by Ford, Mia
I lean in to kiss him on the cheek, to make sure this conversation ends quickly, but he seems to mistake my intentions. His head tilts ever so slightly, but it’s enough to have my lips meet the corner of his. It’s only the slightest brush but it’s enough to set me alight. My heart pounds like it stopped beating three years ago and has only just restarted. This is a nightmare; I don’t know how I’m supposed to pull away. It feels so wonderful to have even the smallest connection between us, the power is obvious, as is the deep seated chemistry,
But I have to. I need to get out of here before I kiss him again.
“Right.” I pull back sharply, the air whooshing between us. “I guess I will see you on Saturday.”
“Yes, Saturday.” He nods, looking a little bit stunned by what’s just happened. His hand's stuff into his pocket like he isn’t totally sure where they need to be right now... Better they are there rather than within reach. I don’t trust myself not to reach out and grab them. If I hold his hands there is no telling what will come next. We really seem to be on the edge of jumping each there’s bones all the time. “Sounds good.”
I step away, needing to create some distance between us so I don’t fall apart. “The bus will be here soon, and I have to go so I’m not late. You know, for Freddie.”
“Of course, Freddie.” His fingers brush against his lips as if he’s savoring our kiss. “You have to go.”
“So, I will see you then.” I give him an awkward half wave.
“Yes. Goodbye, Paisley. It’s been great to see you again.”
“Yes, you too.” You have no idea how good. “Goodbye, Josiah.”
As I stalk off with Josiah’s goodbye ringing in my ears, I feel like I’m floating above the planet, like I’m not really connected to anything. There isn’t anyone like that man for me and I honestly don’t know if there ever will be. He swims through my brain, slithering through my body as if he belongs there. He has always belonged there. God, it’s so hard to keep my head on straight when I’m around him. And that kiss. That barely not even a thing kiss was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Holy hell, it reminded me of everything that we used to share. I tried to forget about him in that way but now it’s all back.
God, I need to get home. I shake my head hard. Or I will end up acting like a crazy person in public.
I glance backward to see Josiah still standing in front of the bar as if he cannot move yet. It takes every inch of my will power to keep me going. If I didn’t have Freddie at home, I know I wouldn’t be able to do it. I keep his face at the forefront of my mind, so my feet have to obey me.
* * *
With Kate gone, and Freddie fast asleep, I collapse into bed and sigh. This has been one hell of a weird day. One that’s left me wondering what it would be like to have the perfect little family that I’ve always wanted. Me, Josiah, and Freddie. The dream come true. Would that be possible? Could we overcome all the boundaries standing between us and actually have all of that? Or am I just totally kidding myself?
I curl up under the bed sheets and wonder what it would be like if I hadn’t done the sensible thing and brought him back here. He would have his arms around me now, those lips of his might be back on me. On my mouth, on my throat, on my collar bone… oh God, that thought sends flutters of butterflies racing through my core. It’s pounding and pulsing, begging for attention, and I just can’t help myself. My fingers tickle downwards, I brush them lightly over my nipples, and down over my torso, all the way into my panties. As I touch the cotton, I grow even more excited. Tingles of space dust sparkle everywhere.
“Oh shit,” I murmur as I imagine Josiah’s fingers all over me. “Oh, Josiah.”
I imagine the pressure of his body on top of mine, the roughness of his touch, the intensity of his kisses, the deep passion flowing between us. The last three years apart melts in to nothing as I push my fingers between my soaking wet folds. My breaths come out panting and desperate. I’m needy as I push my fingers into me. It feels so good to experience such hot bliss. My body hasn’t gone untouched in the last three years, but it hasn’t ever felt quite so phenomenal before. There’s something about thinking of Josiah that makes so much better.
Every time I thrust, it’s him, each touch isn’t me, I’m disconnected completely from myself and it’s all him now. Josiah, the man that I have always been in love with, sending me animalistic and wild. My free hand clutches my hair then moves down to my breast, unsure of which bit it wants to touch of me the most.
