by r. h. Sin
this better myself
but I miss you,
and I hope you find
my precious company
when you feel
most alone.
THE THING ABOUT YOU
The thing about you is,
you carry this kindred sadness
that draws me in
and it’s a lot like mine.
It peeks from the edge
of my eyes
when it wants to
and only a handful of people
take notice.
And it’s the same way
I’m noticing yours
and that’s a beautiful thing.
It’s a miracle when similar people
find one another
and that’s why
I’ve got to know you,
that’s why
I’ve got to break you down,
to see if you love
the same way
as I do . . .
to see
if I’m really
not meant
to be alone.
MOMENT OF SILENCE
Let us thank
the lovers for being
lovers
and the haters
for giving us the courage,
the motivation,
and the fire
to keep on.
IN ALL MY . . .
In all my years
I have learned
that most people
never tend to change.
That most people
are meant to do
the same things,
feel the same things,
and even say
the same things
over and over.
And what is sad
about that is,
how those same people
don’t get it.
They don’t think
anything of it,
that is,
not growing
and not moving forward
only staying right
where they think
they belong.
They can’t find peace,
and they find themselves
in the chaos
of the past.
Hell,
I don’t want to die
the same as I did
when I was born.
I don’t want anything of it.
If I taste love twice
then please
do not let it be the same.
If I feel heartbreak,
disappointment,
pain and even more,
then please
by all means,
do not let them arrive
in unison.
I want the chaos of life
in different times
and different stages
of my life.
I want to be old
and still feel the bitter sting
of letting go
and the sweet science behind
holding on.
I want to grow strong
and I want the wisdom
of a thousand men.
All I want is my life
to have meaning,
in all forms,
shapes, and sizes.
I want life.
I want life.
I want life.
I want it at all costs
even if it means . . .
I am doomed to
go through
the same things
more than twice.
BROKEN PEOPLE
I yearn for broken things.
For the things
that make drunk lovers
fall into each other
in the middle of the night
and the things
that keep them up
while the rest of the world
is asleep.
I love you,
I need you to break me,
and I don’t want you
to apologize
for it
at all.
THINGS YOU FEEL
It hurts
because there are some things
you can’t fake.
Like the feeling you get
while watching someone
you love
without saying good-bye.
It hurts
because no matter
how many times you wake up,
you’re still stuck in a world
where they glorify violence
rather than peace.
It hurts
because everyone around you
wants change
but no one has the courage
to change for themselves.
It hurts
because you have so much in you
but don’t have the slightest clue
on how to pour it out.
It hurts
because you’re up every night
thinking
why does it hurt
so damn much
without knowing why.
And lastly,
it hurts
because feelings matter
and you could never run
far enough
from all the things
you feel.
WHO YOU ARE
After all,
the world is made up
of different kinds of people,
so sooner or later
you’re going to run into someone
just like you
and you’re going to analyze them
and say,
“Damn, I am complicated
but I am also beautiful.”
And that will be enough
to inspire you
and give you the perfect amount
of courage
to continue being
who you are.
CALL YOU
I’m sorry for the nights
I forgot to call you
and for the moments
we could have shared.
I’m sorry for letting you down
and for the several years
that have passed
without having the courage
to let you go.
I’m sorry for the way
I entered your life
and for the way I left
without granting you
a good-bye.
I’m sorry for all the mistakes
I’ve ever done
and for not doing enough
to make you stay.
I’m sorry,
and every night
I feel this way
and every night
I die to rise to go through
the same ordeal
as the night before.
Goddamn it,
now you have me here,
between four walls
wiping dry tears,
exhausting whatever light
I have left in me.
I need you
or I think I do
but none of that
is going to bring you back.
I just want you to know
that I’m sorry
for whatever pain
I might have left behind
and I hope one day,
to forgive me
for everything
I might have
caused.
THE LAST WORD
I want to change
the way you feel
about pain.
I want to show you
how not all hurting
is bad.
How sometimes
broken things
are beautiful things
and how sometimes
you need a little ache
to help you appreciate . . .
the gentle poetry
you create
with your beating heart.
A GIRL FROM THE PAST
She thinks of falling
outside
where the dead leaves pile.
She thinks falling
there
will save her.
She thinks each leaf
is a metaphor
for all the fallen lovers
who couldn’t survive
her storm.
There she waits
for the rain.
There she waits
for the sadness
to go away.
There she waits
to be reborn,
to be loved,
and for someone
who might have enough
courage to stay . . .
no matter how much
of a danger
her heart is.
She’s a moon
and she needs a man
with a heart
the size of an ocean
to pull her away
from the chaos
within.
The end.
the gift
the first shot.
She’s tired of giving the wrong people the right pieces of herself. She looks at the one she loves and silently screams within her own mind. She feels stupid at times, but in all honesty, the only one stupid within this situation is the one too stupid to comprehend her love. Some men are not really men or, simply, they’re not man enough to treat a woman the way she deserves. It’s not your fault that you fell for someone who could say the right things yet fail to act on what they’ve expressed. You’re not weak. Why? Well because you’re strong enough to love even when that love isn’t returned. Your love is unconditional and beautiful. Your love maintains its beauty even when you’re stuck in an ugly, unhealthy relationship, and you still maintain your value even with someone who fails to value you.
