In Too Deep (Heart Lines)

by Larissa de Silva

  At first, because of where he was standing, or rather where I was sitting, I thought that it was just his natural skin tone, but I soon realized that these were marks on his face. Scars. Immediately I felt like puking, I didn’t know how we were going to be able to help him, and I could tell that Terry was just as upset as I was.

  “Are you Diego?” Terry asked, her voice a hushed whisper.

  He nodded. “Are you Dr. Mara?” He asked her.

  She nodded too. “Pull up a chair. We will buy you some food. Tell us what’s going on.”

  He brought a chair from a different table, placed it next to the desk, sat down, and stared at both of us at different times. His fingers were tightly gripping the ledge of the table, and I could see that his leg was moving up and down.

  “Hey,” I said, getting a little closer to him, but not close enough to scare him. “Do you remember who we are?”

  The kid swallowed. That was the first time he stopped moving around, the first time he stopped moving the table. He closed his eyes.

  He looked right at me, his eyes wide. “I remember you.”

  “You do?” I asked, more taken aback than anything else.

  “Of course I remember you. You are the man who did CPR on me when I almost drowned,” he said. His voice was shaky, small, but I could feel the defiance in it. I couldn’t hear it, but I could feel it. It felt personal. Real.

  Most of all, it felt like it was full of rage.

  “Do you remember her?”

  He turned to look at Terry. He shook his head a little while. “No.”

  “Do you know what happened that day?”

  He shook his head once again. “Bits and pieces, I remember what happened before. And then what happened after is more of a blur.”

  “Right. Can you tell us what happened?”

  He nodded, and I noticed that he still had it removed his hoodie. “I was there with my parents for a vacation. They really wanted to have some fun, let loose, drink.”

  Terry and I looked at each other when he paused.

  He sighed before he continued. “But to be honest, that’s not that different from their day-to-day life. It wasn’t then, and it isn’t now. Still, they were being nice to me, so I just put up with it. Then they thought it would be funny to get me to drink a couple of beers, but it was only twelve, and I didn’t like them.”

  I saw Terry reach out, as if she was gonna touch his hand, but she decided not to. Instead, her hand was inches away from his arm, as if she was going to be able to console him.

  My jaw tightened as I continued to listen.

  “It’s not that big of a deal,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “I guess.”

  “What happened after?” I replied, doing my best not to invalidate how he felt, trying not to let the rage building inside of me explode.

  “I went for a swim. I wanted to get away from them, and that was the easiest way I could.”

  “Is that when you got caught in the current?” I asked.

  Diego shrugs his shoulders. “Not really sure. After that, I barely remember going in to swim. And then, well, I remember you.”

  “What happened after that?” Terry asked.

  Diego sighed, shrinking into his chair. It was as if he was melting into it. “I went to the hospital. They were upset. They didn’t want me there. They said I was ruining their chance to vacation.”

  “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way,” I said, leaning back and crossing my arms over my chest. “Your parents sound like they are dicks.”

  He laughed, and it sounded pretty sincere. “Yeah, they are.”

  “We want to do what’s best for you. If you really think that this lawsuit is—”

  He scoffed, shaking his head vigorously. “No, this isn’t what’s right for me.”

  We didn’t ask him anything. For me, it felt wrong to ask him why he didn’t think it was the right thing, and I could see that Terry only wanted to console him.

  “After the accident, I became more irritable. I was less patient with them, angrier. When they shouted at me, I shouted back.”

  “Let me guess. They didn’t like that.”

  He laughed, no humor in his voice. He held himself before he continued talking. “They took me to the doctor. The doctor said I had a brain injury. I might, but I don’t know. This is going to sound silly, but I feel like the accident awakened something in me,” he said. “And my parents just really didn’t like it.”

  “So they didn’t like you afterward?”

  “Right,” he said. “And now they want to get money out of it, and I don’t feel like that’s right.”

  “What would you like to happen, Diego?”

  “I just want it to stop,” he said. “I don’t care about the lawsuit. I won’t see a dime of the money. I just think… it’s going to go to them because you saved me, and that doesn’t feel fair.”

  “It’s not,” Terry said. “If there is settlement money, it should go to you.”

  “And you shouldn’t be paying me because you saved my life,” he said. “That’s fucked up.”

  Terry laughed a little. “It is,” she said. “But if you were injured…”

  “I wasn’t injured because of you, but they’re not going to let me speak,” he said. “Or if they do, they’ll get the lawyer to dismiss what I want, because they are smart, and the lawyer works on… what’s that called? They get money when they win?”

  “Contingency,” Terry said.

  “Right,” he replied. “They work on contingency.”

  “Okay, we know what you don’t want. What do you want?”

  He shook his head. He met my gaze before he spoke, his voice a whisper. “I just want it to stop,” he said after a little while. “Can you make it stop?”

  Terry and I looked at each other.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “But I promise you we will try.”

