by Sienna Grant
Yay me. Wasn’t I a catch?
After brushing my teeth and changing into my pjs, I wandered back out to the sitting room and saw Chris sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands.
I shouldn’t have come here. That was what my head was screaming at me. My heart was a different matter. My heart had always led my head where Callie Beckett was concerned.
As soon as I saw her in Sixties, I knew I was done for. But the hurt I saw on her face when she saw me with Kiera devastated me. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do though - sit around and wait for her to decide if she wanted me again. I couldn’t do that. I saw in her eyes what she wasn’t saying. She wanted a break, a break from me and walking away from her was the only way she would have that. I loved her, I always would.
Kiera was nice, but she wasn’t Callie. I’d done really well to avoid her so far, and I had this perception in my mind that if I believed I was okay then I was. I smiled and laughed in all the right places. I made her feel wanted, but in the long run, my heart would never belong to anyone but Callie.
Which brought me to her flat. If I had any kind of feelings for Kiera, I wouldn’t have gone there. I wasn’t a cheat. I didn’t believe in infidelity. It was something that was ingrained into me by my parents.
My fingers tugged at the ends of my hair, and I heard her soft movements as she sat on the sofa. I heard her being sick, but I didn’t think I’d be welcome in the bathroom to hold her hair back. A few months ago, before all the shit had hit the fan, it was a regular thing.
“Why are you here?” Callie asked quietly, her voice unsure.
“I couldn’t not come.” I lifted my head from my hands and met her gaze. “As soon as I heard your voice, I had to speak to you.”
“Yeah, and what about your ‘date’?” She spat the question like a bad taste on her tongue. “Although she wasn’t just your date, was she? I found out from Beth that she’s your girlfriend and you’ve been with her for the past month!”
I sat up a little straighter and stared. “Hang on a second, Cals. What did you want me to do? Wait around like some puppet for you to pull my strings? I needed to make a break. You wanted space, so I gave it to you. I don’t know what else to say.”
“Well.” She stood from the chair, her hands fell to her hips, and she walked towards the door. “Now you’ve told me that, you can leave.”
“Callie.” I stood and walked towards her and lifted my hand to shift the hair from her face. Just at the last minute, I stopped myself. She wasn’t mine anymore to touch. My hand dropped to my side and I had to look away. When I glanced back, I could see her trying her best to hold her tears back, and as I scanned her face, her chin trembled, and a tear fell.
“Please, Chris. You have to leave. I can’t do this.”
“I can’t leave. Don’t you understand?” I stepped closer, caging her in against the doorframe.
“Understand what?” Her voice raised a pitch higher.
“That I stayed away from you because I knew that if I was around you again, this would happen. I can’t control myself around you. My heart knows who he wants.” Lifting my hand, I tried my luck and reached out. Tears slipped down her face like a dam had broken, and I stroked my knuckles down her wet cheek, wiping them away.
Her breath hitched so I pushed it a little further, angling my face and leaning in. Her eyes fluttered closed, and my lips touched hers, gently at first. But it was like our lips knew each other, recognised the touch, and it soon turned desperate. Teeth clashed and tongues tangled, and our hands grabbed at each other.
“Oh God, Chris. I’ve missed you so much!”
Lowering my hands to her hips, I slid them down and around to her back and planted them under her arse, lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around my hips. I pressed my erection against her, proving to her just how much I wanted her and how much I missed her.
She moved her hands to my chest, putting some force behind them, and pushed me off. “I can’t. I won’t be the one to break up a relationship.”
“What if I wasn’t in a relationship?”
She dropped her legs from around me and put her feet to the floor as my hands moved back to her hips, holding her still.
“I think we both know the answer to that. I love you. I always have.”
Lifting my hands back to her face, I stroked my thumbs over her cheeks and leaned down to kiss her again. “I promise I’ll make this right.” I gasped against her lips. I had to make it right.
