In Too Deep (Heart Lines)

by Larissa de Silva

  I sat next to him, watching with my breath caught in my throat. The little dots came up every couple of seconds, letting us know that he was writing a message.

  But it took forever for him to actually send it.

  “Here,” Noah said. “Let’s meet, in person.”

  I leaned forward, looking at the screen. Noah was right. That was what the kid was asking for.

  I didn’t expect that. I didn’t think he did either.

  Noah started typing. “We will go to you. Where are you located?” He read aloud as he typed.

  “I can meet you on North Main tomorrow,” I read when the reply came. “I’ll let you know where exactly. It has to be after school, so sometime in the afternoon.”

  “We can do that,” Noah said. He was speaking to me, not typing anything. “We can, right?”

  “We can. We should.”

  “Great. Let’s arrange that.”

  He typed some more. I got off the bed and began to pace around, wondering how this was going to get resolved. I hoped we would be able to get him away from his family, because they truly did seem awful, but I was aware we had no real power over the situation.

  Noah sent the last message, because he slammed his laptop shut and walked over to me. “Hey,” he said, he took me into his arms. “You need to relax, okay?”

  I shook my head, looking right up at him. “How can you tell me to relax? This could be putting everything in jeopardy. This could be putting us in jeopardy.”

  “Yes, but we’re doing the right thing. That’s what matters, right?”

  I swallowed as I looked him up and down. He was still so good-looking. I could have kept looking at him forever. But it wasn’t the time to pine over a man. Especially not when he was just standing in front of me.

  “Yes,” I replied. “We are. And that’s what matters.”

  “We can’t let the lawyers find out.”

  I laughed. “You’re more likely to let it slip then I am. You are friends with your lawyer after all.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “We are not that close,” he said. He wrapped his hands around my arms and his hands were soft and warm when he was holding me. “I mean it.”

  “It’s none of my business.”

  He licked his lips. “But it could be. If you wanted to be.”

  I shook my head. “No, you know I don’t do casual and you don’t do anything but casual.”

  “But we could be so good together. Even if it was just casual.”

  I laughed. “No,” I said, taking a step back and beginning to pace around his room again. “I would be terrible at that. You know I get involved. Hell, we aren’t even actually together and I’m already jealous. This is what I’m saying, and this is why I don’t do casual. I think it would be really easy to have friends with benefits, but it’s not in my DNA.”

  He cocked his head. “You think it’s easy?”

  “I think it’s easier than a relationship. I mean, with a relationship you have to try so hard. You have to give yourself away, you know? You have to really live it. With a casual arrangement, it’s just something you do on the side.”

  He shrugged his shoulders, his brow furrowed. “I don’t know if that’s right. For me, relationships are harder, but it doesn’t mean that having a friend with benefits is easy.”

  “So you don’t do it just because it’s easy and fun?”

  “Oh, no, that’s definitely why I do it.”

  “Well, then?”

  “I guess I’m just scared. I do miss being in a relationship. But I’ve never had good luck with relationships.”

  “Are you one of those people who says they have terrible exes, but was a terrible boyfriend himself?”

  He smiled, wrinkles appearing around his eyes and on his nose. “Yes, probably. That seems right,” he said. “But you have to know when to end something casual, and that’s the hard part.”

  “Not falling in love?” I asked as I approached him.

  There was barely any space left between us. He towered over me, and I could see glistening sweat on his skin, the way his lips were parted, the scar on his chin. Everything about him was delightful, and I wanted him.

  I wanted him so much, I couldn’t help myself.

  He swallowed, and I saw his Adam’s apple working, bobbing up and down when he did. “Yes,” he replied. “For them. Not for me.”

  “So you have never fallen in love?”

  “No, not the way I think you’re thinking.”

  He didn’t say anything else. He leaned forward, kissing me softly on the lips. He was letting me guide him, so when I kissed him back, he sped up. I let his tongue into my mouth, and our tongues wrestled in my mouth.

  He moved away from me. His eyes were wide and shining. “Do you really want to do this?”

  I thought for a second, then nodded as I bit down on my lower lip. “Yes,” I said. “I really want to do this.”

  “But you don’t do casual.”

  “I don’t care about that right now,” I said. “Screw thinking about the future. I want to think about us. I want to think about what’s happening right now.”

  He wrapped his arm around my back and brought me close to him. I smiled at him as he kissed me again on the lips. He kissed me softly, slowly, his lips hardly pressing on mine. His kisses were soft, breezy, and numerous.

  I chased him with my mouth as he moved away from me, breathing deeply as he kept kissing me. My hands were on his chest, pressing hard against his sculpted pecs. He chuckled slightly as I moved my hands down the front of his body, toward the zipper of his jeans. I only brushed up against him and felt him harden up, his already impressive erection enough to take me in.

  I bit down on my lower lip and smiled at him. “You think I’m sexy, huh?”

  “The sexiest woman alive,” he said. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

  “You haven’t gotten lucky yet,” I replied, moving away from him and giggling. I turned around and began to walk away from him—strut, really—and he wrapped an arm around my waist and yanked me toward him, kissing me on the neck, his breath tickling me as he did so.

