Falling For Ryan: Part One

by Tracy Lorraine

  “Hey,” I say, walking over to kiss Susan on the cheek. “I don’t know if I said it last night, but thank you.”

  “My pleasure, angel. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

  “Emma, could we talk, please?”

  Surprise settles on her face.

  “I’ll leave you both to it,” Susan says, scuttling out of the room.

  “Um…what’s up, Ryan?” she asks suspiciously.

  “I need to talk to you, and I need you to listen to me. Can you do that without going off on me?” I say gently.

  “I’ll do my best.”

  “Right, here goes, then. I know you’re under the impression that there’s something going on with Molly and me.” She opens her mouth to interrupt me. “Ah, you said you would listen.” She closes her mouth and nods. “Well, nothing has actually happened. Yes, we have become really close over the last six months, but it was a completely platonic relationship until she moved in. Something changed. I don’t know what it was, and I can’t explain it, but there has been this amazing chemistry between us. It scared the shit out of me at first. Molly is my best friend. She’s supported me through the worst time of my life, and there I was getting turned on by her doing the simplest things.”

  Emma screws her face up in disgust. “I said I’d listen, but please spare me the details.”

  “The thing is, Emma…I want you to know…I’m in love with Molly. No, I didn’t ask for it to happen, and I know it’s still so soon after Hannah. I do know that, but it just sort of happened. I want you to know that she will never replace Hannah. She will always have a piece of my heart, always, but it’s time for me to move on. I know this is hard for you to hear, but I wanted it to be from me.”

  I look up to see Emma with tears streaming down her cheeks.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to upset you, I just wanted you to know everything. You actually know more than Molly does. I haven’t told her any of this, and there is a chance that if she doesn’t give us a go, then she’ll never know, and I’m okay with that, I think. If she doesn’t think it’s right, then so be it.

  “You should know that every time something has nearly happened between us, you’re the one who has stopped her. I know you think that we don’t care about what you think, but that’s not true. Molly misses you terribly.”

  “Wow,” she says, wiping her face with the backs of her hands. “I had no idea you were in love with her.”

  “Neither did I, until I spoke to your mum yesterday and she made me realise.”

  “Thank you for being honest with me, Ryan. I really appreciate that. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to deal with since the accident, but I’m really trying to move on. It’s just so damn hard. I still don’t really know how I feel about the two of you, but just know that whatever happens, I’ll be there for both of you. You’re family to me. Just be warned—if you get together, it may take me some time to come to terms with it. Hannah was my other half, but I know she would want you to move on and be happy, so I need to let that happen.”

  I pull her into my arms and we sit there holding each other for ages until she calms down.

  “Thank you, Emma. If you don’t mind, can I suggest something?” She quirks an eyebrow at me. “Could you get in touch with Molly? She really does miss you, and maybe if a conversation about me comes up, you could tell her what you just told me.”

  “Of course. I don’t want to hurt her, and I miss her, too.”

  After chatting about more general things for a while, the rest of the Morrisons congregate in the kitchen and Susan starts dinner. I end up eating with them again before saying my goodbyes and heading home. The whole drive home, I’m praying that Molly will have come back.

  I let out a huge sigh of relief when I turn the corner and see her little Ford outside the house. A wide smile spreads across my face. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long.

  I reach into my pocket when my phone starts ringing. I see my mum’s name on the screen, press answer, and put it to my ear.

  “Mum, what’s wrong?” I hear her sobbing into the phone.

  “It’s your g-grandad. H-he’s died,” she manages to get out.

  Shock envelopes me as I attempt to register what she’s just said. “Shit. How’s Dad?”

  “A mess, Ryan. I’m sorry, but we need you up here.”

  “Of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Look after each other, and I’ll be there soon. I love you.”

  “Love you t-too, son. Bye.”

  I rest my head back on the headrest and process what Mum just told me.

  “Fuck!” I shout, slamming my palms down on the steering wheel.

