by Sienna Grant
The door opened behind me and the breeze hit my skin, making it pebble with goosebumps. I turned to look over my shoulder and smiled when I saw Callie removing the vest top she wore to bed and slid her shorts down her legs before she kicked them off.
“Hey, babe. I thought you were asleep.”
“I heard you moving around and then heard the shower go on.” She stepped inside and closed the cubicle door behind her then came to stand behind me. Flattening her palms against my back, I heard her sigh and run them up and down my skin. Having her hands on me made my dick startle awake. He knew Callie’s touch, that was a fact.
Her fingertips grazed my skin, causing my breath to hitch. We couldn’t do anything, yet she was still in her six weeks recovery. But her touch was enough. Since Finley fucking Brown, I was wondering if she’d ever want what we had before. Yeah, she said she loved me, and I believed that, but Callie and I shared raw emotion when it came to sex.
“Callie?”
As her lips pressed to my shoulder, so did her body, her breasts brushing my back. She grazed her lips across my shoulders and walked around to my front, looking up at me. Her brown eyes were glazed as they bore into mine, but I couldn’t read what was going through her mind.
“Cals, we can’t…”
“Shhh. I know that.” She traced her fingers up and down my chest and leaned up on her tiptoes before placing her lips on mine. I lifted my hands to her cheeks and kissed her. I felt like we’d been so close yet so far away from each other, and I didn’t like it.
The water rained on us and she tipped her head back and let the water run down her face. I watched as it ran between the rivet of her breasts. I brushed my hands down her neck and over her shoulders then captured her lips. My tongue ran across her lips. She gave me access to her mouth instantly, and I slipped my tongue inside and tangled it with hers. A groan ground out from the back of my throat.
Lifting my hands back up. I ran them over her wet hair and pulled away, gently holding her head.
“What’s going on, baby?”
Her nostrils flared and she licked her lips. “I just wanted to f...” her lip trembled, “...feel wanted and loved.” She sniffed. I tugged her into my chest and held her against me.
I bent down and kissed her head. “I’ve always wanted you. Ever since that first night we slept together, you stole a piece of me that I knew I’d never get back.”
It seemed so long ago, but I knew Callie would always be the only woman for me.
Reaching around her, I grabbed the sponge and the shower gel from the shelf and squirted some into it, squeezing it into a lather. I turned her around in my arms, and with the first sweep of the sponge across her chest and breasts, Callie gasped. I felt the smile tug at the corners of my mouth, and I swept over her body, careful not to press around her abdomen and careful around the scar in her side. I slipped the sponge between her legs, but as soon as I touched her, I moved it down the inside of her silky thighs and squatted down behind her. I pressed my lips to the dimple in the bottom of her back. As I glanced up, I saw her head fall back on her shoulders, and I slid the sponge all the way down one leg before I brought it back up the other, swiping over her beautiful curves. Although a little more slender these days, I still loved running my hands over them. She turned back around. I wrapped an arm around her neck and brought the sponge up and washed her back.
“I love you so much, Chris.”
“I love you.” I smiled at her. The whole essence of her being made me me. I was nothing without her.
Brushing her nose with mine, I kissed her again. Her fingers swept down my body, light and gentle, until she brushed the tip of my cock. I jolted at the softness of her fingers while she danced them down my shaft, her fingers circling my cock. I couldn’t help but push myself into her hand. “Cal, no you don’t…”
“I want to.” Her hand moved, gliding up and down while her other hand curled around my neck. She pulled my head down until I had my forehead rested on hers. She took charge of my lips, devouring me as she carried on with her hand movements until my balls tightened.
“Faster.”
She gave in to my request and squeezed as she sped up. Placing a hand against the wet tile, her lips slid down my neck, kissing and licking as she went. “Oh, fuck, Cals. Yes, just like that. Make me come, baby.”
With a few more squeezes and twists, she swiped her thumb over the head before pumping hard and fast, and I blew my load in her hand.
I growled deep in the back of my throat before taking her lips again in an appreciative kiss. She smiled as I pulled back. “Just because I can’t do anything, nothing says I can’t help you.”
“You’re amazing.”
“You're not so bad yourself.”
She turned away and washed her hands beneath the water while I rinsed myself off and quickly washed. As she turned, her eyes glazed over. Something was bothering her.
She stepped out and wrapped her towel around her gorgeous body, picking her clothes up from the floor. I dragged my eyes from her and turned off the shower, stepped out, and wrapped my towel around my waist, running my hand through my hair and brushing the excess water out of it then heading back into the bedroom.
She was already dressed again and sitting up in the bed by the time I walked in. I pulled some boxers on and got into bed. It was nearing one a.m., and I had to be back at work for eight. I slipped down and held my arm out for her. She snuggled into my side and we were soon drifting off to sleep.
By the time I woke up the next morning, Callie was already up, had made us coffee, and was sitting on the couch.
I bent down and kissed her head. “Morning, gorgeous.”
“Morning.”
I grabbed my coffee and took a sip before sitting down on the chair opposite her. She cupped her mug between her hands and stared into it.
“Callie, is everything okay, babe?”
