“So basically, she’s falling for you, but she’s scared shitless. Things are good, my friend. You’re going to go to the wedding, be yourself, dance with the girls, and let her come to you. If she doesn’t, I’m saving the heavy artillery for after the honeymoon. When we get back, I’ll sic my bride on her.”
“I love you, but please don’t refer to me like some sort of rabid attack animal,” Anne said quietly. Taylor smiled sheepishly. Anne went on. “I have to agree with Taylor. I know it doesn’t sound easy, but I think if you focus on enjoying the wedding things will settle down a bit. Then you two can find time to talk when she’s ready.”
“I don’t know if I can wait until she’s ready.” Voicing her fear out loud shook Chloe to the core. Here she was thinking she had done so well putting the past in the past, and now she was in that same pathetic, vulnerable place all over again.
“If you don’t want to wait, you’ve got the best wingman on earth to help you move on.”
Anne chimed in, “Yeah, basketball. And when that doesn’t take your mind off things, you can come over here and entertain Taylor.”
The laughter surrounding her was a soothing balm. Chloe only wondered if she could really pull herself together in time for the wedding.
* * *
It had been nice spending Christmas with her family. Chloe had hoped they would be enough to keep her mind occupied, but even a warm house filled with cousins, aunts, uncles, and both sets of grandparents hadn’t been able to clear her head completely. Letting her concerns slip to Taylor had been a relief in the moment, but now she was worried about having violated Madeleine’s trust. She wanted to help, but Madeleine needed to handle things her own way. That didn’t make it easier to stop thinking about Landon’s abusive behavior. Complicating things further, thoughts of how rapidly things had deteriorated with Madeleine kept sneaking in all break. When things were right, they should come naturally, simply. The frenetic volleying back and forth with Madeleine certainly didn’t seem simple.
While their situation had left Chloe distracted for most of the break, she did have the upcoming wedding to look forward to—sans the part where she and Madeleine might have to interact. She was overjoyed to be involved in helping Taylor and Anne cement their union and optimistic enough to hold out the hope that she might be able to reestablish her friendship with Madeleine after she gave them both a reprieve from their highly charged interactions. Oddly enough, that thought was always much more convincing when she was miles away from Madeleine.
Going to the wedding had meant figuring out what to wear to it, another useful, though challenging distraction. She had decided the week before to wear a pair of light gray dress pants, slim fit and closely cropped at the ankles. She had purchased them over the summer when she realized she had no properly fitting dress clothes. Going for broke, she had had them tailored; she could never find anything off the rack that fit her for length as well as in the waist. She was planning on pairing them with a matching vest and a chambray blue button-up.
Unsure what shoes she was going to wear, she had gone shopping during the break to find the perfect pair and had fallen head over heels for a pair of vintage light brown leather oxfords with a brogue design. They were one of the best pair of shoes she had ever owned, she had to admit, but they had made her wallet cry. Casting fiscal caution to the winds, she went for broke and got a dark blue pocket square as well. For Anne and Taylor’s wedding she had to step it up.
When Saturday afternoon arrived, Chloe was all sorts of jittery. Hoping to burn off a little of her anxiousness, she went for a run on the old treadmill that her landlady had set up across from the washer and dryer in the unfinished basement. She had told her she was welcome to use it any time. It wasn’t exactly state-of the-art, probably never had been, but the even footing it provided was better than trying to navigate the town’s icy streets. With her luck, she would slip, fall, and end up in urgent care again, this time with a broken leg instead of a broken nose or collarbone.
She stretched out, set the speed to four miles per hour, and began to run, reflecting as she usually did on her relationship with Madeleine. If she was honest with herself she had known early on that the friendship that was forming was never going to be purely platonic. She had wanted it to be, sincerely she had. Well, maybe she had wanted it to be platonic after the shitstorm Elaine had caused.