  I jump out of the car and run into the house. I head straight for Molly’s room; her door is open but she’s not there. I turn to leave when I see the bathroom door is shut.

  I knock. “Molly, are you in there?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Molly

  “Molly?” his voice comes out as a desperate plea.

  “Yes, I’m in here. What do you want? I’m in the bath,” I don’t mean to sound grumpy, but he’s ruining my relaxation. I’ve spent the last two nights sleeping on the sofa at the office, then I put myself through two hours of flinging my body around a pole with Megan. Whoever said pole dancing was hard work underestimated it massively.

  “Molly, please, can I come in?”

  “Are you serious?” I ask.

  “Molly, it’s my grandad. He’s…dead. Please.” I hear a thud on the door and can only imagine it was his head.

  “Shit.” I quickly look down to make sure I’m covered in bubbles before I reply. “Come in.”

  The door opens and a very distraught Ryan walks in and sits himself on the closed toilet at the end of the bath. He slumps his body forward and puts his head in his hands.

  “I’m so sorry, Ry. I know how much your grandad meant to you.”

  Ryan has told me countless times about how it was his grandad that got him into all sorts of sports. He used to spend all his weekends and holidays with him, watching whatever was on the TV at the time, and his grandad would explain the rules of each sport to him. When he got old enough to start playing them, his grandad was Ryan’s biggest supporter. He was always at the side of the football and rugby pitches, in the stands of the cricket ground—just to name a few. I can only imagine how he must be feeling now.

  I move myself in the bath so I’m on my stomach with my head at the end, and I reach out for Ryan. He’s away with the fairies, so I don’t need to worry about flashing him. I place my soggy hand on his forearm, which makes him turn his head to look at me. My breath catches slightly at the pain darkening his eyes. After Hannah died, I hoped I would never see that look in his eyes again.

  “I’m so sorry for everything, Molly. I was an idiot. I’m so glad you’re back.”

  “Indeed, you were, and I’m sorry, too. Even if I wasn’t back, you could have come to me. I’m always here for you if you need me.”

  “Please, will you come to Liverpool with me? I promised Mum I’d get up there as soon as I could.”

  “Er, well, your parents won’t be happy. Are you sure you don’t just want to go on your own?”

  “No, I need you with me. Please, Molly. My parents will be too distracted by what’s going on to notice you.” His eyes are begging for me to agree.

  “Okay, Ryan. I’ll do it for you. I’ll get out now and pack some stuff. You go and do the same.”

  A few hours later, we’re pulling into Ryan’s parents’ drive in Liverpool. After a long argument, I eventually persuaded Ryan to let me drive. I didn’t really feel like he was in any fit state, so I put my foot down firmly. After hiding his keys.

  His mum comes to the door to meet him. I watch as Ryan engulfs her in a hug. I can tell by the movement in her shoulders that she’s crying. I stay in the car and give them a moment.

  Eventually, she moves away and gestures for him to follow her inside. He puts his hand up to me and w
aves me in. I hesitantly exit the car and follow behind them into the house. They turn into the living room to join his dad, but I stay in the doorway, slightly out of sight, to give them some space. I hear some banging coming from the kitchen so I head down there in the hope that Abbi and Liv are already here. I’m really pleased when I see both of them stood over the kettle, making a pot of tea.

  “How are you both holding up?” I ask when they spot me coming towards them.

  “Molly, we didn’t know you were coming,” they say and give me quick hugs.

  “We weren’t as close to Grandad as Ryan, being girls and all, but it’s still sad,” Liv answers.

  “I know. He’s really upset. He didn’t need this after everything else that has happened this year. Your mum seems pretty upset, too, but how’s your dad doing?”

  Although Ryan’s mum and dad have shown their disapproval of me over the years, I actually think they’re quite nice people from the stories I’ve heard, so I do always try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

  “Better than we thought. I think he was aware that his dad was getting frail and it wasn’t going to be long. Mum seems to be worse than Dad, actually,” Abbi explains.

