Love Me Back to Life

by HMD

  I pick up a steady rhythm as I begin to jog down the street. I blow out air and I let every emotion drop with each step I take. It’s time for me to run towards something instead away from it. I missed my chance with McKenzie and even if she hadn’t left this earth I might have still missed out. She never told me but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t. She was brave in the end and knowing that she loved me as much as I loved her means something. It’s not fair that it couldn’t have blossomed into something more.

  Being in the Army and having the history I have regarding my friends, Maria is right. Life’s too short. McKenzie will always be my first love and no one can take away what we did share. I’ll hold it in my heart but I won’t let ‘what ifs’ suffocate my living.

  I make a sharp turn and pick up the pace. I don’t keep track of my mileage, or the speed I’m going, I’m just focusing on getting to the end result. That’s life for you and I realize that now. There will always be hills to climb, obstacles to jump over, blockades to dodge, and if I let those things stop me I’m hurting myself. I’ve hurt for four years I’m ready to heal.

  I stop in front of the house and look up at the window I imagine is her room. I see a flash of blonde rush past the window and I try to make myself look as presentable as possible. I look at my state and come to think of it this is probably a bad idea. Yeah, yeah I know I talked about running away and not doing it anymore but I’m not running away I’m simply stepping off the track to freshen up.

  I back away from the walkway I subconsciously walked up. I turn around and a tall man with shaggy brown hair is smiling widely behind me. He’s carrying a large brown paper bag.

  “Hello there.”

  I grab my chest in horror. Honestly for a soldier I really need to stop allowing people to frighten me so easily. His gray eyes are friendly and his scruff five o’clock shadow adds to his character. I try to find my voice but a squeak comes out as I try to speak. He laughs.

  “Are you here to see Grace?”

  He nods his head towards the house and I just turn to look at it like I’ve never seen what a house looked like before. I turn back to him my mouth still agape. What is wrong with me? Speak Emma, speak!

  “Uh…” Wow a syllable. Good for you. Dumbass. I just nod my head.

  He breathes out a laugh and walks around me. “Do you like bagels?” He asks nonchalantly as he walks towards the front door. “Come on in.”

  I don’t protest. I just follow him. Apparently I don’t follow the stranger danger rules. I think I’m still a little stunned at his presence to comprehend what’s happening exactly.

  “I’m Bill by the way.”

  “Uh…” Great I still don’t know how to speak.

  He just laughs and opens up the door. I follow him in and I really don’t know where this sudden trust of a stranger came from. It’s possible that Grace’s name triggered something. Grace’s name is my safe word so I feel inclined to follow this man who is probably her father. With Grace I know things can be okay.

  He closes the door behind me and hangs his keys on one of the hooks on the wall. I look around the hall and the house seems cozy, just like the blonde that lives here. A bark stops me from examining the rest of the house. Finally someone I know.

  “I see you’ve met Doc,” Bill states as he rubs Doc’s head. The Lab quickly passes by his owner and happily greets me. I bend down and let the dog curl into my body. It’s probably a bad idea seeing as his shedding fur is sticking to my sweaty body.

  “Hey Grace you back yet?” We hear no answer and I can only assume she’s still at her spot. “She should be back soon, she’s usually back by now would you like me to call her?”

  I look at Doc hoping he’ll help me provide an answer. He’s just looking at me expectantly, much like Grace’s dad. I have no answer to give right now I need a miracle. There’s clearly something wrong with me.

  We hear the door unlocking and he smiles again. I’m sure there is relief behind that smile.

  “Ah there she is. Hey sweetie,” He greets his daughter once she’s completely in the house.

  “Hi dad,” She says as she hangs her key up and places her surfboard against the wall behind the door. “Hi puppy!” She greets Doc quickly and I didn’t think it was possible, but her smile gets even larger when she sees me. “Emma,” I don’t know why, but I’m sure I’m happier to see her than she is to see me.

