by L. J. Hamlin
“I’m used to my freedom,” Jed argues.
“And you’ll still have it. You’ll be this person’s boss. You want to go to a bar, you go to one. They just go with you. The whole band wants you safe. I want you safe,” Donnie admits.
“You’re really worried, aren’t you? Jamie is, too. Will it make you both feel better if I agree to a bodyguard?” Jed asks.
“I can’t speak for Jamie, but I know I’d feel better if you did. I’m sure the whole band will agree. Your safety comes first. If you want to keep touring, keep doing shows, you need to be careful. I haven’t known you as long as the others, but I’d hate to lose you. You’re my friend. But Jamie, Drew, Penny, Brenton? You’re their family—they can’t lose you.”
Jed holds up his hands in defeat. “Okay, okay. I’ll get Jamie to hire someone. But I’m not letting some stalker stop me from living my life exactly the way I’m used to living it. I know I’m being stubborn, but I just can’t stand the thought of running scared from some coward who won’t even show their face.”
“Jamie will get you the best.” Donnie is sure of it. She might not be his favorite person, but Donnie can see she loves Jed, that she’ll make sure he’s protected.
“She will. Want to watch a movie? I’m not allowed to do much for a few days. I have to rest. Some company would be nice.” Jed looks hopeful.
“Are you sure?” Donnie had thought Jed would want to spend his time with Jamie.
“Yeah. It’ll be like on the tour bus. You’ve been my movie buddy for weeks; why not again now?” Jed smiles. He has a nice smile, a kind smile. Donnie’s liked it from the start.
“I don’t have anything else to do today,” Donnie admits.
“Then hang out, watch some movies, eat some junk food,” Jed suggests.
“Okay, but no sad movies. And nothing with car chases or anything like that,” Donnie says firmly.
“Deal,” Jed grins.
“You sit. Tell me what movie to get,” Donnie says in a no nonsense tone.
Jed picks a movie, Donnie puts it on, and they settle in to watch a movie. When Jamie comes back in and sees them sitting there, she doesn’t look happy that Donnie’s still around. Donnie decides not to care.
Chapter 6
The smell of weed is strong in Jed’s hotels room, and he’s glad that he’s allowed to be alone in his suite with the band. His security is next door. As discreet as his new bodyguard is, Jed isn’t ready to party around them.
The concert went well, and now the booze is flowing. Brenton brought the weed. Jed is on a couch with Penny next to him. Donnie is on her other side. Jed is feeling laidback and relaxed, enjoying being with his friends. Penny takes a toke of the joint in her hand, then leans over to Donnie.
Jed watches as Penny presses her mouth to Donnie’s, breathing out the thick smoke into Donnie’s mouth as Drew whoops.
“Why do we never get kissed?” Brenton asks jokingly.
“You boys aren’t as handsome.” Penny grins as she draws back.
“You’ll give me a big head.” Donnie smiles lazily. He’s leaning back on the couch, his arm over the back behind Penny, his fingers almost reaching Jed. He’s always laid back, but a few drinks and some weed has Donnie so relaxed he’s practically boneless.
“Besides, you two are straight. I don’t kiss straight guys.” Penny shrugs, taking another hit.
“But Donnie’s bi,” Drew replies.
“I love women, but Penny is like my sister. I’d never take a little kiss the wrong way,” Donnie says firmly.
“And he’d never had someone pass him smoke before,” Penny adds.
“Never?” Jed asks.
Donnie shrugs. “I don’t smoke that often. A few of my friends are straight edge, so just never happened.”
“Jed, you need to pass Donnie a hit. It’s just sad that he’s never had a hit from a guy,” Penny suggests, her eyes gleaming.
Like maybe she knows Jed would love to be the one with his mouth on Donnie. But Penny can’t know that. Jed has been careful to keep his growing attraction to himself. If he says no now, it might make the others suspicious. They might question why he doesn’t want to do it. And really, he wants to do it.
