The Line That Binds

by Carolyn LaRoche

  Marietta grabbed Eleanor's bags with one hand and dragged Eleanor by her hand with the other. "Come on! We gotta get out of the way!"

  Another shot rang out, followed by another.

  "Get in the back," the employee instructed them and several other bystanders. When the tiny kitchen was full, he slammed the door shut and locked it.

  Eleanor's face was white as a ghost.

  "Eleanor? Can you hear me?"

  She looked through Marietta, her blank stare unnerving. "Make it stop, Mari."

  "They're gonna be okay, El. It's going to be okay."

  "Is she all right?" a man wearing a name tag that read Bill asked.

  "No," Marietta replied. "Her husband was murdered the week before Thanksgiving. Shot while he was on duty. She heard the entire thing over the phone."

  "You mean that cop that was shot down in the street by the druggie?"

  Marietta exhaled heavily. "Yes."

  "Oh, ma'am, I am so sorry," the manager said to Eleanor but she didn't even look at him. She just watched the door, wincing every time they heard something loud.

  "Here," the manager offered Marietta a cup of ice water. "Maybe this will help her come out of it?"

  "Thank you." Marietta accepted the cup and tried to coax Eleanor to take a sip but she shook her head, just kept watching the door.

  A minute or two later, it got unusually quiet out in the food court.

  "Do you think it's over?" someone asked.

  "I hope so," another person said. "I knew coming here was a mistake. From now on I do all my holiday shopping online."

  A loud knock sounded on the door. "Police! Everyone all right in there?"

  "That's Ricky," Marietta shoved through the small crowd and pulled open the door to a shocked Ricky staring back at her. She jumped into his arms.

  "Marietta! Are you okay? Where's Eleanor?" He grabbed her up in a hug, crushing her against his chest.

  "She's right behind me. We're not hurt. But I'm worried about Eleanor."

  "Hold on, babe, let me get these other people outta here then we will get Eleanor to the car." He waved an arm at the group. "It's safe to come out now. Please head straight to the exit and go home. The mall is now closed."

  Marietta and Ricky waited as the kitchen cleared except for the employees who started cleaning up and switching things off. Eleanor leaned against a wall, that eerie look still in her eyes.

  "Eleanor? It's me, Ricky. Everything is okay now. We're going to get you out of here."

  She slowly turned her head and looked at Ricky. "Was anyone hurt?"

  "No. The bullets didn't hit anyone."

  Eleanor sagged against the wall. "Thank God. It was like that night all over again. I could hear it but I couldn't see it."

  Marietta wrapped an arm around her. "I know, sweetie. Let's get you out of here."

  She nodded. "Yeah, I'm all shopped out. Sorry you didn't get your milkshake."

  Marietta laughed. "That's the last thing on my mind right now." To Ricky, she said, "Be extra careful now. The crazies are stepping it up."

  Ricky nodded toward the group of cops still milling around. "I've gotta get back over there. Get her home and text me when you get there."

  "I will. I love you. Be safe."

  "Love you too."

  Marietta led Eleanor out of the mall. When they hit the crisp night air, she took a deep, steadying breath. Her hands were shaking as the adrenaline dump kicked in.

  Marietta turned to her friend. "You okay, Eleanor?"

  "I'm fine. It was just so, I don't know…"

  "Scary?" Marietta asked.

  "Yes. But we are safe and no one was hurt, so that's good. I think I am ready to go home now though." Eleanor's bravado didn't fool her. She could see the fear in her friend's eyes.

  "Yeah, me too." They made it to the car and Marietta put all the bags in the back seat while Eleanor got in. Once the car was warmed up, they left the mall behind and headed home.

  When they pulled up in front of Eleanor's house, she turned to look at Marietta. "That was some girl's night out, wasn't it?"

  Marietta laughed. "Never a dull moment, I suppose. Want me to come inside for a bit? Maybe make some tea?"

  Eleanor shook her head. "I'd much rather open a bottle of wine."

