pretty hard to hide.’

  ‘Why did you want to hide it?’ asked Mr Rodgers, looking confused then glanced at his wife. ‘I see. Idle gossip?’

  ‘Something like that,’ she said and noticed Joe was looking down at his feet and smiled. ‘We better go. The ice cream’s going to melt if we don’t get to the freezer in time.’

  She walked to the passenger’s seat and waited for Joe, who was being polite, shaking hands before getting into the car.

  ‘I was trying to be nice,’ she promptly said, before being accused otherwise.

  ‘I love you Mrs Reverend Isley,’ he said, turning to look at her. ‘And you know what’s going to happening tomorrow at service, don’t you?’

  ‘Can’t wait!’

  ‘Sing another song!’

  There was a crowd of about forty people scattered where she stood on the bench the next day.

  Suri knew the gossip mongers had been on over drive. Her mother texted her that people were asking if it was true, was she about to become a grandmother. Mary wasn’t sure if it was genuine interest or others sticking their noses in.

  The instruction was to say ‘thank you’ but not give the due date away.

  ‘Listen, if I get caught by the Vicars crashing their gig, I’ll get into trouble,’ she said, balancing on the park bench.

  ‘Why don’t you sing in church?’ an older woman shouted, dropping cans of cheap tomato soup into the crate. ‘Their choir’s in the final of that competition. The Vicar’s a dish, isn’t he?’

  ‘He certainly is and they’ve never asked me,’ she honestly replied and glanced over her shoulder. The coast was clear. ‘I’ll sing one more song, but not too loudly.’

  Then she burst out singing ‘Superstitious’ while a group of people started clapping along. She heard the familiar sound of her busker’s harmonica and went for it.

  Waving her tin, she happily sang, laughing all the way through then receiving a rapturous round of applause when she finished.

  It was then she did a double take.

  Joe was standing at the back of the crowd, arms folded, shaking his head from side to side.

  ‘Oh dear,’ she mumbled as he walked towards her and looked at her ‘God Busker’ sign. ‘Hello husband, fancy seeing you here. Aren’t you supposed to be inside?’

  ‘I thought I’d slip out discreetly, considering everyone knows about our baby,’ he said, and she noticed the old lady who spoke to her did a double take. ‘But it seems, you have other ideas.’

  ‘You’re married to the hot young Vicar?’ the woman said, looking impressed. ‘He’s more handsome in the flesh.’

  ‘I’m trying to raise funds for his good causes,’ she smiled as the crowd slowly dispersed.

  ‘Do you know how dangerous it is to stand on a bench in your condition?’ he said, putting his hand out and helping her to step down. ‘Is this what you’ve been doing to raise money?’

  ‘It’s better than going on the game,’ she hissed, seeing her tin was full and very heavy. ‘And no-one gives something for nothing, so I’ve been singing for these last few months. No harm done and I wear the badge all the time, so as not to get arrested.’

  ‘God Busker,’ he said, shaking his head from side to side, putting a hand to his forehead. ‘Really?’

  ‘I thought it was quite funny,’ she meekly replied, hearing her tummy grumble. ‘I’m starving.’

  Joe stared, not saying a word, before taking her hand and walking Suri off the green.

  ‘You’re buying me lunch,’ he said, pulling her down the road. ‘And I’m eating lots today.’

  ‘Don’t be mad. I didn’t do anything wrong,’ she said, looking down at her big tummy. ‘I wanted to do good for you. I wasn’t doing too well until I starting singing along to your songs.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ he said, walking her towards a busy restaurant.

  ‘I’d sneak preview what you were singing each week and then sing along.’

  He stopped and looked at her.

  ‘And I’m having a bottle of wine to go with lunch,’ he added.

  Joe started to walk again.

  ‘Look how heavy the tin is,’ she said, handing it over as he held onto it tightly. ‘And I don’
t even put any money in. I only have a few coins from the previous week.’

  ‘I wondered how you were making so much money.’

  He started laughing, making her look up to see Joe was shaking his head.

  ‘What’s so funny?’

  ‘When Jack said you were a handful, I had no idea what he meant but now, I certainly do.

  He certainly had two handfuls later on that afternoon after stripping her naked as they sat in a bath together. Suri noticed he’d been very quiet through lunch. Any other time, she’d have thought he’d be upset, but all Joe did was smile – and consumed a bottle of wine as promised. It was also blatantly obvious that his phone had vibrated in his pocket throughout, with various messages and calls coming through.

