The Complete Ruby Redfort Collection

by Lauren Child

  When it was 6pm she came downstairs.

  Ruby walked into the living room and found her parents there, her mom looking out of the window, an anxious expression on her face.

  ‘It’s just so windy out there,’ she said, ‘I’m not sure it’s even safe to drive.’

  ‘It looks worse than it is honey,’ said Brant. ‘It’s a little blowy is all.’

  ‘Why does Hitch have to be out of town tonight?’ sighed Sabina. ‘I trust his driving.’

  ‘Bob’s a good driver,’ said Brant. ‘There’s no need to be concerned, honey.’

  ‘I know,’ said Sabina. ‘I like Bob, it’s just I feel more secure when Hitch is around, you know what I mean?’

  Ruby did know what she meant, but then Ruby had witnessed Hitch taking on tougher challenges than driving a car on a windy evening.

  As sore as Ruby was to be missing out on the evening, what she wasn’t going to do was whine about it, so she made herself a big bowl of popcorn, flicked on the set and settled down to watch the whole thing on TV. Mrs Digby watched with her, up until the snakes appeared.

  Then the housekeeper got to her feet. ‘Seen enough of those critters to last me a lifetime,’ she said, turning to leave the room.

  ‘A rare snake that you have never even seen before has that big an effect on you?’ said Ruby. ‘You’re never gonna meet this snake, Mrs Digby, it lives hundreds of miles away in … actually I have no idea where it’s from, but not any place near here.’

  ‘I don’t mind if it happens to be from Mars, I don’t need to look at the thing,’ said the housekeeper. ‘I stared enough rattlers in the eye when I was a child to know I don’t want to look at one again.’

  Ruby shrugged. ‘If that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel,’ she said, turning back to the screen.

  It was towards the end of the televised event that she spotted Quent Humbert on screen. ‘Brother! How did he get to go?’ said Ruby out loud. And then the penny dropped.

  ‘He got my ticket! That little shrimp got my ticket!’ Of all the people in the world Quent Humbert was not a deserving case. He wouldn’t be a bit interested in the explorers and was no doubt most excited about the chance to be seen on live TV. As if to confirm her suspicion, Quent, suddenly realising he was in shot, began frantically waving into the camera. She could see his little autograph book in his hand.

  ‘Get out of the way you idiot,’ Ruby shouted at the television. She was finding it hard to concentrate on what the man from the moon was saying and the camera operator was having difficulty keeping Quent out of shot.

  Her shouting was interrupted by a loud crashing sound outside and Ruby sprang to her feet to look out of the window. Bug was barking like crazy, but Ruby couldn’t instantly see what had happened.

  ‘What in the Sam Hill is going on?’ shouted Mrs Digby from downstairs.

  ‘I don’t know!’ yelled Ruby.

  Mrs Digby joined her in the living room. Bug was still barking his head off and Ruby switched out the lights so it was easier to see into the darkness.

  There was a certain amount of debris, a couple of broken pots and a lot of leaves and twigs scattered about the place, but nothing that would cause the kind of cracking sound they had just heard.

  ‘Must be down the street,’ said Ruby, ‘a tree or something.’

  She was keen to go look for damage, but Mrs Digby wasn’t having it.

  ‘Child, I am not letting you step a toe outside this house, not while this gale is blowing.’

  By the time Ruby gave up arguing and returned to the TV, the Explorer Awards were over.

  ‘So who won? Darn it! Snakes, polar bears or little green men from Mars?’

  Chapter 22.

  Sick as a dog

  RUBY LOOKED UP FROM THE TV HOURS LATER to see her mother tottering into the room, almost tripping over the overly long red gown she was wearing. Her face was not the happy face of a person who loved parties and had just spent the evening in the company of the great and good of Twinford.

  ‘Mom, you look like you ate something bad,’ said Ruby.

  ‘My pride is all I ate,’ replied her mother. ‘I can’t remember when I’ve ever been so humiliated.’ Sabina sank onto a chair and tossed her silver clutch bag to the floor miserably.

  ‘What happened, exactly?’ asked Ruby.

  ‘I can hardly bear to talk about it,’ she said shaking her head as if to shake away the memory of a terrible vision.

  ‘Try,’ said Ruby, who knew her mother liked nothing better than to talk things through, no matter what the subject.

