Brighter Shades of Light

by Jaclyn Osborn

  After I ran three miles, I cooled down in the designated area. Tristen joined me not long after. Since he had ignored me all morning, I expected him to continue doing so. When he came to stand beside me, I looked at him in surprise.

  “Hey,” he said, struggling to meet my eyes. “About yesterday. I’m sorry for being an ass to you. I hate how we’ve been lately, Cody. When you didn’t come home last night, it hit me that I was pushing away the only person in my life who actually gives a damn about me.”

  The only person who cared about him? What about his family?

  I didn’t get the chance to ask him about it.

  Captain Franklin’s voice cut through the air and told us to hit the showers. Tristen walked away from me. I stared at the back of his head as we went into the locker room. He cut out right after that to head to the dorm, and I veered toward the showers, still trying to figure out what he meant.

  From what I gathered, his rich family gave him everything he wanted, and they were all really close.

  A quick shower and a walk across campus later, I entered the dorm and found Tristen sitting on the couch, his head bent toward the floor and his fingers linked behind his neck. He was dressed, but his hair was damp from his shower.

  “Tristen?”

  He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. “Hey.”

  “What’s up?” I dropped my PT bag by the front door and went to sit beside him.

  “Will you cut the shit and be real with me about something?” he asked, as his chin trembled.

  I nodded.

  “Are you screwing your professor?”

  My first impulse was to get mad. Why did it matter to him so goddamn much if Sebastian and I were seeing each other? But I bit back the anger, knowing it wouldn’t help us move forward.

  “Kind of.” I scratched at my jaw and sharply exhaled. “We’ve fooled around a little, yeah, but it’s more than that, Tristen. I really like him.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I didn’t know what was happening between us,” I said, becoming frustrated even though I’d warned myself against it. “I was processing it all and you just kept pushing my buttons and suffocating me. Maybe I should’ve told you sooner, but it felt too…I don’t know. Personal, I guess. I was afraid if I said something, the wrong person would find out and we’d be fucked.”

  Tristen sat forward and folded his hands, his thumb digging into his palm. “I’m sorry I said the crap about the school board. I was just upset. I’d never tell those assholes a thing.”

  “I know.”

  “You’re my best friend.” His bottom lip trembled. “And I guess I was just afraid of losing you. I don’t have anyone else.”

  “You said you were close with your family.”

  “I lied. People do that sometimes.” Tristen stood up and put distance between us. “Wanna know why I have so much money? My dad, the fucking prick, pays me a monthly allowance to stay away. My parents were pissed when I came out and wanted me to keep it quiet, so their stupid friends won’t think badly of them. Dad puts money into my account each month, and I blow it on booze and whatever the fuck I want just to spite him. I hardly talk to them anymore.”

  I didn’t know what to say.

  “As childish as it is, when you were keeping secrets from me, it hurt,” Tristen continued. “I felt like I was losing you, and I panicked.”

  “You won’t lose me, Tristen.” I went over to him. “I love you, man. You don’t need a family who will make you feel like crap, anyway. That shit is toxic. We’re your family. Marcus, Keith, Rachel, me. All of us. I got you. Always.”

  Tristen pressed his face into my neck, and his arms came around me. “I love you, too. Sorry I’ve been a jealous little bitch lately.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “So, you really like this professor?”

  “Yeah. I do.”

  He stepped back and smiled sadly. “Then, I’m happy for you.”

  “Ah, come on, Tristen.” I knuckle-bumped his shoulder. “Where’s that golden boy smile?”

  “I’m not a fucking golden boy.” But my attempt to lighten the mood worked. He grinned and shoved me away. “I gotta get to class.”

  I knew what it was like to feel alone. My dad had been supportive of my sexuality, but the kids in my school hadn’t been. I had felt isolated. When I finally met another guy who was gay, I had gotten close to him and thought I was in love. But it hadn’t been love or anything close to it. I had just felt less alone.