  "You got it, lady." She shut off the car and grabbed all the packages from the back seat before following Eleanor to the door.

  "I still can't get used to this house being so quiet all the time now that the boys are back at school for a couple of weeks." She motioned to the bottom of the stairs. "You can set my stuff right there. Thank you for bringing it in for me."

  "You need a pet," Marietta replied, following Eleanor to the kitchen.

  "Oh, heck no. I'm struggling to take care of myself right now. I can't imagine having to remember to walk a dog or feed another living creature." Eleanor opened a cabinet and took out two glasses. From the refrigerator she produced a bottle of wine that she opened and poured the liquid in to the glasses.

  "I'm so glad no one was hurt tonight," Marietta said as she lifted her glass to take a sip of wine.

  "Me too." Eleanor also took a drink. "The night had been going so well before that."

  Marietta nodded. "It wasn't a total bust. You finished a big chunk of your shopping."

  "True. Let's go sit in the living room. I want to turn on the gas fireplace. The air in here is chilly."

  "Okay. Did you ever call my guy to get the system looked at?"

  "I did. They said it was fixed but the downstairs stays cold pretty much all the time right now." Eleanor led the way to the living room, turning on the fireplace and grabbing two blankets before they settled on the sofa. "I suppose I'll have to call again."

  "Thanks," Marietta said, accepting one of the blankets.

  "Nights like tonight I will really miss Gary's heat. Sleeping with him was like sleeping next to an oven. He put off enough warmth for both of us."

  "I don't know what it is but Ricky is the same way. They must have different thermostat settings than we do."

  Eleanor shrugged. "Whatever it was, I miss it."

  Marietta reached over and gave a light squeeze to Eleanor's hand. "I know you do, sweetie. What can I do to help?"

  Eleanor sighed. "I don't think there's anything anyone can do. He's gone. I have to learn to accept that and find a way to live with it."

  "I'm always here for you. Vivian too."

  "She's got Antonio to worry about."

  Marietta thought about the phone call she'd gotten from Vivian earlier that day about Antonio's bout with night terrors. "He needs to see someone but I don't think he's too agreeable to that."

  "Gary wouldn't have been. He thought himself strong enough to handle anything. In my opinion though, if he couldn't shoot it or taze it, he had no idea how to handle it."

  "Ricky would rather taze himself than see a shrink."

  "And if the department found out—would he lose his job for sure then?"

  "Supposedly, no. But you know how department politics run."

  Eleanor leaned back against the couch and looked up at the ceiling. "This whole thing is so stupid. If Gary were here, he'd be angry that they are dragging Antonio through all of this. I can't even figure out what they think he did."

  Marietta shrugged. "I think it's more about what they think he should have done."

  "Are they looking to place blame for Gary's death? Doesn't that belong with man who killed him?"

  "I wish I understood, but I don't."

  Eleanor wiped at the corner of her eyes. "So, I am a widow. My boys have lost their father. Our family is forever changed by this and they are looking to ruin another family? It just doesn't make sense to me. Maybe I should call the department. Ask them to let it go, for Gary."

  "I'm not sure they would listen to you."

  "I feel like I should do something. Antonio and Vivian don't deserve this." She closed her eyes. "None of this is how it should be."

  Mariet
ta fought to hold back her own tears, in an effort to be strong for her friend. "I keep trying to figure out what I can do to make it easier and I am at a loss."

  Eleanor opened her eyes and leaned over to hug Marietta. "You are doing it right now." She pulled back and looked at Marietta. "How you are doing? You haven't said much lately about your life."

  Marietta shrugged. "Same old, I guess. Ricky works all the time. More now than ever. I am still a failure at becoming a mother."

  "Oh, Mari, another negative test? Why didn't you tell me?"

  She nodded. "I found out right after Gary died. You have enough going on in your life and this is nothing new to me."

  Eleanor gave her a hug. "That's what makes it so much harder. I'm so sorry. I should have asked you before this."

  "I've come to the conclusion that I am not meant to be a mother."

  "There's always adoption. Or, in vitro."