  Once everything is on a tray, I follow them to the living room. I hang back by the door again, though. I can’t help but feel like I’m intruding on a private family moment. Experiencing their close bond causes as wave of jealousy to wash through me.

  They chat for a few minutes while Mrs. Evans pours tea for everyone. I see the moment she notices there is one too many teacups, then watch as her head snaps in my direction and her lips press into a hard line.

  I inwardly groan. Here we go.

  “This is a family matter. I suggest you go home.” I feel my eyes pop open and my jaw drops at her words.

  A series of voices break me from my shocked state. “Mum!” and “Karen, please!” are shouted by Mr. Evans, Ryan, Abbi, and Liv all at once, mortified by her words.

  “No, it’s okay. She’s right. I don’t want to intrude on such a tragic time for you all. Mr. Evans, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. From what I’ve heard, he was an amazing guy.”

  “Thank you, Molly. But please, call me Dave.”

  “Mum, I asked for Molly to be here. She drove to get me here safely.”

  “Thank you, Molly,” she says unconvincingly.

  “You’re welcome,” I say with my brightest smile.

  “But you can go now. Ryan will be fine. He has his family around him.” She turns and starts sipping her tea like she’s already bored of me.

  “Mum, I’m sorry, but Molly’s staying. You either need to accept that, or we’ll be finding ourselves a hotel for the night.”

  Mrs. Evans looks like she’s been slapped across the face. “Fine, but I suggest she keeps herself scarce. If she were so concerned about family, maybe she should sort her own out.”

  “Mother, that’s enough. I didn’t come here to fight. I’ll show Molly up to my room so she can get herself settled.”

  Thank God, I think. Get me out of here.

  “Ryan, she’s not sleeping in your room with you. Have some respect in my house,” she scolds.

  “Mum, Molly is my friend. She will sleep in my bed—”

  “Oh no—” she interrupts.

  Ryan throws his mum a death look. “As I was saying, she will sleep in my bed, and I will sleep on the floor. Unless you would prefer we went to that hotel?”

  “No, I want you here,” she says, making it quite clear what she really means.

  “Come on, Molly. Let’s get our stuff out of the car, and you can get settled upstairs.”

  A few hours later, I’m lying in Ryan’s bed in his childhood room that looks like it hasn’t been touched since the day he moved out. There are posters of old indie bands on the walls, all his sport trophies and medals, and a few photos of friends and family. I love looking at old pictures of him. He’s always been good-looking, but he used to be tall and lanky. His muscles didn’t really come in until he was about eighteen. I look down at the floor where Ryan has laid out some bedding for when he comes up later and sigh.

  He tried to convince me to come back down, but I refused point-blank. I’d had enough for one day. I just wanted to curl up in bed. The aches and pains from my earlier activity are getting worse by the minute, so I’m lying here trying to sleep, listening to the rumble of the conversation downstairs, whilst being completely covered in the smell of Ryan.

  Eventually, I drift off.

  Many hours later, I’m aware of Ryan coming in. After he’s stripped out of his clothes, he comes over to me, kisses my forehead, and thanks me for coming before apologising again for his mum. His hand caresses my cheek gently and his soft lips press against my head again before he lies down on his makeshift bed.

  A few minutes go by as I try to ignore the tingles from his touch, when I suddenly hear a sob fill the room. Opening my eyes, I look down at Ryan. The moonlight that fills the room allows me to see his back and shoulders shaking. I quickly climb onto the floor with my pillow, get under his covers, and slide myself up behind him. I feel him jump slightly, but he relaxes when he realises it’s me. I wrap my arm around his waist and kiss his shoulder before putting my head down next to his. I listen as his sobs eventually fade and his breathing evens out, telling me he’s drifted off. After an internal battle, I decide to stay where I am, just in case he wakes up upset. I want to be here for him.