So Jed takes a hit and leans over Penny. He cups Donnie’s jaw and brings his mouth to Donnie’s. Jed presses his lips to Donnie’s and waits for Donnie’s soft lips to part, which they do. Jed passes the smoke to him, in the parody of a kiss that seems to become a little deeper than it needs to be for what was just meant to be a joke of a weed kiss. Not that any kind of kiss is needed. Heat sparks in Jed’s stomach, and then Jed pulls back, his face flushing. He’s sure he sees heat in Donnie’s eyes, but maybe that’s the weed talking.
“And Donnie’s getting all the kisses,” Drew rolls his eyes.
“If you want a kiss, just come over here.” Jed tries to act like he’s not affected by the almost kiss with Donnie.
“Eww, no thanks.” Drew makes an exaggerated face, like Jed’s suggested something really gross, like licking a toilet bowl.
Jed laughs. “I’m offended.”
“Don’t dent the poor guy’s ego.” Brenton laughs.
The conversation moves on from kissing, but Jed keeps thinking about it. He thinks it must be the weed, but it feels like his lips are buzzing, like he can still feel Donnie’s soft lips against his. He keeps sneaking glances at Donnie’s mouth, at his pretty lips, and he wants to feel them again. He wants to kiss Donnie for real. He’s so screwed.
When everyone has returned to their own rooms, Jed calls Jamie.
“It’s late. Is everything okay?” Jamie asks, sounding sleepy.
“Were you in bed? I can call back. It’s nothing serious,” Jed says, and it’s not serious. It’s not like his stalker has popped up in the weeks since the accident with the car. He doesn’t want to worry Jamie, but he’s not going to sleep, he’s so stressed out.
“It must be bothering you if you called this late,” Jamie points out.
“Well, after the concert, I had the band back to my room. We had a little party. We were drinking, smoking a little weed.” Jed knows that Jamie won’t judge him for that. She might be the sensible one, but she drinks, and she’s smoked in the past.
“And did something happen? Did someone in the hotel catch you?” Jamie asks, and Jed can tell she’s already planning damage control.
“No, no one caught us. We were careful,” Jed assures her.
“Then what has you stressing out in the middle of the night?” Jamie asks.
“Penny was joking around and said I should pass smoke to Donnie. So I did.” Jed takes his cell phone over to his bed and lies down on it. He rubs his lips with his free hand. He wants to taste Donnie again, and without the weed. He’d liked the taste of the smoke, but he wants to just taste Donnie.
“What you’re saying is you kissed him,” Jamie says in a flat voice.
“Kind of.” Jed sighs.
“I thought you said you weren’t going to do anything like that?” Jamie sounds so disapproving, Jed feels like he’s disappointed her.
“I didn’t mean to. And it wasn’t a real kiss—plus, it was in front of the whole band.” Jed groans.
“Then why did you feel the need to tell me right away?” Jamie asks.
“Because I want to do it again,” Jed admits.
Jamie sighs.
“Just because I want to, doesn’t mean I will,” Jed says in a rush.
“You need to put some distance between the two of you. You don’t want him getting the wrong idea—or anyone else, for that matter,” Jamie advises.
“Distance? How? We’re in the same band. He’s my friend.” Jed hasn’t told Jamie about all his late night chats with Donnie, but those hadn’t felt as dangerous as his lips on Donnie’s had.
Talking with Donnie feels right, and Jed’s happy they’ve become friends. But he can’t risk wanting more than that with a band member. He feels like a fool. Especially since Donnie is so much younger tha
n him. He probably has no interest in Jed. He’d be making an idiot of himself to develop feelings for Donnie.
“I don’t know, but you need to draw lines. I’ll stick by you through anything, Jed, you know that, but I don’t want to clean up that kind of mess again. And I don’t want to have to put your broken pieces back together again when some pretty twink runs to the papers with a story,” Jamie says softly.
“I don’t think Donnie’s like that.” Jed hopes to hell Donnie isn’t like that. They’re friends, close friends. It would already hurt Jed if Donnie were to betray him.
“He seems like a nice enough kid. Maybe you can trust him. But you’ve only known him a few months. It’s not worth risking yet. If you’d known him longer, maybe a kiss would be okay. You kiss a lot of your friends. But you don’t know him well enough. You need to be careful.”