Callie was my future. She was the only one I ever saw a future with, and goddamn it, I was going to make it happen. Knowing she still wanted me and loved me made me more determined to sort this shit out.
With one last kiss, I left her with a promise and got in my car.
I stopped off at Kiera’s place and broke the news to her gently. We were never serious anyway. Well, I wasn’t. After she’d slapped me and screamed at me to get out of her flat, I got the impression she felt more for me than I did her.
In the past, that is why I never had relationships. Bloody women were too complicated. It was why me and Callie seemed to work so well. We were alike and knew what the other wanted. I’ll be honest, I was a little hasty. I wanted so much to try and replace Callie, I jumped in and went for it. It was my own fault. After apologising for the third time to Kiera, I left hers and she slammed the door shut after me. I rubbed the spot where she clouted me, knowing if I looked in the mirror, there would be a red mark. I shrugged it off and got back in my car. The car went into autopilot and made its way back to Callie’s.
I ran to the stairs and banged on the door. “Cals!” I looked at the time and saw it nearing midnight, but I had to do this now. It wouldn’t wait.
I heard the chain being slid across and slowly the door opened to a dishevelled, red-eyed Callie.
“If you want me, you have me. But Callie, I can’t do this back and forth anymore. You have to tell me right now, right this minute. I love you more than I can express right now….”
“What about Kiera?” She sniffed her tears back, wiping her hand across her face.
“Over.”
Her eyes widened at my answer, but I wasn’t hanging around anymore. “Seriously? Just like that?”
“She’s not you.” I stepped over the junction of the doorway and inside the flat. “No one is you! I just need you, Cals.”
I walked farther in and put a hand to the door, closing it. It clicked shut, and I wasted no more time. I picked her up and walked her to her bedroom. She crossed her ankles at my back and held onto my shoulders. I found the hem of her pyjama vest and yanked it up. I nestled my nose between her breasts. God, I missed her and everything about her. Once it was over her head, I threw it to the floor and walked her into her bedroom, lowering her to the bed.
“I fucking love you, Cals!”
With my lips grazing her skin, I made my way down her body and fell into my own slice of heaven. A heaven that had been long awaited.
33
Callie
Chris spent the night with me, worshiping my body and kissing me all over, but it was the following morning as I lay staring at him that my fear crept back in.
Was I enough to hold him? What about kids? What about the future?
I’d accepted my fate, but I needed to know where he stood on everything. Last night was a lust-filled haze, where I found myself giving in to my desires, but was I being selfish?
“It’s rude to stare at people while they sleep.” He cracked an eye open and stared at me for a moment before he sat up. “Stop. I know where your head’s going right now, so just stop.”
I watched as he scooted closer to me and pulled me onto his lap, and his warm hands ran around my back, tugging me closer to him. “Six months. I gave you six months without me, but no more.”
His lips slammed against mine, and I shifted so I was sitting above him. His tongue twirled in my mouth, taking everything I was willing to give him, but it was when he thrust against me that I knew I�
�d lost my heart to him.
“Chris,” I moaned as he pushed me down onto him, and I threw my head back as he kissed, licked, and sucked on my lips, tits, and skin, while he impaled me from below.
“Fuck me, Cals!”
His words spurred me on, and I began moving against him, running my hands over his perfect chest and scraping my nails over his shoulders.
Our movements got more and more frantic until I began to feel the tightening in my abdomen. My orgasm hit so hard that I buried my face in his neck. I shuddered and quivered against him while he kept thrusting gently before flipping us so he was on top.
His fingers grazed my nipples, and he started thrusting harder and faster, twisting and squeezing my tits until my pussy clenched around him again. He roared as he shot his load into me before he came down to kiss me softly as we both caught our breath.
“Does that tell you how I feel?”
My eyes met his, and I stared at him for a minute, letting myself hope that he’d want me still after I said what I needed to say. If he didn’t, then it wasn’t meant to be.
