Breaking Even

  She needed to withdraw from the world for a moment, find a place to think and to wince without witnesses. Chloe turned. “Let’s go find the others inside. I’m sure they’re waiting for us.”

  With the majority of the crowd dispersed to their rooms or the restaurant, the lodge was relatively quiet. Walking toward the locker rooms, they spotted Taylor and Anne sitting and talking in two overstuffed chairs next to the fireplace in the grand foyer. They were already changed. Anne waved them over.

  “Are you two ready for dinner? You’re the last ones in.”

  “Which is code for ‘hurry the hell up and change so we can eat.’” Taylor waved both hands, gesturing toward the locker rooms impatiently. Madeleine laughed and walked in, but Chloe lagged behind.

  “Anne, do you have any pain meds? I landed pretty hard out there and I know I’m going to need to take some of the soreness out ASAP.”

  “Absolutely, it’s up in the room. I can go get it.”

  “Babe, she’s going up there to change. She can grab it.” Turning her attention to Chloe, Taylor went on, “It’s in the brown leather case on the bathroom counter. Just dig around, it’s my bag so don’t be shy. But hurry, I’m wasting away here.”

  “I’ll be back in no time. Don’t wait for me. I’ll find you in the restaurant.”

  As Taylor and Anne nodded in agreement with the plan, Chloe turned and began the trek to the room. The second floor suddenly felt very far away. She was grateful she’d bought herself some extra time. She was going to need it.

  The restaurant downstairs was magnificent, though Chloe was sure she was missing many of the finer details due to the persistent ache plaguing her. She prayed the ibuprofen would kick in soon, but she had brought two Tylenol with her to take if it didn’t abate shortly. Bouncing back and forth between pain and pleasure, her thoughts were doing little to encourage her appreciation of her surroundings.

  After a hot shower, she had felt limber enough to carefully maneuver into a black sweater and soft white T-shirt, forgoing a bra that might put pressure on her collarbone. She’d paired them with black skinny jeans.

  By the time she made it to the group, everyone had ordered drinks and an appetizer sampler was on the table. Molly had joined them. Stacey was completely enamored with her, that was apparent. Thankfully Jaysa had agreed to stay and eat before heading home to Major, otherwise the couple aura would have driven Chloe past her breaking point.

  “The hero returns!” Jaysa called out as she greeted Chloe. Laughter met her. Taylor spoke up.

  “Drinks are on me. Not only did you manage to make sure Madeleine had fun and was returned uninjured, she just agreed to come back next time!”

  “I’ll drink to that!” Stacey raised her glass in salute, and Chloe blushed. She took the final seat in the wraparound booth, sliding in to the left of Madeleine and reaching for the drink Taylor had mentioned. Maybe alcohol would calm the waves of attraction and nervousness she was feeling. It wouldn’t hurt to try. She took a sip of the amber liquid. The distinctive taste of a whiskey sour was a welcome surprise.

  “So, Molly, how was your family?” Anne’s question brought conversation back to life around the table, giving Chloe a chance to settle in. She was taking a second sip of her drink when Madeleine leaned in. Keeping her voice quiet, presumably to keep the conversation between them, she whispered.

  “I thought the sweatshirt I stole from you was my favorite piece of your clothing, but that outfit is definitely my new favorite.”

  The compliment sent a flood of sensation throughout Chloe’s body.

  “You can borrow it if you’d like. Just promise I’ll get these back.” Chloe pointed to the jeans she was wearing. “They’re my favorite jeans and you’ve already stolen my favorite sweats.”

  Madeleine inched forward, her voice dropping even lower to deliver her reply.

  “No, you should keep them. I definitely prefer them on you.”

  Chloe knew she should say something. But the top two buttons of the loose-fitting white oxford Madeleine was wearing were open, revealing an expanse of skin that begged to be explored. She took another fortifying sip of her drink to avoid getting caught staring even longer.

  The alcohol didn’t dissipate the connection sizzling between them. Chloe wished they were back outside, where physical contact had been a given. She had had innumerable reasons there to be close to Madeleine when she was helping her up, steadying her. Here there was no excuse for doing that, and Chloe was sure she would explode.

  “What are you drinking?”

