Brighter Shades of Light

by Jaclyn Osborn

  “You loved him.” Cody slipped his hand into mine.

  I nodded, fixating my gaze on the tree outside the window. “I didn’t understand what love was until him. We became friends, then lovers, and I was so happy. Four years with him wasn’t enough.”

  “What happened to him?”

  The memory of Leon lying in the hospital bed flashed through my mind; his once healthy body now turned to skin and bone, his sunken cheeks. When he wasn’t sleeping, he’d been in excruciating pain or vomiting. They’d given him medication to help with both, which had made him sleep even more. Then, toward the very end, he had been delirious.

  The beautiful mind I loved more than anything had been reduced to incoherent ramblings.

  “An inoperable brain tumor,” I eventually said. “For the first year and a half of our relationship, he didn’t tell me. But then he had no choice.”

  “He kept it from you for almost two damn years?” Cody’s shocked tone edged on anger.

  “Leon was convinced he’d find a cure,” I said, feeling as though my heart was shattering all over again. “I was a fool for not seeing the signs earlier. The medications he hid from me. His obsession with immortality.”

  “Wanna know one of my theories?”

  I faced Cody and moved my knuckles along his cheek, finding comfort in his easy smile and eyes that were more beautiful than every star in the galaxy. It was hard to live in the past when the future was standing right in front of me.

  “Tell me,” I said.

  “I think when a loved one dies, a new star is formed.” Cody wrapped his arms around me and rested his cheek on my shoulder. “Sometimes when I miss my dad, I look at the stars and like to think he’s looking down at me. Somehow. Maybe we all become stars when we die.”

  “Stars are formed inside molecular clouds.”

  Cody chuckled. “Are you disproving my theory, Doctor?

  “No.” I tightened my hold on him. “I like your theory.”

  I was finding there wasn’t much I didn’t like when it came to him.

  “Speaking of stars, do you know about the Pleiades cluster?” Cody brushed his lips across my Adam’s apple before pulling away. “End of October and into November is when you can see them best. The Seven Sisters is another name for them. People used to see them as a sign to honor the dead.”

  “Very appropriate for Halloween night then, I suppose.”

  “Yep.”

  “Are you naturally full of these random facts?” I asked, pressing my front to his back and snaking an arm around his midsection. “Or do you come prepared?”

  “You caught me,” Cody said, sighing. “I do it to impress you. Is it working?”

  “Possibly.” I kissed his neck, loving how he reached back to grip my thigh. As an idea struck, I walked away from the door, earning a grumble from Cody, and grabbed the bottle of wine. “Follow me.”

  ***

  “Look at that one,” Cody said, as he pointed at the glass ceiling. “Is there a constellation of a turkey?”

  “Not to my knowledge.”

  “Oh.”

  I had pulled spare pillows and a blanket from the hall closet and laid them on the floor in the upstairs bedroom. Cody and I lay on the pallet, staring up at the night sky. We had been up there for maybe an hour.

  Time both sped up and slowed down when I was with Cody, a contradiction at its finest.

  “Would you like to see them even clearer?” I asked, sitting up and stretching my arms above my head.

  “Like, use your telescope?” Cody sat up, too, and eyed the telescope in the corner. “What if I break it?”

  “You won’t,” I said with a light laugh.

  I brought it over and adjusted the height of the tripod before looking through the scope and focusing it. It was an Orion AstroView Reflector telescope that had cost me around five hundred dollars, but it was worth every dollar spent. The real payoff was watching Cody carefully scoot toward it, still afraid he’d break it, and peek through the scope before his whole face lit up.

  “Okay, this is awesome. I never knew it looked like this. Stupid human eyes. Why can’t we be like robots and have super-human vision or something?”

  “That’s why we invented telescopes. So we can.” I placed a hand at his lower back. “Do you see the Seven Sisters yet?”

  “Nope.” Cody stopped searching the sky and turned to me. “What time is it?”

  I checked my watch. “Just after nine.”