  I spend most of the next day in Ryan’s room, working. Luckily, the IT guy came to the office yesterday morning and networked our laptops so I can access everything. I do make appearances for breakfast and lunch. Everyone is lovely to me apart from Mrs. Evans, not that I’m surprised. Throughout the day, Ryan comes up to check in on me and brings me drinks. I’ve heard a lot of coming and going downstairs, but I keep out of the way.

  I’ve spoken to Jax a couple of times this afternoon, as he’s sent me some final concepts to approve for a new clothing boutique in the city. He sounds crazy happy on the phone, but I put it down to the fact that I’m pretty miserable.

  I just hang up when Ryan comes in. “Hey, you okay?” I ask. He’s looking a bit dejected.

  “Yeah, some of my grandad’s friends just left. We’ve been chatting about him for ages.”

  “I bet they have some great memories.”

  “Yeah, they do. I’ve come to let you know dinner’s ready. I’ve told Mum to be nice, so it’s safe.”

  Yeah, like that will shut her up.

  To my surprise, dinner isn’t as dramatic as I expect. Mrs. Evans doesn’t even look in my direction, which is fine by me. Everyone else is lovely, though, and we spend the meal catching up on each other’s lives.

  After, I excuse myself and continue working, just to keep busy. I’m once again lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. I’ve heard Abbi and Liv come to bed, and I’m pretty sure Dave has as well.

  I’ve been dying for a drink for ages but have been trying to wait until everyone’s come up before I venture out. I cave in the end, but I come to a stop halfway down the stairs when I hear my name mentioned. I bend down to look through the balustrade and into the kitchen where the voices are coming from. I can see Ryan sat opposite his mum with his back to me.

  “I just don’t understand why you’re still friends with her. Why is she still clinging to you?”

  “Mu—”

  “She is the kind of girl you always said you didn’t want. You want a nice, sweet girl to settle down with, like Hannah, God rest her soul. Molly has been around the block a few times, to say the least, from what I’ve heard.” My mouth drops open. “You need to be out there finding a nice girl who will make a good wife and mother to your children, not the local bike who will most probably screw you over with someone else.”

  “I know. I’m struggling with this enough. I don’t need you on my case, too.”

  Tears sting my eyes. How can he say that? How can he not fight for me?

  I make a snap decis
ion. I quietly but quickly make my way back upstairs, shove everything into my bag, and put one of Ryan’s hoodies on over my pyjamas. I double-check I’ve got everything, write a note to leave on his pillow, and sneak back downstairs and out the front door. I throw my stuff in the car, start the engine, and tear out of the drive like a bat out of Hell.

  Ryan

  I don’t know how many times I have to defend Molly to my mum. We’ve been through this shit numerous times over the years, and almost every time I’ve spoken to her since Hannah died. It’s getting to the point that I just agree to get it over with, because I feel like a fucking parrot, constantly repeating the same conversation and answers to her questions.

  “Mum, that’s it. I’ve had enough. Every time we talk, you have something to say about her. You’re constantly putting her down, and I’m sick to my back teeth of it. Molly is my best friend. Without her, I don’t know how I would have got through this year. Quite frankly, I don’t care what you think, because you don’t have to be her friend. You just have to be nice to her, because she means so much to me. Who I spend time with is up to me, not you. I am an adult, and I can make my own decisions.” I slam my palms on the table and force my chair out behind me as I stand to leave.

  Mum stares at me like I’ve grown two heads. I’ve never lost my temper with her before, and I very rarely swear around her. I look at her for a few more seconds before striding out of the room. All I can think is how much I want to see the person asleep upstairs.

  It’s dark when I enter the room, so I don’t pay much attention to my surroundings. I do as I did last night, taking my clothes off, then walking over to Molly to kiss her goodnight—but, when I get to the bed, it’s empty.

  “Molly?” I whisper into the room, but nothing. I check the bathroom but it’s empty, too. Starting to panic, I walk towards the hall window to look at the driveway. My heart drops. There’s an empty space.