Brighter Shades of Light

by Jaclyn Osborn

  “Yeah. I’ve got a long drive ahead of me.”

  Neither of us moved. Saying goodbye to him was hard—I knew it would be—but this was even harder than I thought.

  Sebastian grabbed my hand and lifted it to his mouth, placing a kiss on the ring he bought me. Regulation allowed one ring per hand, so the entire time I was gone, I would be able to wear it. Maybe it was silly, but it helped me feel better knowing I’d have a piece of him with me.

  Our lips touched again, then once more. I caressed the tops of his shoulders before snaking my hands up and gripping his hair.

  “Fuck,” I said, tearing my mouth from his and backing away from him. “I have to go.”

  “Yes. You do.” Sebastian smiled.

  I got in my truck and started it, keeping my eyes away from Sebastian. If I looked at him right now, I’d lose my nerve and not go. He seemed to realize that, too, because he walked up the steps and went into the house. Briefly, I glanced at him and saw him standing in the doorway. He waved, and I returned the gesture.

  Putting the truck in reverse, I started backing out of the driveway. My gaze flashed to him standing at the front door, and every instinct screamed for me to stop the truck and go back home, because that’s what he was to me. My home.

  But I didn’t stop. I got on the road and drove away, leaving my heart in Emerald Falls.

  ***

  The Basic School was located at Camp Barrett at the Marine Corps Base Quantico complex in Virginia. It was also the place I had gone for Officer Candidate School last summer, so I was familiar with it.

  Quantico was the only town in the US surrounded by a military reservation, so we had to go through a Marine-guarded sentry gate to even get into it.

  Tristen and I got there a day early and hit Q-town for some drinks before checking in at the base. Just to unwind from the long drive and have one last night of freedom before we started the fourteen hour days—five days a week—of classes and hardcore field training.

  We had been lucky to be sent there at the same time. Marcus and Keith wouldn’t leave for TBS until September and Rachel until November. I couldn’t imagine doing this on my own. Being away from Sebastian was hard enough without being separated from my best friend, too.

  I had called Sebastian shortly after we arrived, but we hadn’t talked long. It was hard to hear his voice right now, knowing I wouldn’t be coming home to him for a while.

  “Thinking of your guy again?” Tristen asked, as we entered the bar.

  “Yeah. Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I was kinda thinking of Blake. Probably why I need a damn beer.”

  “I’m glad things have worked out for you, man.” We walked to a high table near the bar and sat down. “Blake’s a good guy.”

  “He is.” Tristen ran his hand over the top of his freshly-cut blond hair.

  We had matching haircuts now; high and tight for the win.

  “I hope I can keep him,” Tristen added. “He was pretty upset that I had to leave.”

  “He knew what he was getting himself into, being with a Marine,” I said, trying to give him some hope. “It’s tough on everyone. I could barely look at Sebastian as I left.”

  “How does Sebastian feel about all this?”

  “Sad that I left, but he’s proud of me.” I thumbed over my ring, taking comfort from it. “He knows how much this means to me. Shit, man, I think he’s even considering uprooting his life and moving to wherever I get stationed after this.”

  Our future wasn’t as worrisome as I used to think it was. We didn’t have to have a long distance relationship, not if Sebastian was open to the idea of moving.

  “I’m happy for you. Not sure Blake will stick around,” Tristen said. “He’s a sweet guy, but he’s kind of needy. Like, he kept saying how the distance will be so hard for him and how he doesn’t know how he’s going to cope with it. How the fuck does he think I feel? I’m the one away from home, working my ass off. I’d love to lay around in bed with him and see him every day, but it’s not reality. Not yet.”

  After a few drinks, we returned to Camp Barrett and went to Heywood Hall to check in. We were assigned housing in the barracks and headed that way. Tristen and I were placed in Graves Hall, which I had heard was one of the better barracks. Better than O’Bannon Hall, according to a guy I had talked to earlier today.