  He hugged me tight, holding me against his body and I felt his erection pressing up against me. We walked together toward the bed, and he threw me softly onto it, my hands and knees letting me stay upright.

  Just barely.

  He crawled up from behind me, and he was on top of me, kissing me on the neck, moving my hair away from my neck and face. “You are stunning,” he said in my ear, his low voice sending a shiver down my spine. “Can I take off your clothes?”

  “Yes,” I replied. “Please take off my clothes.”

  He grabbed the bottom of my top and pulled it up over my head, throwing it on the bed quickly next to my head. He reached down and unclasped my bra with just one hand. He grabbed the straps with the tips of his fingers and slowly slid them down my arms, his touch sending a shiver down my spine when he did so.

  I turned around to look at him and felt him kiss me softly on my back, on my shoulder, on a beauty spot near the place where my arm and the rest of my body met.

  He kissed me again and again, until my breathing had gotten deeper, more pronounced. My hips were moving of their own accord, back and forth as he kissed me softly.

  He continued to kiss me, pressing his lips against my skin as he did so, and I could feel his stubble touching my skin. He moved his hand away from me as he kept kissing me, and soon his hands were on my hips, slowly, then his fingertips were tucked under the waistband of my leggings.

  He slowly moved my leggings down my legs, his fingertips touching my skin, sending little explosions of fire down my skin, up my spine, and to the top of my head. Just his touch was enough to drive me wild.

  He moved my pants down my legs and he kissed where the fabric of my leggings was touching my skin. He pressed his mouth against my skin, making me shiver and sigh with pleasure.

  “Do you want me?” he asked as he continued to kiss me, slow
ly moving away from my waist and down my hips.

  He continued to kiss me, sliding his head down as he stopped and reached down toward the apex between my legs.

  He stroked me close to the most sensitive part of me, and then slowly moved toward my clit, where he pressed against me until I was writhing, until he inserted a finger inside of me, slowly moving until he curled his finger up inside of me.

  “God, you’re so fucking hot,” he said.

  He leaned down and fucked me slowly with his finger, until I was begging for more, until he knew just how much I needed him, and fuck, I needed him so much.

  I wanted him so much. I needed him.

  “Please,” I said, struggling to even speak. I was trying to keep my wits about me, I was trying to keep my breathing normal, but it was almost impossible.

  “Okay,” he said. “Okay.”

  He moved away from me and then flipped me over onto my back. He took a second to look at me, taking a deep breath before he kissed me on the lips again. I bent my knees and moved my legs slowly apart from me as he pressed them, opening me up to him.

  His gaze met mine before he did anything else. “Yes?” he asked, his voice a low whisper.

  “Yes,” I said, my voice almost unrecognizable to my own ears. “Yes.”

  He lowered himself and slowly, very slowly, began to fuck me.

  I groaned and sighed as he did so. He kissed me on the lips, taking a little time to position himself, to give us both a second to adjust, and then he grabbed my wrists, pinned them up against the headboard, and looked down at me.

  I nodded, ready to give him permission to take all of me.

  Always.

  He kissed the tip of my nose, then slowly began to fuck me, barely moving his hips at first, then faster, faster, making me feel like I was going to come almost immediately.

  He fucked me hard, fast, looking right into my eyes as he sent shivers of pleasure up my spine, to the tips of my fingers, up to the crown of my head, into my toes, all over my body as it tensed up.

  I felt nothing but pleasure as he continued to fuck me, and when my eyes met his, I knew he was feeling the same way. I could see it, I could feel it, I could feel the way he felt about me as his body tensed on top of me, and then he was yelling something, screaming my name, as we were both coming, at the same time, and then he kissed me again, until he collapsed on top of me, both of our bodies and our minds spent.

  He laughed when he rolled off me, then kissed me on the cheek. “You’re beautiful,” he said.

  I sighed deeply, trying to catch my breath, then rolled over to kiss him on the lips again. “I should probably find my clothes,” I said.

  He wrapped his arm around my waist. “Or you could stay the night,” he said. “I have a perfectly serviceable shower.”

  I looked him up and down, smiling at him. “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “Yes, okay.”

  He kissed me again and everything was perfect.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  2019

  NOAH

  I woke up and walked over to the bathroom. Terry was sleeping on my bed, and she looked beautiful. The sun was hitting the top of her skin, and I could see little strands of her hair illuminated by the sunlight.

  I was trying not to wake her, so I closed the door softly and ran the tap, looking at myself in the mirror. I didn’t remember the last time I had been so content and I loved having her in my bed.

  I wished that she would stay, but I was aware she was unlikely to. Regardless of what had happened between us, I knew that it was probably never going to happen again.

  Still, I wanted to savor it. I thought about the way her lips felt when I kissed her, the way her eyelashes touched her eyebrows, the way her eyes shone.

  I didn’t know how I had gotten so lucky.

  I brushed my teeth, washed my face and walked out of the bathroom. I walked over to the bedroom, sat down on the edge of the bed, and touched her arm.

  Her eyes sputtered upon. “Hi,” she said as she looked at me. “What time is it?”