  “Oh so you’re Emma!” I’m a little startled at the volume of his voice once he recognizes who I am. “Nice to meet you, we’ve heard so much about you; my wife and I.”

  I’m still not speaking. Bill looks from me to his daughter, probably silently asking her if I’m some kind of mute. The blonde giggles and walks over to connect our hands. My defibrillator brings me back to life and I jolt into conversation.

  “Yes it’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry I just…” He just shakes his head and winks at me.

  “So bagel?” I want to decline but he’s been kind enough to let me in so I just nod. “Great. Come in when you two are ready. Let’s go Doc,” The dog follows Bill out diligently.

  “Thanks dad,” He grunts in response and leaves Grace and me alone. I finally take in her appearance. She’s wearing a tank with really low jean shorts and flip-flops. Her hair is in a messy bun and she just stares at me with a smile. She wears disheveled really well.

  “I’m sorry to just drop by like this.”

  “Not at all, I’m happy to see you,” She points to the stairs and takes a seat. I sit on the step below hers. She leans against the wall and I lean against the banister.

  “I’m sorry for yesterday. I just…”

  “Emma…” She places her hand on my shoulder and I want to grimace because I’m sweaty but the fact that she doesn’t flinch makes my heart melt a bit. “You’re apologizing unnecessarily. I get it, honestly I do.”

  I just shake my head. “Where’d you come from?” I ask honestly and she just laughs. “No seriously because I can’t be this lucky to have found someone as amazing as you, as patient, sweet, smart, and beautiful.”

  She’s taken aback by my change in persona. I haven’t been this forward with my feelings towards her since the inception of them. She’s always been the one doing all the work and I can’t let it be that way.

  Not anymore, not when I’m running out of time. She blushes and looks away from me. I scoot up the one step so we’re level and I take my hand in hers. Her blue eyes are boring into mine. I’m not entirely sure as to what I’m trying to say to her but I just let the words flow out. She’s understood me so far I don’t think she’ll have trouble now.

  “I like you Grace,” Her lip twitches as she decides whether or not to smile. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you but I’d do it again if it means meeting you all over. You’ve been so great with me even when you didn’t have to be. You just embraced me in a way that I never thought anyone ever could. I just want to thank you and say I’m sorry for being so erratic with my feelings. I’ve just never really had to deal with my feelings like this, in this way.”

  She’s taking in everything I have to say. She’s being attentive. I feel heard, I feel safe, and most importantly I feel alive.

  “Emma everything you’re telling me…I really appreciate. I like you too. I really do. I understand that you have to deal with things in your own way in your own time. I’m just treating you the way I want people to treat me. Honestly I’m just really glad you said something. You keep thanking me for being this person for you when you’ve been the same to me. After my brother and Chloe I didn’t feel much. I still had the same outlook on life and tried to live each day to the fullest but once I met you and started tripping over my words I knew there was something about you that made me want to be around you. You’re like the first intake of air after holding your breath for a really long time”

  I bite my lip. “I have to go to dinner tomorrow night at George’s will you accompany me?”

  “Like a date or are you trying to use this as
an excuse to make up for the last meal you owe me.”

  I laugh feeling so much lighter than when I woke up this morning. I know it’s more Grace than it was my run.

  “It’s neither. I’d like you there if you want to come. I would however love to take you on a real date.”

  “I’d like that too,” I mumble out a good. I stand up and hold my hand out for her to take.

  I pull her up and she falls into me a little.

  “Thanks,” She smiles.

  “You were there to catch me, only right I do the same for you.”

  She just looks away slightly embarrassed and leads me towards the kitchen. I feel a little self-conscious now because of the fact I just ran over eight miles and I’m not one to glisten, at least not after an eight mile run. Grace feels me slow down and I look away from her for a second. She steps closer to me pressing her body against mine. I gulp and she pushes a sweaty strand of hair from my face.

