Searching for Always

by Jennifer Probst

  Then they were alone.

  No foster dogs greeted them. The house was eerily silent and watchful. Arilyn embraced the floaty, warm feeling of being tipsy and allowing her body to win the war. He stood with hips braced, lips in a hard line, studying her with those dark eyes as if looking to unlock her secrets.

  Tonight she wanted to fly and be impulsive. Tonight she wanted to be a bad girl.

  "Why tonight? Why now?" he asked.

  "Why not? You win. I want you for tonight."

  His brow arched. "How drunk are you?"

  She smiled real slow and took a step closer. "Does it matter? I'm here. I'm ready."

  He muttered a curse. "I don't want our first time to be a blur of memory. I also don't want to leave room for regret in the morning."

  Annoyance surged. "I'll remember. This is what you wanted. I'm asking. So, are you going to keep talking and questioning me, Officer? Or are you going to take it all off?"

  He paused for a beat. His eyes burned. "We'll compromise. I'm no saint, and I can't leave you untouched tonight."

  "Should we go into the bedroom?" she asked bravely.

  His smug grin caused goose bumps to prickle her flesh. "We don't need a bedroom, little one. Have I told you how gorgeous you look tonight?"

  Her tummy slid to her toes. His gaze raked over every inch of her body until her breath strangled in her throat and she was unable to move. She'd never felt so alive. Her nerve endings thrummed until waiting for him to finally touch her became almost painful. Stone dragged off his shirt and dropped it on the floor. Her fingers rolled into fists with the urge to reach out and grab him.

  "You're dressed for naughtiness tonight. I think that's what you want, isn't it?" He finally closed the distance and backed her up against the wall. His bare chest pressed lightly against her breasts. His thighs intertwined with hers.

  A moan escaped her lips. "I want you to touch me," she said huskily.

  "I want that, too." His hands pulled through her hair, dragging the strands forward and draping them over her breasts. "I've dreamed of you naked except for all this hair. Dreamed of you in many positions naked. But first you have to reach under that short skirt and remove your panties."

  The dirty command was like a lightning shot straight to her core. She grew wet and achy. "I thought you'd do that for me," she managed to grind out.

  He never stopped touching her with light, teasing strokes. Her cheek, her collarbone. Her jaw, her lips. Brushing the hard tips of her breasts pushing against the thin silk. Arilyn fought for sanity. Her experiences were more traditional. She'd never done it against a wall, almost fully dressed. "I may be bossy, but I always leave the choice up to you. Want this to go any further? Remove them. Hike up your skirt and pull them off, then hand them to me."

  Oh, he was bad. The command stole her breath, but she wanted to do it, craved to see the lust light up those dark eyes and know she was the one who put it there. He took a tiny step back to give her room, and Arilyn tugged up her minuscule skirt, hooked her fingers around the waistband, and pulled her panties down. Very slowly, she stepped out of them, one leg at a time. Straightened. And pushed the lacy, damp fabric in his hand.

  "Oh, yeah, you're a bad girl," he drawled. He brought the lace to his nose and took a deep breath. "And you're very aroused."

  A blush tinged her cheeks, but she was too far gone to care. These games made her hotter than Hades, and all she wanted was relief. Her folds were so swollen and wet, Arilyn figured one touch of his fingers would set her off. And oh, how badly she wanted that orgasm.

  He watched every catch of her breath with that half smirk tugging at his lips. Moving closer, he dipped down and nudged her legs further apart with his thigh. Cool air rushed over her. She gritted her teeth against the sharp arousal, and he muttered something under his breath.

  "So damn responsive. So sexy. I'm never gonna get enough of you."

  He lowered his mouth to hers, sipping at her lips like a drink to savor before finally sinking his tongue deep. She sighed, twining her arms around him. Arilyn sank into the kiss and his embrace like she belonged there. Like she found home. His taste swamped her, his skin burned beneath hers, and she twisted for more of him, afraid she'd never get enough of this man.