  Joe ignored it but occasionally glanced at his mobile, raising his eyes brows from time to time. Suri didn’t want to ask what was being said. She was in enough trouble.

  ‘They’re just great,’ he said, fondling her breasts and occasionally putting one in his mouth.

  He’d put in a bubble bath so now he was getting mouthful of soap when he was amorous. Then he sat up and looked at her.

  ‘I’m pissed off with you,’ he said, letting out a little huff. ‘Really pissed off.’

  ‘Why?’ She thought twice. ‘I didn’t lie about raising the money but I never said how, that’s all.’

  ‘That, I don’t care about it’s just that you…’ Joe was thinking hard. ‘You don’t sing to me.’ Suri examined his face and could see he was sincere. ‘I’m forever singing, and you never do.’

  ‘I hum.’

  ‘But you don’t sing. Are you happy, Suri? Is that a problem?’

  ‘Joe,’ she gasped, feeling like she’d lost her breath. ‘I am so deliriously happy. You can’t imagine.’

  ‘So why don’t you sing?’

  She closed her eyes and thought hard about what he’d asked and couldn’t figure out the answer.

  ‘I’m lazy, I guess,’ she shrugged, then could see that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. ‘I stopped singing after he died. Couldn’t find a tune in my heart. I also didn’t want to hear my voice because I clearly remember what it sounded like at his funeral. I was in a lot of pain.’

  Moving closer to Joe and watching the water splash over the sides along with the tide of bubbles, Suri kissed his nose, while his legs went either side of her.

  ‘I don’t love anyone as much as I love you right now,’ she said, seeing his eyes widen. ‘I know I will probably love the baby with an intensity like my mother says she does about me. But until then, you’re my only focus, the only one.’

  He kissed her gently on the lips while she rubbed his wet arm, not wanting to stop.

  And she knew what she had to do.

  It was odd, because she felt vulnerable in a way she’d not done before.

  So Suri sang a very slow version of ‘For once in my life’ to him, all the time kissing his face and looking into his eyes.

  Joe burst into tears, towards the end, made her abruptly stop.

  ‘Is it that bad?’ she asked as he tried to hide his face with his hands.

  ‘No,’ he said, starting to laugh through his tears. ‘It’s not bad; it’s good, very good. I’m getting wrinkly, let’s get out the bath.’

  He stood up and got out, carefully helping her then putting a towel around her body. Drying her slowly, Joe started to kiss Suri continuously until she could see he was getting turned on.

  ‘Let’s go to bed,’ she whispered but he’d dropped to his knees and was kissing and stroking her stomach.

  ‘I want everything to be perfect,’ he whispered into her fat belly, holding his chain to his mouth. ‘It’s been a roller coaster ride for us since we got together. I pray everything’s okay with you and our baby.’

  ‘Oh Joe,’ she said, gulping back her surprise. ‘You talk about me not singing, but you don’t pray at home. I see no signs other than the books and paperwork.’

  ‘I pray all the time,’ he said looking up. ‘From the first moment I saw you, I prayed.’

  ‘Did you really?’ Suri was choking up. ‘That’s very kind of you. I didn’t know you were a Vicar then.’ She sighed. ‘What did you pray for?’

  ‘I prayed you’d sleep with me.’

  There was no answer to that.

  ‘Pregnant?’

  Denise was scowling at her.

  ‘You’ve only just realised?’ Suri laughed out loudly. ‘You are kidding me, aren’t you?’ From the look on her boss’s over tanned face, she didn’t. ‘Denise, you can’t tell me you think this...’ She pointed to her stomach. ‘…was me putting on weight.’

  ‘Are you married?’

  ‘What planet do you live on?’ Suri asked, shaking her head as she sat behind her desk, and Denise closed the door. ‘Do you spend all your time admiring your tits in the reflection of the glass?’

  ‘Hold on here, missy, don’t you get lippy with me.’

  ‘Didn’t Edgar tell you?’

  ‘I only found out by the coffee machine you’re leaving next week!’ she bellowed, now going a dark tanned beetroot colour. ‘No one tells me anything!’

  Taking a sip of water, Suri stroked her bump and laughed some more, feeling her baby kick her hard in the ribs.

  ‘When did all this happen?’ asked Denise, looking genuinely confused. ‘And why didn’t you say?’

  ‘Since my return, all of nearly three months ago, you’ve not spoken to me. You’ve given me filthy looks on the hour, every hour but little else.’

