New Tales from Hilbert Space

by Gabriel Just

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  “This is Peppita, captain of the Blasting Beetle. We are terribly sorry for entering your territory, but we had no choice. We kind of lost a ship somewhere around here and we were wondering if you found it and may be willing to give it back to us.”

  It did not take long until they received an answer.

  “The ship you lost has been salvaged and will be reborn soon. You shall share its fate.”

  “What are they talking about?” Kip asked.

  “I am not sure,” Flinton replied. “But the ship is on an intercept course. They are charging weapons.”

  “Everyone! Battlestations!” Peppita shouted while fastening her seat belt. Kip followed her lead, while Flinton was not entirely sure that this was the best option.

  “Peppita, you need to stop doing that. It makes no sense. The Blasting Beetle has not a single weapon, we are absolutely defenseless. Shouting ‘Battlestations!’ does not mend this.”

  “I am just following protocol. When in a combat situation, the captain has to shout ‘Battlestations!’ so that everyone knows a fight is about to begin. And if all we can do is buckle up, then so be it.”

  “But this seat belts are designed for Piki. Even if I wanted, I could not use them,” Flinton yelled.

  “Why are you complaining to me about that? Tell the engineer. Oh, wait, I forgot: You are the engineer. Sometimes you are so incompetent that I completely forget what it is you do on this ship.”

  “Guys? I think we should try to escape, not fight amongst each other. The salvaging ship is nearly here,” Kip pointed out.

  “You are right,” said Peppita while activating the manual piloting mode. “The situation is desperate. They are much faster than we are and can possibly predict every known evasive maneuver. But there is one way nobody can know where we are going.”

  “Don’t!” Flinton plead, while he tried desperately to pull out the seat belt far enough so that it would accommodate him. “The last time it was sheer luck we did not hit anything. We won’t be so lucky this time.”

  “Don’t worry. I perfected the Corkscrew Maneuver. This time I make sure the artificial gravity is on and can deal with the previous inertia problems. I am positive nobody will black out this time round. 60 percent positive at least. Well, at least not if you wear your seatbelt.”

  With these words Peppita manually shut down the starboard stellar drive of the Blasting Beetle and rerouted all the energy to the port drive. Consequently, the ship spiraled away in a completely unpredictable way. Normally the artificial gravity generator had no problem with counteracting unpleasant inertia effects by simply generating an opposing force, but Peppita’s Corkscrew Maneuver brought the Blasting Beetle to its limits. The calculations were simply not fast enough and because all the corrections came fractions of a second too late, everyone had great difficulties remaining in their seats. Everyone except Flinton, who was, in the absence of a seatbelt, propelled away from his chair by the very first burst and had therefore already lost this particular battle.

  After a short while the Blasting Beetle came to a halt. Flinton tried to stand up, but after three attempts that all ended in him falling over again he decided that it might be safer on the floor. “Did we escape?” he asked.

  “It worked!” Peppita shouted. “We really flew in a completely erratic trajectory. That was exactly the plan.”

  “I suppose it was also the plan, that this trajectory ends directly in the energy net of the enemy ship?” Kip wanted to make sure.

  “Don’t be nitpicky. There is no way one can say where the Corkscrew Maneuver leads you. That’s the beauty of it. It was just bad luck this time. It would have been equally possible that we escaped.”

  “Who would have guessed? Peppita’s stupid maneuver got us into trouble,” Flinton noted, who was still trying to get up. Before they could begin a fight again, the intercom interrupted them.

  “This is High Priestess Rekira. The Great Salvager chose you for a new life, a better life. You will be salvaged in the Pit of Sacrifice, but you will rise again to a better existence. Rejoice!”

  “I am afraid there seems to be a misunderstanding,” Peppita replied. “We are not part of your cult. And we don’t want to be. And although you may consider it an honor to be smelted down, I certainly do not. I am sorry, but we have to politely decline your offer.”

  “I agree,” Rekira answered. “There seems to be a misunderstanding. I was not offering you anything, I just informed you about the will of the Great Salvager. The fate of the universe is not in our hands, the Great Salvager decides such things. So there is no need to even think about whether you want this to happen or not. You just have to embrace it. Prepare to be boarded. You will be brought to the temple at Vexex-Prime, where you will be salvaged. This is the will of the Great Salvager.”