She did not enjoy having her emotions tossed about like a cat’s plaything each time she encountered Madeleine, for better or worse. It made the work she had put into dealing with that grad school mess, focusing on herself and what she wanted, feel almost wasted. Her life was becoming another lesbian stereotype: wounded gay girl falls for unavailable, closeted coworker.
Grabbing her towel, she dragged it over her face as she continued to run, imagining she was clearing her thoughts along with her sweat.
Tonight I am going to celebrate for Taylor and Anne. I am going to enjoy the great company, and I am going to feel great in my outfit. I will laugh and I will see Madeleine, but I will make it clear that I only want to be friends.
How many times had she said this very thing to herself? And yet she kept letting her emotions take the reins every time she saw her. Punching the button to increase the speed of the treadmill, she pounded even harder on the machine, hoping it would last a couple more minutes. Jacob’s voice drifted into her consciousness as she sped up, “Que sera, sera.” Preach, Jacob, she thought and, finally feeling a sense of reluctant peace, she finished her run.
Walking up the stairs later, she was glad that she made the time to exercise. The hour-long workout had taken some of the edge off the anticipation that was mounting within her. A quick shower would nudge her closer to the serenity she was chasing, she hoped. She immersed herself in water and music, taking full advantage of the speakers Hannah had bought her for one of her last birthdays.
Chloe studied her reflection in the mirror as she toweled her hair dry, glad she had found World Hair on a spur of the moment trip to Brunswick. Drawn to the eclectic salon by the sight of stylists with plenty of tattoos and piercings, she had decided to give it a shot. Sam, a friendly young woman with a bright blue bob, had given her a fantastic fade, texturizing the top so that she could style it easily. She would definitely be scheduling more appointments with her. Would Madeleine notice her haircut?
Chloe laughed. Ah well, even if everything falls apart, at least there’s an open bar. Jack can help me through the night. It’ll have to do.
The invitation had offered a plus one, but she would be going stag. She would give anything to have Hannah here for the night, but she hadn’t been able to come due to work. Out of desperation she’d asked Jacob to come. He was out of town with his new girlfriend. Which meant Chloe couldn’t even be mad at him for not joining her.
How am I going to be in the same room with her? Playing with her hair, attempting to get the blond strands to submit, Chloe reminded herself that she and Madeleine had barely talked since before break. No sparks would be flying tonight.
She took a fortifying breath. Time to make this all about Taylor and Anne. It was the least she could do. They deserved all the happiness in the world.
This is really happening.
Thankful for the warmth of her coat, Chloe hustled to her Jeep. Puffy white flakes swirled in the wind, accumulating quickly on the ground. Local forecasters were predicting an overnight snowfall of about a foot, but it was early afternoon. The plows had plenty of time to get ahead of the storm.
Approaching Marianmade, she turned down a driveway lined with mason jars filled with white lights dangling on miniature shepherds’ hooks that offered soft guidance up the long drive. The beams supporting the covered entryway were wrapped in similar white lights, she saw, with the tops of the windows draped in more of the same the length of the building. Simple, beautiful, and welcoming, the wedding venue embodied the love Taylor and Anne already shared with the world.
Chloe’s nerves were eclipsed by her eagernes
s to celebrate that love. Tonight needn’t be complicated, she reminded herself. She parked, hopped out of her Jeep, and made her way through the falling snow to the building. The view was incredible, the dark gray building illuminated and shining in front of Casco Bay.
She was completely swept away when she walked inside. The barn doors opened directly into a small entryway, where a second set of sliding barn doors gave way to the main barn. Hanging her coat on one of the wrought-iron coatracks, she slid open the second door and stood in awe.
Cream-colored walls were accentuated by natural wooden beams, exposed and crisscrossing their way across the ceiling. A walkway that ran about twenty feet opened to the opposite end of the barn where the ceremony would take place. The barn felt intimate, with fifty simple wooden chairs arranged on both sides of the aisle. Small bouquets hung at the end of each row. A table with candles and more flowers was placed at the front where Taylor and Anne would exchange vows. Every detail felt right. Chloe hadn’t realized it, but this was exactly what she had expected.