“I… I have to leave.”
I didn’t say anything, I just stared.
“I have to do this. I need to find myself again.”
I swallowed hard. “And where will you go?”
“I saw Wyatt yesterday. I went to the bar. He let me cut my shifts down while I get some vocal training and back to part time drama college. I have some savings so I can use that for my course. He offered me a flat to stay in for nothing if I keep an eye on his sister.”
“Why? You can stay here. You can do all that from here.”
A tear slid down her face as she blinked. “I can’t.” Her voice shook with emotion. “I heard you on the phone the other night. You’re struggling, Chris, and so am I. We need time apart to work on ourselves. Don’t think I don’t love you, because I do, so, so much, but we have to do this. What with the harassment, the stalking, the kidnapping… I’m done. I’ve lost myself and I need to be able to stand on my own two feet without you being the prop that keeps me up. You have to decide if my future is enough for you.”
I rushed over to her and dropped to my knees at her feet. “Please don’t do this.”
A sigh escaped her lips, and a sad smile pulled at her mouth as she cocked her head to the side, studying me. She rested a gentle palm on my cheek. “I have to. You know the saying, if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. I believe that, and I hope you do too. But please let me do this.”
I dropped back onto my haunches and my whole body sagged. “You’ve made your mind up.” I could tell. She had a determination I hadn’t seen for a while.
My beautiful, determined, and stubborn Callie.
I pushed back up to my knees and grabbed her face. I parted her lips with my tongue and kissed her like my life depended on it. If I couldn’t do anything else, then I’d make her remember this kiss for as long as she needed to.
When I was done, I got to my feet, placed a lingering kiss to her forehead, and grabbed my car keys. I didn’t say anything else. Instead, I left for work.
I watched Chris leave and knew I’d just broken us. I loved him so much, but I wasn
’t sure it was enough. Over the next few days, I saw him less and less, until the day came for me to move out. I tried to talk to him as I enrolled in college and set up Wyatt’s flat, but he didn’t want to talk.
Lou had gone to Leeds to stay with family. We’d talked on the phone, and while I didn’t blame her for what happened, I didn’t want to be around her either.
On moving day, Charlie and Chris helped me move into the flat, but Chris was distant, almost standoffish, and I knew he was hurting at my decision.
As I stood in the flat, staring around at my belongings and wishing I could ask Chris to stay but knowing I couldn’t, loneliness threatened to overwhelm me.
He stood by the door and flicked his keys around as Charlie left, kissing my cheek. My eyes focused on his toned back as he said goodbye to Charlie, but when he turned back to face me, I saw the devastation he was trying to mask.
“Cals, I need to go. I’m working tomorrow at six a.m.”
His voice was soft, and although I wanted to hug him, I was holding back because I didn’t want to hurt him more.
“Okay. Thanks for helping me.”
His sad smile hurt me so much because it was subdued. He lingered for a moment, and his eyes scanned my face before he gave a sort of head bob and walked towards the door.
“Chris,” I called out, unable to stop myself, and he turned back with glistening eyes.
“I love you. You know that, right?”
He swallowed, shook his head, and glanced at the floor before he met my gaze. “Yeah, but not enough to stay with me.”
His pain tore at me, and one of my tears broke free, rolling down my cheek.
“You’ve got it backwards. I love you too much to stay with you.”
He hesitated for a moment before he walked over and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. His lips touched my cheeks, my forehead, but not my mouth, and I held him tightly, wanting to savour every second with him.
“Cals, fuck… I can’t say goodbye to you.”
“Then don’t. I don’t want us to be over.”
“Then how come it feels like we are?”
The pain that sliced through me at his words had my legs trembling beneath me. “Chris, please. I need you.”
My begging him to stay was the hardest part of leaving, but I knew before he answered.
“I can’t. Please don’t ask me to stay when I can’t have you. I know you think we need time and space, but I just need you. I need you beside me.”
“Are you ending us?”
His arms squeezed tightly around me, and I could feel the tremble in his touch as he kissed me softly.
“No. You already did that.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off by bringing his lips to mine and giving a blistering kiss that had my legs shaking for a different reason.
“Goodbye, Cals. I love you,” he muttered as he broke the kiss, and I could only watch as he turned and walked out, closing the door behind him with a snap.
I sank down on the sofa and wrapped my arms around my legs as I sat there, hating the silence, hating the pain that lashed at me that told me I’d made a mistake, but knowing in my head I’d done the right thing.
He needed time to be sure he still wanted me, and I needed time to come to terms with everything I’d lost.
What I didn’t know when the door closed was that I wouldn’t see him for six months, and that the next time I saw him, he’d be on a date with his new girlfriend.
Six Months Later
The next months passed quickly with me working hard on my voice, my acting, and three twelve-hour days at the bar a week.
Wyatt and I had become really good friends, and it was him who’d convinced me to meet him and a few others after my final Friday acting class for dinner in Sixties.
I was dressed in jeans and a lace vest with a sheer blouse over. My hair was in loose curls, and I’d hastily reapplied my make-up in the toilets at college before I left to meet them.