  “They reach their highest point at midnight.” He returned his attention to the telescope.

  “I’m sure we can find a way to pass the time until then.”

  My statement wasn’t meant to imply sex, only a general remark. However, Cody lost all interest in the stars and looked at me with a hungry gleam in his eyes.

  “Cody, I—” My breath hitched in my throat as he crawled toward me and pushed me to my back. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

  “Does it look like I don’t want to, Doctor?” He straddled my hips and rubbed against my groin before grabbing my hand and placing it on the big bulge in his jeans. “I’ve wanted to fuck you since I first saw you. Have you wanted to fuck me?”

  I sharply exhaled and adjusted my glasses.

  I had never participated in that kind of talk. Not with Leon and definitely not with Emily. Sex with Leon had been slow and passionate. Incredible in all ways, but mostly quiet, apart from the moans and whispers of encouragement. I scarcely remembered sex with Emily, which said a lot about the experience itself.

  “Sebastian?” Cody stroked my jaw with his thumb. “Am I being too forward?”

  “No. You’re not.” My voice sounded gravelly, and I cleared my throat. “I want this. I want you. I just…I’m not…”

  Cody seemed to understand what I failed to say. He smiled and leaned down, kissing my neck and running his hands down my sides. His fingers played with the bottom of my shirt before he slid them beneath the material, grazing his nails up my stomach in the same way he dragged his teeth across my collarbone.

  “I want to see you,” he whispered against the side of my throat. “All of you.” He pulled my shirt up and over my head, knocking my glasses askew in the process. “Ah, hell. I’m sorry.”

  “I can still see without them.” I took them off and placed them behind me on the floor. “You’re only a little blurry.”

  His answering chuckle was like a blanket over my heart.

  I pulled his shirt off, too, as it was only fair. But I didn’t expect the sudden bout of nerves that followed. Being shirtless beneath his muscled body stirred up a little insecurity. I was thin without much bulk, something that normally didn’t bother me. However, as I stared up at this beautiful man, I wanted to feel like I deserved him.

  Did he find me as desirable as I found him?

  “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Cody said, sitting back on his knees and admiring my bare chest. His hand traveled from my collarbone to my naval.

  Well, that answers that question.

  Cody threaded his fingers through my hair as he kissed me. His lips pressed to mine harder than before, and his tongue slipped into my mouth.

  I groaned as our tongues met. If I had been standing, I was certain the kiss would’ve knocked me off my feet. The rolling of his hips had me gripping his backside, tugging him harder against me.

  He was both tender and hard in his kisses, fueled by his raging libido but also driven by passion. Each touch seared into me. Each kiss melted the ice around my heart more and more.

  I opened my eyes as the pressure of his lips lifted. Though he was a little blurry, I could see him. The stars danced behind his head, shimmering in the dark sky. But not even they compared to him.

  His soft expression as he looked down at me did something strange to my chest.

  We were teetering on the edge of a steep cliff. One step in either direction would change our lives forever.

  Saying goodbye to Cody right then would guarant
ee safety, both mine and his. A clean break where we could go back to the way our lives were before he knocked my world off its axis. It was the safe choice and one where I knew the conclusion.

  Continuing as we were would lead to us toppling over the edge. The outcome was unknown.

  Dare I take the risk?

  “I’ve never felt like this before,” Cody said, the vulnerability in his eyes reflected in his voice. “I usually get bored with guys easily. But not with you. It kinda scares me, to be honest. I don’t want to lose this feeling.”

  His words said a lot, but the tenderness in his expression said much more. He was afraid of losing what we had. Afraid of the unknown just like I was. But he still chose me.

  I decided to choose him, too.

  I gripped the back of his head, accidentally knocking off his hat, and crushed my lips to his. I didn’t want the safe choice. I wanted the one that kept Cody in my arms, just as he was now.

  My hands fumbled with his belt, and he caressed my face, neck, and tops of my shoulders. Our lips met again as I pulled down his jeans. I could only get them so far without his help; he obliged and shrugged them farther down his legs, smiling as he did, before covering me once more.