  “It’s nothing fancy, dark rum and ginger beer served over ice and garnished with a slice of lime. Called a Dark n’ Stormy?” By name alone the drink was appropriate for Madeleine. “Ever had one?”

  “I haven’t. Maybe I’ll order one later. This whiskey sour is delicious, though.”

  Over the course of their conversation, Madeleine had inched closer to Chloe, leaning in and narrowing the gap between them. The subtle scent she was wearing was fresh and light, intoxicating like Madeleine.

  “Taylor wanted to order you a gin and tonic. I had to step in. I was pretty sure I know your taste better than Taylor does.”

  Chloe’s gaze fell to Madeleine’s mouth and the seductive smile spreading there. Bringing her focus back to her eyes, she found an intensity within them that simultaneously shocked and thrilled her.

  “I think you’re right.”

  Madeleine’s hands encircled her glass, gentle fingers drawing patterns in the condensation, and she leaned dangerously close to Chloe. Chloe took a deep breath. Being around Madeleine felt like standing on a cliff. Easing away from the edge, she leaned back, weakening their connection, though not severing it. Their exchange had lasted only a few minutes, but it felt much longer.

  Returning her attention with effort to the table talk, Chloe caught the end of Molly’s story about her nephew’s birthday party. Apparently, it had gone well until Banjo, the family dog, had demolished the cake her brother, Devin, had left on the counter.

  Their meals arrived and everyone dug in, hungry from a fun but tiring day. The salmon Chloe had ordered was delicious, but cutting it with one hand was proving to be a formidable task. Thankfully nearly everyone else was happily buzzed and deep into their second or third, drink and didn’t notice her trials. Conversation continued between savory bites. Molly hadn’t been to any of the gang dinners in a while, so they were taking turns filling her in on the various sports seasons, life at school, the usual. Midway through Taylor’s recap of the progress of the basketball team, Jaysa interrupted.

  “Hey, did any of you see that dope Landon out there today? He’s your athletic director, right, Taylor?” Taylor, intrigued, nodded her head at Jaysa.

  “He almost plowed me over just before I came inside. Dude’s a tool bag if I ever saw one.” Jaysa shook her head. A chorus of “No’s,” uttered in faux surprise, and general agreement about his temperament rang around the table.

  Though it was fleeting, Chloe had felt Madeleine’s body tense. The subject of discussion shifted yet again, but Chloe’s focus remained on Madeleine’s obvious discomfort. Her entire demeanor had shifted. No one else seemed to have noticed.

  Concerned, Chloe tried to gauge how Madeleine was doing. She didn’t appear to be in great distress. But there was a new set to her jaw and the slight crease between her brows. Working awfully hard to appear casual, she had begun to cut up her vegetables with forceful strokes, her gaze fixed with laser focus on her plate.

  Chloe leaned into Madeleine casually and remained there. Speaking only loud enough for Madeleine to hear, she asked, “Did broccoli wrong you as a child?” Madeleine’s knife stopped in midair. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but that floret is taking a real beating.”

  Madeleine let out a short-lived chuckle. Lowering her silverware, she dropped her hands to her knees and took a deep breath. Chloe felt it was safe to push on.

  “Seriously, I’m here if you want to vent.”

&n
bsp; Chloe wasn’t sure what made her do it. Maybe it was the conflict so evident in Madeleine. Or her mounting suspicion about Landon’s constant presence in the periphery, which strongly reminded Chloe of her own experience with Elaine. Something made her reach out. Finding Madeleine’s left hand, Chloe set her right hand on top of it and gave it a gentle squeeze, hoping she would not pull away. She didn’t. The rush that accompanied that realization nearly took Chloe’s breath away.

  “Don’t hold it against me, but I’ve got a particularly shady past with cauliflower myself.”

  Their joint laughter drew the attention of some of the others, primarily Taylor. Chloe knew she should remove her hand before her lapse in judgment became more noticeable. She lifted it, experiencing palpable loss as the contact between them was severed, and gave a dismissive wave.

  “Nothing to see here, folks. Just some vegetable humor.”

  “Oh, God help us all. Madeleine’s met her match.”

  A chorus of light-hearted agreement circled the table, and Chloe felt heat rush to her face. Not only had she grabbed Madeleine’s hand, but Taylor had called her out on it in her own charming way. So much for keeping her distance. Apparently she had used up all of her willpower in deciding to leave UMass.

