Love Me Back to Life

by HMD

  “Not this time buddy,” I shake my head, walking over to ruffle his hair. “But how about you and I have a fun day together tomorrow?” I bend down to his level.

  “Sure!” He shouts gleefully. “Can Grace come?” He asks, the question bringing an instant smile to my face.

  “Sure,” I nod. “I’ll see if Grace can join us.”

  “Yay!” He shouts before turning around to watch his movie. I think they’re watching frozen.

  “See you guys later,” I wave to my family, kissing my brother on his head, and my mom and dad on their cheeks. “Grace and I are gonna go out after dinner so I’ll be home late,” I shout to no one in particular, but I guess for my mom’s sanity because no matter how old I get I’ll always be my mom’s little girl.

  “Can I just let it be known, that I really like Grace!” My mom shouts to my retreating figure.

  “Of course you do mother,” I roll my eyes playfully as I yell back into the house. I open the door, a smile appearing on my lips as I close it behind me because as hard as it was to admit a couple weeks ago, it’s not so hard anymore. I really like Grace too.

  --

  As Grace and I pull up in front of the Williams’s I take a deep breath, preparing myself for what’s about to happen.

  “I’m here,” Grace says softly, putting a comforting hand on my back. I close my eyes, relishing her touch. I nod slowly as I put the car in park and pull the keys from the ignition.

  “And I’m grateful for that,” I say, turning to look at her. She turns from me as she blushes and smiles tenderly. “Come on,” I unlock the doors; getting out and walking around to the passenger side to open the door for her. She accepts my hand to help her out of the car, closing the door behind her and we head up to the Williams’s front door. I knock softly, taking another deep breath.

  Grace slips her hand in mine, squeezing it gently, reassuring me of her presence. An unnecessary gesture though. I know she’s here. She’s always here.

  “Emma, hello,” Mrs. Williams answers the door with a smile. I watch as her eyes stray to Grace. “And who might this be?” She holds out a hand for Grace to shake.

  “This is Grace,” I reply quickly as they shake hands.

  “Well come in, come in girls,” She waves us into the house. I let Grace inside first and she sweetly keeps her hand in mine leading me into a house that she’s never been in before. She’s a lot braver than me. Taking part of this dinner when she barely knows the people. She’s here because I asked her to be.

  “Thank you for having us over,” I say as she leads us further into the house.

  I hear Roy in the kitchen and I smile as he sings along to Jason Mraz's Butterfly, that’s playing through the stereo. Janice giggles as she watches her husband dance around the kitchen. I pull my lips into my mouth as Roy does a spin and pulls Janice to dance along with him.

  He lifts wiggles his brows at Grace and I, we both giggle as his wife is swept into his arms.

  “You have your own engaging style, and you’ve got the knack to vivify,” He winks at us and whispers the next set of lyrics in her ear which Grace and I are both grateful for. “Come on Em, grab your woman and get over here.”

  My woman?

  Grace looks away for a minute clearly blushing extremely hard at the prospect of dancing with me. I don’t normally do this but what the hell. I grab her hand pulling her close to me and we keep up with the beat easily.

  When the song slows down for a minute we sway side to side and she rests her cheek against mine. We don’t have a lot of time to do the whole stare into each other’s eyes cutely before the tempo picks back up. I spin her around a couple times and pull her close to me again.

  The song changes and we stop. Roy and Janice are kissing each other sweetly and it’s nice to see that they’re still very much in love. A lot of couples, when they lose a child, it tears them apart. I’m glad that everyone I’ve been associated with new and old have found a way to remain strong. I admire them greatly.

  Especially from the girl that’s standing beside me.

  “They’re so cute,” Grace whispers into my ear.

  I feel a shiver run through me as her lips brush against the shell of my ear. I gulp down my nerves as I turn to face her and my nose brushes against her. She pulls back slightly and smirks. I mumble out a ‘yeah’ in agreement.

  “Who’s ready to eat?” Roy asks as he grabs a set of tongs from the drawer and points towards the deck. “We’re having steak, right off the grill.”

