That Christmas Eve: A Brother’s Best Friend Baby Romance

by Ford, Mia

  Idiot, I curse myself angrily. How did you let this beautiful woman go?

  Honestly, it seems like she might be thinking the same sort of thing. The glazed over romantic look in her eyes suggests that she is wondering why the hell she ran away too. She is probably thinking that she should have fought harder for us. If we had just told her family when we planned to then everyone would be over it by now. They might not accept us yet, but they would be used to it… which is a very sobering thought.

  She relaxes into me, her hips zoning into me, and I nearly slide my eyes closed in the blissful sensation of just having her here. We are still dancing in a civilized, respectful manner, but there’s a little bit of this moment that feels obscene like we should be in the bedroom alone rather than here. I would prefer to be alone…

  I don’t know how it happens, I’m really not sure who starts edging towards who first, but all of a sudden, our lips want to connect. She is rising up on to her tip toes, her eyes are falling closed, I can almost feel her heart pounding against her rib cage. I wrap my arms tighter around her, pulling her in closer, the rest of the world simply melting away. It doesn’t even matter that we are at Adam’s wedding, that all the people around us are the people that we don’t want to know about us, this moment is all about us and the bond that we share, the feelings that haven’t gone anywhere in the last few years, the connection that is overcoming us…

  “Shit…” All of a sudden, Paisley pulls away panting, reality getting the better of her. “No, we can’t.”

  I want to argue with her, to tell her that we absolutely can do whatever the hell we want, but I can’t. She’s right. This day isn’t ours, it’s Adam and Sian’s and the last thing I want is for them to kick my ass.

  “Yeah, sorry. We shouldn’t you’re right.” I try to pull away to really create some distance, but she doesn’t let me go. It seems that while she can’t kiss me, she still wants to hold me. “Sorry about that.”

  Our eyes connect, and I can feel that intense pull between us claiming the pair of us. This is too strong, too powerful to ignore. We can’t turn our back on us again, I just can’t allow it to happen. I won’t sit back and let her walk away from me again. I did it once before and I regret letting that happen.

  Now, I’m stronger.

  “How long are you in town for?” I ask her desperately.

  “I’m going home tonight,” she replies, sounding just as desperate as me.

  “You’re going home?” I want to wail in agony. “How far away do you live?”

  “Not far. In the next town over.”

  I’m stunned… has she been there all this time? So close but never in reach. No wonder she never came back if she thought that I was with someone else.

  “Then, can I come and see you at some point?”

  She pauses, looking at me questioningly. I can tell that she’s scared about opening this door because once she does there will be no closing it. I know as well as she does that we’ve already had our shot and we blew it. We cannot fuck up again. But I don’t intend to fuck it up. If Paisley allows me to have a second chance with her then I will do everything I can to make it right again.

  “Okay,” she finally nods. “Tomorrow, yes.”

  I take out a business card and slip it into her hand. “Just in case you don’t have my number.”

  “No, I don’t,” she admits, which must be why she hasn’t contacted me. “Thank you. I will message you tomorrow.”

  18

  Paisley

  I stare at my phone screen at the words I have written, unsure if this is the right thing to do. Once I send this message I invite all kinds of drama into my life, I risk everything that I have built up for me and my boy… but it’s Josiah. It’s the only person that I have ever loved and ever will love. We were pushed apart through no fault of our own, he isn’t with someone else after everything that we’ve been through there is still a connection there. I thought he would hate me for going and never coming back for him, I even thought that he wouldn’t care because he’s moved on, but none of that is the truth. It feels as strong as powerful as ever.

  Paisley: Hi, Josiah, it’s Paisley. Here is my number if you still want to speak? Xx

  Is that too forward? Not forward enough? I have written and re written it a million times. I don’t know what else I can do. That’s about all I can say without getting in to too much detail over text. If I’m ever going to explain even one percent of the truth of where I have been it needs to be face to face.