Your smile is a symbol of your strength. Broken is what you’ve felt but that isn’t who you are. I want you to know that your love is a flower waiting to blossom, only to be shared with someone devoted enough to only pick you from a garden where only the truth can grow. Every failed relationship was just an opportunity for you to learn what to avoid as you begin to preserve yourself for the one who deserves a space in your life.
She is good enough, she is beautiful, she is almighty and majestic. She is strong and intelligent. She is a Queen deserving of more than what she has had. She is you, and when you discover the type of love that mirrors your own, hold on to it.
the second shot.
i think you should leave him
i think you know this already
but you’re afraid to start over
you’re afraid of being alone
but don’t you feel alone
whenever you’re near that person
don’t you feel like
there’s something more
out there for you
i think you deserve more
but you already knew that
and i think you’re strong enough
to walk away
from anyone undeserving of your energy
i believe that you are mighty enough
to separate yourself from the people
who are less than you deserve
because you are, in fact,
powerful enough to free yourself
from those who want to keep you in bondage
the third shot.
What if I told you that you were wasting your time, sitting there waiting for a call that’ll never come from someone who never even deserved to reach you? What if I told you that the love you’ve been craving does not live in the heart of the person you’ve been losing sleep over? All those restless nights, and for what? You could be asleep dreaming dreams that make you smile; instead you sit there all alone in a dark room gently lit by the moon, feelings of being stuck in a nightmare that seems to be playing on loop. It feels like the walls are closing in on you, the ceiling is collapsing. Time is passing, the night sinks into itself, and you become a little less sure of everything you were already questioning.
What if the love of your life is alone, just like you, feeling some of the same feelings? With questions as big as yours and doubts as deep as the doubt that now consumes you? What if holding on to someone who no longer deserves your attention is distracting you from being with the one person who would never hurt you in the ways you’ve grown accustomed to? You could really be in love instead of pretending to be in love with someone who does nothing to earn the love you’ve been wasting on the person who isn’t the one you should be with.
the sleeping city.
they say New York City never sleeps
but i’ve seen it close its eyes
like a child too tired to fight slumber
i’ve seen this city empty itself
like a soul craving nothingness
and a heart growing numb
it’s almost 2 a.m. and the streets
feel like a ghost town
there are moments after midnight
where i often hear no sound
the sirens aren’t screaming
on this particular night
just the hum from the wind
and a chill in the air
in just a few hours
the whispers will begin again
the cabs will stampede
down a one-way path
stopping for those who are prepared
to be transported
into the chaos of the city
but until then
the city that never sleeps
is barely awake
and i’ve stayed up to witness it
one hell of a midnight.
i hear the angels
their voices like the rain
touching, tapping my window
begging for my attention
as i lie here, weighed down by sadness
unable to move beneath the madness
the misery is so heavy
the misery is so thick
i hear the angels
but i can’t see them
i hear the angels
but i can’t move
this must be hell
this must be the place
my mother warned me about
this must be the place
i swore i’d never visit
but i’m here
and for some reason
it feels like home
i hear the angels
but they won’t reach me
on my second glass of whiskey.
You don’t even know how much love you’ve stolen from yourself while trying to maintain unhealthy relationships with people who have proven time and time again that they’ll never be able to love you the way you deserve. You don’t even know how much time you’ve robbed yourself of. All those late nights and early mornings, spent chasing the thought of a person who rarely even thought about you.
You don’t
know, and I wish you did. I wish the love you wasted on others would somehow have found its way back to you, but you’ve insisted on finding someone new after every person you lose, not realizing they were never actually losses because you never had them in the first place. I wish you knew that they were never losses because they were never valuable enough to be that, but you were always everything, and you were always giving your everything to a person who insisted on doing nothing, giving nothing. Using you up until they deemed you to be empty every time they were finished. You don’t even know, but I wish you did, or maybe you’ll finally get it after reading these words.
you need to feel.
Your joy is constantly fading because you’ve built your happiness on temporary things. Your peace has now become reliant upon a weak foundation. Sadly, you’d rather pretend to be happy, smiling in photos, crying when the lights of social media are off. Giving the world a fictional version of who you are, hiding your truth to appease others, your sadness is not a burden. Your sadness is significant. Your sadness is important. This thing that you feel will strengthen your soul if you let it. So feel whatever it is that you need to feel. No matter what it is, you don’t have to be silent.
you wear the sadness.
the joy is replaced with sadness
your expectation becomes disappointment
the truth was just an attractive lie
a bunch of letting, forming words
that came together to create sentences
of manipulation
the heart becomes cold
as if to lose its summer
the soul becomes tired
you and your restless spirit
what’s behind those dead eyes
you wear that blank expression
like new skin
you wear sadness like the latest fashion
you wear pain like garments
you’ve been draped in anguish
don’t you miss who you were
before who you became
took over your life
do you miss yourself
like i miss you
do you even remember
what it felt like to be happy
have you forgotten yourself
beneath your troubles
and all of this for a love
that turned out to be hatred
all of this for a heart
that never deserved yours
all of this hurt
for a relationship
that would never work
all of yourself
all of everything
invested into something
that now feels like nothing