  “Mmm, yum,” Grace says eagerly. He points the tongs at her.

  “That’s the reaction I’m looking for. You can be my sous-chef” Roy has always been super friendly even to complete strangers.

  It used to embarrass George the older we got but I know that he really appreciated his father’s enthusiasm for people and life.

  Seeing everyone and expecting that I had to be all these things for people. It turns out I put all the pressure on myself. I only had to be here and nothing more. My presence is all they wanted. I’m not sure why I thought they'd want more. Why I thought they’d expected more.

  Grace joins Roy in the backyard and Janice comes around and wraps an arm around my shoulders. She gives me a gentle hug.

  “It’s so good to have you here sweetie.”

  “Sorry it took me so long.”

  “Better late than never,” We share a soft smile and head out to join the rest of the dinner party.

  An hour into dinner and things are going well. I’m not bursting into tears. I’m not hearing any confessions of reciprocated but never communicated feelings. Lastly I’m not feeling as if things are anything less than normal. Grace and I are sitting together, across from the Williams and Roy is retelling a story of how he and Janice went kayaking in Puerto Rico last year and a frog incident occurred causing them to tip over.

  Roy is laughing heartily as he imitates his wife and the shriek she released as the frog nestled comfortably in her hair. She covers her face embarrassed, Grace and I are laughing lightly. Janice gets annoyed and starts to hit her husband with a napkin.

  “Awful, you know that?”

  He lifts his shoulders and smiles at his wife and then turns to Grace. “Grace the sous chef do you mind helping me bring out dessert?”

  She just nods once and looks over at me as she stands. She tells me she’ll be right back and I don’t know what comes over me but I place a soft kiss on the top of her hand. She smiles and disappears into the kitchen. I start to help Janice clean up.

  “It’s so good to see you so happy, Emma.”

  “Thank you. Believe me it took a long time to get here.”

  “I don’t doubt that. It’s hard for parents but it’s hard for siblings as well and George always saw you as his sister; Roy and me as our daughter. I’m sure Maria said the same to you,” I just blush and nod as we grab the plates and silverware. “We want for you what we wanted for our own children. I love seeing that smile again.”

  “She does that with ease,” I say as we walk further into the house.

  “You smile the way George smiled when he looked at McKenzie,” She says as she starts to wipe down the glass table with her napkin. I trip up and drop the knives. I apologize quickly and she dismisses the accident.

  I gather everything and place them on the pile of plates. She continues the conversation as if I never made a mess at all. It’s proving a bit difficult to hear.

  “He was so smitten over her, did you know?”

  I just shake my head no. I honestly didn’t, at least not to the extent of love. I didn’t know until the night he told her. I knew he really liked her, everyone knew that.

  She throws the napkin over her shoulder and grabs the glasses we drank from. My silence causes her to persist with a topic I was hoping wouldn’t come up.

  “He never said anything to me of course, but you know when your kids are developing feelings. At least he’s with the one he loves now for eternity,” She stands quiet for a min
ute while she thinks of her son. She exhales slowly and nods. “Well as I was saying I’m happy you found someone that makes you happy. You deserve it.”

  I whisper out a thanks and follow her into the house. We have dessert in the house, the change of scenery extremely welcomed on my part as the backyard now reminds me of the conversation I just had with Mrs. Williams.

  George’s with who he loved for all of eternity... with a girl that loved me.

  Is he better off not knowing how she felt?

  I found this new set of guilt because I know how she felt and he never will. He’ll never know that the love he wanted was meant for me. All the things he wanted from her was reserved for me and he never knew the truth. He’ll never know the truth.

  I’m barely there as we eat dessert. I laugh when I hear laughter but I let Roy and Janice do most of the talking and attempt to listen. I feel warmth in my hand and Grace’s bringing me back to reality. She’s rescuing me from my masochistic thoughts and her eyes are melting the security walls I was attempting to put up because again I feel like this is my fault.