  I stare out at the streets of my home town, wondering how I ended up coming back here today. After last night I opened the flood gates by coming back for the wedding, and something brought me back today. Actually, a few things did. One, I wanted to say goodbye to Adam and Sian before they went on their two-week honeymoon, two Mom and Dad wanted to have a few hours with Freddie which I don’t want to deny them if they are going to be good with him, and three if Josiah wants to meet up I would rather do it without Freddie so I don’t have to explain right away. I would rather tell the truth of the situation bit by bit as it feels right.

  But Adam is gone now, Freddie is with my parents, and I’m sitting in the café alone, trying to work out the right words to say to Josiah to get this ball rolling. Send it, that will have to go, so I hit send.

  With a deep sigh, I take another sip of my coffee, and I stare out of the window. I try to look calm as my insides dance chaotically, just waiting for a reply. I am twenty-six years old now, I can’t seem like a young girl a decade younger than me, excitedly waiting for a boy to text me back… especially when it doesn’t happen right away.

  Maybe he changed his mind, I tell myself, so it isn’t a massive shock when it doesn’t happen. Maybe last night was just a temporary lapse of judgment and now he thinks that keeping away is better.

  My eyes fill up with tears, I can tell that they want to spill out, but I won’t let them. I continue to just sit and stare aimlessly out the window, continuing to drink my drink.

  “Oh my God!” A familiar face makes me leap from my seat. “Maddie?” I bang on the window and get her attention. She looks like an angel sent from heaven, my guiding light. Fate has intervened and brought her back into my life at the very right moment. Just when I need her the most. I really need a non-judgmental friend to talk to and to be honest, she is the only one in the world I would be able to. “Maddie, hey!”

  Her eyes light up when she sees me. She races towards the café and slides in, taking a seat beside me. “Hey, Paisley! What are you doing here? Oh, my goodness, it’s been such a long time, hasn’t it?”

  “It has! Too long.” I can’t wipe the giant grin from my face. “I thought you were in England?”

  “I was, but I’m not anymore. I came back about eighteen months ago for good.”

  “Uh oh, why did you come back?” I have a feeling this isn’t a good story.

  “Well, I found myself very recently single and I got a job offer over here, so I came back.”

  “Are you… happy now?” I ask cautiously. I don’t know how bad this is, even after all that time. I have had three years to get over Josiah and it hasn’t worked at all. “Are things better now?”

  “I am. I’m really happy.” Her smile is genuine and sweet. “It’s much better for me.”

  “Good, I’m glad to hear it. And while I don’t live here exactly I’m not too far, so we should hang out more.”

  I take out my cell phone and hand it to her, so she can type her number in. God, it will be amazing to have her number again, a contact with a real genuine friend who I can now contact whatever.

  “So, how are things with you?” she asks while handing me back my phone.

  “Things are… weird.” I don’t know another way to explain this. “But good.”

  “Tell me more about it.”

  I can tell that she’s genuinely interested in the answer which makes me be honest. I start off telling Maddie about my job because that’s the easiest topic, but it s
oon comes around to Freddie. I can’t help but talk about him, my son is the love of my life, of course, I am going to speak about him to my best friend.

  “You have a son?” she gasps with enthusiasm. “Show me his picture.”

  I go back to my cell phone and scroll through the images, pride rocketing through me as I look at him. Being a single mom, doing it alone, hasn’t been the easiest. But I’ve survived it and I think I have actually done a pretty good job. Freddie is happy and healthy, sweet too. Hard work at times, but a lovely lad.

  “Oh, he’s gorgeous.” Maddie clutches her hand to her chest. “You’re so lucky.”

  “I know, I feel lucky. He’s such a lovely little kid. I love him so much.”

  “And who is the lucky father?”

  Now that is a loaded question. One that I’m not fully ready to deal with yet. But this is Maddie. She’s always been there for me and I do really want to hear what she has to say. I have to tell the truth.

