by L. J. Hamlin
“Well, maybe I’ll just have to do some digging on you. I’m sure there’s a story in your past. Or we can avoid that nastiness, and you can just tell me a few things about Jed. I mean, he clearly hired you to get in your pants.” James sneers.
“Do your worst, asshole. I have nothing to hide. Now get out.” Donnie doesn’t even bother pointing out that Jed hadn’t decided alone to hire Donnie. It’d been a decision made by the whole band, and none of them had made it to get into his pants, but Donnie isn’t going to justify himself to this guy.
“I could destroy you,” James snarls.
Before Donnie can respond, the door opens, and Jamie’s assistant for the night walks in. “I’ve called security. Get out before they throw you out,” Jamie’s assistant says sternly.
James looks like he’s going to argue, but Jamie’s assistant gives him an evil look, and James storms off, pushing past her. Jamie’s assistant rolls her eyes then goes to get Jamie. When Jamie arrives, she shuts Donnie’s dressing room door behind her.
“My assistant heard most of that,” Jamie says softly.
“I’m guessing he wasn’t even supposed to be in here?” Donnie guesses.
“No, he snuck in.” Jamie nods.
“I’m sorry. I should have realized.” Donnie feels like an idiot.
“It’s not your fault. They heard him offer to pay you to lie about Jed.” Jamie folds her arms over her chest. She’s in a sharp navy suit. She looks beautiful as always, but she’s just not Donnie’s type, even leaving aside she doesn’t like him.
“I’d never do that to him, or anyone else in the band,” Donnie says firmly.
“I can tell you wouldn’t from the way you sound. And that brings me to do this: I think I owe you an apology, Donnie.” Jamie sighs.
“What? Why?” Donnie frowns.
“I’ve been cold towards you, and it hasn’t actually been your fault.”
“I ah…I guess I’ve noticed that you don’t really like me. I kind of wondered why,” Donnie replies.
“It’s nothing you did. I saw you when you auditioned for the band, and you reminded me of Bert: young, gay, good looking. You know the story there, right, what happened with Bert?” Jamie asks.
“I probably don’t know everything, but I know what was in the papers. Bert and Jed had an affair while you and Jed were still married, while Jed was still in the closet. And then Bert got kicked out the band, and he sold out Jed, told everyone about the affair.” Donnie personally thinks Bert sounds like a total asshole, to betray a friend, a lover, like that.
“Bert was a bastard. He seduced Jed, used him to get what he wanted, and then when Jed wasn’t useful anymore, he sold him down the river to make some quick cash. I’m sorry to say I thought you might be more of the same.”
“I’m not like that. Jed’s my friend. He’s been good to me. I’d never use him or sell a story about him, even if I had a story to tell,” Donnie says.
“I’ve been ignoring the signs that you were nothing like Bert from the start, but knowing what you said to that reporter, it makes it very clear to me that you’re nothing like Bert. I’m sorry I assumed you would be. I’m sorry for my assumptions, and for how unwelcome I know I’ve made you feel,” Jamie says softly.
“It’s okay…” Donnie starts, just to be cut off by Jamie holding her hand up.
“It’s not okay. I’ve behaved badly, and I’m sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong, and frankly, I’ve been a bitch. I hope I can make up for the way I’ve acted since we’ve met. I’d like to start again, if you’re willing.” Jamie looks hopeful, her usual iciness towards him nowhere to be found.
“I’m good with starting again. It kind of hurt that you seemed to hate me from the start. I kept wondering what I had done wrong.” It had bothered him that Jamie didn’t like him, but now he thinks he understands.
Jamie is protective of Jed, and Jed was hurt badly by Bert. Jamie had worried Donnie would be like Bert. Donnie can see the similarities, why he would remind Jamie of Bert. They’re both guitarist; they both date men. Donnie never met Bret, but he saw him on TV. He was good looking. Donnie’s not vain, but he knows he’s good looking too.
Donnie could stay angry at her for thinking he was like Bert, but Donnie can’t bring himself to hate Jamie or to blame her. People make mistakes. Jamie made a mistake when it came to him, but she’s sorry about it.