  Sabina sighed. ‘Imagine you are one of two people wearing red evening gowns.’

  Ruby scrunkled her brow. ‘I’ll try,’ she said, ‘but it may not be easy.’ Ruby wasn’t in the habit of dressing up, and if she did then it was more likely to be a misshapen secondhand number smelling of mothballs.

  ‘Imagine that these evening gowns are not only exactly the same red but exactly the same gown.’

  ‘Oh, Sabina honey,’ interrupted Ruby’s father as he walked into the room, ‘I don’t know why you are making such a big deal about this. You were a complete knock-out in that dress, knocked it out of the park.’

  But Sabina put up her hand to silence him. ‘And,’ she continued, ‘imagine if that same dress is being worn by one of the honoured guests,’ her voice quavered a little, the force of her emotion making it crack.

  Ruby rolled her eyes. ‘This is what has you looking like you ate a bad oyster?’

  ‘It’s social suicide, it’s an honest to goodness cocktail crime scene.’

  ‘Mom, you gotta lighten up with the trivia. You are about to hit the superficial super wall – you are about to head on out into superficial hyper space.’

  But Sabina Redfort just groaned and slumped back in her chair. ‘To top it all, the store didn’t even do the alterations I asked for. I clearly told them I wanted the dress to be ankle length so you might see those diamante mules of mine, but instead I was tripping up over the darned thing all night and I might just as well have been wearing bedroom slippers for all anyone would know, plus they had obviously steamed it to get the wrinkles out but it was still damp, and to top it all the stupid belt kept twisting around ’cause it was too big. I abandoned it in the powder room, which destroyed the look.’ She sighed a regretful sigh. ‘I feel completely burnt out by it all.’ She slumped even further into the chair.

  ‘Maybe you should have eaten more – all those martini cocktails on an empty stomach …’ said Brant, ‘it’s no wonder you have a headache.’

  ‘Oh, I could hardly eat at all,’ she said. ‘The dress disaster upset me too much.’

  ‘You should have tried the oysters, they were something else,’ said Brant.

  ‘What, are you kidding? After Ruby told me about the mucus, no siree Bob, I stuck to the nibbles on sticks.’ She sighed. ‘Oh, run me a bath would you Brant, I’ve got to wash away this evening and pretend like it never happened.’

  Brant helped his wife to her feet and, putting an arm around her, guided her downstairs. No matter how much Ruby might mock, one thing was clear: the night really had taken a toll on her mom. She looked as fragile as a sick bird.

  Ruby climbed the stairs to her room. She got into bed, but something about her mom’s defeated appearance niggled her. She picked up her science magazine and read an article exploring the possibility of colonising Mars. From the sound of it, it was entirely possible it would happen, probably many years from today, many decades on from 1973 – perhaps not until 2030 or so – but just because it seemed more than probable didn’t necessarily mean it was a very appealing idea or even (in Ruby’s opinion) a good one. Mars didn’t have a whole lot of oxygen and that seemed a good reason not to climb aboard the spaceship and that was just for starters. Once you factored in lack of food and water it really seemed like a no-brainer.

  Jeepers, thought Ruby, give me Death Valley any time.

  She was just imagining how her mother mig
ht cope on the Red Planet – a woman who could be struck down by the embarrassment of a party dress double-up – when she heard a noise that sounded a lot like her father shouting, ‘Call the paramedics!’

  She jumped out of bed, opened the door and was halfway down the stairs before Mrs Digby made it out of her housekeeper’s ground floor apartment.

  ‘What’s going on, Dad?’

  ‘It’s your mother, she isn’t doing so well.’

  ‘It was just a dress, Dad, aren’t you all being a little melodramatic?’

  ‘It’s not the dress, Rube, something is very wrong. She’s sick as anything. She got all uncoordinated and started staggering about. Then she fell over and now she can’t stop throwing up.’

  ‘Food poisoning?’ asked Ruby. She was trying to keep her voice steady, but she could see the look in her father’s eyes – he looked scared. It wasn’t like Brant Redfort to be scared. Maybe because life had pretty much always dealt him an even hand, it had never really occurred to him that things could go badly wrong.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Brant, ‘it could be. She looks terrible Rube, just terrible …’ His words tailed off.