“Chris, I love you. I’ve always loved you, but I didn’t want to hold you back from having kids and a family.”
“Cals,” he began, but I silenced him with a look.
“No, this is important. Listen to me, please, and really think about our future together.”
He opened his mouth to speak, closed it again, and I swallowed the pain of the next words, because as much as they were true, they still hurt.
“I’m okay with not having kids, or maybe adopting in the future, but I don’t want you to stay with me out of guilt or loyalty to the girl you knew. I’m not her anymore.”
His whole body stiffened when I spoke, and he sat up, shoving the covers from his body as he crossed the room and tugged on his jeans.
I didn’t speak. I didn’t know what to say, but when he turned on me, glaring furiously, I knew I’d said the wrong thing.
“You think I’m here out of guilt? I love you. How many more times do you need me to say it? What can I do to prove to you that I love you?” He stalked towards the bed, towering over me as he spat his words at me. “You know what, fuck this shit. I’m done. This, us, you… it’s not worth the pain or the drama. You can go through the rest of your life blaming me for not having kids, but it wasn’t my fault.”
My mouth opened and closed at his words, but there was nothing I could think of in that second to say that would make him want me. I wasn’t trying to break us. I was trying to fix us, and instead I’d let off a grenade and blew up the best thing in my life.
“Chris,” I called out weakly, standing and walking to the living room, but I was too late. The door slammed and he was gone before I even reached the landing.
Fuck, that wasn’t supposed to happen. I didn’t know what to do other than try to reach him. I was just being honest with him, and instead I imploded my relationship before I even managed to restart it.
I grabbed my mobile and typed out a message to Chris.
Hey, so you left me again. I was just saying that I love you and the idea of a future with you is all I want, but I don’t want you to wake up with regrets one day. I love you so much, but I’m not the same girl you fell in love with or even the same girl I was in January. I’ve changed and I need you to know that, to accept that or we can’t go anywhere. It’s up to you, but I wouldn’t hold it against you if you didn’t want me anymore. Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. Love you always, Cal xx
My hands shook as I clicked send, and I decided to go for a shower just so I didn’t sit staring at my phone as I waited for a reply.
I washed, dressed in my favourite pyjamas, and put Lucifer on the TV, snuggling down on the sofa with my phone beside me.
An hour passed, then two, and by the third episode, I’d all but given up hope of hearing from him.
When my phone went after another hour, I jumped, but it was Beth. She was on FaceTime from LA.
I spoke to her about my plans to visit and was so excited to see the house Charlie had just bought for them in the hills. She showed me around and I smiled, chatting with her until she asked what was wrong.
“What’s wrong, babe?”
I closed my eyes and wished I could lie to her, but I made a promise to her after January never to lie to her again.
“I, uh… I think Chris and I are over. Like really, really over.”
Her eyes crinkled in concern, and I saw her bite her lip before she sucked in a breath. She knew something, I knew she did.
“Yeah, I got that impression from Charlie. He spoke to Chris a few hours ago and from what he said it didn’t sound good.”
My eyes filled with tears and I sniffed. He’d called Charlie. He’d told them he was done with me.
“What am I supposed to do?”
She stared at me hard for a moment and pursed her lips before a smile broke out on her face. “Have you finished college?”
“Uh, yeah. I finished last night.”
“Are you still taking time off at the bar?”
It was something I’d arranged with Wyatt. Two months off over the summer so I could audition. He was happy for me to do it since Ashlyn was moving to London in September. She’d already come down, demanded that I move out of my room, and threw a hissy fit when I said no.
“Yeah, I still have those few months off.”
She was quiet for a moment before she burst out excitedly, “Come to L.A. I’ll book you a flight.”
I couldn’t go, could I? My face must have shown my scepticism because she started to encourage me.
“You can stay in the pool house. It’s darling, and it’s got a kitchen, bathroom, and en-suite. It gives you a break from London and it means you can pursue your career out here.”