  "Ricky won't talk about either of those. He's convinced we will get pregnant on our own. It's been five years, El. I don't know how many more times I can go through this. Not to mention the fact that I am getting older."

  "You could try some of my grandmother's tricks she told me to do when we were trying to get pregnant."

  Marietta narrowed her eyes. "Like what?"

  "Like, stand on your head for ten minutes after sex. Or, drink this crazy concoction of vinegar and honey and some other stuff that is supposed to make the pH of your uterus optimal. There some other suggestions about moon cycles and sexual positions but I'd have to call her to ask about those."

  Marietta shook her head, laughing. "I think I will stick to more traditional means."

  "At least it's fun trying, right?" Eleanor asked.

  "Not as much fun as it should be. Every time we have sex now, it feels almost mechanical. Like, okay, let's make a baby. Wham. Bam. Thank you, ma'am. There's zero romance. We don't take our time anymore."

  "As the old lady in the room who hasn't been through what you are going through, the only advice I can give is stop putting so much pressure on yourselves. Enjoy each other. Enjoy the intimacy while you have it. A baby puts a huge damper on your sex life for a while, you know."

  Marietta took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Maybe if Ricky were home more. He's changed Eleanor. He's still the same old Ricky sometimes but then other times, he's not. There are days where he is preoccupied and moody and I think it's my fault."

  Eleanor patted Marietta's hand. "Unfortunately, part of that is the job. All the things they see, all the evil they deal with on a daily basis, it gets in there and it—it's like it puts out a flame that used to burn in them. The flame that made them lighthearted and easy going. They spend so much time on duty, watching everything and expecting the worst from everyone that it gets harder and harder to shut off."

  "Gary wasn't like that."

  Eleanor let out a low whistle. "Oh, yes, he was. He just got good at faking it over the years. Gary was such an easy-going guy when we were young. Everyone liked him and he liked everyone. He'd give someone the shirt off his back if they said they needed it. And then he got on the job and slowly that brightness in his eyes dimmed. Honestly, I don't know how they get through each day with their sanity."

  "Ricky doesn't talk much about his work."

  "Gary rarely did either. I think he thought he was protecting me. Once in a while though, he had to talk about something that happened, just to try and make sense of it, I guess. I remember the first call Gary went to that really affected him. That's when the change started. A young boy, maybe eight or nine, had found a gun that someone had brought to the house. He was showing it off to his little brother, I think he was four or five, and the gun went off, killing the little brother instantly."

  "That's awful!" Marietta said.

  "I think he was haunted by that scene every day of his life after that. There was another one that really got to him. A woman, about his age, died of a massive heart attack unexpectedly. She woke up and didn't feel well, went to the bathroom and died. It took a long time to get the door open because she'd fallen against it. He talked about that one for a while."

  "Do you think that is what is happening with Ricky?"

  Eleanor nodded. "Especially right now. He was there, and he saw his friend laying in the road, covered with blood. Not only will he have that memory forever, but think about what it is doing to him mentally. How it has made him face his own mortality."

  "I never thought about it like that." Marietta sniffed. "I'm supposed to be making you feel better and here you are counseling me."

  Eleanor smiled. "We are helping each other. We—you, me, and Vivian—are our own thin blue line sisterhood. We've got each other's backs always."

  "I never expected it to be this way, you know," Marietta said, running her fingers over the blanket she had on her lap.

  "What way?" Eleanor asked.

  "This job. It takes over everything."

  "Only if you let it, Mari. Only if you let it." Eleanor leaned over and rested her head on Marietta's shoulder. "That's why we need each other. To keep our heads above water and not let it drown us."

  Chapter Thirteen

  Eleanor

  "Are you sure you're up for this?" Marietta watched her from her spot on the bed. She had a stack of boxes on the floor in front of her and a pile of bags on the bed next to her.

  Eleanor released a shaky breath. "I have to do it. Ready or not. Mom was right."

  "But it's only been a few weeks, honey," Vivian said. "No one thinks you need to do it all now."

