Reckless

by Stella Rhys

  I knew all he wanted right now was to touch me. Put his hands all over me. But with the office still full, he disguised it, letting that electric gaze linger one more second before he simply nodded.

  “Sounds good,” he said in his most professional voice.

  I knew it had both of us laughing to ourselves as he walked off.

  To be perfectly honest, it had me laughing to myself several times over the next twenty minutes, which probably explained the new nickname Josh MacMillan had for me when he swung by my desk.

  “Hey, Giggles. Congrats on Knox.”

  I looked up. “Thank you,” I said as he nodded at my garment bag and striped pouch sitting on my desk.

  “What’s all this?” he asked.

  “A dress. And makeup.”

  Josh wagged his eyebrows. “Hot date tonight?”

  Technically, I thought, though I answered, “No. Adam’s little sister is in town so we’re going to meet up with her.”

  “Got it,” Josh said before lifting an eyebrow. “You gonna invite me?”

  “No, Josh,” I snorted. “Is there a reason you’re at my desk, by the way?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Adam was supposed to email me the Slater contracts, but then he got drunk with Engelman in the middle of the day and forgot,” he answered. “Can you do your boss’s job and send it to me?”

  “Sure.”

  Getting up, I went into Adam’s office, leaning over his desk and typing in the password to his laptop that he’d given me years ago for these specific situations. They happened often enough, which was why I knew where everything was organized on his desktop and was able to find the Slater contracts within ten seconds. Once I was done emailing it to Josh, I closed out Adam’s mail window.

  But as soon as I did, I saw another window hidden perfectly behind it.

  For whatever reason, a chill shot up my spine as I stared at the image in front of me, which was a Facebook picture of a pretty, smiling blonde flashing her tongue and a peace sign for the camera while grilling in some big, suburban backyard.

  My eyes shifted to the right of the photo to read her name.

  Lyla Townsend.

  I could see the first four letters of her name in the seven other tabs open. The next four tabs were both from her Facebook. Then there were two Instagram tabs. The last one was from YouTube and though I told myself not to click on it, I did exactly that.

  And what I found was a video of Lyla.

  With Knox.

  Sean’s first playoff win/Our anniversary!!!

  One look at that title and my heart was suddenly pounding, and before I could stop myself, I was Googling “Lyla Townsend Sean Knox.”

  The results I got confirmed what was already obvious. She was his girlfriend. His current girlfriend.

  And someone Adam clearly had a vested interest in.

  Stepping back, I stared at the screen, feeling a sudden pit in my stomach despite my mind racing to give me a dozen explanations.

  He was just trying to do research. To know everything he needed in order to land Knox.

  But our last meeting with Knox was last week. We signed him this morning. There was no reason for him to be Internet-stalking the girlfriend today, I thought just as I remembered something.

  The mystery letter he’d written. For someone living in Asheville, North Carolina.

  No…

  With a single click, I confirmed that was where Lyla lived with Knox. That she had stayed there while he went to West Palm Beach for Spring Training.

  You have got to be kidding me, Adam, I thought, my temples pulsing as I made all the connections.

  “All set, sweetheart?” Josh grinned when I emerged from Adam’s office.

  “All set,” I said, giving him a natural smile that hid my true emotions and every dark thought seeping into my brain, telling me that Adam Maxwell was a liar.

  That there was far more to his pursuit of Knox that he had ever let on.

  29

  AJ

  I smoothed my hands down the sides of my dress as I got into the restaurant.

  I was twenty minutes early, because I was afraid I wouldn’t show up at all if I didn’t just leave, and the last thing I wanted to do was bail on Holland.

  Even if the last place I wanted to be right now was in public—with Adam.

  Maybe it had been a brash move, but I had texted him before leaving. Only five words but, I knew they’d hurt.

  Hold off on telling her.