  Tristen felt how much I liked Sebastian, and it had made him overreact and panic that I’d be taken from him.

  But that was impossible. We were brothers for life.

  ***

  The quiet room made it hard to focus. The quieter it was, the more I heard the smaller noises, like people sniffling and coughing, the turning of the test pages, and the squeaking of chairs as people erased the circles on the scantron sheet.

  I deeply inhaled and focused on the test.

  The first page was pretty easy. I knew the material like the back of my hand and sped through it. The problem came with the second page where Sebastian had written out equations for us to calculate entropy. After tutoring, I understood it better, but the section on Gibbs free energy still caused me some trouble.

  I looked up at Sebastian, who was sitting at the desk in the front of the lecture hall, and narrowed my eyes at him.

  His gaze met mine, confused at first, but then he softly smiled and went back to reading his book. Yeah, he knew he was an asshole.

  Anyone who thought I would get special treatment for being romantically involved with my professor obviously hadn’t met Sebastian. He didn’t believe in taking it easy on students, no matter who you were.

  A week had passed since I’d stayed over at his house on Halloween. We hadn’t spent the night together since then, but I drove over to visit him some throughout the week. Still hadn’t had penetrative sex. But I was enjoying the romance of waiting. Not that jumping into bed together on the first night couldn’t be romantic, but I guess it was old-fashioned to kind of date each other for a while first. And I loved it.

  My hand didn’t love it, though. It had been putting in a lot of over time lately.

  Ugh, focus, Cody. Think of Gibbs free energy. Not dick.

  There was space on the test to work out the problems, but I ran out of room and had to write really small in the margin. I felt confident about some of the questions; others I ended up guessing on. It was a multiple choice, test but sometimes it was more like multiple guess. I filled in the circle for A since it hadn’t been chosen for a few rows.

  Totally legit reasoning.

  Sebastian wrote on the board every fifteen minutes, counting down how much time we had left to complete the exam. Every time I saw him move, my brain got all jumbled and I had to re-read the questions several times before absorbing what they were actually asking.

  When there were only three minutes left, I skimmed the last six questions and answered them as best as I could. I was the last one still working. Great. Brandon, the nosey fucker, had probably seen my moment of panic and knew I’d guessed on the last two questions. I scooted back from my chair right as Sebastian called time.

  I placed my scantron on his desk, not looking at him, even though I wanted to.

  “I’ll post your grades by Sunday evening,” Sebastian said. “Have a great weekend.”

  I returned to my desk and grabbed my bag, shaking my head at myself for not being more focused. I had studied for the test, too. Everything I knew flew out the window when I sat down. Knowing I was timed didn’t help, either.

  “Mr. Miller? A moment please?” Sebastian gathered the scantrons from his desk and bound them with a rubber band.

  Sliding the strap of my backpack over one shoulder, I walked over to him, hanging my head. In front of him, I looked up and was stunned at the level of concern in his eyes.

  “You appeared to struggle a little on the test,” he sai
d, zipping his bag. “Is everything okay?”

  “I froze up toward the end. Don’t know what happened.” I put my hands in my hoodie pocket. “I just couldn’t focus with all the quiet.”

  “You know the material. I know you do.” Sebastian watched me a second before picking up his messenger bag and walking out from behind the desk. “Keep your chin up. There’s always the extra credit if you need it. My goal as your professor isn’t to see you fail but to challenge you.”

  I had made near perfect scores on all the online assignments and quizzes, so I knew I wouldn’t fail the class even if I did fail the exams. But it was a kick to my ego. It made me feel dumb when I got a graded test back and saw I bombed it.

  After looking around the room and seeing we were alone, I tilted my head toward him. “A kiss would make me feel better. Heal my wounded pride, Dr. Vale.”

  Sebastian’s gaze fell to my lips, and he moved forward, his mouth nearing mine.