I glanced around my flat and wondered what I was staying in London for since the only guy I’d ever loved just walked out on me.
“Come on, Callie. Come to L.A. It’ll be fun, and you can be with me since I’m almost at my due date. Please, Callie. I miss you.”
“I’ll think about it.” My voice shook as I battled with the enormity of the decision, but she shrieked like I’d just said yes.
“Awesome. I’ll book you a ticket for Monday.”
“Wait, Beth, I need to speak to…”
“Oh, I gotta go. Gotta leave for pregnancy yoga. See you Monday. Love you, bye.”
And just like that, she was gone. I sat debating it, but I knew I needed to talk to Wyatt since I was due in work on Tuesday, but he was working a double in Sixties, according to his Facebook status.
My fingers trembled as I sent him a text and asked him to pop in the next day for lunch. We usually saw each other on a Sunday, but he replied telling me he had a date so would swing by after work that night.
I whittled away the hours, checking my phone and watching more Lucifer until Wyatt came by. His smile when I told him Beth’s plan was huge, and he wrapped me in a hug.
“You should go. I knew you would eventually leave, but I’m so proud of you for taking the plunge.”
He was my biggest cheerleader and my other best guy friend. I loved him, but not like that.
“I knew London couldn’t hold you. You’re meant for huge things, babe. Now, let’s crack a bottle of wine and celebrate.”
I wanted to ask his opinion, and as we sat on the sofa eating Chinese and sharing a glass of wine, I finally asked the question that was stopping me from going.
“What about Chris?”
Wyatt turned to me and smirked, running his hand through his hair as he placed the glass on the table.
“Chris is a fucking idiot. He’s a fool for letting you walk away once, but leaving you again is shit. Anyone can tell how much you love him, but I knew when I saw him last night that you’d be leaving.”
I crawled over and wrapped my arms around him, wishing I felt something other than friendship for him. He was a truly amazing guy, and he wasn’t bad in bed either.
I wasn�
�t a nun while apart from Chris, but with Wyatt, it was nothing more than a friendly fuck when we both got frustrated.
His lips pressed to my head and he smirked down at me.
“I’m going to miss you, Callie.”
My heart broke a little because I knew I’d miss him too. He was uncomplicated and fun, but he wasn’t Chris, so my heart wasn’t in it.
“I’ll miss you too, but it’s only for a few months.”
He laughed and nodded at me. “Sure it is, but promise me one thing?”
I eyed him sceptically because I knew he’d want me to put myself back out there and date a hot American guy.
“What is it?”
“Put yourself out there.”
I started to laugh, and he laughed with me, even though he didn’t know why I was laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“I knew you were going to say that.”
My laughter died and I sat back on the sofa, kicking my legs out to the side and curling against the arm of the sofa.
“Ha, I didn’t mean with a guy. Dirty minded much? I mean go to auditions, sing in bars, and let loose. You are amazing, Callie Beckett, and if Chris is too dumb to realise what he’s lost then that’s on him.”
He fell silent, and we both sat back and watched the movie until he fell asleep. Once he was asleep, I mulled over his words and text Beth.
I’m in. What time is my flight?
It took her a few minutes to text back and she forwarded me the email detailing my flight times.
I was to fly to JFK at ten and then my connection was at three to LAX. I could do it. I left Wyatt, covering him with a blanket, and went into my room, staring around as I thought of what I need to pack.
I didn’t have much that was suitable, so I decided to go shopping and splurge. My cash from my grandma was there, and I hadn’t had anything to use it on, so I accessed my savings account and transferred a grand over to my cash card.
As I snuggled down in my bed, I heard Wyatt leave and lock the door, posting the keys in through the letterbox.
My eyes drifted closed, and I wished I could talk to Chris. After a few minutes, I caved and tried calling him, but it went straight to the answerphone and I hung up without leaving a message. What would I say anyway?