  He possessed her completely, diving in and out, controlling the kiss until she hung on and let him take her. And then his knuckles rubbed against her swollen heat. Like a cat, she writhed, pride and dignity long gone under the tempting siren song of orgasm. Little mewls escaped her lips as his fingers brushed her clit, circled, then rubbed so lightly she thought she'd go mad for more contact.

  "Oh, please," she moaned into his mouth.

  "You want to come?" he muttered darkly. "How bad?"

  "Bad." She dug her short nails into his back and tried to open her legs wider. "Crazy bad."

  "You can take more." She let out a little scream as he pushed his fingers deep into her channel. God, the pressure was so good, and he twisted and hit that sweet spot, driving in so hard the climax shimmered before her in all its glory.

  "Stone."

  "Ride my hand while you say my name again."

  Arilyn slipped into a primitive animal state she never knew existed in the world of sex. Her body demanded, and she rolled her hips over his hand swiping her clit with just enough pressure to clench every muscle in her body as she waited. Again and again she rode his hand while he whispered dirty commands in her ear, finally taking her mouth deep and hard and shoving her hard against the wall, lifting her up slightly to get even deeper.

  "Stone!" she screamed as she came hard, shattering around him as waves of release gripped tight and threw her around. He never stopped the motions, forcing her to ride out the rest of her climax until pain and pleasure blurred into one, and she fell into another mini orgasm. After endless minutes, she slumped against him, her skin damp with sweat, limp and completely satisfied.

  "God, you're fucking magnificent," he said, scooping her up and cradling her in his arms. He walked to the couch and sat down, cuddling her close. "I want to do that so many times you beg me to stop."

  She lay her wobbly head against his chest and breathed in his musky scent. What had just happened? She had never done anything close with her previous partners. Sure, she enjoyed sex and the beautiful rise and fall of pleasure, but this type of carnal delight was nothing she had ever experienced. It was sex stripped bare. Animalistic. Brutal pleasure.

  She wanted more.

  "Now can we go into the bedroom?" she murmured against him.

  His muscles stiffened. "No, little one. I can't take you tonight the way I want. You're drunk."

  She lifted her head and glared. "Am not. Just a bit tipsy. When did you suddenly become a gentleman anyway?"

  He laughed and pressed a hard kiss on her lips. "I haven't. But I don't want our first time to be blurred by alcohol. I intend for us both to be stone-cold sober when we start this affair."

  The word stole some of her happiness. That's right. It might be great sex, but to Stone, that was all it ever would be. Could she handle it? Could she accept such amazing pleasure without an emotional connection? Was she strong enough to walk away at the end with her head held high and no regrets?

  "Ah, you're quiet. Let me tell you exactly what I want, Arilyn, so we both know where we stand. I want you in my bed. I want to give you multiple orgasms, excruciating pleasure, and sleep with you at night. I refuse to let you belong to anyone else during our time together and vice versa. We can keep the affair out of the public eye if you'd like, but I don't give a crap either way. I'll take you to dinner and the movies and we'll date. And when we're no longer content or happy with the arrangement, we swear to be honest with the other and walk away with no lies. That's what I can offer."

  Arilyn studied the man before her. Yes, he was honest to a fault. He was also giving her the choice. She could walk away or accept his terms. The problem?

  She wanted him. He'd stirred a hunger she never knew she owned,
and Arilyn wouldn't be satisfied until she followed the path to the end. She tried to live her life with some simple rules. One of them was not to make decisions based on regret. If she declined a choice, would she ever regret not trying? The answer helped guide her.

  In this case, the answer was simple.

  She would always regret not having Stone Petty in her bed.

  "I agree."

  He arched his brow. "That was quick. No thinking about it? We're very different, you know."

  "I know. But this isn't for always. It's only for the moment."

  His face tightened, then slowly smoothed out. "Yes. It is."

  "I'd like to date. But I don't want Eli or Luther to get a hint we're together. It could make classes more complicated," she said.

  "Agreed."

  "And don't think I'll go easy on you in class. I'll treat you the same as always."

  He chuckled. "I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, I better go. It's late." He kissed her thoroughly and stood. "Would you like to have dinner tomorrow night?"

  She grinned at his formality. "Yes. But why don't you come over here? I'll cook."