There were only a few guests present so far. Knowing it would be more than forty minutes until the ceremony began, she moved to check out the views further; they did not disappoint. Though it was freezing, she stood just outside the door to take in the landscape, watching as the snow fell and darkness crept closer. It was so peaceful. When her fingers began to tingle from the cold, she turned to find her seat.
“Chloe?”
Chloe’s mind went blank as she recognized the voice. Madeleine stood mere feet away, her face a study in vulnerability. Fear, nervousness, and worry were swirling across her features.
Chloe’s heart leapt into her throat at the sight of Madeleine, her long, lean legs disappearing under the hem of a short black dress that peeked out from underneath a gray wool coat. Madeleine brushed a stray hair back into place, and Chloe’s fingers twitched, wishing they could take the place of hers.
“Hi, Chloe.” Madeleine took two steps forward, extending her hand nervously. Chloe looked at it, confused, then reached out and took it, warmth flooding her fingers at the touch. Her brow wrinkled in confusion. A handshake?
“I wanted to reintroduce myself. I’m Madeleine Levit. I was hoping you might want to become reacquainted with the real me, not the self-absorbed ass you dealt with recently who was so ruthlessly efficient at lashing out at people who simply want the best for her.”
“I thought you looked familiar.” Chloe allowed her impassive façade to break into a grin and watched in delight as Madeleine’s fears melted away.
“It’s good to see you again. It’s been a while, but I think we were getting pretty close. You know, what with me breaking two of your bones and all.” Madeleine took another step forward, bringing with her the sweet smell of her perfume. She slid her arm around Chloe and pulled her into a quick hug. Holding her for a long moment, she whispered quietly, “Thank you for caring, friend.”
* * *
Chloe leaned back in her chair and sighed contentedly, watching as Anne and Taylor slow-danced together joined by several dozen other couples. The ceremony had been short and powerful. Anne wore an ivory dress with an empire waist and minimal lace detailing. The gown was fitted, with a slim silhouette and highlighted Anne’s classic beauty. Taylor, in her burgundy herringbone trousers and cream button-up, complemented Anne perfectly. The two had elected to write their own vows and Chloe was willing to bet that every guest had teared up at least once during the exchange. Dinner had been delicious and the celebration that followed felt more relaxed and comfortable than any other wedding Chloe had ever been to. All of the guests either knew one another or were connected somehow, which gave the event the feeling of a gathering of old friends here to celebrate together.
Stacey and Molly had joined Chloe, Madeleine, Jaysa, and her boyfriend Ben at a table. Stacey and Molly were serious enough as a couple to be able to talk of a wedding in the future without suggesting that that day would come anytime soon. Ben and Jaysa had been together long enough that he knew all the dreams—and specific requirements—she had for that special day. It had been hilarious to listen to them talk about the mishaps and misunderstandings they had weathered as they hammered out potential wedding plans.
They had all danced too, Chloe considerably more than usual. It was easy to dance without a care when surrounded by people who were doing the same. She stifled a yawn. It was about time to head home so that Taylor and Anne could head off for their mini-honeymoon. She saw that a few other guests had had the same idea and were heading to their cars. She was going to follow suit, but a new song started playing and she decided to hold off. She couldn’t leave during a Sara song. No way.
As she tried to decide whether to listen or join the group on the dance floor, Chloe spotted Madeleine walking back to the table from the restrooms. They had had a wonderful time together, one rooted firmly and reassuringly in the friend zone, but this, she realized, was her first unobstructed view of her. What she saw made her heart pound. The short, simple black dress was stunning on her, and the two- to three-inch black heels she was wearing were incredibly sexy. She looked around, surprised not to see fireworks popping off somewhere. She could have sworn she heard some.
As Madeleine approached, that delicious half smile of hers made another appearance on her face. Chloe knew she had been caught staring, but it didn’t appear that she was in trouble for it. In fact, Madeleine appeared to be enjoying the interest she was showing.