  By the time the waitress brought them their checks, Chloe’s pain had been reduced to a level that no longer impacted her breathing or overall functioning. She was confident that all she would have to show for it in the morning was a nasty bruise.

  In the meantime, she had pain of a different kind to deal with. Something had changed in Madeleine. She was withdrawing, carefully avoiding any physical interaction with her. Chloe couldn’t understand what was driving this strange yo-yoing, but as a result she was barely hanging on.

  As they all stood, extricating themselves from their places at the table, Taylor gathered the group. “Who’s up for another drink with me at the bar before we call it a night?”

  Stacey chimed in first, beaming at Molly. “We’re in, right, babe?”

  Chloe wanted to stay and try to figure out what was happening between her and Madeleine. Since that was out of the question, she decided to settle for a quick walk and a comfortable bed.

  “I’m getting a bit sore. I’m going to get a little fresh air and then hit the sack. Thanks for a great day, everyone.” Hoping for a final connection, Chloe casually reached out and slid her hand onto Madeleine’s toned shoulder. Her pulse quickened as she felt the taut muscles there bunch beneath the soft fabric of her oxford.

  “Have one for me. I’ve got to go nurse my aging body back to health.”

  Madeleine bit the corner of her lower lip, looking as if she had wanted to respond, but she caught herself at the last moment. Chills raced up and down Chloe’s spine. If Madeleine had asked her to jump off a cliff in that moment, she wouldn’t have hesitated. God, this woman was dangerous.

  Turning away slowly and with purpose, Chloe made her way to the sanctity of the deck that looked out onto the mountain. The lights on the trails had been turned off, leaving the flickering lights from inside the lodge and the fireplace as the only sources of illumination. Spotting a nearby wooden bench, she seated herself gingerly on the back of it, planting both feet firmly on the sturdy seat. Taking deep breaths, filling her chest with crisp air, she felt some of her worry fade.

  Today had certainly been an adventure. Madeleine had been her typical enticing and perplexing self. Despite her initial wariness, she had accepted the challenge of mastering her snowboarding skills eagerly. The first time she had fallen hard, she popped back up and continued down the hill without hesitation.

  And on the ski lift, she’d asked Chloe how she felt her work with Science Olympiad was going. She had listened intently, asking specific questions about each different event despite not sharing Chloe’s passion for the laws of thermodynamics. Chloe was being steadily drawn into deeper waters, pulled out to sea as if by a rip tide. She was fully aware of the danger she was in. Captivating though she might be, Madeleine also was constantly wavering, open one moment and closed off the next. Chloe didn’t know what was worse—being held at arm’s length or the risk that Madeleine would let her in.

  She sighed. Everything had been so simple not so long ago. Find a job and maybe figure out where to go next. But now? She had a job, yes. As for the question of where to go next, she was nowhere nearer to answering it than she had been four months ago. The pain she felt at the thought of losing the connections she had made with her students and her team made her realize she had a pretty good idea of what she wanted. Would she be able to pursue it, though? Would teaching and coaching allow her to pay back her student loans?

  “Young Clark may not have broken any of your bones when you stopped him from plowing into me, but hypothermia is a thing, you know.”

  Madeleine’s voice from out of the darkness was as smooth as the velvety blackness in the sky. Chloe patted the empty stretch of bench next to her.

  “I’m wearing a sweater, you’re the one in a button-up. I can’t imagine it’s very warm.”

  “Don’t you know alcohol is the best sweater? I’ll be fine.”

  Chloe heard the playfulness in her voice, but she was wary. With the unpredictable push-and-pull routine Madeleine had been giving her lately she couldn’t know when the playful Madeleine would disappear and closed-off Madeleine would make her appearance again.

  As Madeleine perched deftly next to her on the back of the bench, Chloe found herself reflecting on how easily and openly she’d interacted with the kids on the slope. She had an amazing capacity for connection with kids. She treated her students and her players with respect and in return they respected and adored her.

  Chloe couldn’t help but wonder what kept her from that level of connection in adult relationships. Whatever it was, she doubted she would find out tonight.

  “I’m really glad you came today.” Good, keep it simple. Simple is good.