Jamie nodded. “They heard him threaten you. With my manager hat on, I have to ask: any angry exes or anything like that that you need me to get ahead of? I’ll try to make sure your private life stays private.”
“I didn’t really have any bad breakups. I…I don’t think anyone would sell a story about me. I haven’t been an asshole, or done anything wrong to anyone.” Donnie hesitates, because there are some things he wouldn’t want to see about himself in the papers, on the internet.
“They might track down your family. Jed told me you don’t talk to them. Do you want me to talk to them?” Jamie asks.
“I don’t think they’d say anything. Good Christians don’t want to admit to making a fourteen-year-old homeless.” Donnie bites his lip, his hands knotting in his lap. He tells himself Kevin wouldn’t want their story out there either, but he’s not sure.
“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Jamie says suspiciously.
“I had a relationship after my parents kicked me out, when I was fourteen. He wasn’t fourteen. I don’t think he would admit to it, let alone tell a reporter. And the people who know about it, they wouldn’t want to get him in trouble or betray my privacy.” Donnie knows that some of Kevin’s friends knew about them, and the homeless charity that took Donnie in, some of their councilors know his past.
The only friend he has ever told is Kelly, and she’d never tell anyone about Kevin. She’d never sell Donnie out. He trusts her.
“The fact you were underage wouldn’t make you look bad. It’d make the man look bad. Well, maybe you’d get some assholes who’d say you were a bad example to younger fans. Is that what you’re worried about, or is he a scorned lover?” Jamie asks, and she’s clearly thinking damage control, for his benefit and the band’s.
“I think he’d have been mad that I left him.” Donnie bites his fingernail, tasting nail polish.
“You think? I mean, don’t you know? Was there a big fight? Did someone cheat?” Jamie asks.
“I…We lived together. I packed my things while he was at work, and I just left. I never saw him again after that. I was back on the streets for a while, and then a homeless LGBT teens charity helped me out, got me in a shelter.” Donnie hates talking about it, but he needs to tell Jamie some of the details. She’ll know if this needs dealing with, how to deal with it. It’s possible all of Donnie’s past could come out now he’s pissed off a nosy reporter, one who’s willing to pay even for lies about Black Lace members.
“Why did you leave like that? It wasn’t something like cheating, was it?” Jamie looks concerned.
“Promise you won’t tell anyone? Not even Jed? None of the band know. Only Kelly knows,” Donnie says softly.
“I won’t tell the band. I’d only say something to management if I had to, or if you were in danger,” Jamie replies.
“My ex, his name was Kevin. He was…Well, he was kind of abusive,” Donnie all but whispers.
“Oh, Donnie, I’m sorry.” Jamie looks a little pale, and she steps closer to him.
“It was a long time ago. But I’m a little worried someone will make a story out of it.” Donnie likes to say he’s over it, likes to pretend he is, but he still has nightmares. He still finds himself flinching at raised fists and voices, even when the person means no harm.
“I’ll do some of my own digging. If it looks like anyone is going to talk about you, we’ll try to stop them. I can see your need to keep it private, but you did nothing wrong. If it did come out, people would be on your side,” Jamie says softly, putting her hand on Donnie’s shoulder. It’s probably the first time she’s t
ouched him.
“I had a lot of therapy. I know I didn’t deserve what he did to me, but I don’t want it all over the internet. I don’t want everyone thinking of me as a victim. I’ve put it behind me; I want it to stay behind me. Where it belongs.” Donnie really doesn’t like talking about Kevin. It’s something he hardly ever does.
“Well, it seems unlikely that your ex would admit to abusing his underage partner. I think it’ll be okay, but I’ll keep my ear to the ground, okay?” Jamie says calmly.
Donnie can see the sympathy in her eyes. It’s not pity, but he can tell she feels bad about his past. Donnie doesn’t want that. He knows he needed to tell her, just in case, but he wishes he hadn’t told her at the same time. Donnie knows he still has a lot of issues, but he’s dealing with them, and he’s dealing with them by himself, that’s the way he likes it.
“The therapist I saw would get into trouble if they told. So, I’m hoping no one does. I don’t want people knowing.” Donnie sighs.
Jamie looks like she’s about to say something when a knock on the door interrupts her. She drops her hand from Donnie’s shoulder and goes to answer it. It’s the makeup girl. She’s back to make sure Donnie is perfect for the recording.