  In O’Bannon Hall, each room typically housed four guys, but Graves was two men to a room; the lesser of two evils.

  The rooms were small, and space was limited. Good thing I didn’t have much. Apart from the bunk bed, there were two small desks, a sink attached to the wall with a mirror above it, a shower, and a closet.

  Tristen tossed his bag on the top of the metal bunk bed.

  “Who said you could have top bunk, you asshole?” I shoved his arm.

  He shot me a grin. “Because we all know you’re a bottom, Cody.”

  “You fucker.” I slid into the bottom bunk and draped an arm over my face, hiding my smile.

  There were eight training companies at TBS, and we had both been placed in Delta Company. Most officer students started out in Mike Company before joining another one, but we lucked out by being in the Naval ROTC program, which sent us straight to Delta. From what I heard, Mike Company was the place you did not want to be sent.

  “Don’t get too comfortable,” a guy named Barry had told us earlier. “You’ll probably change rooms a few times in the beginning as they move people around.”

  “I hope if we have to move rooms later, we can still stay together,” I said to Tristen, remembering what Barry had said.

  “Aw, you gonna cry without me?”

  I rolled off the bottom bunk and jumped up, jabbing my hand right beneath his chin where he was most ticklish.

  “Stop! Fucking stop, Cody,” Tristen said, both laughing and on the verge of tears as I tickled him.

  In-processing started the following morning. It included general orientation and check-in where we had to provide our ID, social security card, financial and bank details for direct deposit, and vehicle information. We also went through medical examinations and were issued our gear. Such a fucking long and tedious process.

  Barry approached us. His red hair stood out among the sea of dark and blond. “Word of advice?”

  “Uh, sure,” Tristen said with a suspicious stare.

  “I’ve been here for over a month ,” Barry said, standing to his full height, which put him two inches taller than me, “and before this, I was enlisted in the Corps for seven years. I know how shit works, ya feel me? You wanna do well? Shut your fucking mouth, listen, and learn. A cocky attitude will be the nail in your coffin, boys.”

  “Understood,” I said, trying to figure him out.

  “Good.” Barry eyed us. “You new lieutenants come in here thinking you’re the shit, but your ass can be dropped from TBS just like that. They call it The Big Suck for a reason. Because it fucking sucks, and it’ll suck the energy and drive right outta you, too.”

  First impressions at TBS couldn’t be trusted.

  Maybe Barry wanted to help us. Or maybe he was just being an ass. Only time would tell. And we had six months of it to find out.

  Chapter 23

  Sebastian

  Time remained the same, passing at the same speed it always had. Seconds, minutes, hours. Days. It was the concept of time that varied. A minute could seem as though it lasted hours. And a single second could last a lifetime.

  Every second away from Cody felt that way—just an endless stretch of lifetimes, passing at the speed of light, going on forever until I saw him again.

  The first few weeks after Cody left were the hardest. The fall semester didn’t start until the middle of August, so I had way too much time to think about the distance between us and miss him. As always when I needed an escape from reality, I threw myself into my work and only came up for air when Cody called or Skyped.

  The Skype calls were bittersweet; I loved seeing his face as we spoke, but i
t also made me miss him more, because I couldn’t reach out and caress his jaw as he talked about his long day. I couldn’t lean in and kiss the base of his throat or feel his heart beating against mine.

  Once, he even fell asleep while talking to me.

  Cody had been explaining his training exercise for the day, which involved a five-mile endurance course he had to run over varying terrain, through multiple obstacles, while carrying a light combat load and rifle. Then…he just stopped talking, and his head lolled to the side. He was snoring within a minute.

  I didn’t have the heart to wake him. I watched him a moment, wishing I was there to take care of him.

  “Hey, Dr. Vale,” Tristen said, poking his head into the frame of the webcam. He looked exhausted, too. Cody started to lean over in the chair, and Tristen grabbed him to stop him from falling into the floor. “I’ll put him to bed.”