  “I am too. Today was fantastic, and I know it was all because of you. So truly, thank you, Chloe.”

  A shiver made its way down Chloe’s spine, a visceral reaction to hearing Madeleine say her name so sincerely.

  “You’re welcome. I had so much fun. I’m yours anytime.”

  Chloe cringed. Had she seriously just said that? She stood and stepped down off the bench. Her only hope was to move. Madeleine followed suit, a few steps behind. Halting at the railing, Chloe centered herself again, focusing on her breathing. She discovered that measured breaths were all she could manage; anything more resulted in waves of pain radiating from the vicinity of her collarbone.

  She glanced at Madeleine, registering smooth, calm features illuminated by the soft light emanating from the windows of the lodge. The firelight was dancing on her skin. She looked back toward the darkened slopes. She needed separation, something to break the spell she was falling under once again.

  “Did you have any idea Landon was coming today? It was weird I never even saw him out there.”

  Icy tension rippled out of Madeleine. Mission accomplished. Spell broken. Not to mention the wonderful rapport they’d enjoyed on the slopes. A dozen words or so and she’d again managed to piss Madeleine off completely. Great.

  “I had no idea.” Her clipped tones invited no response. Not that Chloe felt like giving one. If Madeleine was going to be so evasive, she refused to feel bad about referring to aspects of their shared reality. She let the silence sit, wondering if this was always going to be the way Madeleine reacted to mentions of Landon. Then, remembering her own irrational and self-destructive behavior of late, she softened. She hated to think this was how Hannah had felt when dealing with her last year.

  “Madeleine, is everything all right? Something is going on and I wish you would talk to me.”

  “Everything’s fine.”

  “Okay, I just feel like…” Chloe wasn’t able to finish that thought.

  Madeleine’s voice canceled out her own as she spun into Chloe’s personal space. “Just leave
it alone. Jesus.”

  Taking a breath, Chloe eased back. “I don’t believe you don’t want to talk about it. Just know I’m here when you do, okay?”

  The sag in Madeleine’s shoulders broke Chloe’s heart. Though she had absolutely no idea what was happening between her and Landon, it was as if she witnessed the weight of the world draping itself on her. Without thinking, she reached out, needing to lend Madeleine a physical show of support. She brought her hand to Madeleine’s shoulder and gently squeezed, feeling cords of muscle taut with emotion.

  As it had the first time they were close to each other, the air shifted and Chloe felt her heartbeat throughout her body. She struggled to focus.

  Madeleine turned into Chloe’s touch. She closed the distance between them, her eyes molten. Chloe’s breathing hitched as Madeleine’s face came closer, tantalizing lips parted and expectant.

  When the contact came, Chloe was stunned. As soft, sweet lips danced with her own, Madeleine pulled her closer, a hand in the middle of her lower back bringing their bodies into contact and loosing a cascade of pleasure. Her hips pinned Chloe to the railing. She gasped, pain mingling with exquisite pleasure.

  Chloe cupped Madeleine’s jaw, holding her face tight against hers as Madeleine explored her lips hungrily. A low moan escaped between them. Had it been hers? Madeleine’s? Chloe didn’t know and she didn’t care. She wasn’t sure where one of them ended and the other began. It didn’t matter. She never wanted the feeling to end.

  Catching Chloe’s bottom lip with her teeth, Madeleine tugged gently, sending shockwaves through her system, and placed burning kisses along her jawline. She traced a path to Chloe’s earlobe, which she gave another gentle tug to before shifting her focus to Chloe’s exposed neck. She heard herself grind out a low moan. Madeleine’s hands found their way to her waist, slid under her shirt and beneath the waistband of her jeans, seeking her hipbones. A tug of pressure on her neck from Madeleine’s teeth ripped another moan from her throat. Madeleine’s answering whimper shattered her control. She reached out, finding the front of Madeleine’s shirt, and tugged her face back toward her own, and resumed their scorching kiss. Madeleine slid her thigh between Chloe’s legs, and she gasped, the pressure nearly undoing her. Her head reeled, her back arched. Madeleine pressed herself more firmly into her, moving her hands to Chloe’s sides and sliding them upward along Chloe’s ribs, exposing bare flesh. She rocked her hips slightly and whimpered again, this time more urgently.