  “Thank you so much for dinner,” She says reading my eyes, knowing that I’m ready to leave.

  “Oh do you have to leave already?” Janice asks as she stands up along with us.

  “Unfortunately,” I say, Grace’s initiation of our departure giving me the courage to speak up. “I have to get Grace back home and we still have one more stop to make before I do.”

  “Well it was an extreme pleasure. Please do come again soon,” Roy looks at me sternly and I slowly bow my head.

  “Promise I won’t disappear again.”

  Janice pulls me into a tight hug and Roy pulls Grace into one. We switch hug partners then are led towards the front door. We share our thanks one last time before we exit the house.

  “Thank you,” I say in exasperation when I look at Grace.

  She just nods and laces our fingers together. “Want to talk about it?”

  “Yeah,” I say without a fight because this back and forth of emotions is exhausting and it’ll only hinder any progress that can come.

  I drive us to the pier and we walk hand in hand. The area is surprisingly almost empty given the nice weather. I tell Grace what Janice told me in the backyard about George and she’s listening attentively like always and I’m falling for this girl with every word she soaks in. We stop and lean against the banister once we reach the end of the dock. She’s looking at me and waiting for me to finish up the rest of what I’m feeling.

  “I just don’t know how to absorb all this guilt and come to terms with this secret.”

  “Why do you need to feel guilty?”

  “Because she loved me and not him,” I answer honestly.

  “Do you mind if I ask you a hard question?” I just nod though I am a bit nervous about what she’s going to ask. “If they weren’t gone and she told you how she felt, would you not be with her to spare George’s feelings?”

  My chest constricts at the thought. I look out to the water and contemplate. I breathe out my answer and I feel her hand on my back in support.

  “It’s alright that you said no Emma, but the fact is that you had a choice depending on the circumstance but the circumstance changed before you were able to make that choice. You don’t have to feel bad for choices that you didn’t get to make. You have to give yourself the benefit of the doubt and know that if the situation were different you’d do what was right. Things happen and we control so little, you do the best you can with what’s given to you. You don’t have to feel guilty.”

  I look at her and her brows are raised slightly as she awaits my response to her words of wisdom. I say nothing though. I’ve talked enough. I take a step closer to her, placing my hand softly against her cheek. She buries it into my palm and exhales. I pull her closer to me, the task effortless as she leans forward.

  I stare into her eyes, my mind flooding with thoughts.

  It's going to happen. The way my heart is pounding out of chest and the soft smile she's giving me is confirming it. I close my eyes briefly, taking a deep breath.

  I hear Grace chuckle and the sound causes me to open my eyes. She nods her head and I know what she's telling me.

  I tilt my head to the side and prepare for my first kiss. Not just with Grace but with anyone I’ve had feelings for. Our lips touch and my mouth melts against hers as she kisses back. It’s sweet and calm, just like the girl I’m kissing. I never thought I'd find someone that I could share this moment with.

  I feel her grip my hips as she kisses harder, pressing her face closer to mine. I smile as I bring her body closer. I wasn’t aware that there was still space between us but now I’m sure there isn’t.

  We break apart reluctantly and I just lean my forehead against hers. We’re both breathing heavily. Puffs of air hit my lips as she stays close to me. I give her quick peck before stepping back. I’m not sure if I was any good or not. At least I wasn’t until she solidifies my confidence.

  “Wow.”

  I laugh a little because she totally stole my line.

  “Yeah,” Is all I can manage to say. She giggles and comes closer to lean into me, “One more time?” I ask redundantly and she just grips my blouse and pulls me into her our lips colliding together without any damage.

  --

  I pull up in front of her house and we sit in the car for a minute. I don’t want her to go and I hope she doesn’t want me to leave. The thought of leaving her is starting to become physically painful. I have to tell her but I don’t want to ruin our night though. It’s a ‘lose lose’ situation regardless. The longer I wait the harder it’ll be. The times I do want to tell her though are nights where our time together has been absolutely amazing.

  “Thanks for coming again.”

  “Anything for you,” She says with a shrug.