“I’ll see you later, Donnie. Don’t worry about anything, okay? I’ll see you in a bit.” Jamie leaves, and Donnie tries to shake off the heavy feeling left from talking about Kevin.
He settles in to have his makeup touched up, knowing he needs his head in the game for the show. Even if it isn’t live, he doesn’t want to mess up.
Chapter 8
Jed is a little drunk. Well, maybe a lot drunk. He’s with the whole band in a house on the hills in Canada, where they have been sent to work on the next album. It’s mostly written, and they’ve recorded a few songs, so tonight they’re relaxing, kicking back.
They’d had a barbeque, and the booze started flowing with the food, but now they’re inside. They’ve been playing cards and steadily drinking more. Drew and Penny have already given up and gone to bed, leaving Jed, Brenton, and Donnie playing cards on the floor in a small circle, a drinking game that Brenton invented way back during the first tour.
“You guys are cheating,” Brenton slurs.
“How am I cheating? I don’t even know the rules. I’m pretty sure you guys just keep changing them so I have to drink,” Donnie says carefully. He’s clearly drunk, too, but he seems to handle it better than Brenton.
“Well, I give up. I’m going to bed.” Brenton staggers to his feet and out of the room.
“Seems not so fun to play cards with just the two of us. Want to watch a movie?” Jed suggests. He’s not ready to go to bed yet, and he really likes Donnie’s company, can never get enough of it.
“Yeah, a movie sounds good.” Donnie nods. They abandon the cards but take their drinks with them to the couch.
Jed finds a movie on one of the movie channels, some horror flick, and then gets comfortable. Donnie lies out on the other side, but he props his feet on Jed’s lap. Jed smiles. Donnie’s a touchy-feely guy if he’s comfortable with you, with his friends. Jed’s glad he can count himself one of them.
“So, I’ve been meaning to ask something,” Jed says. He’s been wanting to ask for a little while, but they haven’t been truly alone or this relaxed.
“Ask away,” Donnie says, brushing his hair off his face. It’s so long and silky looking, Jed often gets the urge to run his hands through it, but he doesn’t dare. There’s affection between friends, and then there’s revealing his attraction.
“You and Jamie. The two of you didn’t seem to get along till a month ago, and suddenly she warmed to you.” Jed won’t mention that Jamie has even stopped warning Jed away from Donnie every five minutes.
“She didn’t tell you anything?” Donnie asks, his face guarded.
“She told me about the reporter trying to get a story out of you, and how you stayed loyal, but I think more went on that she’s not telling me. She seems to worry about you now,” Jed admits.
Before Jamie had seemed so sure that Donnie would hurt Jed at some point, but now, not only does she not seem to think that anymore, it’s almost as if she’s worried that Jed will hurt Donnie.
“I asked her not to tell you something. I talked to Kelly about it, and she thinks I should tell the band. But, damn, it was hard enough telling Jamie, but she wasn’t a friend yet then. You’re my friend, so it should be easier, right?” Donnie asks, chewing on his little fingernail.
Jed reaches out, taking Donnie’s hand by the wrist, and pulls it from his mouth.
“You’ll make yourself bleed. And, yes. I’m your friend. Maybe it’ll be easier to talk to me,” Jed says, and he maybe holds onto Donnie’s wrist longer than he should before he lets go. He wonders what it is.
“You know I made it sound like I got found by my charity pretty quickly? Well, it was over a year. I was homeless for months. And then I met a man who took me in.”
“I’m sorry you were homeless. And at that age, it must have been especially hard.” Jed can’t imagine how hard.
“It was. I thought meeting Kevin was my big break.” Donnie laughs, but it doesn’t sound like he finds any humor in it.
“Kevin?” Jed thinks he might be jealous, if not for the look on Donnie’s face.
“He gave me food a couple of times. We talked. He was gay. Said he knew what it was like to have people turn their backs on you. He offered me a place to stay. It was getting so cold, and he said he’d help me get into school again without ending up in the system. I guess I was naive to think he wouldn’t want anything.” Donnie shakes his head.
“He…Did he force you?” Jed asks, wanting to tear the man apart with his bare hands at the thought.