  My face heated, and my heart skipped a beat. I had kissed him so much yesterday that my lips were swollen by the time I got back to the dorm, making me look like Cody the Duckbilled Platypus or something. But I wanted to kiss him again. And again.

  As if realizing what he was about to do, he stopped and stood up straight. He glanced around the empty room with worried eyes and stepped away from me. “Enjoy the rest of your day, Mr. Miller.”

  “Same to you, Dr. Vale.”

  He exited the room without another look in my direction.

  I couldn’t blame him for his reaction. It was stupid of me to even ask it of him. After the final exam in December, we wouldn’t have to worry about getting in trouble anymore. We’d be free to do whatever the fuck we wanted.

  Professors were allowed to date students according to the policy handbook, but only if the student wasn’t in the professor’s class. Once the student was out of his or her class, relationships were fine.

  Tristen had told me about a girl in his Philosophy class who was actually married to the head of the theater department. They had met when she took her Introduction the Theater class, and they got engaged a few months after the semester ended.

  So, it wasn’t unheard of. Sebastian and I just had to be careful for a while.

  Less than two months.

  On my way to my next class, the disappointment over the exam faded away. Life was pretty damn awesome right now, and not much could keep me down. I was never one to hold on to shit anyway. Let it go and move on.

  By lunchtime, I was finished with school for the day and went into the dining hall. Marcus, Keith, and Tristen were sitting at a table, and I joined them after grabbing a burger. They talked crap, as usual, and I chimed in on occasion.

  “Wanna go out tonight?” Keith asked. “I could use a drink or five.”

  “I’m game,” said Marcus.

  “Same.” Tristen looked at me. “What about you?”

  “Sure.” Friday nights were for my buddies, and Saturdays were for my man. “I can be DD.”

  ***

  The night out with them was what I needed. Rachel joined us, too, and we sat at our normal table in the bar. Marcus pulled her chair closer to him, and they flirted and downed their drinks. They even got up and danced to some country song that played overhead.

  Keith called them out on the flirting once they sat back down, and Rachel giggled before laying her head on Marcus’ chest.

  It wasn’t uncommon for midshipmen to date. Our schedules were so specific that it made dating civilians hard. Not impossible, seeing as how I made time for Sebastian, but it was easy to get attached to someone in your unit who you saw every day. There was a kind of understanding you couldn’t get with someone on the outside.

  Tristen drank his beer, eyeing Rachel and Marcus over the top of it before focusing on me. “They’re totally boning.”

  I snickered. “If they are, it’s none of ya business.”

  “True.”

  “’Scuse me, my dudes.” Keith clapped me on the back and stood from the table. He spotted some girls at the bar and went over to them. They smiled and leaned toward him, clearly interested.

  “I hope things aren’t awkward between us now,” Tristen said, staring at his empty glass and turning it slowly in his hands. “After spilling all that to you last week, I feel a lot better. Not as angry. I just want you to know that I’m cool with you and…well, you know, him.”

  “I just hate you thought you’d lose me because I’m dating someone. I love you, man.”

  “Love you, too.” He nodded, still not meeting my gaze, but he seemed more at ease.

  When we left the bar and I took everyone back to campus, Tristen and I watched a few episodes of Naruto in the living room before calling it a night.

  The next morning, I woke up early and showered. I was eager to get to Sebastian’s house and spend the day with him. Who knew how many more days I’d have like this? Anything could go wrong. He could decide he didn’t want to take the risk anymore and push me away. We could get found out and be forced to end things.

  The future was unpredictable, so I wanted to live in the present for as long as I could.

  Chapter 17

  Sebastian

  Nikola Tesla once said, ‘The spread of civilization may be likened to a fire; first, a feeble spark, next a flickering flame, then a mighty blaze, ever increasing in speed and power.’

  Falling in love with Cody was much the same. It had started as a spark, innocent but curious, and then it grew, consuming me whole.

  “You’re my spark,” Cody had once said.

  At the time, I hadn’t known what he meant.

  Now, I did.