  It was Mrs Digby who took control. ‘Now Mr R, don’t you go flapping, she’ll be fine. That Sabina’s been through more than a lot in the years I’ve known her. Ruby will call 911, you call the doc and I will attend to Mrs R.’ She paused. ‘You got that?’

  Brant nodded, and the housekeeper disappeared into Sabina’s room.

  When Ruby entered her mother’s bedroom – the ambulance now on its way – she could see there was reason enough to flap. Sabina had not even managed to get out of her evening gown, she was lying on the bed, swaddled in the red silk which was in great contrast to the pallor of her face. Her skin had turned an unfortunate colour, like that of some creature already dead. In fact were it not for the beads of sweat sitting on her forehead, it would be hard to imagine she were alive at all, her breathing was so shallow, and when Ruby felt for her mother’s pulse, it was there but barely.

  ‘My hands won’t seem to go where I want them to,’ murmured Sabina. ‘The room is spinning. My head aches so and my mouth tastes like metal.’

  The paramedics arrived, lights flashing and sirens sounding. Sabina was stretchered into the vehicle and Brant held her hand the whole way to the hospital, and stayed there all night.

  While Brant was at the hospital, Ruby and Mrs Digby sat up scouring books. If food poisoning was to blame then what exactly was the source of the malady? Her mother claimed to barely have nibbled more than a few canapés.

  Though it was past midnight Ruby picked up the phone and dialled Clancy’s number.

  CLANCY: ‘Ruby?’

  RUBY: ‘Are you awake?’

  CLANCY: ‘Yeah, but why are you?’

  RUBY: ‘I was just wondering, are you OK?’

  CLANCY: ‘Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?’

  RUBY: ‘And your dad, how about him?’

  CLANCY: ‘Fine.’

  RUBY: ‘He’s not throwing up or anything? No headaches?’

  CLANCY: ‘Ruby, what’s this about?’

  RUBY: ‘My mom ate something that didn’t agree with her.’

  CLANCY: ‘Is she OK?’

  RUBY: ‘The paramedics took her, my dad’s at the hospital.’

  CLANCY: ‘How bad is she?’

  RUBY: ‘Pretty bad.’

  CLANCY: ‘Are you worried?’

  RUBY: ‘A little.’

  CLANCY: ‘Who’s that in the background?’

  RUBY: ‘Mrs Digby, we can’t sleep.’

  CLANCY: ‘I’m coming over, I’ll keep you company.’

  RUBY: ‘You don’t have to Clance.’

  CLANCY: ‘I know.’

  Chapter 23.

  A rogue bivalve

  CLANCY MUST HAVE RIDDEN HIS BIKE AT SOME KIND OF SUPERHUMAN SPEED because he was there before Mrs Digby had even begun to boil the milk for the hot chocolate she was planning on handing him when he walked through the door.

  ‘Boy, you got here fast,’ said Ruby.

  ‘The wind was behind me,’ said Clancy. ‘The storm might have blown through, but it’s still kinda gusty. You know a tree’s come down on the corner of your street? I had to clamber right over it.’ He paused. ‘So what do you think made your mom sick?’ he said, pulling himself out of his raincoat.

  ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if it isn’t down to that Consuela Cruz’s cooking,’ said Mrs Digby. ‘People think she’s the bee’s knees, but the question is: does she keep a clean kitchen?’

  ‘Mrs Digby, I think you’re clutching at straws,’ said Ruby. ‘Just because you’re no big fan of Consuela’s, it doesn’t mean she’s going around poisoning everyone.’

  ‘So you’re sure that’s what it is – definitely food poisoning?’ said Clancy.

  ‘It’s the logical thing,’ replied Ruby, ‘but what kind of food poisoning, that’s the big question.’

  ‘Your dad’s OK, my dad’s OK, I’m OK, ’ said Clancy.

  ‘So let’s assume it’s not “general food poisoning”,’ said Ruby, ‘let’s assume there was one bad morsel there and my mom is the unlucky consumer.’

  ‘Sounds like shellfish poisoning,’ said Clancy. ‘I mean it can’t be chicken poisoning, because if the chicken was off then a whole bunch of people would be in the ER right now.’

  ‘Plus Consuela didn’t serve chicken,’ said Ruby.