“No, not really. One night he told me he wanted to be with me. I’d never even been kissed before. I was flattered, and I wanted to keep him happy. He wasn’t very gentle. It hurt. But I stayed with him. He started hitting me after a while. I got sick of it eventually and ran away, back to the streets.” His tone is so matter of fact, like he’s not revealing something awful.
“Christ, Donnie, I’m so sorry. No one deserves to be treated like that,” Jed says, and takes Donnie’s hand in his, wrapping his fingers around Donnie’s slender ones, glad that Donnie allows the touch.
“Thanks. I know it was wrong. For a while, I let myself believe I deserved the way I was treated. But I know now that I didn’t. I told Jamie, in case it ends up in the papers. I really pissed off that reporter when I said no to him. He said he’d find a story on me.”
“I’ve been meaning to thank you for not saying anything about me. I mean, I don’t…You’ve given me no reason to think you would lie about me, but still, thank you.” Jed means it. He’s grateful. Loyalty means a lot to him. He doesn’t really have words for how much it means to him.
“I’d never lie about anyone, let alone a friend, and you’ve been really kind to me. Black Lace is like a family to me already. I care about all of you. I would never do anything to hurt the band,” Donnie says.
“We all care about you, too. Honestly, I want to hunt this Kevin guy down and rip him apart. And I want to yell at your family for hours. You’ve been treated like shit, yet you still turned out really great, so kind and gentle. It’s amazing. You’re amazing,” Jed says firmly. His head feels a little clearer than when they had been playing cards.
Donnie blushes a faint pink. “Thank you”
“You don’t see it, do you?” Jed reaches out and strokes Donnie’s cheek. It feels a little hot to the touch, flushed, and Jed is treading close to the line here, between friendship and something more.
“See what?” Donnie doesn’t pull away from Jed’s touch, and Jed can’t help remembering how he had cupped Donnie’s jaw when he was passing smoke to him.
“You don’t see how special you are. Handsome, talented, kind, loyal,” Jed says softly.
“You really see me that way?” Donnie asks.
“Yes. I really wa
nt to kiss you,” Jed admits, even though he knows it’s a really bad idea, a terrible idea. But he wants it. Donnie looks so sad. Jed wants to see him smile the way he had when they kissed before.
“You want to kiss me?” Donnie looks surprised, but he doesn’t pull away from Jed. Instead, he curls his legs beneath him and moves a little closer.
“I’ve wanted to feel your mouth again since I passed you smoke in that hotel room,” Jed says honestly.
“If we’d been alone, I would have kissed you properly. I wanted to kiss you,” Donnie says softly.
“So if I kiss you now? That’d be okay?” Jed asks.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” Donnie’s blue eyes are bright, sparkling as they meet Jed’s.
Jed slides his hand from Donnie’s jaw into his hair, cupping the back of Donnie’s head. His fingers tangled in the flame red hair, he urges Donnie closer, and then claims a kiss. Donnie’s lips are soft, and they part slightly against Jed’s.
It’s like fire in his veins and a punch to his gut all at once. Jed wraps his other arm around Donnie’s waist, pulling Donnie closer. Donnie is a lot smaller than Jed. It’s easy to move him, and that shouldn’t be as hot as it is. When Jed drags Donnie into his lap, it gets even hotter. Donnie fits against him so well, chest to chest, his ass in Jed’s lap. It feels perfect.
“Wait,” Donnie says, breaking the kiss but not pulling out of Jed’s lap. He looks flushed, pupils blown. Jed feels lust drunk, intoxicated by the taste of Donnie, and just plain drunk.
“Is something wrong?” Jed asks. Considering what Donnie has said about Kevin, Jed doesn’t want to be pushy—not that he ever is with guys. He just really wants to be careful here because, from the sounds of it, Kevin pushed Donnie into things, into sex.
“No…I just…Won’t this fuck everything up?” Donnie asks.
“I almost destroyed the band once, with Bert. So I told myself I couldn’t want you, that if anything happened, it would destroy the band again. But you’re not Bert. He had a game plan from the start. I know that now.” Bert used him. Bert had been a drug addict who wanted money and fame, and he hadn’t cared how he got it.