“Kid? He’s twenty-six. You calling him a kid makes me feel like a dirty old man for wanting him.” Jed hates that he’s questioning whether he can trust Donnie. He hates questioning his friends, their loyalty.
“And you’re thirty-six. Little early for a midlife crisis, don’t you think? He’s a little young. I know pretty is your type, but young normally isn’t,” Jamie replies.
“He doesn’t seem young when we talk. He has an old soul. I’m not having a midlife crisis, and I don’t just like him because he’s pretty. He’s a nice guy, kind and talented. Everyone in the band likes him. But it doesn’t matter why I like him. I know, even if he would be interested, it can’t happen.”
“You can have anyone you want, just please god, not him. It has disaster written all over it.” He can tell Jamie is rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone.
“I told you, I wouldn’t do anything, and I won’t. But I’m not pushing him away. It wouldn’t be fair. I don’t play games with my friends. He’s in my band; he’s my friend. I’m not going to let my stupid crush drive a wedge between us. I can be his friend without ending up in bed with him.” Jed doesn’t want to be that kind of asshole, to treat his friend like that. Donnie hasn’t done a thing wrong. It would be wrong to keep him at a distance when nothing has happened.
It was just a kiss. Not even a real kiss. It was a game, fueled by good drink and strong weed. Penny kissed Donnie, too, and Jed knows that meant nothing to either of them. Penny isn’t even attracted to men, and Donnie doesn’t seem like he has a crush on Penny.
“I’m probably stressing over nothing. It’s not like we made out. It wasn’t serious. We were just playing,” Jed says, and he hopes he’s right.
“How did he react to you kissing him?” Jamie asks, and she’s too smart for her own good. “Did he like it?”
“He didn’t pull away. But he didn’t pull away from Penny, either, so really, that doesn’t tell me much. I probably won’t care once I’m sober, but I’m very much drunk and kind of high. It’s throwing me off, and I’m probably making a big deal out of nothing.” Jed rubs a hand over his face. He’s far from sober, even though he’s not stupidly out of it.
“Maybe I should talk to him,” Jamie says thoughtfully.
“No! No, you don’t need to do that,” Jed says, almost panicked. It would be so embarrassing to have Jamie talk to a man on his behalf.
“I’d be nice,” Jamie replies.
“I know you would be, but I don’t need you to do that. I can control myself. You don’t need to tell Donnie to stay away. I’m sure he’s not going to make a move on me just because I kind of kissed him,” Jed says, getting up to grab another beer from off the side before going back to bed.
“I just need to ask: if Donnie did make a move, would you be strong enough to turn him down?” Jamie asks.
“Of course I would,” Jed says quickly, even though he’s really not sure. He doesn’t like the idea of lying to Jamie, but he doesn’t want to worry her.
“Okay. Well, sleep off your high, and I’ll call you in the morning. Don’t do anything stupid,” Jamie warns.
“I won’t.” Jed’s sure he’s safe here alone in his room, safe from doing anything truly stupid.
“Sleep well. ‘Night,” Jamie says softly.
“Sorry for waking you.”
“It’s okay. Anytime. Now sleep.”
“Good night,” Jed says, and then he hangs up.
Before Jed puts his phone down on the bedside table, he looks at his home screen. It’s a picture of the band, on stage for their first show after the car tried to hit Jed. There is still a hint of bruising on Jed’s forehead in the picture. Drew has an arm around him, and Brenton is leaning on his other side. Penny is sitting given a piggy back on Donnie, and they are both smiling. Jed likes the picture for all of them, but right now it’s Donnie’s smile that Jed can’t help focusing on. He has such a gorgeous smile.
Jed puts his phone down, taking a sip of beer before putting that back by his phone too. He blames the alcohol in his blood, the weed still tickling his senses, for the thoughts in his head, for the hardness in his pants.
Trying not to think about it, Jed wiggles out of his jeans and palms his cock through his underwear. Jed tries to think of his last fuck, the last porno he watched, ex-boyfriends, but as his hand drifts under his waistband and wraps around his cock, it’s none of them that stick in his head.
