“Chloe, you aren’t the only person she’s done this to. You have to stop blaming yourself.” Nora had grown so much, Chloe thought, but she was still so naïve.
“You don’t understand. She might have preyed on other people, but I let this happen. I tried to convince myself things were fine, but I let her kiss me. I kissed her back. I used excuses to keep things from going anywhere, but I let it drag on. She moved in slowly but surely, and I let her. I even convinced myself she was a catch.”
Chloe dropped her head into her hands, hiding the emotion pouring out of her. She had said it, had admitted to reciprocating with Elaine. She had consented in her own way, putting herself at Elaine’s mercy. “I crossed the professional line too. I made a choice that put me in an untenable position. She had me and she knew it.”
Two strong hands were on hers, their softness surprising her. Ice-blue eyes pierced hers.
“Chloe, your advisor manipulated you. She made sure to remind you that she had all of the power and you didn’t. Did you actively seek out or initiate an intimate relationship with her?”
“No, but…”
Nora cut her off. “No, and you didn’t want one. But she maneuvered you into a position where you felt like the best plan was to go along. That’s not consent. It’s sexual assault. It’s not your fault that you liked her and trusted her. She had the power and she used it to her advantage. End of story.”
Chloe pulled up short, the validity of what Nora had said finally hitting her. This was the end of the story or could be. She had the power to end it. It wouldn’t be easy, but she had to work through it and let it go.
“You were a victim, Chloe. I know you don’t want to admit it, but you were abused by someone in power. It was emotional and probably more physical than you want to admit. But every time you tell the story, you reclaim some of the power she tried to steal from you.”
“I’m an idiot.” Chloe shook her head again, though for a much different reason this time.
“Seriously, were you listening?”
“I was. I’m an idiot for not talking to you sooner.”
Nora shrugged. It was incredible the difference a couple of months had made in her.
“I hope you can understand why I did what I did. I wanted to protect you, but I couldn’t face my truth. I hope you can forgive me. You’ve already worked to understand what I went through, but I was too caught up in myself. I was so intent on trying to keep you out of the mess that I didn’t own up to the fact that I was hurting you until it was already done. I’m so sorry.”
“Chloe, thank you. But that’s the last apology, okay? I’m sorry you’ve been going through this alone. And I’m really glad you are talking to me again.”
At Nora’s offer to move past the old hurt, Chloe felt something start to heal inside her. It was only the beginning, but it was a beginning she hadn’t anticipated this morning.
“I am too. You’re too perceptive and level-headed for a senior in college.” The eye-roll that comment elicited solidified their return to friendship status. “Now can you please tell me about Jenna and then all about the lawsuit, in that order?”
Chapter Thirteen
December
Chloe jogged to her apartment after the game, exhausted but too wired for sleep. Stepping through the front door, she brushed the snow off her coat, then shook out her hat; it was really coming down outside. Waves of white blanketed everything; over six inches of snowfall was predicted.
Welcome home, winter. Might as well make yourself comfortable, Chloe thought.
She reflected on her day. Four games completed already. How had that happened? The JV team had just won its second game—when no one predicted they would get their first win until over halfway through the season.
Macy had come into her own. She was a force on the perimeter, leading the team in points per game and, more importantly, assists per game. Her spunk and confidence provided the spark that got the rest of the girls going. Since her talk with Chloe, she had come out to her family and then to the team. Chloe had nearly cried at the unwavering support the girls had given her. They hadn’t batted an eye, normalizing the whole thing.
Amanda had far and away been the surprise of the season. She was dominating the post. Her finesse was a work in progress, but she was a competitor down there, pouring in six points a game. Better yet, she was averaging eight rebounds a game!
Chloe couldn’t decide what she was the proudest of. The girls were really learning how to be teammates now. They’d developed a collective toughness that she hadn’t seen in many of the groups she’d played with; they never gave up on her. She would never give up on them either.
They had played so well tonight. They had absolutely deserved their victory. The other team had size on them, but they had executed the zone as planned and pulled out the win. Chloe had been thrilled that she’d been able to get every one of them some minutes. Even Claire had played for nearly five minutes, her tenacity on defense earning her time on the floor.
It felt as if it was only last week that she had been interviewing for the long-term sub position. She shook her head, so grateful. Her life was surreal. Even her Thanksgiving had felt like one that had been pulled from a Lifetime movie.
When her mother had called to tell her they were going to visit with Nate in California, Chloe had had to tell them dejectedly that due to the academic and athletic schedules there was no way that she could go with them. She had resigned herself to a quiet holiday consisting of watching football and cooking for one until Taylor had invited her to spend the day with her and the gang at their house.
Taylor and Anne had been itching to have people over for their first Thanksgiving in the finished house. The camaraderie they had all shared—laughing themselves to tears, relaxing, and even getting Madeleine to watch football—that was their own brand of family.
Madeleine. Chloe’s thoughts drifted to her now as they so often did of late. She couldn’t spend enough time with her. No matter how often the little voice in her head warned her, she kept returning for more, even though she couldn’t decipher what everything between them was.