  I tried to reason with myself to wait. To tell him in person. But then I’d imagined him and Holland getting to the restaurant early. I’d imagined his sister immediately reading the difference in his smile and getting the good news out of him before I could get there, which would be a problem, because as excited as I’d been just a few hours ago about coming out as a couple—telling Holland that Adam and I were together—there was no way I could do that now, or even put an act on till things perhaps smoothed over.

  Because this wasn’t a little spat or our usual bickering.

  This was Adam harboring some secret obsession with Knox’s girlfriend. It was as big of a lie by omission that I could possibly imagine, and just thinking of all the overtime and extra hours we’d put in pursuing Knox together just so Adam could, I don’t know, be closer to his girlfriend made me feel like a dumbass. An absolute fool.

  “AJ!”

  The excited squeal I heard was Holland’s, so with a sharp inhale, I mustered up my best happy face and spun around.

  “Hey, you!” I smiled big, laughing as she burst over, a blur of blonde hair and navy satin. “God, look at this dress, girl, you look great!” I said, hugging her as I waved over her shoulder at Iain, who looked like the picture of content as he trailed her, hands in the pockets of his sharp grey suit and watching her with an easy smile. I grinned, grateful for the reason to show some genuine joy as I noticed the navy of his tie matching Holland’s satin slip dress.

  “I mean the dress code was ‘lingerie-inspired,’ so this is what I came up with,” Holland giggled before pulling back and promptly gesturing with wide-eyed excitement at me. “Ahh! AJ! Are you kidding me? You totally nailed it!” she squealed as she stepped back to take in my dress.

  In any other circumstance—namely one where I wasn’t stupidly and messily involved with my boss—I would’ve ignored the lingerie-inspired dress code for this party and just come in a basic black dress. But because I’d wanted to knock Adam’s socks off, I’d gone with something way out of my ordinary: a black lace corset dress with a demi-cup bust to show more than enough cleavage, and opaque detailing to cover the parts that needed to be covered, but sheerness everywhere else.

  I was wearing a blazer over it now, just to keep myself covered up while only at dinner, but since picking it up during lunch today, I’d been so eager to put this dress on. Beyond excited for him to see me in it. But now I felt oddly guilty because I was essentially going to be riling him up just so I could ignore him. And be angry at him. Because honestly, what the fuck? I hadn’t expected the words he’d said to me today and I’d tried my hardest to stay balanced. Reasonable. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself. To let myself get completely swept up.

  But then I did.

  And as soon as I caved and gave myself permission to feel everything I felt for Adam, I got slapped in the face with eight tabs worth of his stalkerish fixation on Lyla Townsend.

  You should’ve known it was too good to be true, I told myself as the hostess led the three of us to our booth.

  “So how much celebratory whiskey has Adam already consumed today?” Iain cracked as we sat down. “Congratulations on Knox, by the way.”

  I smarted, hopefully not noticeably. “Thank you,” I said graciously, despite the fact that it was hitting me again—that I had essentially helped Adam stalk this girl and insert himself into her life. “No idea on the whiskey thing, but the number’s probably high,” I joked, managing a laugh with them as I suddenly remembered that Adam had a high school
girlfriend.

  He’d been with her three years. I had no idea how they ended, but suddenly I wanted to see where Lyla Townsend was from. If she had always been from Asheville or if she had grown up in New Jersey.

  “So.” Holland reached across the table to touch my hand. “Now that that douche Caspar is totally out of the picture, are you looking to start dating again?” she asked, a mischievous little twinkle in her eye. When I squinted playfully at her, Iain laughed.

  “We’ve gotten to know the new head of marketing at Minx. His name is Gavin and he’s a good guy, so naturally, Holland wants to set him up with you.”

  My heart thumped as I raised my eyebrows, looking from Iain to Holland, who grinned boldly. “I know it’s a little soon, but it could just be for fun, and if I show you a picture, you’re definitely going to say—oh! Hi!”

  I blinked, confused for all of a second before I felt a prickle of heat travel up the back of my neck. Suddenly stiff, I swallowed, sensing Adam’s presence a second before I heard his jovial voice.