  Kisses turned heavier. Hands groped harder, as if we couldn’t get close enough. I slipped my hand beneath the band of his boxers and grabbed his bare backside. He tugged down my pants, my briefs with them, and licked up my chest.

  I was far from an aggressor in bed, but my desire to taste him outweighed everything else. With our lips still joined, I gripped the sides of his shoulders and flipped him to his back on the blanket. As I moved down his body, he sucked in a breath and took a handful of my hair.

  Glancing up at him, I saw him watching me, his chest rising and falling a bit quicker.

  I pulled his boxers down, and his erection sprang free. My mouth watered at seeing the glistening tip, and slowly, I gripped the base of his shaft. He was thick but not too long. Perfect, really. A pronounced head that begged for attention.

  Cody seemed to hold his breath as my face inched closer, and when I slipped his cock into my mouth, he exhaled. His shaft twitched in my hand as I stroked and sucked him. Each of his soft sighs encouraged me.

  I did my best to please him, flicking my tongue against the silky tip as my hand moved up and down his length. It had been years since I had been with a man, and I was out of practice, but Cody gave no indication that he minded. When I smoothed my thumb up the center of his backside, he whimpered and pressed harder against my hand, seeking more.

  I gave it to him.

  My spit-slicked finger entered him, and I moved it in circles, pushing against his tight channel. He fisted the blanket beneath him, throwing his head back on the pillow and groaning. I continued stretching him and using my mouth to arouse him further, but mentally, I was trying to remember if I had the necessary supplies on hand.

  Given the fact I hadn’t had sex with a man since Leon and could barely remember to go grocery shopping most days, the odds of lube in my house were low. Condoms, too, for that matter. Unfortunate but not hopeless. We didn’t have to have penetrative sex in order to shoot to the stars.

  “Shit,” Cody gasped, his hips jolting as my finger brushed against his prostate.

  I pressed on the spot again, earning another whimper from him. He was moments away from climaxing, and the eagerness to see what he looked like in the throes of orgasm made everything else flee my mind. I kept my eyes on him as I sucked his tip and rubbed that special place that drove him wild.

  I was so worked up that I knew it wouldn’t take much to finish me off, and I shoved my other hand down to stroke myself.

  Cody shuddered, and his abs and thigh muscles tightened. I groaned as I crept closer to orgasm, and the vibrations of my mouth pushed Cody over the edge. He cried out as his release spilled down my throat, his beautiful cock pulsing.

  I swallowed every drop he had to offer before I came apart, too.

  When I was able to move again, I crawled up his body, kissing the grooves in his stomach, across his chest, and up his neck before finally finding his lips. He sloppily returned the kiss and draped an arm around my shoulders, holding me in a loose headlock.

  I had no complaints being surrounded by his muscled arm and smooth chest. The closer the better.

  “You know that moment when you’re tired and about to fall asleep but you keep fighting it?” Cody asked, his voice croaky. “It’s a lot like how I feel about you. There was some fighting in the beginning, but in the end it’s inevitable. I eventually fell for you just like I always eventually fall asleep.”

  Inevitable. It was the perfect description for us. I had resisted my feelings for him in the beginning, too, but there was no resisting him now.

  Long after Cody drifted to sleep, I stayed awake in his arms, thinking of other inevitable things. One day, he would leave Emerald Falls. He had less than a year before he went to a six-month training at a base in Quantico, and after that, he would be commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the Marine Corps.

  If the board of directors at the university didn’t separate us, time eventually would.

  Chapter 16

  Cody

  My back hurt. Sleeping on the floor would do that to you, I guess. But even with a sore back and a crick in my neck, I woke up happy. Sebastian slept beside me, his arm over my stomach and his blond hair messy on the pillow.

  How in the hell did I get so lucky?

  I brushed aside a strand of his hair so I could see his face better. He crinkled his nose and puffed out a breath, and when I leaned in to press my lips to his cheek, he sighed.