Giant white puffs of snow were swirling in the wind. It was time to break out the snowboard again. Unsure if any of the gang was big into skiing or snowboarding, she had asked at Thanksgiving, and Anne had informed her that they all tried to go together at least twice a month. If their schedules allowed, they would get out every weekend. They were scheduled to go on the first trip of the season this weekend if the snow held.
Chloe had been more than a little disappointed to find out that while Madeleine was going along, she wouldn’t actually join the group on the slopes. She typically spent her time at the resort reading and would join them for dinner after their day on the mountain.
Chloe had been shocked and said so. “I cannot believe you never learned to snowboard or ski. How did you make it this far in your life, born and bred in the Northeast, without learning to?”
Being on a snowboard was one of the most prominent memories of Chloe’s childhood. Nate complained to her all the time about how much he missed being able to get up and go to the mountain whenever he wanted. She didn’t feel too bad for him, though. Now he was catching waves instead. Thinking on it, she didn’t know anyone in the area that had not at one point been skiing, snowboarding, or both.
“My parents were transplants. They never had an affinity for it, so neither did I. My friends went, but I was more than happy to spend my time on the trails with my Yamaha.”
“Well, that helps your cred slightly, but still…”
Taylor nudged Chloe, interrupting her. “Keep it up, JV. She hasn’t tried to learn any other time I’ve offered. With encouragement like yours, maybe now she never will.”
Chloe scrambled to rectify her approach and regain any chance of spending a day on the slopes with Madeleine.
“I’m sorry! Come on. You’ve got to try it. I know you’ll enjoy yourself.” Chloe pressed on. “If you hate it
, you can break my nose again.”
Madeleine seemed conflicted. Finally, though, she must have come to terms with the internal issue, whatever it was.
“Okay. But only because you were a good sport when I needed you to play goalie.”
Chloe cut in before she could continue. “Great. You’ll come with us, no one will laugh at you, and I promise I won’t break any of your bones!” She watched Madeleine try and fail not to crack a smile.
“No more broken bones jokes,” she warned. “Or I might be liable to inflict other bodily harm.”
Chloe had the feeling Madeleine was seeing right through her, reading emotions she herself didn’t even understand. She should keep her distance, but the animation in Madeleine’s eyes was impossible to tear herself away from.
* * *
Having offered to provide everything Madeleine would need for the weekend, Chloe was glad once again that she had insisted on purchasing a Jeep despite her mother pulling hard for a sedan. With the seats flipped down there was plenty of room for two boards, helmets, boots, and the bag filled with pants, gloves, and wrist guards. Now there was nothing but a two-hour drive between her and Black Mountain Ski Resort. Snow accumulations there were just shy of a foot and the weather promised a great day of snowboarding. Taylor and Anne had reserved a suite of adjoining rooms, offering to share with anyone who wanted to stay to maximize their time. Chloe had eagerly accepted, offering money which Taylor immediately refused. Stacey had already booked a room; Molly was getting in Saturday night and would join the group on the slopes Sunday. Jaysa was planning on skiing both days, but since her partner Ben was away this weekend, she’d be commuting to take care of Major, her completely spoiled Australian shepherd.
Before long, the sign for the resort was popping up on the horizon. As she pulled into the parking lot, she was reminded of the mountain where she learned to snowboard. Her family had spent countless weekends there. A central part of her childhood, it had had a tiny lodge and lone chair lift. Black Mountain was bigger, but it had the same sort of community vibe. The gravel parking lot was surrounded by a simple wooden log fence. The welcoming lodge, located at the base of the slope, had a cool blue exterior that was set off by exposed beams and roughhewn logs.
Families milled about in the parking lot, with young skiers eager to learn and older siblings just as eager to head off on their own. Chloe spotted Taylor in the far corner leaning casually against her Rav4. She perked up when she recognized Chloe’s car, waving her over. She jumped her before she’d even gotten out of the Jeep.
“Hurry, let’s go buy our passes and make Anne wait for the other hoodlums.”
“That’s perfect. Is Madeleine here yet? I want to buy her pass for this weekend.”
Taylor didn’t press, though her knowing glance let Chloe know she was intrigued.
“You’re the first one here, which—I’m not going to lie—shocked me. You’re never this early.” Taylor playfully elbowed Chloe as they walked toward the lodge.
“I love this place, reminds me of home.”
“It’s one of our best kept secrets so we get the trails to ourselves. Plus, the kids learning are fun to watch. A little dangerous, though. Sort of like drunken pinballs flying around the mountain, but you get used to that,” Taylor finished with a shrug. Chloe smiled. She had been one of those drunken pinballs once upon a time. She’d been lucky to survive her adolescence.
“It’s a great place. We considered having the wedding here as a matter of fact. They renovated parts of the lodge over the summer and put in a gorgeous restaurant downstairs. You’ll see it tonight. That’s where we’re eating.”
“God, Taylor, that would be beautiful! Do you guys have a date or a place yet?”
Taylor’s face lit up brightly.
“Well, it’s not official, but we heard back from the venue we finally picked. It’s fucking perfect. Marianmade Farm. It’s a small operational lavender farm right on the water in Wiscasset. Amazing views, gorgeous barn, finished inside with exposed beams and the perfect rustic feel to it. The barn holds like one hundred and forty. We want to keep it under one hundred. You’re lucky you’re on the list.”