  Cody grumbled something as Tristen led him away from the desk and onto the bottom bunk in the background. Cody rolled over and faced the wall.

  Tristen came back over and gave me a sleepy smile. “Night, dude.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Then the screen went dark.

  Sleeping without Cody proved more difficult than I imagined. It seemed the only way I could fall asleep was to grab one of Cody’s sweatshirts and hold it, letting his scent comfort me enough that I momentarily forgot about him not actually being here.

  I didn’t visit Cody for about three weeks, which was a special type of torture after seeing him every day for the past several months. But I had wanted to give him space to settle in. And even though he had weekends off, he had a large homework load and had to clean all his gear and catch up on sleep.

  When I finally flew out to see him, we fell into each other’s arms like no time had passed. He buried his face in the crease of my neck and held onto me just as tightly as I held him. His familiar scent surrounded me again, and I pressed against his warm body.

  My world wasn’t as dark anymore, the fixed star in my universe now casting brighter shades of light.

  I got a hotel room not far from Camp Barrett, and Cody stayed with me all weekend.

  We hardly left the bed. He couldn’t keep his hands off me, and I didn’t want him to. His lips explored every inch of my bare skin, and he nipped at all my sensitive areas. The sex was incredible, but the intimacy was what I had missed most—hearing his panting breaths as he chased his release, feeling his fingers dig into my hips as he tugged me harder into him, and holding him afterward, my front to his back, as we fell asleep.

  Two days with him wasn’t enough, so since my classes hadn’t started yet, I stayed another week at the hotel. Cody didn’t get a chance to visit me much Monday through Thursday, but he finished early on Friday and came to stay with me. We went sight-seeing, something he hadn’t had a chance to do yet, and explored Georgetown.

  Tristen came with us. He was big into history and had researched the best historic sites. It was nice bonding with him, as well. He was important to Cody, and therefore, important to me. He left later in the evening to return to the barracks, and Cody came back to the hotel with me.

  When I had to leave Sunday morning, it was nearly impossible to say goodbye.

  “Just another minute,” Cody said, his arms snug around me as we stood in front of the line to security in the airport. “Please.”

  My plane was about to board, but I couldn’t deny him the request. Not when I wanted the same. I cupped his cheek and gave him one last kiss to hold us over until I could see him again. Whenever that would be.

  “I already miss you.” Cody nuzzled his face against my throat. “TBS isn’t what I expected. It’s easy in some areas, but fucking hard in others.”

  “You can do this,” I said, resting my cheek against his.

  “That double obstacle course is killing me.” Cody lightly chuckled. “Did I tell you a guy broke his leg on it? Fucking snapped it in two. I don’t think I can pass it.”

  “Yes, you can. The remedial training will help. Stay focused, and do your best.”

  “Sometimes I wonder how it would be right now if I was just a regular student when we met.” Cody’s sad tone matched the look in his eyes. “I’d have my degree and probably have a job by now. I would be able to sleep beside you every night.”

  “But you wouldn’t be happy,” I said, touching his jaw. “That life isn’t you, Cody. This is what you’re meant to do.”

  “I love you. You know that, right?”

  I smiled before pressing another kiss to his lips. “Yes, you silly man. I know. I love you, too.”

  Eventually, I had to leave him. I warned against looking back at him, yet I did so anyway. He stood with his hands at his sides and a sad smile on his face. We’d said goodbye so many times. It never got easier.

  ***

  It was now the beginning of November. Over the months, I had flown out to see him a handful of times. Each visit, I only stayed the weekend, since I couldn’t be away from the university longer than that. But seeing him for two days was better than not seeing him at all. We talked a lot, though, even if it was only for a few minutes each evening.

  Now, I was about to leave to see him again.

  The U.S. Marine Corps birthday was on November tenth, and a ball was held each year to celebrate the history and remember the Marines who served, as well as show respect for the traditions of the Corps. It was a huge event for Marines all over. The Birthday Ball was being held in Washington D.C., and Cody had invited me to accompany him as his date.