  After months of back and forth advances between us, we’d finally reached a point where things were less confusing. He didn’t view me as a casual fling any more than I did him. The tender way he kissed and held me had made that clear.

  Last night was amazing—a fucking incredible blowjob and falling asleep with his heart beating against mine.

  Stretching my arms above my head, I looked up at the glass ceiling. It was still dark out, though there was a faint light. The sun would rise soon. I closed my eyes, enjoying the cool covers and the warm arm around me.

  My eyelids flew open.

  “Oh my god!” I jumped to my feet and started pulling on my boxers before snatching my jeans from the floor.

  Sebastian stirred on the pallet and creaked open his eyes. “Cody? What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Friday!” I zipped my pants and buckled my belt before pulling my shirt on over my head.

  “Mhm. And class isn’t until nine,” he said sleepily, looking at his watch. “It’s only five-thirty. Come lay back down. I want to hold you a while longer.”

  “You don’t know how tempting that offer is, Doctor, but I have PT at six. If I’m late, it’ll be my ass.” I dropped to my knees in front of him and grabbed his face with both hands.

  I kissed him, and as I started to pull away, he snaked his fingers through my hair and tugged me back to his mouth for another quick one.

  “I’ll see you in class,” he said, his breath tickling my lips.

  Leaving him was almost impossible. For a split second, it didn’t matter that Captain Franklin would bitch at me or Gunnery Sergeant Colgrove would make me do extra sets of bleacher runs if I was late. Staying with Sebastian was worth it. But then, I came to my senses and stood.

  “Don’t forget to eat breakfast,” I said with a grin. “See ya later.”

  “You forgot your hat.” He grabbed it from the floor.

  “Keep it until I come back over.” I knew how much he loved me in it.

  I left the room before I could change my mind. Down the stairs and out the front door, I jogged to my truck. If Blue gave me any issues that morning, I was screwed. Luckily, he must’ve realized the seriousness of the situation and cut me some slack because he started on the first try.

  “That’s it, baby.” I patted the steering wheel and put the truck in reverse.

  C
ampus was about ten minutes away. That gave me less than twenty minutes to park, run inside the dorm and change into my PT clothes, and then head to O’Brien Hall. It would be cutting it close, but I was confident I could make it, barring any unforeseen problems, like Blue being an asshole and dying on me.

  Tristen was already gone when I busted into the dorm and ran to my room. Probably a good thing, too, because we would’ve bickered and both ended up late for accountability. The argument with him yesterday had pissed me off. Best friends weren’t immune to fights every once in a while, but damn. This fucking sucked. I hoped he got the stick out of his ass soon.

  Once dressed, I ran out of the building and jogged down the sidewalk across campus. The clock tower in the middle of the grounds showed I had five minutes. I ran faster. By the time I reached O’Brien Hall, I was breathing hard and a little sweaty.

  “Sleep in, Miller?” Keith asked, flashing a crooked smile.

  “Hey, I needed my beauty sleep.”

  “Yeah, you need it,” Marcus said. “”Cause you be ugly, my bro.”

  Tristen stood on the other side of Marcus and didn’t even look at me. My smile faltered and I got in line. Rachel leaned over to me.

  “Everything okay between you guys?”

  I didn’t feel like talking about it, so I said nothing, just stared ahead.

  Luck was in my favor that day, as Captain Franklin ordered us to warm up and do three miles on the green. Quality running time where I could be alone with my thoughts was exactly what I needed. The other midshipmen and I stretched before forming a line on the green and waiting for the order to start.

  During the run, I zoned out. I ran away from the shit in my head. The tension with Tristen and the fear of losing Sebastian if someone found out about our relationship. There were other worries, too. If this thing between me and Sebastian continued and we made it official, how long would we stay that way once I graduated?

  I was probably getting ahead of myself. Just because I was falling in love with Sebastian didn’t mean he felt the same. He might care about me more than a fling, but I needed to be careful and not assume his intentions. All I knew was I had never felt this way about anyone before.