  “Do you have plans tomorrow, pretty much all day?” I ask a little shyly because really I’m starting to think that she’s blowing everyone off for me.

  “Wow all day?” She asks with obvious excitement in her voice.

  “Yeah, I’m taking Ty out and he wanted to see you and I was hoping to take you on that date that I promised you.”

  “Both of those sound extremely amazing, count me in.”

  “Are you sure?” She leans over the console and steals a kiss. I lay my hand on the back of her neck to keep her there because this is becoming my new addiction. Kissing her, feeling her in a way I’ve never felt anyone before. She feels wonderful.

  “Positive.” She answers against my lips before stealing another one. She groans as she pulls away. “If I don’t get out this car right now, I’ll stay attacking your lips all night.”

  “I’m sorry, what about that statement is supposed to make me tell you to get out?” She giggles and I stare at her. “I’m serious,” I say with a laugh.

  The laugh probably took away from my seriousness but I can’t help but smile when I’m around her.

  She leans over one more time and kisses me again. I feel the bottom of my stomach start to warm up and I keep her there longer. I like the way this feels, my heart racing, this euphoria of how I feel about her consuming everything within me. I’m trying to show her that in my kiss and I think she’s trying to show me the same thing. She bites my bottom lip and it pinches a bit but I like it. I run my tongue to graze her top lip and she moans. The pit of my stomach gets hotter and she pulls away.

  “No seriously I have to go,” She’s breathing heavily. “Like you’re setting my body on fire right now,” She grips the handle, staring at me as if she’s deciding whether or not she should actually leave. She scans my face and shakes her head. “Yeah, no, goodnight,” She says in a rush and I laugh. I shout goodnight and watch as she walks towards her house. She throws a wave behind her and I smile.

  As I put the car in drive and pull away from the curb I can’t help but smile thinking about the girl that’s done more for me than she’ll ever know. She’s opened my world; my heart and
showed me what it’s like to live again.

  This amazing girl… the one I’m one hundred percent sure I’m falling for.

  Chapter 13- Say Something

  “Ready to go buddy?” I poke my head into my little brother’s room. He pops his head out of the closet.

  “Almost,” He smiles and disappears back into his closet. I lean on the doorway and wait patiently. He jumps out seconds later and smooth’s out his shirt. “How do I look Em?”

  My little brother is sporting a designer t-shirt, pair of khaki shorts, and a pair of black and white chucks. He looks cute but seeing as he’s not going for cute. I say the next best thing.

  “Better than Justin Bieber bud!” He tosses his hair to the side and smirks.

  “Obviously,” He answers knowingly and I wink as I leave him to finish grooming himself. I head downstairs and find my mother not in the kitchen. Ha! Just kidding, she’s always in there.

  “Hey ma.”

  “Hey honey. How was your night last night?” She passes me a smoothie and I thank her.

  “Wow mom getting right to the jugular. Not even going to give me a second to drink my breakfast,” I tease her playfully and she tuts.

  “I’m just asking, seeing as you look a lot happier this morning than most.”

  “I do not,” I say as I try not to smile. I manage to stop for a second but then it shoots back up again. Damn you face for not sticking with me!

  “Uh huh,” Is all she says as she leans on the island waiting for me to say more.

  “It was fine. Nothing crazy.”

  And by nothing crazy I mean a totally hot make out session with Grace. So yeah, nothing crazy.

  “Did you have a lovely time with Grace?” My mother says lovely in a way and I don’t like it very much. I narrow my eyes at her like I’m trying to read something that she’s not saying.

  “What are you insinuating here, mother?” I sip my smoothie making sure to make my slurp extra obnoxious.

  She glares right back at me and her eyebrow twitches once. She’s daring me to deny the chemistry between Grace and me. How dare she act as if I’m hiding some monumental thing? Nothing monumental is happening besides the fact that I’m falling for this girl every second that I spend with her. It’s the type of falling where you see something that has nothing to do with anything and you somehow relate it to that person you’re smitten over.