  “It’s early,” I said, leaning down and kissing her on the mouth.

  She laughed, moving away from me. “I’d like to brush my teeth before I kissed you today.”

  “That means you’ll kiss me today?”

  She laughed. “Yes,” she said. “But only if you have a spare toothbrush.”

  “I will find one,” I replied, standing up immediately and going back to my bathroom.

  She laughed again, throwing her head back. “We don’t have court today, do we?”

  I shook my head. “No,” I said. “And maybe never again, once we meet the kid.”

  I could see her getting up and walking toward where her clothes had ended up the night before. I watched her lean down, and stopped moving around while looking for the toothbrush.

  She stood up. She wasn’t wearing a bra yet, so all I did was stand there, look at her through the reflection, at how beautiful she was, and practically stopped moving altogether.

  She caught my reflection in the mirror and laughed. “What?”

  “Nothing,” I said. “You are just so beautiful.”

  She finished putting her bra and shirt on.

  “Don’t you have places to be?” she asked.

  “I do,” I said. “I have to go train, but I would much rather stay here.”

  “You can’t have to train that much.”

  “I definitely have to train a lot,” I said, walking over to her and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. I kissed the tip of her nose.

  She shook her head. “Anyway,” she said. “I should probably not stay. It’s not like we’re in a relationship.”

  “Right,” I said after a little while. “We’re not.”

  She sat down on the bed and began to put her shoes on, looking at me and smiling. “It’s okay,” she said. “You don’t have to apologize. I knew what I was getting into.”

  I sat down next to her. “Good,” I said. “That makes one of us.”

  She looked me up and down, biting on her lower lip, before she finished putting on her shoes. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure,” I said. “You can ask me anything. I don’t know if I’ll answer, but you can definitely ask me whatever you want.”

  “No,” she said after a bit. “It’s stupid.”

  I put my arm around her. “Now I need to know.”

  She sighed. “It’s just—I feel like it’s a little offensive.”

  My eyes widened. “Okay, you can’t leave me hanging like that.”

  “Are you, like, afraid of relationships?”

  I moved away from her instinctively, vaguely aware that I was probably hurting her feelings, before I shook my head. “No,” I said. “Not afraid, exactly. It’s more like… I know how relationships end. I know how my parents’ relationship ended, you know? And how all my relationships have ended so far.”

  “But that’s not how every relationship has to end,” she said.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Maybe that’s true,” I said. “But in my experience, that’s not the case.”

  “Maybe you need to widen your experience a bit.”

  “Maybe I should,” I said, kissing her on the lips. “But I’m going to go ahead and wait until the lawsuit is over for that.”

  She laughed. “Okay,” she said. “Maybe it’ll be over today.”

  “I’ll meet you there?”

  “Yes,” she said. “Sounds good. Meet you there. In the meantime, do you want to get breakfast together, or are you in a rush to get to practice?”

  I kissed her again. I couldn’t keep my lips off her. “Can’t,” I said. “Hamilton will kill me if I’m late. Wanna do a late lunch before we meet the kid?”

  “Yeah, okay,” she said. “I probably won’t see you all week from tomorrow since I have work.”

  “A depressing week,” I said.

  “You won’t even notice.”

  “Such lies,” I rep
lied. “I always notice when you’re not around.”

  She put her forehead on mine and took a deep breath before her eyes fluttered open. “Noah?”

  “Hm?”

  “Aren’t you going to be late?”

  ***

  We were sitting at a café next to the corner on North Main and Second. This was where the kid had told us to meet. Near the giant graffiti of the woman with the Afro and with vines coming out of her eyes. It was hard to miss. Unfortunately, I thought he would be hard to miss.

  He was just another kid and there were hordes of them going past the window.

  I looked up at Terry, who looked like she had a shaky smile on her face. “Do you think he will show?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I certainly hope so.”

  “That kind of sounds like a no.”

  I took a sip of my water, which I was almost entirely done with. “I think he’s probably scared.”

  “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

  “If he does get spooked, I don’t think we can blame him.”

  She nodded, looking away from me, biting down on her lower lip like she did when she was nervous. “I don’t think we can blame him either. But I would really like him to show up, because I don’t want to have to put our asses on the line for no reason.”

  “Whatever happens, we need to get him out.”

  She nodded. Once again, she didn’t look at me. She put her hair up in a ponytail, though it already was up in a ponytail, so she was just nervously fidgeting. “We do. It’s the right thing.”

  “That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.”

  She laughed, looking at me with disbelief. “I’m a doctor. Do you think I do things because they’re easy?”

  I waved my hands in front of my face. “No,” I said. “Of course not, I just meant…”

  “What did you mean?” She said, her eyes narrow.

  Before I could make things too much worse for myself, I heard someone clear their throat next to us. I looked to the side, surprised to see a young man in a hoodie standing there, his hands in his pockets. His shoulders were slumped, and he was barely looking at me.

  Even though the hoodie covered most of his face, I could see his eyes, which were large and dark brown. From the little I could see of his face, I could tell that his cheeks were sunken in, and that his skin didn’t look to be an even color.