My thumb brushes over my clit making my hips flip off the bed. I imagine Josiah’s cock slipping into me, thrusting over and over again, sending my head spinning in to space. My toes curl over as the heat creeps up through me, touching every one of my limbs as it goes. It feels like every single part of me is experiencing this pleasure, there isn’t an inch of me gone untouched by Josiah. He’s claimed me everywhere.
“Oh fuck, Josiah,” I call out, probably a bit too loudly. “Josiah, you are fucking amazing.”
The hot pleasure flows out of me like lava from a volcano. Fireworks burst and explode, every fiber, every cell reacts. The orgasm is all of me. It rockets through me in waves, like a tsunami of pleasure that never ends. It’s intense, powerful, utterly phenomenal. And it’s all because I’m imagining him. What the hell would it be like if he was actually here with me? Imagine if I had brought him home…
Oh God, I need to stop, or I will end up touching myself all over again.
And now we’re going to go on a date. I’m going on an actual date with this man. Through the post orgasmic bliss, I bolt upright in bed and wonder what the hell I’m going to do. If I felt that much passion from just the merest brush of our lips, I don’t think I’m going to be able to contain myself around him in an actual romantic sense. Dinner, candle lights, nice food, wine. It’s going to be really hard…
“What am I going to do?” I chew on my thumb nail hard. “How am I going to cope?”
I hit my head back on the pillow hard and slide my eyes closed, begging sleep to come for me, but it doesn’t. Not when Josiah is buzzing through me like an uncontrollable bee. Thank goodness Saturday isn’t too far away, I don’t know how long I can hold on to all of this uncertainty and stress. The anticipation isn’t great either. It’s quite a nice, delicious feeling, but it might well be the thing to kill me if I let it.
23
Josiah
Nerves bolt all through me as I stand outside of Paisley’s home, ready to press the doorbell. I don’t know why I feel so freaked out, I’ve been planning the best night out ever since we had that drink, but it’s all of me now. There is just so much riding on this. Mine and Paisley’s future, which could be amazing or awful, depending on how I play it, and there is also Freddie. I’m still not sure if the boy is mine yet, and because of my behavior on that first night, I can’t just ask her. I will have to wait until she is ready to tell me herself.
Thank goodness Adam isn’t here yet. Once he returns from his honeymoon I will be right back to where I was three years ago when I did nothing but lie to him. God, I don’t want that. I didn’t like that; it was so hard.
With a shaky finger, I press the bell, and I wait until the door swings open with my heart pounding.
“Oh, hello,” a sweet, younger girl answers me. “You must be Josiah; do you want to come in?”
I step inside, eyeing her curiously. She must be the babysitter, and since she’s watching my potential son, I want to check her out. But of course, she seems lovely. Paisley really does seem like a wonderful mother who dotes on her son. She wouldn’t leave Freddie with anyone she couldn’t trust. She’s had him for two years, she knows what she’s doing. I am certainly in no position to distrust her. I don’t want to anyway.
“My name is Kate,” the girl continues kindly. “Paisley will be ready in a moment; Freddie was late sleeping.”
“Okay, great.” I stand awkwardly in the living room, waiting for her to appear. “Thanks, Kate.”
&n
bsp; I probably could sit down, there’s no reason why not, but because of how I behaved before I don’t feel right. The memory of the sheer panic and the bad decision making races through my mind making my heart beat a little bit faster. Thankfully, it isn’t too long until Paisley appears in the most gorgeous midnight blue dress on, which clings to her curves perfectly. Her flame red hair is tied up, leaving her neck all exposed. I get a stirring deep in the pit of my stomach as I stare at her, my eyes fixed on her gorgeous natural face.
“Wow…” I rasp out, in complete shock, my hand on my chest. “You look… beautiful.”
Even with my expensive suit on I don’t feel like I look anything as good as her. It’s as if the dress has been melded on to her body, to fit her perfectly. I can see every dip, every peak of her gorgeous body, and it has tingles racing all the way through me. I found it hard to keep my hands off her last time, this time it will be impossible.