  "Sounds great." He headed toward the door.

  "Stone? I need my panties back."

  One eyelid dropped in a naughty wink. "Think I'll keep them as a souvenir. Night."

  He left with her panties. Arilyn sighed and laid her head on the aqua-blue couch. What an odd night. He had stripped for her, she had had an orgasm, and they had decided to embark on an affair.

  Bad girl.

  She giggled to herself. About time.

  twelve

  ARILYN FINISHED TENDING her herb garden. Tilting her head up to the weak rays of sun that streamed down, knees in the dirt, she smiled. Gardening was like meditation and helped ground her mentally. Nature in all its forms reminded her there was a place for everyone in the great, big world.

  Humming under her breath, she plucked a few leaves of basil and oregano for dinner. She had enough time to begin cooking, shower, and get ready for her date.

  In a way, Stone had been right. She woke up with a headache and a hangover, and wondered if she would've regretted taking him into her bed. Remembering him in his uniform, unbuttoning his shirt in a class-act strip show, her mouth basically watered for him to do it again. The way he'd dared her to take more, though she already knew he wouldn't have gone any further with an audience. No, that was his way of forcing her to take control and take what she wanted.

  The man was brilliant.

  Wiping the dirt off her jeans, she brought the herbs into the kitchen and began grinding them for the meal. Her famous vegetarian lasagna was hearty, and the soy protein crumbles she used as a substitute for meat would be perfect for Stone. Crushing the organic tomatoes she purchased at the farmers' market, she slipped into the beauty of preparing wholesome food to nourish, sinking into the sounds and smells of the cozy kitchen.

  Once the lasagna was in the oven and she'd kneaded the dough for the bread, Arilyn took a quick shower and changed into a long gauzy skirt and a pretty button-up cream peasant blouse. It may not be sexpot, but the loose material floated over her body and gave her a feminine, flirty look. She even put on some of the red lipstick Kennedy had bought her and donned long, jangly silver earrings that made noise when she moved her head. The coconut body oil rubbed into her skin gave off a yummy scent and wet sheen.

  She was ready.

  The doorbell rang.

  Arilyn glanced at her watch. Hmm, he was early. She smiled and flung open the door. "I hope you brought your--Poppy! What are you doing here?"

  Her grandfather stood on the porch with a small brown bag in his hand. His silver brows drew together in a fierce frown. "I ran away." He stepped over the threshold and dropped his bag. "What are you cooking? That smells good. I'm starving."

  Her mouth fell open.

  This was so not happening.

  "Are you okay? What happened? Did you tell them you were coming over?"

  He went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. "A, you need to buy some beer. I'm not really a wine drinker. The center doesn't know 'cause I snuck out the laundry room."

  Arilyn groaned. "Poppy! You know you can visit me anytime, but you have to tell them."

  He pulled out some cheese sticks and began munching. "Emma told Ted I was a bad influence, 'cause she's mad I got Ted hooked on poker and took his money. Emma's sweet on Ted and jealous he spends more time with me. I set her straight, and then Al got all crazy 'cause he's got a crush on Emma--which I don't understand, because the woman is a real pain in the ass--and then the staff got involved and sent everyone to their rooms. Like I'm five and need to be punished. So I figured screw them. I walked into the laundry room, borrowed one of the uniforms, and walked right out the back with my bag. They need better security. Got any soda?"

  "Soda is bad for you and so is beer. I'll get you some water." She rubbed her temple. "Umm, okay, why don't you bunk here tonight? Did you bring your insulin and your shots?"

  "Of course."

  "I thought things were getting better. Didn't you go on an outing a few days ago?"

  He rolled his eyes. "We took a bus to the Poconos, where they had this dance teacher trying to show us how to country line dance. Lame. I found a ride down the road and hit the casinos instead. It was awesome, but I got in trouble again. Was told the program I signed up for was the only thing I could do, and that I wasn't allowed to go off on my own."

  Emotion surged. Dammit. Her grandfather wanted to embrace life to the very last minute. Inside, he felt young, and diabetes wasn't about to stop him. What was she going to do?