  “The bathroom is right there if you want to freshen up real fast. I know an impromptu breakfast wasn’t something you had on the books,” She leads me towards a smaller door and opens it to show me a washroom. She walks in first and grabs me a washcloth. She hands it to me and I shake my head at the wonder that is Grace. I lift my hand and gently pinch her chin.

  “Thank you beautiful.”

  She blushes as she passes me, leaving me alone in the bathroom. She closes the door behind her and I look at myself in the mirror. She must think a lot of me because I need more than one washcloth.

  I make sure not to stay inside the bathroom too long. I do the best I can to look decent. I give myself a once over and exit the bathroom.

  As I walk out I bump into someone. “I’m so sorry,” I say before looking up to see an older blonde.

  Her smile looks a lot like Grace’s but Grace’s eyes twinkle like her father’s.

  “You’re fine,” She says politely. “I’m Sonia,” She holds her hand out and I shake it firmly. “It’s nice to finally meet you Emma. We’ve heard a lot about you.”

  I tilt my head slightly and smile softly. I’m a mute again. She seems to understand and laughs lightly.

  “Mom, are you harassing my guest?” Grace asks playfully as she comes out of the kitchen with a half-eaten banana in hand. Sonia tuts and throws her hand in the air.

  “I was just coming in from the garden to wash my hands for breakfast and we crashed into each other. Isn’t that right Emma?” She pops her eyebrows up once and looks at me as if I’m supposed to go with some sort of cover story when really that’s all that actually happened.

  “Uh yeah, that’s what happened,” I say very unconvincingly. I smirk as I see Grace playfully glare at her mother.

  She reaches for my hand and I grab it instinctively. I’m pulled away from Grace’s mother and I look back at the older blonde.

  She’s smiling at us, so I return one and I’m sure it comes out awkward because well I’m the epitome of awkward.

  “Nice to meet you,” I shout over my shoulder and she wiggles her garden covered fingers at me then disappears into the washroom.

  I would normally feel uncomfortable about having breakfast with people I’m just meeting for the first time. It doesn’t surprise me though that I’m not. Grace makes things normal for me like she’s always been the answer to the thing I’ve been trying to maintain.

  I fall into conversation with her father and we go over boot camp stories. I feel Grace’s eyes on me as I bond with her father as we share the commonality of the army. I take a quick glance at her, at least it’s supposed to be quick but I end up staring at her sweetly.

  We all finish up breakfast and Grace goes to walk me out as her parents finish up getting ready for work.

  “Thanks so much for breakfast.”

  “Thank you for stopping by. You’re a very welcomed surprise,” As we head towards the front door she grabs her keys.

  “Did I keep you from going somewhere?” I ask, feeling guilty from keeping her from something. I seem to be good at that.

  She furrows her brows in confusion, looking at me as if I have three heads. “You ran here did you not?”

  “Yeah,” I reply with scrunched brows.

  “You’re crazy if you think I’m letting you run back. I’m gonna drive you come on.”

  “Grace you don’t have to,” I urge. “I can walk it’s…” Her stern look orders me to shut my mouth and get into the car. I just nod and follow her out.

  We drive the entire route I ran earlier that morning. We don’t talk, we don’t need to.

  The music on her radio plays softly and I’m resting my head against the seat one hand out the window the other one holding Grace’s hand loosely.

  We pull into my driveway and I see my dad putting his things into his truck. I wave at him and he lifts his head with a smile.

  “Thanks so much for the ride,” She smiles at me and leans over to kiss my cheek. Her lips feel so soft and I quickly want to know what it feels like to have her lips on mine.

  “Anytime. Call me later?” I just nod as I open the door. I get out, close the door and watch as she backs out of the driveway. She honks her horn as she drives away and I wave.

  “Morning dad,” I say as I walk up to him and give him a kiss on the cheek.

  “Good morning honey, did you have an interesting run?”