  ‘But you work for me. You’re supposed to tell me these things. You really take the piss; you do. Taking seven months off only to come back to take another year! Why do you get preferential treatment?’

  ‘Because Edgar’s giving me one, isn’t he?’ Suri said sarcastically. ‘And I worked when I was on sabbatical, to cover your lazy arse for not employing someone else. Unless you liked the idea I watched porn, and it gave you some kick.’

  ‘You should have got sacked all those months ago for what you did to Ted. You know it, and I know it,’ hissed Denise, smoothing down her top. ‘He’s been out of sorts ever since.’

  ‘I’ve not seen him for ages.’

  ‘He’s not the father of your child, is he?’ Denise said, loudly now standing up.

  ‘Oh, don’t be stupid. Which, right now I think, is the only way I can describe you,’ she furiously said. ‘I’ve not slept with that little toe rag since we split up. Was he so persistent? Constantly ringing and texting? He only stopped doing it before Christmas because I asked nicely.’

  ‘He told me you were bugging him.’

  ‘Have you met my husband? He’s not exactly ugly is he? When we go to antenatal classes, the women aren’t panting due to breathing exercises. It’s because they’re eyeing up the Reverend.’ Suri had noticed he’d got more attention than her every time they’d gone. ‘Ted, as per usual, has got his wires crossed.’

  Denise narrowed her eyes. This time Suri noticed she was having problems frowning which was probably down to having Botox recently.

  ‘Ted isn’t speaking to me,’ she eventually replied. ‘I hear it second hand.’

  ‘From whom?’

  ‘I don’t want to say.’

  ‘He’s mad at you for tying up and gagging him, isn’t he?’ Suri started to smile. ‘He strung you along until he decided to drop the grievance against me, and then he dropped you.’

  ‘Think what you like.’

  ‘Who’s he sleeping with now? Let me guess? Constance or Leila or both.’ Suri noticed Denise was starting to look upset. ‘Is there someone else?’

  ‘His wife. They’ve gone to some counselling and found each other.’

  ‘If he looked hard enough, he’d have found her in their marital bed, waiting patiently for him. She must know what he’s been up to.’

  ‘The people who are the closest are usually the last ones to find out.’ Denise suddenly stood up. ‘And I suppose you’ve heard about me?’ She lo
oked uncomfortable. ‘I’m going onto pastures new so I won’t be here when you return.’

  ‘Grazing now, are we?’ laughed Suri, rubbing her tummy.

  ‘This place is so dry,’ she said, forcing a bright smile. ‘I’ve decided to go for a smaller, more niche channel.’

  Examining the beast, she wondered what had happened, knowing Edgar would never tell her.

  ‘Aren’t you happy?’ Suri asked, seeing Denise purse her lips. ‘I thought you loved it here.’

  ‘I did.’ Then she looked up and glanced away. ‘But it’s not working out for me.’

  It suddenly hit Suri.

  ‘You didn’t take this job to be near Ted, did you, Denise?’

  ‘Don’t be so bloody stupid!’

  ‘I bet you did,’ she said, standing up and finding it difficult. ‘You can’t be in love with him.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it!’ snapped Denise starting to fume. ‘And certainly not to you!’

  ‘Denise, even though I can’t stand you, he won’t leave his wife,’ she said, knowing what he told her before Christmas. ‘Ted can’t change his ways. I know he doesn’t mean to do it, but it’s in his nature.’

  ‘I blame you for this!’ shouted out Denise, getting upset. ‘You drove the wedge.’

  ‘I think you tying up and gagging the man might have something to do with it.’

  ‘After a while, hearing him moan for you turned my stomach.’

  Suddenly Suri felt very sorry for her ex-lover.

  ‘Find someone else, Denise.’

  ‘I love him that’s the problem.’

  Suri let out a long sigh and shook her head; there was nothing to say. Denise had wasted twenty years of her life and Suri just eighteen months.

  ‘I wish you all the best in your new job. Where is it?’

  ‘A channel that focusses on health and wellbeing? It’s called ‘Enjoy the Burn’’

  ‘You mean that body building channel where they all take steroids?’ laughed out Suri.

  ‘When are you leaving, Suri?’ Denise snapped.

  ‘Next Wednesday,’ she replied, trying to stop herself from laughing, knowing where Denise was going was a massive demotion.

  Even she didn’t have the heart to ask if her contract had been terminated and an agreement come to. Suri would corner Edgar later on about that.