Wyatt’s friend Sam was new to the group, but he was nice, funny, and charming. He was also a massive flirt, but I wasn’t interested. I loved Chris, and this time apart was for us to heal.
I’d text him a few times, and while he always replied, he never wanted to meet up, and he didn’t answer if I called him.
I’d had counselling and was coming to terms with the changes in my life, but my biggest regret was losing Chris. I hadn’t meant to lose him. All I wanted was for him to be happy, but if his happiness meant he needed to be free of me, then I’d let him go.
I was thinking about Chris as I walked into the restaurant and searched for my friends, but I never expected to see him. My feet carried me towards him as though I was being pulled by an invisible string, and I watched him chat with Sam, but it was the girl at his side that stopped me in my tracks.
She was pretty, smaller than his six foot two, and curled into his side. Her brown hair was straight down her back, and she was wearing a tight leather jacket.
That was all I saw before my eyes drifted back to Chris. I scanned his face and saw him smiling, joking, and more relaxed than I’d seen him in forever. It hurt so much that he’d moved on. I watched as he leaned down, kissing her softly on the lips, and a wave of pure agony rolled through me.
My legs shook as I moved past them, heading for the bathroom. My back tingled with warmth and I knew he’d spotted me, but I didn’t care. I locked myself in a stall and tried to control the absolute devastation that seeing him with someone else caused.
I knew taking some time apart would be hard, but seeing him kiss her so freely… I couldn’t even finish the thought. It burned so badly.
My hands shook as I took out my mobile and text Beth. She was back in the States with Charlie since he was filming over there, and I missed her terribly, but she was glowing, almost ready for their baby and loving her life.
Did you know Chris is seeing someone else?
I didn’t know what else to say, but the little dots appeared as I sank down on the bathroom seat to wait on her messaging me back.
Hey, yeah. He spoke to Charlie about it a month or so ago, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m sorry. How did you find out?
My barely managed control slipped, and a tear leaked from my eye as I stared at her message. A month. He’d been seeing someone for a month. It hurt so much worse than it should have.
I just saw them together.
I was about to text something else when a text from Wyatt came through.
Hey where are you? We’re at the table in the back. I saw you come in, but you disappeared.
I sucked in a breath and wiped at my eyes, checking my reflection on my compact mirror before I stood up and shoved my phone, my purse, and my pride away.
I swallowed a deep breath in and walked out of the bathroom, straight into the last person I wanted to see.
“Sorry,” I muttered, trying to pass by without looking at him. His scent invaded my nostrils though, and my hands shook as I stepped away from him.
“Cals?”
I shook my head and tried to pass him, but he stepped into my path and reached out, touching my cheek in a way that burned me all the way to my core.
“I, uh… look at me, please?”
I shook my head, and he stepped closer to me, sliding his finger under my chin and lifting it so my eyes met his.
As soon as our eyes met, I wanted to turn and run away, but I was trapped in his fiery gaze like a deer in headlights.
“Fuck,” Chris muttered softly before closing his eyes. “Seeing you again wasn’t supposed to be this hard.”
I wanted to step away from him, to hide away and forget about how much I still loved him.
“Cals, I…”
“Hey, babe.” The girl came up beside him, interrupting us as she slid her hand around his waist. “Did you get lost?”
Her eyes swept over me, but she barely spared me a second glance as Chris stiffened beside her.
“Hey, Kiera. This is uh… my fr
iend, Beth.”
I met his eyes and saw the pleading there as I gave a tight smile before I stepped around him, walking away. He called me Beth, which probably meant they were pretty serious, and that hurt so fucking much that I wanted to scream.
My heart was thundering in my chest as I walked over to Wyatt and his friends.
“Cals, wanna get out of here?”
I saw his eyes dart around and I knew he’d spotted Chris and his date, but before I could say yes, Sam saw Chris and Kiera and waved them over.
“Please.”
Wyatt skilfully maneuvered us so I was hidden behind him as Sam introduced Chris and Kiera to everyone, but Chris’s table was called as he reached Wyatt.
I stayed hidden and let Wyatt lead us from the restaurant to one of his bars down the street where I got absolutely wasted and went home in a cab alone at ten.
My fingers fumbled with the locks, and just as I stepped into my flat, there was a knock at the door.
I didn’t want to open it in case it was Franco, my downstairs neighbour. He was cranky and grumpy and moaned if I moved too loudly, but when I heard my name, I wandered back to the door.
“Cals, it’s me. Let me in, please?”
Chris? My head swam with confusion as I unlocked my door and stepped aside to let him in. He walked into my apartment and spun to face me with longing evident on his face. I walked back to the couch and sank into the cushions, wishing I could turn the clock back a few hours to drink less because my head was spinning, and my stomach was sloshing with the alcohol inside.
“What do you want, Chris?”
My voice was slurred, and after a few seconds of silence, I shot up from the sofa and dove up past him, making it to the bathroom just as my stomach emptied.
I spent the next half hour throwing up, and then a further ten minutes with my face burning as shame washed through me. The first time I’d seen the guy I loved in six months and I spent it on the bathroom floor, puking my guts up.