Brighter Shades of Light

by Jaclyn Osborn

  “It’s perfect,” he whispered, lifting his misty gaze to mine. “Thank you.”

  I didn’t expect him to get emotional over it, but damn if it didn’t strike the center of my heart when he did.

  After carefully placing the clock on the coffee table, Sebastian handed over the black box. It was small and reminded me of the ones used for engagement rings. I was the worst at hiding my thoughts, so Sebastian saw right through me.

  “It’s not an engagement ring,” he said, smiling. “But I hope you still like it.”

  When I opened the lid, I saw it was a ring. I took it out and examined it, amazed. It was silver with gold outlining it, and in the center was some kind of fancy gold design that ran along the whole band. Upon a closer look, I noticed they were gears of different sizes, all connecting and giving the illusion of movement. It was beautiful.

  “I wanted to create something unique for you,” Sebastian said nervously. “You love mechanics, and so I thought of the gears. There’s an engraving on the inside.”

  I turned the ring between my fingers before looking at the engraving. My heart fucking stopped.

  “You’re my spark, too. Always.”

  Before I could stop them, tears streamed down my cheeks. He remembered what I had told him months ago.

  “Let me.” He took the ring and slid it onto the middle finger of my right hand. It fit perfectly. Just like he did with me.

  I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him, putting everything I felt into it. My desire, my worries, but most importantly, my love.

  “Will you play for me?” I asked.

  Sebastian lightly kissed me before standing up and walking over to the piano. I loved hearing him play. It was one of the few instances when his scientific brain shut off and he gave himself over to passion. He played ‘Carol of the Bells,’ and when I started singing, he smiled. The next song was ‘Jingle Bells,’ and his smile grew wider when I sang louder and very much off key.

  I was happy and in love. And I was terrified of what would happen next. We had overcome one hurdle so far: him being my professor and breaking school policy. But we had more to come.

  Being in the military and having a relationship was hard, from what I heard. Couples broke up and divorce rates were high. Not everyone could deal with the separation and the stress that came with it. The heart didn’t always grow fonder with distance; it did the opposite sometimes.

  That’s a worry for tomorrow.

  For today, I just wanted to love and be loved.

  Chapter 21

  Sebastian

  Four Months Later

  “Yes. I understand. Thank you.” I hung up the phone and sat back in my desk chair, my thumb gliding over my bottom lip.

  Cody sat in the armchair in the corner of my study and looked up from his book. “What did they say?”

  “We got the green light to move forward,” I said, standing up. I was too excited to sit.

  Several of the grants I had applied for were accepted, and the school would be replacing the roof on the math and science building with solar panels. It would start with that building and hopefully, with time, move to the others on campus.

  “I’m proud of you, baby.” Cody walked over and slipped his muscled arms around my waist from behind.

  Baby. No other lover had ever used the endearment on me, and I found that I quite enjoyed it. The ring I gave Cody for Christmas was still on his right hand, and I ran my fingers over it, smiling.

  It was the end of April. We had been together for seven months and had been allowed to be open about it for four of them. There had been questions in the beginning. When Vance had spotted me kissing Cody on the cheek back in January before Cody went to class, he had pounced.

  “You and that Miller kid, huh? Wow. I didn’t even know you swung that way, Sebby. That explains why you weren’t into Claudia, eh?”

  I had smiled to be polite, not having the energy to argue with him.

  A member from the board of directors came to my office in February and questioned me not so discreetly. Accusingly would be the appropriate word, as if whoever voiced their concern had made it sound like I was some type of egotistic asshole who forced myself on Cody.

  “It’s come to our attention that you’re dating a former student,” she’d said, faking a smile. “I’d like to ask a few questions, if you don’t mind.”

  I couldn’t be positive as to who it was who approached them, but I had my suspicions, Vance being the prime suspect. Especially since he acted guilty for days following it.

  When did the relationship start? Who initiated it? And other questions of that sort. It was one of the very few times in my life I had lied. Cody had come up with the story for us, and I had repeated it to the board member, telling her that Cody approached me at the start of the spring semester and asked me out for coffee. A relationship blossomed from there. They had then spoken to him, and our stories matched.

  “Also, one other thing,” the woman said. “A student of yours said he often saw you and Cody Miller speaking after class. He mentioned your body language was more familiar than it should have been.”

  Brandon Powel.

  “Well, I’m not sure what this student thinks they saw, but I spoke to many students. Last I heard, talking to a student after class about the homework assignment wasn’t against policy.”

  Fortunately, nothing more was said about it, and Cody and I were free to go about our business.

  We often ate lunch together in the dining hall, sitting across from each other and not hiding our feelings like we used to. I wasn’t comfortable with public displays of affection, but holding hands and the occasional kiss on the cheek were acceptable. Cody had a thing about holding one of my hands sometimes as we ate.

  “Do you want to go into town today?” Cody asked, turning me around in his arms. His bright eyes were only equaled by his smile. “I thought we could grab lunch and maybe walk around. Just kind of have a day out since the weather’s nice.”