  The cell was dark and while their great Piki eyes made it possible for Peppita and Kip to see at least something, Flinton was practically blind. He touched the walls and the floor, both of which felt warm to the touch and as if they were made from scrap metal.

  “Where are we? Where have they brought us?” he asked.

  “I think it’s fairly obvious, isn’t it?” Peppita shouted at him. “Judging from the fact that we are locked in here it may be a cell, don’t you think, Flinton?”

  “What happened? The last thing I remember was that they boarded our ship. We capitulated and then everything went black.”

  Peppita tried to refresh the Skaren’s memory. “They hit you on the head quite often. It turns out, that purple is the color of the priesthood here. So they were rather offended by your purple scales.”

  “But there is nothing I can do about it. Purple is the most submissive color, I always turn purple if I capitulate.”

  “You tried to explain that, but you know the result.”

  “Did they hurt you two?”

  “Of course not, we just said we had nothing to do with you. They just blindfolded us and brought us here. These cultists are quite friendly actually,” Peppita explained.

  “Friendly?” Kip muttered. “They want to smelt us down alive! In what way is this friendly?”

  “Well, it may be considered offensive by us, but they think it is a great honor. We have to be tolerant of their religion.”

  “Three things, Pep,” Flinton started. “One: We are not part of their religion. Two: They attacked us unprovoked. Three: My tolerance ends when they threaten to heat me up to a point where parts of my body that should be solid become liquid.”

  “He is right,” Kip agreed. “We need to get out of here. I have a plan. You two will hide and I will fake a terrible sickness. When the guard comes in to check on me, you overwhelm him and then we escape.”

  “I don’t want to hurt these people,” Peppita noted. “They just do what they think is right.”

  “And melt down the Blasting Beetle?”

  “They would never do it. The Beetle is a perfectly good ship. Nobody in the right state of mind would ever melt it down.”

  “Didn’t you listen? They will destroy us and our ship.”

  “They meant the Beetle? I thought they were talking about the ship we lost, the Insolvency. These lunatics! Very well then. I will hide behind the door and when the guard comes in, I will make sure he meets his Great Salvager in person.”

  Flinton thought about protesting, but knew deep down that it was useless. So he decided to help, to minimize injuries on both sides. They hid and Kip curled up on the floor.

  “Help!” he shouted. “The pain! I think I have the Pikipox! Help!”

  Peppita waited for the guard to enter, but after a few minutes of waiting came to the conclusion that there was no guard.

  “Why would they guard a locked door anyway?” Flinton asked. “And why would they come in to check on a prisoner that they are going to kill anyway. You must admit, this whole plan was pretty stupid to begin with.”

  “Sorry,” Kip whispered. “I don’t know what made me think that such a plan could wo
rk.”

  Peppita tried to cheer him up. “Don’t worry. Not everyone's plans can be as brilliant as mine.”

  “Like the Screw Up Maneuver?” Flinton added.

  “It is called Corkscrew Maneuver and it worked very well. You can’t expect that a random direction always brings you to a safer place. That is a fundamental rule and therefore not my fault.”

  The two argued for a bit until they both became tired of it. After that, they just sat on the floor silently, avoiding to look at each other, which was especially difficult for Flinton, since he could not see anything in this dark cell.

  After a while of sitting in silence they heard that someone was unlocking the door. After that, a bright light illuminated the room and a cultist entered the room. He wore purple, hooded robes and carried a walking stick that had a big cogwheel at the end.

  “I welcome you! I am Sutu, priest of the cult of Vexex. I am-”

  “What have you done to the Blasting Beetle?” Peppita interrupted him rudely. She tried to jump at him, but Flinton held her back.

  “Your ship is safe. It is currently being prepared for the Great Journey. A journey, you will also take one day.”

  “Great Journey?” Flinton asked, still holding Peppita who tried to free herself unsuccessfully.

  “You ship will be melted down in the Pit of Sacrifice. But not today. Currently we celebrate the feast of Menn-Tenn-Enk. During this time we are not allowed to eat or use most of our technology. Also the Pit of Sacrifice is down for Menn-Tenn-Enk. This is what