  “You remember how the last time we met up…” She looks confused. “Well, that’s when I fell pregnant.”

  “Oh, my goodness! So, it was your brother’s friend? The one that you always had the hots for?”

  “Josiah, yes.” I nod. “It was him. “He is Freddie’s father.”

  “Oh, that’s such a lovely romance story.” She clutches her hands together gleefully, getting totally the wrong end of the stick. “Finally, after all this time you got together. Are you married yet?”

  “We… aren’t together,” I’m forced to admit. “It didn’t quite work out like that.”

  Maddie hardens. “Did he run out on you? I will hunt him down and kick his ass.”

  “No, it wasn’t Josiah at all. It was my father. As soon as he found out that I was pregnant, he lost his shit.” Maddie nods, knowing my father. She saw a lot of my upbringing. “He drove me away because I wouldn’t tell him who the father of my child was – I was scared that he might kill him…”

  “Yeah, I bet he would have done as well,” Maddie agrees with me.

  “So, he drove me up state to his sister’s farm, so I could have my baby in private and not embarrass the family further. There were a lot of threats that I would end up homeless if I didn’t do what he wanted.”

  “Wow, that’s insane.” Maddie comes from a normal family so this is probably very alien to her. “So, what did you do? Did you just stay there because you were scared?”

  “Partly yes, but also because I was sick. Pregnancy was hard on me. Then it just became too difficult to come back so I started my own life, which pretty much brings me to where we are now.”

  “So… Josiah doesn’t know? You didn’t ever tell him that you were having a baby?”

  “I couldn’t. Dad took my phone away and I was in the middle of nowhere, so I had no choice.”

  “And you haven’t seen him since?” Maddie is shocked, it’s written all over her face.

  “I haven’t… until yesterday which was Adam’s wedding. I saw him then and it was… weird.”

  “Was the chemistry still there?” I nod, feeling myself blush. “Oh my God, so what did he say?”

  “About Freddie? I didn’t tell him. It didn’t feel like the right time to say it at the wedding.”

  Maddie taps her chin thoughtfully. “Yeah, he’s going to lose his mind, isn’t he? He’ll go mad. Two years he hasn’t known that he has a child… imagine how much that is going to blow his mind.”

  Huh, she’s right. Of course, I wasn’t naïve enough to think this would be an easy conversation, but Maddie has put it in to crystal clear view. He’s absolutely going to lose his mind. He might even really yell at me. It wasn’t my fault that I was taken away from Josiah, but it was my fault that I kept away. Even if he was dating someone else I should have at least told him that he had a child, give him a chance to be a dad… but I didn’t.

  “Shit, you’re right,” I murmur. “How am I going to tell him?”

  “Are you going to see him again?” Maddie gasps. “If so that’s mental.”

  “I’m supposed to be seeing him again today.” I look at my cell phone which has no message as yet. “Maybe. But I haven’t really thought about it at all. I haven’t made any plan as yet. I don’t know what I’m going to say.”

  Maddie sucks in air through her teeth. “That’s going to be really hard. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Yeah.” I hang my head low, the reality really hitting me. “I know. I don’t know how to do it.”

  “You know what? I think you should test him out first. Spend some time with him, see what he is like now. It was a long time ago that you spent time with him and you were clouded with teenage lust then left over from when you had a crush on him.” I decide not to tell her that I still feel that way. “So, you should hang out a bit. See if he is a good man, then make a decision whether to tell him or not.”

  “But what about the fact that I’m not a good person?”

  “Why, because you didn’t tell him?” Maddie scoffs. “I know you, Paisley. You were just doing the best with what you had. The best for you and your son, you were fighting your family too. It might not be the best decision in everyone else’s eyes, but I know you were just doing your best, Paisley. Don’t forget that.”

  Just as her words start to warm me up, my cell phone bleeps loudly and shatters everything. I stare at Maddie with wide panicked eyes and she nods encouragingly. I reach out and grab my phone with shaky hands.