  Terry nodded. “Yes,” she said. “Of course we will.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  2019

  TERRY

  It had been a grueling day at work, and the moment I stepped out of the hospital, I noticed how hot the day was. I could feel the heat on my skin, the sheen of sweat immediately covering me, and I knew that it was probably going to have to see the lawyers like this.

  I had a change of clothes in my car, but that wouldn’t do anything about my hair or my runny make-up. I could always touch it up, but they would probably be able to see how exhausted I was, and because of that, I was going to feel self-conscious in front of Mrs. Nyback.

  It wasn’t a competition. Noah and I were not together. We had slept together once, and we had kept in touch, but that was all that we were to each other.

  A hook up. For lack of a better word, we were friends with benefits. Regardless of how much I had tried not to fall into a casual arrangement, I couldn’t help him.

  When it came to him, I could hardly resist him.

  It was a problem.

  I needed to focus on the lawsuit. I needed to focus on things that I could control. How I felt about Noah, I knew I couldn’t focus on that. I wondered if the kid was going to show up as I pulled into the parking lot. We had told him not to, but I knew that kids his age were unpredictable.

  I got out of the car and checked the time by checking my wristwatch. There was still some time, and I could go across the street to get some coffee, which I sorely needed. I thought about texting Noah, because I wanted to know what had happened with the social worker, but I figured he would catch me up after we got out of the lawyer’s office. After I took my car out of gear, I grabbed the change of clothes in the back of my car, took off my slacks and put on my jeans.

  I took off my blouse, too, noticing how useless my fingers seemed at the time, almost too tired to grip the buttons, and then grabbed the large grey t-shirt with the logo on the chest and pulled it over my head. I didn’t really think that it was particularly appropriate to meet with the lawyers, but ultimately, I didn’t care, be
cause after all, I was the one paying them, not the other way around.

  I checked my make-up in the mirror, took a deep breath and sighed once again. I really wasn’t going to win any beauty contests looking like a tired goblin.

  I didn’t have time to think about it. I rubbed my face, trying to tell myself that it was important to stay awake until I got some coffee into my system. I got out of the car, slammed the door shut accidentally, and shuddered. The sound was enough to startle me and I looked at my car for what felt like a long time.

  I shook my head. I didn’t have time to stick around.

  I power walked across the street, toward the coffee shop where Noah had taken me before. I hugged myself as the temperature dropped, when I got onto the street. I should probably have worn a coat, or at least a sweater, but it was too late to go back to the car, and I was going to feel better when I got a cup of coffee.

  I walked inside the coffee shop and instantly felt better. The sounds of people chatting around me comforted me and the inside of the shop itself was nice and toasty.

  I went to the counter and ordered a cappuccino. After I was done, I looked around, trying to find a place to sit.

  My gaze settled on the table near the window. My mouth opened slightly as I processed what I was seeing. Noah was sitting with Mrs. Nyback, and they were leaning forward, gazing into each other’s eyes, and only inches away from each other’s faces.

  I tried not to gasp. I tried my best not to care about it.

  Noah wasn’t… with me.

  We weren’t anything.

  And I had no say in anything he did.

  But I still felt so angry, I couldn’t help myself.

  I knew I was being unreasonable, so I tried to steel myself as I walked over to where they were. I painted a smile on my face, which I was certain looked fake as hell, and cleared my throat.

  Noah looked up at me and his face paled. Mrs. Nyback moved away from him, swallowing.

  “Miss Mara,” she said.

  “Doctor,” I replied. “My name is Dr. Terry Mara.”

  She stared at me. “Of course,” she said. “Doctor Mara. I’ll see you soon.”

  She got up and began to walk away. I watched her swaying as she did so, her dress tight and her footing steady even on the somewhat unsteady floor. I tried not to care about how wonderful she looked and turned around to go look for a different table.

  I felt a hand on my shoulder. Immediately, I shrugged it off. I didn’t want to deal with it. I didn’t want to deal with Noah.

  I looked back at him and shrugged him off me. “No,” I said. “You don’t get to do this.”

  “Terry, let me explain.”

  I swallowed, shaking my head. “There is nothing to explain,” I said, dropping my voice to a whisper. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. Hell, you don’t have to say anything to me at all. Let’s just keep our conversations about the lawsuit, and about the kid, and limit them to that.”

  “If you would just let me explain.”

  “No,” I replied. “That’s okay. I’ll see you there, okay?”

  He let go of me. I felt his gaze on my back, but I didn’t care. At least I told myself that I didn’t care.

  And I was going to convince myself of it, even if it took me all fucking day to do so.

  ***

  After we had said thank you enough times, I walked out of the lawyers’ office feeling like absolute shit. Nothing had been resolved and I didn’t know how many more of these meetings I could stand to have where nothing happened and I felt like they were taking me to the cleaners.

  I couldn’t stand being in that room, thinking about their billable hours, as I thought about how Nyback was flirting with Noah. I had kept quiet, and they had spoken about the lawsuit at length. Depositions were due to start and we were soon going to meet the parents, the people who had brought the lawsuit forward. It was only a week from the day of the meeting we had just had, and they both remarked that it was a very quick turnaround.