“Thank you very much… shall we get going.” She smiles at Kate. “Everything okay here?”
“Yes, all good,” Kate reassures her with a happy grin. “You guys have a lot of fun, okay?”
Paisley holds out her arm to me and I take it eagerly. As we head outside I tell her that the place I have chosen isn’t too far away from her home. I’m trying to be considerate, I think she will probably be more comfortable the nearer she is to her child, and it also means that we can both have a drink tonight and relax.
“Oh great, that sounds awesome. There are some nice places around here.”
We head inside to an Italian place that I have never been to before and we take our seats. It isn’t the most luxurious place in the world, the food might not be the best ever, I don’t think this place has any Michelin stars or anything, but that’s okay. It doesn’t matter where we are, as long as I’m with her. She doesn’t mind either. She isn’t the sort of woman who needs lots of cash thrown at her. Paisley has never liked me for my success.
“So, is there anything you recommend here?” I ask her with a grin. “Anything good?”
“Well, last time I came here I was with Freddie and he threw cheese pizza at me.” She half shrugs. “He seemed to be enjoying it before he tossed it though, so I presume that’s a good thing. I’m not too sure.”
I laugh, genuinely loving hearing the story about her son… our son, maybe. “I guess I’ll go with that then.”
“I’m sure there are better things than just cheese pizza…” she tries, but I refuse to listen.
“No, no, you sold me on cheese pizza and that’s what I’m going to have. It sounds delicious.”
“Fine, then I will have cheese pizza too. If we’re going to follow Freddie, then I’m in it too.”
The waiter comes over and takes our order. I throw some nice wine in with the order to fancy it up a little. While we’re waiting for the food to come, we share some memories from our past, from the time we were together, and from when we were kids as well. It’s nice to have all this interweaving history together, it makes us feel even more connected to one another. It only confirms to me that we are meant to be.
“This is nice,” Paisley finally says. “It’s a bit like no time has passed. It’s weird, but in a good way.”
“Yeah, I know, isn’t it?” I grin. “This just reminds me of how much I’ve missed you.”
“I have missed you too. I have missed this. We used to have a lot of fun, didn’t we?”
A tension clings to the air, one where a million words are unspoken between us. There is definitely still love there, it’s obvious. Anyone can see it. The last three years haven’t meant anything. Whatever happened, whatever took her away from me, doesn’t matter anymore. We have made it back to one another. Fate – and Adam’s wedding – has dragged us back into one another’s lives. We need to make the most of it.
“I still like you,” I blurt out without thinking about it. “That hasn’t changed.”
She doesn’t answer me at first. She just looks at me curiously. “Yeah, I like you too. A lot.”
Our heartbeats seem to merge as one as we stare at one another, wondering where to go from here. If we like each other, then why not see where things go? Adam or not. I mean, three years have passed, the world has changed, he has his own love life to deal with. Surely, he might be in a better position to accept us now.
“That’s good news,” I laugh awkwardly. “It makes this date a little easier.”
“It makes it more worthwhile anyway.”
“Yeah.” That hits me, I realize just how serious this is. “It really does.”
Our food comes over to the table then and we eat together, occasionally darting smiles at one another. I feel a teenage school boy with a crush, my whole body can feel the butterflies of lust. Knowing that there definitely is something still between us makes this so much more romantic.
The waiter comes over to check that everything is okay, and I can honestly answer that this is the best night ever. Paisley grins and agrees with me which makes my heart skip about ten beats. I don’t know where this night will end, but the way that it’s started is incredible.
By the time we finish our meal, neither of us want a dessert. There is something else sizzling in the air and we want to both go and see what it is. But not in a desperate needy way, we don’t rush back to her house, we stroll slowly, hand in hand, just talking idly and looking up at the stars. It’s a really surreal moment, but beautiful too.