  "Poppy, I want you to move in with me. I'll look for a bigger place and hire a nurse, and we'll make it work." She couldn't stand knowing he was unhappy. He'd taken care of her and supported her, and he deserved a home he loved.

  She waited for his excitement, but instead he laughed and took her in his arms for a hug. The smell of Old Spice and Irish Spring soap comforted her. "Sweetheart, don't be silly. I don't want to live with you. I actually like the center for what they offer. I'm just finding my way. Besides, you'd cramp my style."

  She sniffed against his shirt. "I love you. I want you to be happy."

  He patted her shoulder. "Life isn't about constant happiness, you know. Sometimes it's work, and you need to allow time to do its magic. I'll be fine. I like being able to walk to your house, take care of the dogs, and be a part of your life. But I need to live on my own. Can I stay for dinner?"

  "Of course. I'm cooking vegetable lasagna."

  "Sounds perfect. You have enough for three, right?"

  "Yeah, I forgot to tell you I'm having--where are you going?"

  He trudged toward the door. "Going to invite Joan over for dinner."

  "No! Absolutely not."

  Her grandfather clucked his tongue. "Why not? I had a great time last week. She's alone too long in that house with her binoculars. She needs company."

  Arilyn shook her head. "She doesn't have friends because she's mean, Poppy! And it's a telescope so she can spy on the whole block!"

  Poppy laughed. "Smart woman. Now, don't be rude. You're usually the first one to say we need to open our house not to the easy ones but to the more difficult ones who need love. I like her. She's got spunk."

  "Ugh. I never said that. Plus, there's another reason."

  "What?"

  "I'm having a date over for dinner," she finally burst out.

  "Really? That's wonderful; no wonder you look so nice. I always said you should wear more makeup. Then it will be a celebration. We'll get to know him a bit better. I'll be right back."

  Her voice died out. She watched her grandfather disappear to invite the Wicked Witch of Verily into her house, where she'd probably sneak in a hatchet and cut down the Tree of Spite on her way home. The night was officially ruined. No hot sex. No slipping her panties off under the dinner table. No crazy orgasms.

  She'd be lucky if Stone didn't run for the hills
now and sign off on the whole thing.

  Arilyn reached into the refrigerator and uncorked a new bottle of wine.

  She was going to need it.

  THE DATE WAS NOT what he expected.

  When she opened the door, his breath literally caught. She was gorgeous. Didn't matter if she was in yoga pants, a short skirt, or nothing at all. The woman owned her body, and he loved how each motion held an undercurrent of deliberate grace. Like a dancer, she moved as if music were always playing.

  He handed her the bottle of wine and the six-pack of beer, bent to kiss her, and stopped cold.

  Seemed his date had become a threesome.

  And not in a good way.

  Mrs. Blackstone--was that her name?--stood a few feet behind Arilyn, glaring in her usual way. He'd met her only a handful of times, but she was a constant complainer and the cops usually ducked when she called. She'd been the one to catch the vandal in action over the summer, but she kind of scared him with her narrowed eyes peering behind thick frames and a harsh manner. What was she doing here?

  Another older gentleman had his back to him. Probably her grandfather. Stone leaned over to whisper, "We have an audience?"

  "I'm so sorry. My grandfather surprised me and invited the witch--er, Mrs. Blackfire to dinner. I couldn't stop him."

  She looked worried, as if he'd be pissed. Actually, his sense of humor kicked in because it was kinda funny. Stone patted his pocket. "Guess I won't be handing over these babies tonight."

  She flushed, but then a chuckle escaped her lips, and Stone couldn't help it. He leaned down and kissed her again, right in front of her audience. He had a feeling Arilyn would always be picking up strays along the way and inviting them to dinner.

  "Stone Petty?"

  He jerked back at the familiar, booming voice. Lifted his head. "Patrick? What are you doing here?"

  Patrick let out a laugh. "I'm Arilyn's grandfather. You're her date?"

  Arilyn glanced back and forth. "You two know each other?"

  Stone grinned and moved forward. "Are you kidding? We call him 'the Hustler' down at Ray's Billiards. He's always making our wallets lighter on the force. How the hell are you?"