  For so many years, I had forgotten how to live. When Leon died, a part of me went with him, and the pieces left behind were only shatters of who I used to be. Cody was the spark that jolted me back to life. He reminded me what it was like to enjoy the touch of another person. He made me remember how amazing it felt to laugh. Not a small laugh, but one that came deep from my belly and made it hurt.

  We had eaten breakfast outside but had quickly come back in as the temperature started to drop. It was only a week into November, but signs of winter were already creeping into Emerald Falls. Leaves covered the grass, ruffled by the cold breeze. Soon, there’d be snow. I smelled it in the air.

  Back inside the house, Cody wrapped his arms around me, saying he was cold, and I rubbed up and down his muscled arms. One kiss had turned to two before he pushed me up against the living room wall. We kissed and bumped our way down the hall before finding ourselves in my bedroom. We came together, teeth clashing and hands fumbling for each other’s clothes.

  “Are you sure this is what you want?” I asked, tearing my mouth from his.

  After weeks of exploring each other’s bodies, we were finally ready to take that next step. I needed to know he wanted this, too, and that I wasn’t putting him in a position where he felt like he had to. I was his professor, but he had all the control. Anything he wanted, I would give him.

  “Right now, there’s nothing I want more than you.” Cody kissed my neck. “If that doesn’t answer your question, maybe this will.”

  He grabbed my hand and placed it on his impressively thick erection. He was fully naked, but I still had my briefs on. That hungry look in his eyes told me I wouldn’t have them on for much longer, though.

  I stroked him, savoring the sounds he made and the expression on his handsome face. Staring up at him, I couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t because of his weight on me. It was the way his lips parted and his eyes closed, how he pushed his hips forward, seeking more friction from my hand.

  He was this beautiful, forbidden thing that I had somehow been allowed to have.

  “I wanna ride you,” he muttered, dropping his face to my shoulder and kissing me there. “I’ve wanted to know what you feel like for months.”

  The thought of him doing so made my cock swell. But the words wouldn’t come out, so I nodded instead.

  Cody licked my h
ipbone as he tugged down my briefs. Chills spread along my skin, and I breathed heavier. When my erection sprang free, he gripped my base and licked me from root to tip.

  “Ah,” I whimpered, relaxing into the mattress. His talented mouth knew how to please and tease at the same time.

  He took his time with me, twisting his hand up and down my shaft and applying the perfect amount of pressure and suction; an experienced mouth and a wicked little tongue that knew when to stop right before I erupted. He kept bringing me to the edge and yanking me back, once, twice.

  I couldn’t take it anymore.

  “Cody,” I panted, tangling my fingers in his dark hair. “Please.”

  Smiling, he crawled up my body, stopping along the way to kiss and lick my stomach and nipples. He might’ve looked cocky and relaxed, but I saw the tremor in his body and the fire in his eyes.

  “Do you have condoms?” Cody licked small circles beneath my ear. “Or did you forget them?

  He wasn’t wrong for asking. My life was a bit of a mess in some areas, but I was improving. I spent Saturdays with Cody, so I was learning not to work as much. I had even started taking the occasional Sunday off, too, to catch up on non-research reading. The fridge was stocked with Cody’s favorite food, and I had even bought condoms and lube while at the store.

  “Top drawer,” I answered.

  His weight lifted off me as he leaned over to grab the unopened box and pull out the sleeve of condoms. The crinkle of them as he tore one off only added to the anticipation. He grabbed the lube and returned to his position, straddling my hips.

  I was about to grab the condom from him when he scooted back a little and put it on for me. He had touched me many times in the past several weeks, but each time sent a jolt of energy through me.

  Cody gently kissed the tip of my cock afterward and smirked up at me.

  “Come here,” I said, crooking a finger at him.

  Once he was close enough, I cupped the back of his head and kissed him. His lips slanted over mine, and he gave me teasing pecks before pushing his tongue into my mouth.