  “That sounds excellent.” I brushed my lips across his. “Give me five minutes to finish grading, and then we can go.”

  “Aye, aye, captain.” He grabbed his book from the armchair and left the study.

  Cody spent four nights a week with me. The three we spent apart was only because of his physical training early in the morning. When with me, he had a hard time getting out of bed. He practically lived here, though, and had even moved some of his things into the spare bedroom with the telescope. Not that he stayed in there. I only wanted him to have his own space for when he needed it.

  Strange how I went years sleeping by myself, and now on the nights Cody didn’t warm my bed, I had trouble falling asleep. On those nights, I usually stayed in my study.

  I finished grading the last student’s assignment before walking downstairs to the bedroom. If we were going to be outside, I wanted to change clothes. Ever since Cody came into my life, I had added more casual clothing to my wardrobe, little by little. It made me feel better about myself.

  I put on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and joined Cody in the living room.

  “You look hot,” he said with a smile.

  “Thank you. As do you.”

  “Ah, shucks.” Cody gripped both of my wrists and yanked me toward him. His lips meshed with mine, and he pushed his tongue into my mouth.

  I sighed against him and breathed him in. The kiss ended quickly, but the effect of it lasted much longer, the evidence of it straining against the front of my jeans.

  Cody noticed and gave me a wicked smile. “When we get back home, I’m so sucking that delicious cock for dessert.”

  That visual didn’t help calm matters any.

  I exhaled and grabbed my keys. “Let’s go.”

  We took my car instead of his truck. Blue had had difficulty starting lately, and Cody said it needed a new engine. He had tinkered with the current engine for a while and even taken the whole thing apart and rebuilt it. That seemed to help for a few months, bu
t it had gotten bad again.

  A lost cause, as Cody said.

  Once downtown, I parked, and we walked hand-in-hand down the sidewalk. We passed familiar faces who smiled and strangers who looked at our joined hands in disgust. It only made me hold Cody closer. Loving him wasn’t wrong. No, it was the rightest thing in the world. My world, at least.

  “How does seafood sound?” I asked, stopping and standing with him beneath the awning of a craft store.

  “It sounds expensive.”

  “Nothing is too expensive when it comes to you.” I smoothed a thumb across his jaw. “You were just saying the other day how you were craving king crab.”

  “We can eat a burger or something. No big deal.”

  “You’re getting king crab. No arguing, Mr. Miller.” I linked our fingers before steering him in the direction of the best seafood restaurant on the strip.

  He grinned, and I admired the dimple in his cheek, storing it to memory.

  He would leave for The Basic School beginning of July, and he’d be gone for six months. After that, he might get a few weeks off before having to leave again for more specialized training. The Marine Corps would station him somewhere once all of his training was completed. Depending on the occupational specialty Cody was assigned, there were about eleven bases he could be sent to.

  None of them were around Emerald Falls.

  Entering the restaurant, the hostess led us to a booth near the window. From our seat, we had a beautiful view of the harbor. The water that had appeared choppy and dark all winter now had a beautiful green and blue tint. And it was calm, unlike my heart that had just increased in its beating since Cody started playing footsy with me under the table.

  The waiter took our order, and I told Cody to get whatever he wanted, as much as he wanted. Though reluctantly, he ordered the all-you-can-eat crab and I ordered surf-n-turf. Over lunch, we chatted about school. His final exams were approaching, and I had to prepare my students for theirs.

  I could talk to Cody about anything. For so long, I struggled with making—and keeping—friends, but it was easy to be myself with him. He never made me feel embarrassed about nerding out, as he called it.

  We walked along the pier afterward, my hand in his. The spring day was cool but the sun was warm, giving it a nice balance. Neither of us spoke for several minutes. Cody appeared to be miles away as he stared at the water.

  “Remember that conversation we had before about the past making us who we are?” His gaze was focused on something in the distance. “I wonder where we’d be right now if I hadn’t barged into your office that day. If you hadn’t kissed me.”

  “I’d rather not consider it. My life started again that day.”

  Cody faced me then, his dark hair catching the light breeze and fanning upward. “You don’t regret it?”

  “Why would I?”

  “Because I’ll have to leave soon.” He released my hand and put an arm around my waist, holding me close to his side. “And I know it’s going to be hard. Real fucking hard. We only have two months before everything changes.”

  “Not everything will change. Even with a physical distance between us, I’ll still love you. We’ll talk when we can, and I’ll visit when you have time off. And when you’re stationed somewhere, whether it be Hawaii, California, or somewhere else, we’ll make it work. Difficult doesn’t mean impossible, Cody. Not when someone loves you as much as I do.”

  His eyes misted over. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He kissed me, letting the kiss say what he couldn’t.

  I liked my life in Emerald Falls, but I would move for him. It was part of being in love with a military man. There were other universities, other jobs. But there was only one Cody.

  Later that evening, we returned to the house and went straight to the bedroom.

  I pulled off his shirt, and he took off mine. His lips met mine, gentle yet firm. Clothes were shed and tossed to the floor before we tangled around each other in the sheets. He chuckled as we accidentally bumped heads, and I grinned when the sound cut off into a moan. I kissed the base of his throat as my hand moved between his legs.