  “Hey, you.” I looked to my right to see him grinning wide as Holland jumped up to give him a hug. He kissed the top of his head before turning to Iain, who slid out of the booth to give him their usual handshake-half-hug greeting.

  He seemed perfectly happy, and the smile was still on his face when he turned to me. But like a light switch, his cheery gaze flickered to something so hard and steely I felt a lump form in my throat. “What’s up,” he said to me casually, like he was greeting any one of his guy friends. It wasn’t unlike how he had greeted me at past work events when we had seen each other just hours before.

  But obviously, this situation was a little different.

  “Hey,” I said normally as everyone sat down. And as Adam started talking to Holland and Iain about their flight and which hotel they were in, I told myself to be rational about my anger.

  You’re mad because he lied about Knox. And Lyla.

  You cannot be mad that he’s barely acknowledged you and is treating you like nothing ever happened, because that is literally what you asked him to do when you told him to hold off on telling Holland. He has no idea why you said it and he’s hurt.

  He’s trying to act normal. Just like you.

  I reminded myself that, but still, half of me seethed, annoyed at how good Adam was at faking normal.

  Maybe because that was what he’d been doing this whole time with me, for who knows how long. While I thought we were pursuing Knox because of baseball, we were actually pursuing him because of a girl. And all through that, I’d laughed and smiled with Adam the way he was doing with Holland and Iain right now. I’d been his friend. His loyal assistant.

  I’d slept with him. Fallen for him.

  You idiot, I told myself as Adam’s teasing voice next to me broke through the thick haze of my thoughts.

  “Holland. What are you so busy doing on your phone?”

  I blinked, quickly coming to, because I already knew the answer.

  “I’m just trying to find a picture of Gavin for AJ,” Holland said.

  I felt the instant tension in the air as Adam stilled beside me. I caught the look he exchanged with Iain across the table, and suddenly I realized that Iain knew.

  About Adam and me.

  Perhaps not all of it, but some of it, because judging by the flash of apology in his eye, Adam was shooting him some sort of death look.

  My mind raced for a second.

  If Iain has known, but didn’t tell Holland, it’s because he hoped this would end. He knew this was a bad idea, I told myself as Adam finally broke the silence Holland didn’t even seem to notice.

  “Who’s Gavin?” he asked, and though his voice was light, casual, I could make out the hint of tightness. Irritation.

  “He’s a new friend we’re going to introduce to AJ,” she said as she handed her phone across the table to me. Whatever look Adam flashed her made her laugh and clarify, “Just for fun. Nothing serious.”

  Oh, he won’t like that either, Holland, I thought as I took her phone and looked at the photo of Gavin.

  I almost wanted to laugh. Mostly because he was on a boat. Shirtless, tanned. Conventionally handsome.

  Absolutely nothing compared to Adam.

  Even before the whirlwind of the past few weeks, I wouldn’t have noticed a Gavin walking down the street, because Adam had long dulled my ability to be impressed by other men. I may not have realized it at the time, but it was just what happened when someone spent every day with a man like Adam. Every day, even when I wasn’t looking at him like that, he was still seeping into my brain. My bloodstream. He was still becoming deep enough a part of me that eventually, it was just something I knew: That no other man was like him.

  No one had eyes as blue, a jawline as sharp. They didn’t have his smile, his charm or that tinge of mischief in that low, sexy voice. They didn’t have all that height and lean muscle or the way he looked just watching you while leaning back on leather, wearing a sharp white button-down with the sleeves rolled up.

  Had I not already been with Caspar, been through the Schilling mess with him before I met Adam, I would’ve never noticed him either.

  And realizing this now only pissed me off.

  Because it was like shining a light on the fact that Adam had been in my head, under my skin all these years, in all the ways I tried to tell myself he wasn’t. I thought we were just as close as we could be as friends. A boss and assistant. Everything we learned about each other and did for each other was for the sake of work. Being the absolute best team at the office.

  That was what I thought.