It’s Donnie’s smile that fills his mind, and the feel of Donnie’s lips against his. Jed imagines what it would have been like if he had licked his way into Donnie’s mouth, deepening the kiss. He groans lightly, stroking himself, his mind slipping into X-rated territory.
In his head, he’s not alone in bed. He has Donnie straddling his lap, all naked skin and tattoos, that flame red hair falling down his naked back to his bare ass. Jed lets himself imagine that the hand around his cock isn’t his own, but instead is Donnie’s, with his talented guitarist hands, all long fingers, with his chipped black nails and silver rings. Jed can almost imagine the coolness of the silver rings Donnie always wears.
The fantasy, along with his hand moving on his cock, is enough to rush towards the edge. He normally lasts longer when he’s been drinking, but it’s not like Jed’s trying to draw things out here. The pleasure builds, his balls tightening, and he comes in his boxer briefs.
It’s not till he’s caught his breath and taken his underwear off, using it to wipe himself down, that he starts to feel guilty. He feels like he’s used Donnie by thinking of him like that, and he feels like he’s lied to Jamie.
Jed had said he could resist Donnie. This doesn’t feel like he’s trying to resist Donnie. Jed gets up and heads for the bathroom, hoping a shower will sober him up and clear his head.
He tells himself this was just a fluke, that, like the kiss, it’ll never happen again, but Jed isn’t too sure even he believes his own bullshit.
Chapter 7
The band is on a TV show again, not live this time, and it’s not Donnie’s first time being recorded since he joined Black Lace, but he’s still nervous. It still feels new, even though he’s been performing with the band for almost eight months.
When the door to his dressing room opens, Donnie assumes it’s the makeup girl coming back to make sure he’s perfect for the show, like she said she would. But a man comes into the room, leaving the door a jar.
“Hi, I’m James. I’m here to interview you.” The guy smiles, and he reminds Donnie of a shark. He’s an ordinary enough looking guy, tall, blond, not bad looking, but something about James seems off.
“No one told me I was being interviewed,” Donnie says, swiveling the chair he’s in so that he’s facing James and not just looking at him in the mirror on the dresser.
“Last minute thing. So, Donnie, how do you like being a part of Black Lace?” James asks, jumping right into things, not really giving Donnie a chance to get ready for this. Donnie still isn’t really used to interviews, especially not alone. It’s easier when he’s with the rest of the band, and they can do some of the talking. Or, well, most of it. Penny keeps telling him not to be so shy, so does Kelly,
so Donnie will try and do his best here.
“I really like it. Everyone’s been really welcoming, and I love playing with them.” Donnie smiles.
“Has Jed Chance welcomed you to the band?” James asks, and Donnie doesn’t like his tone at all.
“The whole band have been very welcoming,” Donnie says firmly.
“Come on kid. Spill. What’s the rock god really like? Has he tried to fuck you yet?” James asks.
“What?” Donnie can’t believe James just asked that.
“Listen, the paper I work for is willing to pay you a lot of money for a good story on Jed. We want the scoop from someone in the band. Something has to have happened,” James says, and Donnie can’t help but think of the slight kiss he shared with Jed, but that had been a joke, and even if it hadn’t been, Donnie wouldn’t tell anyone but Kelly about it.
“Nothing’s happened between me and Jed. And I’m not interested in selling a story about him,” Donnie says firmly.
“I’ll pay you whatever you ask, no limit. Come on. You have to have some juicy story you can tell. Hell, make something up. As long as you’re willing to back it up, we’ll run any story you tell,” James says.
Donnie doesn’t have the kind of money saved up that the rest of Black Lace do, but he’s being paid pretty well. Even if he weren’t, though, even if he were broke, he wouldn’t sell a story on anyone in the band.
“I’m not making shit up about anyone in the band. I don’t know who the hell you are, what kind of person you think I am, but you have the wrong guy, and I think you should leave,” Donnie says firmly, pissed off that this guy has even put him in this position.
“Don’t be stupid. There’s a lot of money on the line here.” James looks annoyed that he’s not getting his own way.
“You can stick your money up your ass. I’m not for sale,” Donnie growls.