  ‘She didn’t?’ said Clancy. ‘I could have sworn I ate chicken.’

  ‘Probably frogs’ legs,’ said Mrs Digby. ‘I hear they taste just like chicken.’

  ‘I thought it was human beings that tasted like chicken,’ said Clancy.

  ‘I would imagine it’s unlikely Consuela served either,’ said Ruby, ‘so maybe we should stick to the likely contenders.’

  ‘So a rogue oyster?’ suggested Clancy. ‘Or a mussel? Or maybe a prawn or shrimp or something? There were shellfish there, you know what those are like for stomach cramps.’

  ‘Yeah,’ sighed Ruby, ‘and she was all dizzy and complaining of a terrible headache.’

  ‘Well, what you are describing sounds very much like a wrong oyster to me. My sister Nancy ate one once and I can tell you it wasn’t a pretty sight – barf central.’

  Clancy really liked to read up on diseases and sickness generally; if he was going to contract something horrible then he might as well know what he was in for. It helped to be prepared. I mean put it this way, he would argue, if I know it’s normal to puke for twelve hours non-stop, then I can tough it out. What I don’t want to hear is, “This is highly irregular, we have never seen this kind of reaction in a human being before.”

  Clancy liked to be prepared for the worst.

  ‘That’s that then, she must have eaten a bad bivalve,’ he said.

  ‘Perhaps,’ said Ruby, but she didn’t sound convinced.

  Clancy looked at her. ‘You don’t think it is oyster poisoning?’

  ‘I don’t know, you’re probably right and it probably is. The only thing I am surprised about is my mom seemed dead set against eating oysters on account of the mucus.’

  ‘Mucus?’

  ‘Yeah. We had a whole conversation about the structure of an oyster because she thought they had brains and I said— Actually, it doesn’t matter. The point is she said afterwards that she wouldn’t ever eat another oyster.’

  ‘What colour was she?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘What?’ said Ruby.

  ‘Pale as the grave,’ said Mrs Digby.

  ‘Not puce?’ asked Clancy. ‘You eat a bad oyster and you usually turn puce.’

  ‘No,’ said Mrs Digby firmly, ‘ghostly she looked.’

  ‘She also mentioned her mouth tasted of metal.’

  ‘I haven’t heard that before,’ said Clancy. ‘My sister Nancy kept whining that her teeth were falling out, but it turned out that’s one of the symptoms.’

  The three of them sat up all night discussing food poisoning and the various forms
it could take until finally Brant telephoned at 6am to tell them Sabina was out of danger.

  ‘They say she’s going to be OK.’

  ‘Do you know what the cause was?’ asked Ruby.

  ‘We think it was probably stomach flu,’ said Brant. ‘The doc said he’ll stop by later today and fill me in.’

  The conversation didn’t last long since Brant didn’t seem to have much useful information other than Sabina had suffered no permanent damage.

  Ruby replaced the receiver and picked up the Twinford Echo, lying on the doormat. The front page was a photograph from last night’s Explorer Awards. She turned to page four for the story. There were photographs of some of those who had attended but nothing about Sabina Redfort being taken ill. She guessed her father would have tried to keep this quiet, not wanting to offend the organisers or cast a shadow over Consuela Cruz’s catering.

  On one page, there was a picture of the winning explorer: Amarjargel Oidov, the woman who had discovered the new snake species. So that’s who won, thought Ruby. She glanced at the text under the photo:

  AMARJARGEL OIDOV was honoured last night at the Explorer Awards for her role in discovering an all-new species of snake in Bhutan. The judges further cited her conservation work, including her tireless efforts to save the snake’s natural habitat – a small forest deep in the mountains, and sought after by timber merchants. The snake species itself is notable for …

  Ruby skipped the rest. She looked again at the black and white picture – the snake woman, standing next to Ambassador Crew and Mayor Abrahams, all smiling at the camera. Ambassador Crew looking slightly perturbed by the snake that was wound around Ms Oidov’s arm. There was something about this photograph that triggered a thought in Ruby’s brain. It flickered there for a second, and then was gone.

  Clancy and Ruby went down to survey the damage on Cedarwood Drive. Considering a large tree had come down, it wasn’t as bad as it might have been, however there was one casualty.