  But I was so incredibly wrong.

  The reality was that this whole time, I’d been setting myself up to want one man and one man only. I’d been through my most formative years with him. I’d lived my proudest moments with him. He fit me best, and I was crazy about him.

  Enough so that I could barely look at this picture of another man without wanting to laugh and say, I got my man, I’m good. They were the words I felt in my heart.

  Of course, they weren’t the ones that left my lips.

  “Damn. He’s cute,” I said, eyebrows up and grinning.

  “He’s better in motion,” Holland said as Iain dipped his head and said something to her I couldn’t hear. But Holland relayed it. “He’s telling me to stop being so aggressive, but I’m honestly not,” she laughed to me, then him. “It doesn’t have to happen. I only thought of it because I saw what you were wearing,” she said to me.

  Adam looked over at me fast enough that Holland looked at him.

  “What is she wearing?” he said flatly, looking at my blazer. From the side, it was all he could see, save for a bit of the skirt of my dress.

  I wasn’t sure if I imagined the awkwardness as Holland looked at her brother.

  “Uhh. It’s like, a lacy corset dress,” she said slowly. “ ‘Cause of the dress code for the party tonight.”

  The awkwardness was definitely not imagined as she suddenly shifted in her seat and frowned at Iain in a wordless question. I didn’t know exactly what she was asking, but I felt something shift in the air, making it so stifling that I wanted to excuse myself to the bathroom. But something told me Holland would follow, and I didn’t want to explain to her what was happening, because I wasn’t entirely sure myself, so instead, I sucked it up till the server arrived to take our drink orders.

  Adam and I ordered first, and as soon as the server started speaking to Holland, I felt Adam’s attention shift swiftly back to me. It had been on me since the mention of Gavin. He hadn’t looked me in the eye once, but I could feel it in the tension emanating from his body, and now that both Holland and Iain were talking to the server, it was a thousand times as palpable.

  “Tell me what’s going on.”

  He said the words under his breath, his face angled toward me as he looked at the dinner menu.

  “Tell me why you wanted Knox,” I countered. “The real reason.”


  I watched as Adam’s scanning eyes stopped at a random point of the menu. It only ignited the fire in my veins, because it was an admission. Of guilt. And now he was trying to understand how I knew. How I realized he’d had ulterior motives with Knox the whole time.

  Probably for our sake, Iain was asking about their whiskey selection, so while I had the time, I cut to the chase.

  “You were supposed to email Josh a contract, I did it for you and I saw the pictures you had up of Lyla. I saw the video.” My voice was soft but trembling as I looked up to see Adam’s jaw tightening. “Who is she to you?” I demanded quietly.

  He shook his head. His voice was stiff as he said, “No one.”

  “Then why are you stalking her online?” I asked. When he didn’t answer, I repeated myself. “Who is she, Adam?”

  “I can’t talk about this right now.”

  The fire lit in my veins as I peered at Adam. The way his face went blank. Expressionless. The way he wasn’t looking at me, still pretending to read the stupid menu.

  “Then just tell me one thing. Was your interest in Knox personal or professional?” I asked.

  His jaw ticked. “Personal.”

  “Okay,” I said—and with a finality I didn’t fully understand myself until ten, twenty minutes later, when I was talking to Holland and chose to ask about her colleague Gavin.

  I pushed through, even as she sounded surprised by my interest. Even as she suddenly backtracked, saying maybe it was too soon after Caspar. But since I insisted I was completely over Caspar, she obliged my interest, answering my questions as I sat next to Adam, who was talking to Iain about baseball, clients.

  But tuned in entirely to me.

  I knew him well enough to know when he was shooting the shit or actually talking, and right now, it wasn’t the latter.

  It made me feel malicious. Like I was doing the opposite of my usual instinct, which was to look out for Adam. To protect him and make his life as seamless as possible.

  But he wasn’t doing the same for me.

  He knew I’d always had his back. Been honest with him. He knew how much I cared about him—before we got together, but especially after.