“You know, if you told me a few weeks ago that I would be here with you, I would have thought you were mad.” I chuckle and shake my head slowly. “I can’t believe it… but obviously in a really good way.”
Paisley chews on her bottom lip thoughtfully, before she answers. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I wouldn’t have believed it either. Yet here we are.” She squeezes my hand tighter. “It’s good, isn’t it?”
I want to lean down and kiss her then, but I don’t. It doesn’t feel right to have our first kiss out here in public. Or our first kiss again. We’ve had our first kiss but that was three years ago. This will be new.
“Do you want to come back to mine for a bit?” she asks with a shy smile. Her eyes don’t meet mine, but I can feel her gaze burning through me regardless. “I just don’t want the night to be over yet.”
God that feels so good. To hear Paisley wanting to spend more time with me is delicious. A little shudder races up and down my spine as I nod. “Sure, that sounds really great. I would love that.”
“And, you aren’t going to run away this time?” she teases, which I have to take on the chin.
“No running away this time, I promise. Even if a stampede of dinosaurs comes running through the front door I will stay.” I pause for a moment before continuing. “I am really sorry about that, you know.”
“I know, I know. I just don’t want to find you gone again, that’s all. It wasn’t my favorite.”
The more she digs in to me, the more secure I feel in her presence. If she can tease me and have a laugh, especially about what happened, then that means she’s comfortable with me. That’s great when it comes to me and her and with regards to me finding out the truth when it comes to Freddie as well.
“Come on then, let me prove it to you, let’s go back to yours.”
We walk to hers and head in through the front door. Kate smiles at me with a glint in her eyes as she speaks quietly to Paisley. I get the impression that she is friends with her and she’s glad to see her have some kind of happiness in her life. It makes me wonder how long she’s been alone for. Raising Freddie all by herself. There have been times when I have felt very lonely, but it must have been even harder for her.
I try to silently convey to Kate that I only have good intentions for Paisley, that I don’t intend to hurt her. I don’t know if she gets my point, but I do really intend to stick to it. I never wanted to hurt Paisley before, but now I really don’t. I just want to hold her in my arms and take care of her. Make sure nothing hurts her again.
Eventually, it is tim
e for Kate to leave, so we say our goodbyes at the door. Once she goes I become acutely aware of how alone me and Paisley are. It’s even more urgent than the last time we were together. Maybe it’s because this time I know that this could lead somewhere, there is real romance in the air.
“Would you like a drink?” Paisley giggles. “I do actually have some wine somewhere.”
I nod and watch her pour the glass. I’m pretty sure I see her hand shaking with nerves as the drink cascades into the glass. She pours a little while longer than she probably should giving me much too big a glass, but to be honest, it’s received gratefully. I take it from her and thank her.
“I better just go and check on Freddie,” she says after one sip. “You don’t mind, do you?”
I don’t mind. Not only do I not mind, but I also want to go with her to see the boy who might be my son as well. But of course, I can’t do that. Instead, I nod blandly. “Sure, I’ll wait down here. And I will stay.”
She keeps glancing behind herself as she walks towards the stairs with a smile on her face. I don’t know if she’s checking that I won’t leave or she’s just happy to have me around. Either way, the look on her face absolutely warms my entire body up. I just love looking at her, she makes me so damn happy.
I love her, that’s what it is. I love her with everything that I have.
Once she’s gone, I automatically leap up from my chair. Not to leave, I’m not going to make that mistake again, but to have a look around. I was so blown away last time, so distracted that I didn’t even take the time to glance around, and now I want to see it all. I have already noticed lots of pictures on the wall and I want to see them up close. Maybe I will be able to pick up a few things from them.
The first image I see is Freddie as a baby, probably new born, in Paisley’s arms. She isn’t in the picture other than her limbs, but I can tell that it’s her. I get a lump of emotion in my throat as I look. Already, the boy who feels more and more like my boy with every passing second looks happy. Like he’s so glad to be out in the world, to be with his mother. I bet he has absolutely adored her ever since he first laid eyes on her.