“That sounds amazing. You’ll be in khakis, right?” She could picture Taylor clearly, standing in her khakis and T-shirt waiting for Anne in her gorgeous dress. Taylor could too, judging from her laughter. “Seriously, though, you have to let me know if you guys need anything, I’m happy to help.”
“Thanks. I know you are. But honestly, with it being so low-key, it’s basically a dinner with some friends and nice flowers. We’re locked in for the first weekend in January, so clear your schedule.”
“Got it. But let’s be honest. All I do is coach my kids, grade papers, and spend time with our fellow basketball players and skiers. I’ll make it work.” Their laughter followed them to the window where they purchased their lift tickets. On the walk back, Taylor briefed Chloe on which were the most challenging runs and the best for learning and what time to be back at the lodge for dinner.
As they approached the car, they found Stacey and Jaysa chatting with Anne.
“Any sign of Madeleine yet?” Taylor asked.
“Nope, she probably got scared off again,” Jaysa called back. Apparently, no one had seen or talked to her this morning.
“Why don’t you guys go find the rooms, change, and get your tickets?” Taylor suggested. “Chloe and I can be Madeleine’s welcoming committee. I’ll give her a call and make sure she didn’t back out.”
Laughter followed as the three women headed to the lodge to suit up for the day. Taylor turned to face Chloe with a more serious expression.
“So…what’s going on with you and Madeleine?” Apparently, Taylor’s patience had finally been maxed out. Chloe had wondered if, and when, this conversation might happen. What was there to say?
“I don’t know. I mean I love being around her, and if I’m honest, there’s been some harmless flirting. But it’s nothing.”
“From that vague response, I think there’s more going on than you want to admit. I guess I just want to know what you want. Do you know?” Concern emanated from Taylor.
“That’s the thing. I finally feel ready to move forward, really let go of the past and be happy. I want the works, a solid relationship and someone who’s ready to do that with me. But that doesn’t mean I want that from Madeleine right now, you know? I just feel good when I’m around her.”
Taylor’s smile held a glimmer of sadness. Chloe could practically see the cautionary words that were coming before she gave voice to them.
“You seem really good, more like a whole person than when I first met you. And yes, I’m perceptive enough to recognize that. Anne may have hinted at a few things, but that’s beside the point.”
Chloe chuckled, imagining Anne offering insights to Taylor out on their porch.
“I guess I just want to make sure you’ve got both eyes open here. I don’t think Madeleine has made the same peace with her past that you have.” Taylor was thoughtful for a moment, then added, “And I’m obligated to tell you that, hard as you’re trying, you’re totally transparent. I see how you swoon every time you see her.”
“Oh wow, thanks, Taylor. That settles my nerves right down. You’re so helpful.”
Chloe was spared a retort from Taylor by Madeleine’s impeccable timing. Jostled by the less than smooth parking lot, her little hatchback was bouncing its way over to them.
“Welcome! Glad to see you’re on time as always.” Taylor laughed, pushing her way past Chloe to open Madeleine’s door.
“Being sarcastic now isn’t the best way to keep me here, darling.” The two laughed and Madeleine turned her attention to Chloe.
“If I survive today, can we call it even on the broken nose front?” She tilted her head, one brow arched, and leaned into Chloe’s orbit, causing quite a ruckus in her abdomen. Temporarily lost for words, Chloe nodded and tried to ignore Taylor. Madeleine took in her surroundings.
“So—I’m new to this, but I believe I have to purchase a lift ticket. Where would one find such a thing?”
Smiling sheepishly, Chloe pulled the ticket out of her jacket pocket. “Right here. I’ve got you covered. Welcome to your all-expenses-paid lesson of a lifetime.” Chloe bowed, assuming her most regal and gracious demeanor. Madeleine’s and Taylor’s laughter told her today might just turn out to be fine.
“You two get your gear together. I’m going to the lodge and find the other three. I’ve got to tell them you showed up. I think they were placing bets earlier.” Taylor turned and walked away, leaving Madeleine alone with Chloe. Moving to the back of her Jeep, Chloe began gathering the necessary gear.
“You didn’t need to do this,” Madeleine said softly as she attached the lift ticket to her jacket and joined Chloe at the back of the Jeep.
“I know, but I wanted to. I remember how panicky I was at the thought of playing soccer in front of you. I can’t imagine having to pay to be that nervous.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m nervous. I’ve resigned myself to the reality of experiencing prolonged and repeated embarrassment.”
“Madeleine, I promise you, this isn’t going to be as bad as you’re imagining. I guarantee you’re going to have fun, and as a bonus I won’t force you to admit it when you do.”
Returning her attention to the gear in the back, Chloe grabbed the small duffel and checked to make sure everything Madeleine would need was inside. She felt Madeleine’s eyes on her and a corresponding tug near her navel jumped to life. There was a softness in Madeleine that she hadn’t seen before, an openness that drew her in. She felt her knees weaken. Shakily, she extended the bag of clothing to Madeleine.
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