  It was clear that the parents wanted the whole thing to end as quickly as possible and that they wanted the settlement money.

  I walked toward the elevator and barely looked up when Noah caught up to me. I pressed the button to call the elevator before either one of us said anything.

  “We need to talk,” he said.

  “Talk,” I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m listening.”

  “It wasn’t what it looked like.”

  I looked up at him. “Talk about something I care about,” I replied. “I don’t care about what you were doing.”

  It was a lie, and I knew it was a lie, and he probably knew that it was a lie. But I told myself that I didn’t care. I told myself that it wasn’t what I cared about it and that I only cared about the kid.

  “Okay,” he said. “Then let’s talk about Diego.”

  “Sure,” I replied. “Did you speak to someone?”

  “Yes,” he said. “Someone at CPS. They told me that the kid has to come forward himself and that they are paying attention, but she couldn’t say much more.”

  I sighed, hugging myself. “Great,” I said. “Super useful.”

  “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how we can help him.”

  I swallowed. “I can think of a way.”

  “What way?”

  “We settle.”

  I caught him looking at me. His eyes were wide, and he looked pale. “We can’t do that. That’s not fair.”

  “But we’ll get them off the kid’s back. That’s way more important than anything else. We tried to go through social services, but obviously that’s a joke. So we couldn’t do it,” I said. “And that’s fine. I guess.”

  “It’s not fine. He told us that this wasn’t what he wanted.”

  The elevator arrived, the doors opened, and neither one of us took a step to go into it. It was full of people, and they were staring at us. Noah apologized, waving them off. I could hear them chattering inside the elevator as soon as the doors closed, probably calling us assholes. I couldn’t blame them.

  I felt a bit like an asshole.

  I turned to look at him as soon as the elevator had gone for a few seconds. “Listen to me. We have to do what’s best for him, not what he asked. He is actively being abused in that home, and social services won’t do anything. You might have saved him once, but he doesn’t know what’s best for himself. He’s a child.”

  Noah shook his head. “Okay, okay,” he said. “Let’s say I agree with you, and he doesn’t know what’s good for himself. Even then, shouldn’t we try to honor his wishes?”

  I scoffed, moving away from him. “We have already, actively, tried our best to honor his wishes. If we cannot do that, it is our duty to help him. Even if it doesn’t take the shape that you think it should.”

  “Okay,” he said. “Let’s say we do settle. Where are you going to get the money from?”

  I stared at him, my eyes narrow. “I think that’s none of your damn business.”

  He swallowed. “I know. You’re right… I just…”

  “You just what?”

  “I just wish there was another way to help him.”

  I shook my head. I had moved a few paces away from him, so I was certain he couldn’t touch me. “There is another way to help him. I told you how we can help him.”

  “Okay. I have to speak to Coach Hamilton first.”

  “Why? Can’t you make your own decision?”

  He stared at me. “Terry, you know it’s not simple as that.”

  “Tell me how complicated it is. I can’t wait to hear it.”

  “My reputation means everything. If my reputation is tarnished, there is a chance I might not be able to compete.”

  I nodded. “Of course. And your reputation will be tarnished by a settlement, right?”

  “I don’t—”

  “And that’s more important than the kid, right?”

  “I didn’t say that,” he said.


  “You didn’t have to,” I replied, not looking at him once. “You know what? I think I’ll take the stairs.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  2019

  NOAH

  I knew I had fucked up.

  My intention had never been to flirt with Sarah, I just wanted to get a gauge for how bad what we were doing was, without revealing too much. I should have probably communicated it to Terry, but it had come to me as a stroke of inspiration when I had run into Sarah at the coffee shop. I hadn’t anticipated that I was going to do it. It had just happened. I didn’t expect to run into Terry, but obviously that had been a mistake.

  It was unlikely that she would ever forgive me. I felt like an idiot. I should’ve known better. But she was right. Whatever my feelings were, they hardly mattered when compared to the kid, and his well-being.

  That was one of the things that had attracted me so much to her in the first place, and when she had thrown it in my face, I knew that she was right.

  Still, I couldn’t help but be a little afraid when I knocked on Hamilton’s door. He beckoned me inside after only a few seconds. “What is it, son?” he said without even looking up from his work.

  I swallowed. “I…”

  He looked up, lowered his glasses. “That bad, huh?” he asked. He had his concerned face on, which I didn’t like at all. It really meant that he knew something bad was coming, and that he wasn’t going to be in a forgiving mood. He gestured for me to sit down, which I did after a little while.

  “Do you have a minute?”

  “Are you injured or did you get somebody pregnant?”

  I shook my head. “No, not as far as I know.”

  “Then what is this about?”

  “It’s about the lawsuit.”

  He raised his bushy eyebrows, staring right at my face. “Yes?”

  “I think, though I am not sure, that we are going to settle.”

  “Is there going to be a nondisclosure clause to the settlement?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I assume so, I haven’t really even told the lawyers yet.”