“I was wondering if you wanted to dance. You have to dance to at least one Sara song, don’t you, given your history with her?” Madeleine said, giving her a wink.
Chloe uncrossed her legs, attempting to alleviate the pressure that was building between them. Dancing with Madeleine might prove to be her undoing, but she didn’t have the willpower to say no. “I think you’re right.”
She followed Madeleine to the floor, stopping short of where she stopped in order to allow her to set the tone of the dance. Madeleine stepped closer, wrapping her arms casually around Chloe’s neck, leaving six inches between them. Careful not to infringe on the gap between them, Chloe slid her hands into position on Madeleine’s lower back. Instantly, as if no time had passed, the connection between them reignited and Chloe was remembering the feel and taste of the kiss they had shared at the resort.
Slowly they began to dance, swaying to “Send Me the Moon” by Sara. Chloe guided them around the floor, heat creeping up her neck and onto her cheeks. Sure that Madeleine could hear her heart thundering out of her chest, she tried to come up with something to say to distract her. Before she could say a word, Madeleine closed the distance between them, resting her head carefully on Chloe’s shoulder. Quietly, she whispered, “Don’t be nervous, Chloe. Just be here with me.”
Chloe breathed deeply, taking everything in: her scent, the grace with which she moved, the feeling of her body in her arms. All the other emotions, all her worries, melted away. She was with Madeleine, if only for one song. That was enough. It would have to be.
All too soon, another song began and reality reasserted itself. Thankful that there was no awkwardness, Chloe led Madeleine back to the table. She was about to ask when they planned to head out when the music faded and Taylor stood to make an announcement.
“I don’t want to have to do this, but we just got an update from the weather service and we’ve got to call it a night. There’s a ton of snow coming and a weather advisory for no unnecessary travel. We can’t stay here, obviously, but if you’ve been drinking you can leave your car here. We’ve cleared it with the owners. If you’re driving and have a reliable ride, consider putting together a car pool with someone who lives near you. Let’s everybody form a plan. Come find me when you know who you’re driving or riding with!”
“I had no idea it was that bad out there,” Stacey said. “I thought they weren’t calling for the storm to pick up until the early hours of the morning!”
“Where are you two headed tonight?” Chloe asked.
“We took my Subaru, so we’re going back to my place. Do you two want to ride with us?” Molly was sweet to offer, but to drop her and Madeleine off they would need to go the opposite direction of Stacey’s place in Newcastle.
“Thanks for the offer, but I don’t want you guys to have to double back to take me home. You should just get yourselves home as soon as you can.” Directing her next remark to Madeleine, she continued, “My Jeep has four-wheel drive and new snow tires. I can take you home and we can get your car sometime tomorrow if you want.”
Madeleine nodded. “That makes sense, Chloe. Thanks. Taylor will feel better knowing there are fewer people on the road. I’ll tell her we’re all set.”
Gathering their things quickly, they told Taylor of their plans and said goodbye. The storm was definitely no joke Chloe saw when she waded out to her Jeep. Well over a foot of snow had fallen in the four hours they had been there. Thankfully the owners of the farm had been plowing the driveway during the reception, so cars could at least get out. The roads, she predicted, would be another story entirely.
Chloe drove up to the entryway where Madeleine was waiting to be picked up. No sense having both of them hike through the snowdrifts, especially with Madeleine in heels. She grabbed the spare blanket from the back seat and, allowing herself a quick, tantalizing glimpse of Madeleine’s legs, draped it over her once she was situated in the passenger seat. “My heater is slow and this might take a while. You should at least be warm and comfortable.”
With the snow still falling steadily, driving took up nearly all of Chloe’s concentration, though not enough to prevent her subconscious from bombarding her with visions of the two of them getting snowed in together. Those thoughts would have to wait while she tried to figure out where the curbs were, though, and whether the snow-encrusted stoplights were signaling red or green. Luckily most of the area inhabitants had had the good sense to stay home, so traffic was close to nonexistent.
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