  “That’s saying the least,” I quip as I pat his back and head into the house. I inhale deeply and smell that my mother is cooking breakfast and I feel a little bad that I’ve already eaten. It smells like French toast.

  I enter the kitchen and see Ty eating a hearty batch of the sweet breakfast food and he greets me with a full mouth.

  “Ty honey, swallow your food before you talk. Morning Emma,” She turns back to the stove as she flips another slice of bread,” Can I make you something before I take your brother to school?”

  “No thanks mom I already ate,” She looks at me confused because it’s clear that I’m dressed and look like I just came back from a run. “I ran to Grace’s house this morning,” She looks at me and fights a smile. I sigh and realize that I’m not going to escape her questions forever. So I just give her the gist. “She’s coming to dinner with me tomorrow night at the Williams’s and then we’re going on a date. I like her and she likes me, but its new so please don’t go freaking out okay?”

  My mother takes the food off the stove and places it on a plate. She walks over to me and pulls me into a hug.

  “As long as you’re happy,” She whispers lovingly and leaves it at that.

  I wrap my arms around my mother and hug her tightly. I mumble out a thank you and she lets go. I look at my younger brother who is staring at me with a smirk. I glare at him and he giggles.

  “Emma’s got a girlfriend,” He sings out and I lift my fingers up starting to wiggle them, he shrieks and covers his mouth.

  “That’s what I thought,” I see his eyes get smaller as he smiles, his hands still covering his mouth. I laugh and leave the kitchen in need of a serious shower.

  As the water cascades down my body I can’t help but think of the blonde that has so easily entered my heart while it was under lock and key.

  I smile, remembering the events of the morning, but that smile quickly fades when I realize something I’ve still failed to do.

  I have to tell her that I only have three weeks left on my leave.

  Chapter 12- Dinner with the Williams

  I stare at the clock, knowing I have some place to be in less than an hour and I still have to pick up Grace. I thought I was ready for this but, I kind of feel like I’m not.

  I don’t know what it is.

  I guess maybe with Maria’s revelation about McKenzie I guess I’m just a little scared of what may or may not happen tonight with the Williams. I know George wasn’t in love with me or anything but hey you never know what kind of secrets your friends could have kept from you. I sigh, grabbing my phone from the dresser.

  I’m surprised when Grace pick
s up on the first ring. We have barely talked these past couple of days. I’ve been sort of avoiding her. Well not really avoiding her, more so avoiding the inevitable conversation I have to have with her and soon. So I’ve been talking to her, but sparingly.

  “Are you outside because I don’t see you?” I imagine her peeking out her window right now, looking for my car.

  “No,” I shake my head, standing from my bed. “I’m not. I can’t do this Grace,” I tell her as I begin to pace the length of my room from my door to window.

  “What do you mean you can’t do this?”

  “I mean I can’t go. I haven’t seen them since the funeral,” I stop pacing, letting a ton of thoughts filter into my head. “What if George has this big secret that he never told me too? What if he was like some kind of—“

  “Emma,” Grace lightly chuckles. Hey! This is not funny! I am genuinely freaking out here. “First of all I need you to calm down,” I can hear the smile in her voice. “Listen to me, you can do this. If you could get through your friend McKenzie’s mom telling you the things she did, you can get through anything do you hear me?” I take a deep breath attempting to calm my nerves, letting my eyes close. “Plus I’ll be there,” She adds softly.

  I can’t help the smile that appears at my lips. I don’t know why but that did the trick. Her telling me that she’d be there, knowing that little detail makes me feel a whole lot better.

  “Thank you,” I tell her as my eyes flutter open. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

  “Okay,” We say our goodbyes and hang up. I grab my bag from the bed and head downstairs.

  “Headed to the Williams'?” My mom questions as she turns around to look at me on the couch.

  Her, my dad and Tyler are watching a movie.

  “Can I come?” Tyler asks, turning around on his knees as I answer my mom with a nod.