  And then I made love to him like I never had before.

  As I pumped into him, my hand slid into his and our fingers laced together. I lay on him, driving my hips forward just the way he liked. His scent surrounded me, and his tight heat drew me in farther. He panted near my ear, begging me not to stop. And I wouldn’t. Not until he shot to the stars.

  My world had been dark and cold before Cody breathed life back into me. He chased away the dark and warmed me from the inside out. Like shades of light dancing in a night sky, growing brighter and brighter. Bringing me home.

  Part Two

  Spinning

  “Love is like war; easy to begin but hard to stop.”

  -H.L. Mencken

  Chapter 22

  Cody

  The morning I had to leave for The Basic School, I woke with a heavy heart. Last night, Sebastian and I had lost ourselves in each other. We had groped, kissed, and fucked. And we had lain in each other’s arms afterward, silent, as if we both understood we wouldn’t get the chance to for a while.

  The bed was cold, and I turned to find Sebastian gone. There was a hand-written note on his pillow.

  Cody,

  I’m not good with words. Everything I try to say comes out wrong. So I thought I’d write it down. I foresee us writing many letters in the future. Or emails, at least. When you leave today, I know it’s temporary. That you’ll return. And knowing you’re still out there, still loving me, will help me get through it, as I hope my love will do for you.

  I never meant to fall in love with you. But like you said once before, our love was inevitable. Perhaps it was written in the stars. Destiny. You were destined to walk into my life, bringing light into my dark world. And I was destined to be caught in your energy field, forever changed.

  You’re like a fixed star in my universe. Knowing you’re there, even if I can’t touch you, will keep me going.

  I can’t say this to your face, for I fear I won’t be able to say even two words before I break down. Just know that no time or space will change how I feel about you. No matter how long you’re gone, I’ll wait for you.

  You have my heart, Cody Miller.

  Always yours,

  Sebastian

  I folded the letter and held it to my chest a moment, as if the words would keep the pieces of my heart in place. When I finally got out of bed, I tucked the letter into my bag and walked into the kitchen.

  Sebastian stood in front of the sliding glass door, staring outside with a solemn look on his face. He turned at my approach, and within seconds, I was in his arms.

  “Good morning, handsome,” he said.

  Why did his arms have to feel so much like home?

  “Morning.” I pressed my face into his neck, not letting him go. “Thank you for the letter. I hope you know I feel the same about you.”

  “I know you do.” He rested his forehead against me and tightened his hold on my waist. “Are you certain Blue can make the trip?”

  “Leave my boy alone.” I laughed and pulled back to smile up at him. “I’m positive he can make it. With the new engine and tires, I have no doubts.”

  Sebastian had paid for the engine to be replaced, even though I told him he didn’t have to. But I had learned he could be stubborn when he wanted to be. It was a ten-hour drive to The Basic School, so I was leaving a few days early to give me time to arrive and settle in.

  “Tristen is meeting you before you leave?”

  “Yep. I’m picking him up at the dorm, and we’re driving together.”

  “Why aren’t you taking his car?”

  Yeah, Tristen’s car was a lot newer, but mine had character.

  “Because I want to take mine. Stop worrying about me.”

  “That’s an impossible request.”

  Sebastian’s mouth inched closer, and I closed the gap between our lips. He
smelled like aftershave, and his smooth jaw was proof of it. His hair was fixed, and he was dressed, as though he wanted to look nice for me before I left. I brushed my fingers through his blond waves and entwined them in the silky strands as I deepened the kiss.

  I didn’t have to hit the road for another hour or two and planned to soak up as much Sebastian-time as I could.

  We ate breakfast, a simple one of eggs, bacon, and toast with jelly. The July morning was too humid, so we didn’t eat on the balcony like we sometimes did.

  “Once you have your training schedule, let me know,” Sebastian said, after refilling our coffee cups.

  “I will.”

  With my schedule, he would know when I’d be back in my room for the evening, so we could plan phone calls or text back and forth. After a few weeks on base, I would be granted liberty on the weekends, so he could come visit me.

  After we killed as much time as we could, I helped him clean up, and then packed my things into the truck. He stood beside me as I placed my laptop bag in the cab and turned around.

  I knew it wasn’t the last time I would see him. My whole life was about to change, though. Everything I had worked so hard for was finally happening, and I was scared. Scared of the unknown…and the known. I was excited, too. Being an officer in the United States Marine Corps had been my dream since I was a kid. And that dream was finally coming true.

  “Call me when you arrive.” He hugged me.

  I nodded and tucked my head under his chin, holding him closer.

  “I love you, Second Lieutenant Miller.”

  Tears sprang to my eyes, and I hated myself for crying. Again.

  “I love you, too, Sebastian.” Finally, I looked at him, seeing tears in his eyes, as well. But he beamed, his smile full of pride. It chased away the heaviness in my chest. “Remember to eat and sleep while I’m gone.”

  “Yes, sir,” he said, kissing my forehead. “You should go before it gets too late.”