  Eleanor nodded. "I do. For me. Now that the boys are back to school, and my mother is finally gone, this is what I need to do. Gary would be upset with me if I kept it all."

  "Still, it can wait until after the new year if you need more time," Marietta said.

  "No. I don't want to wait. Gary is never coming back. Looking at all his things like this—it's a constant reminder of him and what I've lost. I need to get my footing in this new normal that's been forced on me."

  "Okay, then. Let's make it happen." Vivian picked up a box and headed to the closet. "I'll pack up his shoes and boots."

  "I can start on the dresser." Marietta stood up and grabbed a shopping bag. "Is there anything you know you want to keep?"

  "If you find his academy sweatshirt, I want that."

  "You got it, girl." Marietta started opening drawers and pulling out socks and underwear. "I'm going to just toss this stuff out. I don't know anywhere that takes used jockey shorts for donation."

  "Okay," Eleanor said.

  "So, you survived Thanksgiving with your mother?" Vivian called out from the closet.

  "Thanks to Marietta and Ricky. They kept her busy eating and talking all day so we just had one minor mishap. Even the boys had a good day."

  Marietta laughed. "You know my Ricky. He can entertain anyone. He's a natural."

  Eleanor walked over to the bed and selected a box and a bag. "I don't think I said it before, but thank you. I appreciate all the effort you put into that amazing meal to make us feel comfortable. Everyone keeps telling me the first of everything is the hardest and I was really worried, especially for Jameson and Jackson. Ricky was great with them."

  "How are they doing now that they are back to school?" Vivian emerged from the closet with the box of shoes all closed up and ready to go.

  "Jackson called last night. Said they had a few things to make up but that it shouldn’t be an issue. All of their professors were very understanding, given the circumstances."

  "That's good. They are both such driven young men. I'd hate to see them struggle with school too." Marietta tied up the bag of socks and underwear and tossed it in a corner before pulling out the next drawer. "Oh, here’s the sweatshirt you wanted." She tossed it on to the bed.

  Vivian came out of the walk-in closet holding a small wood box. "Hey, Ellie, I found this on the shelf under his jeans."

  "What is it? I don't recognize it."

  Vivian handed it to h
er. Eleanor set it on the dresser before flipping the top up. Inside sat a miscellaneous collection of items. Eleanor picked up the photo off the top of the pile. It was one of the two of them, Gary in uniform and Eleanor pinning his badge to his chest. They both looked so young, so expectant and happy for the future to come. She touched his face with her finger, wishing it were really him. "This is at Gary's academy graduation."

  "I've never seen this one before." Vivian took the photo and turned it over. "Look, he wrote something on the back."

  She handed the photo back to Eleanor. She turned it over and recognized Gary's tight script. He'd only written two words: My love.

  Eleanor held the photo to her heart. "He never came across as a romantic man but maybe he really was."

  "Judging by the things he held onto, I'd say he was very romantic." Marietta pushed the box toward her. "Look."

  She did. The next things she saw, the twins' hospital bracelets from the day they were born, brought moisture to her eyes. She thought she'd thrown those away. A cocktail napkin from their favorite date night spot, a seashell painted with the words St. Lucia from their honeymoon, the first pair of cufflinks she'd ever given him. She'd found them at a tag sale. They weren't worth anything but the crystal blue stones had exactly matched the color of his eyes.

  "I can't believe he kept all these things." Eleanor wiped at her eyes and sniffed.

  "I can," Vivian said. "You were his whole world."

  "And now he's gone and this is what I am left with." Eleanor pushed the box away.

  Marietta reached in and pulled out a pink hair tie. "But, what if that is why he saved all these things? So, that if something ever did happen to him, you'd know the things that were important to him and how much he loved you."

  "Maybe." Eleanor took the hair tie from Marietta. "I used to wear that all the time when the twins were babies. They liked to yank my hair so I kept it braided. I'd wondered where it had gotten off to."

  "This is your piece of Gary. He left it behind for you," Vivian said.

  She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. "I had no idea he'd been doing this all these years."