  Throughout my career, I had attended many events, given lectures in front of thousands, and gone to many celebrations. This one felt more important than all of them, and it made me more nervous. I had ordered a new tailored suit to wear, sparing no expense. Cody would be wearing his dress blues, and I wanted to look like I deserved to stand beside him.

  As I was packing my suitcase the Friday afternoon before I left, my phone rang.

  “Dr. Vale,” I answered without looking at the caller information.

  “Hey, Sebastian,” Emily said. “How are you?”

  I stopped packing and sat on the edge of the bed. We hadn’t spoken in months. “I’m fine. Is something wrong?”

  “No! Not at all.” She sounded flustered. “I was just…I don’t know. I’m sure you won’t care either way, but I wanted you to hear it from me and not from motor mouth Vance, because I’m sure Claudia will blab to him. Steve and I got engaged.”

  Steve was the baseball player she had started seeing last December. I was relieved she hadn’t called for another reason, like another I want you back plea. She and Steve seemed happy, though, which was probably why I hadn’t heard from her in a while.

  “I’m happy for you, Emily. Truly.”

  “You’re not upset?”

  “Why would I be?” I stood back up and continued packing, holding the phone between my ear and shoulder.

  “I don’t know. I just don’t want it to be weird.”

  “Emily, listen to me.” I paused to consider my words. “It doesn’t matter to me if you get married. I’m in your past, as you are in mine. And we’re allowed to move on with other people and find the happiness we both deserve.”

  “You’ve found your happiness with Cody?”

  “Yes.” I didn’t tell her, but I hoped to marry him someday. Perhaps once he graduated TBS and was stationed at a Marine Corps base. If marriage was even something he wanted.

  “Then I’m happy for you,” she said. “I would’ve never forgiven myself if my actions last November broke you two up for good. I was still trying to come to terms with everything back then. I thought you were my happily ever after, Sebastian, and it took me a while to figure out I was wrong.”

  The phone call felt like the end of a chapter. We had our own lives now and were no longer bound by strings holding us in the past.

  ***

  The Washington Hilton in D.C. was hosting the Marine Corps Birthday Ball. The grand hotel matched t
he expected elegance and class of the event, and as Cody and I arrived, my hands shook a little.

  “You okay, Doctor?” Cody arched a brow at me.

  He looked extraordinarily handsome in his dress blues, so much so that my breath hitched in my throat almost every time I looked at him.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” I said, after finding a place to park. “Only a little nervous.”

  “Ah, why?”

  I could tell he was a little nervous, too.

  “This is important for you.” I turned in the seat and grabbed his hand. “And it’s also the first event I’ve attended with a date.”

  “Really?” Cody’s eyebrows shot upward. “You never took Leon or Emily out?”

  “Never. Leon didn’t enjoy parties, and Emily…well, there’s not much to say there other than I was a rotten excuse for a husband and never took her anywhere. Other than our wedding, we didn’t really go out as a couple. She went out with her friends, and I mostly stayed at home.”

  Cody chewed his bottom lip and faced forward. His dress hat sat in his lap, and he hadn’t put on his gloves yet. “Are you ashamed to be seen with me as your date?”

  “What? No.” I tilted his face back toward me. “I couldn’t be prouder of you, Second Lieutenant Cody Miller.”

  He smiled at the usage of his title. “Then why are you nervous?”

  “I want to feel like I deserve to stand beside you,” I finally said. “And I’m nervous about meeting your friends and superior officers. I don’t want to make a bad impression and have it come back on you.”

  Cody was chuckling by the end of my sentence. “Baby, you gotta be joking, right? You’re a celebrated chemist who’s had his research published and shit. You’ve toured the country and been the guest speaker at huge seminars. Hell, I was, like, your number one fanboy. Still am. You’re brilliant. And not only that, you are the kindest, gentlest, and most respectful man I know. Believe me, you won’t make a bad impression on anyone. Guarantee they’ll be buying you drinks by the end of the night.”