  Josiah: Hi, Paisley, thank you for messaging me. I would love to meet up. I am working today but I can come to your place this evening if that’s okay with you? Xx

  “How will I hide Freddie if he’s at my house?” I ask Maddie, in sheer terror.

  “Tell him to come around when your boy is in bed. He never needs to know… or if he does find out you don’t need to tell him right away that the boy is his. You’ll be able to work it out, Paisley.”

  I nod and fire a text back before I can change my mind.

  Paisley: Come around at half past eight. Here is my address xx

  “I suppose that’s it,” I say with a scared smile. “No going back now.”

  “It will be worth it,” Maddie reassures me. “In the end. It will, trust me.”

  I have to admit it does feel a little better knowing that I don’t have to tell Josiah right away. There isn’t any pressure resting on my shoulders. I can just lean back and suss Josiah out. Check that he’s right for me and Freddie. Maddie’s idea sounds surprisingly good actually, I’m glad that she turned up.

  “I’m so glad that you’re back here now,” I tell Maddie with a smile.

  “Yeah, you know what, me too.” She nods. “Especially because I get to follow this saga. You have to keep me up to date. You will, won’t you? You will let me know.”

  “Of course, I will. And we should definitely hang out more again.”

  I smile at Maddie, feeling much more positive now. This has to be a good sign that everything is going to be okay. With my best friend back in my life, everything has to work out… right?

  * * *

  Only it doesn’t feel like everything is going to be okay by the time eight twenty-five rolls around. In fact, I feel positively awful. The happy glow began to fade the moment I left Maddie and got even worse when I went to pick up Freddie from my parents and I had to listen to all the sly digs about how my son ‘might look like his father… if only we knew who his father was’. That certainly didn’t help things, and the night has only gotten worse.

  I think Freddie has been able to sense that I’m nervous because it’s been impossible to get him to settle. He was fussy at dinner time, uncomfortable in the bath, gaggy at bed time, not wanting to sleep.

  I have only just managed to get him off now. Thank goodness, I was starting to get desperate. Imagine the scene of Josiah turning up and Freddie remaining awake when I don’t want him to know yet.

  But Freddie is down now, he’s asleep, and in just a few moments Josiah will be here. I smooth down
my vest top, wondering if I have time to get changed in to something better. I want Josiah to remember that I can be attractive, but I suppose I might as well stay like I am because I don’t want to look like I try too hard.

  I stand by the curtain, twitching it every so often, wondering if this is the worst idea I have ever had. Bringing my old world in to my new one, it might cause everything to implode.

  “What the hell am I playing at?” I force myself away from the window. “This is just crazy.” I stroll into the kitchen and flick the kettle on, not really wanting a drink, just needing to do something with my hands. “Maybe he won’t come. There’s a chance that he’s changed his mind and I am just getting worked up over nothing…”

  Knock, knock.

  The sound, even though I’m half expecting it, makes me leap out of my skin. Beads of sweat burst out of my hands making me nearly drop the mug in my hand. All the fear that I was feeling only moments before is heightened and it nearly makes me explode. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

  “C… coming,” I call out. “I’ll be right there.”

  Fuck, fuck, fuck. My mind races like crazy. Fucking hell this is just…

  “Hello!” I do what I can to stay calm and collected as I swing the door open. Although it doesn’t really work because I sound all strange and squeaky. “Hi, Josiah, come in.”

  He looks a little nervous too, but it isn’t enough to calm me down. I move backward, pressing myself up against the wall. My heart pounds against the wall, it nearly shatters from my chest, I have to gulp to keep it inside. This feels weird, so, so strange to have Josiah here in my home.

  “Hi, Paisley.” He leans in as if to kiss me, but he pulls back at the last second thinking better of it. “Thank you very much for inviting me around. I know this must be a bit… weird.” He laughs awkwardly. “But yeah.”