Wanting to Love You (Houston's Finest Book 3)

by Erin Rylie

  Becky slid her hand across the table to grip his. “Reese, I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”

  “Well, I know it might be awkward but Mom would love to see you, I’m sure. She had a really hard time after we broke up; you were like the daughter she never had.”

  He saw the tears pooling in Becky’s eyes and squeezed her hand. “I would love to see her, Reese. She was so important to me too. Have you called Jesse?”

  Reese sighed and shook his head. “Not yet. I’m just not sure how to break news like this to him over the phone. I don’t know how he will react; he’s doing so well. He’s married, has a good job, and has a daughter. He’s happy; I don’t want to disrupt that.”

  “That’s understandable, but Reese he will be livid if he finds out that you kept this from him when she has so little time left. He needs to know what’s happening so he can get down here and see Beth as much as possible.”

  All of this was quickly becoming too much to think about. How could he make plans and think about how his mother should spend the last months of her life? It didn’t seem fair that such an incredible woman could have her life ended early when there were so many bad people in the world. The hardest part of his job had always been taking witness statements and talking to bereaved families. How did you comfort people who had done nothing wrong, but had been hurt, killed, or stolen from by someone that the police couldn’t always catch? He felt anger bubbling up at the thought of all of the moments in his son’s life that she would miss. He could fight a lot of things, but he couldn’t fight cancer and win.

  How could he tell his brother that they only had months left to spend with the incredible woman who’d raised them? The woman who worked two jobs to keep them in a school district and still managed to pack them fresh lunches with baked goods on a daily basis? It was too much to process, and Reese could feel himself shutting down. He wanted to go to sleep and wake up in a world where this wasn’t happening, where his mother lived to an old age and got to watch her grandchildren grow up.

  Grandchildren. Fuck, his mom still hadn’t met Ryker. She would miss his whole life. Even if he could talk Becky into letting their son meet his grandmother, would she tell him that Beth was just another “family friend”?

  “Ryker,” he managed to choke out. His throat felt closed up with the depth of his emotion, and he didn’t know how to give voice to the rest of his request, knowing that it might be shot down.

  Becky seemed to pick up on the direction of his thoughts, because she looked thoughtful and then troubled. “Of course I want Ryker to meet Beth—I want them to get as much time together as possible. The only issue is that he’s a smart kid. If we tell him that she’s your mother and his grandmother, he’s obviously going to figure out that you’re his father.”

  “Becky, I know we’ve gone back and forth on this multiple times already, but she’s…my mother is going to…fuck.”

  He couldn’t say it. Saying the word dying out loud would cement it. Rationally he knew that she would pass away within the year whether he said it out loud or not, but his mind was having a hard time processing the thought. He just couldn’t fathom a world without his mom in it.

  He felt a featherlight touch on his face and realized that Becky had come to his side of the table and was wiping tears from his cheeks. “We’ll figure it out, okay? I know our situation is a shitshow, but Ryker needs to know Beth. She changed me in so many ways, made me a stronger woman, a better person. I would hate myself if I let our son miss his chance to have her in his life. I’ll call Dr. Cumberland tomorrow and ask her what we should do.”

  Her hand was still cupping his cheek, her thumb wiping away the stray tears he couldn’t keep himself from crying. He reached up and clutched her hand with his, bringing it down to his mouth so that he could plant a kiss on her palm.

  “Thank you. I think I should get some rest. It’s late and I work early tomorrow. Plus, I don’t want to miss breakfast.”

  “Okay, the guest bedroom is down the hall on the right, and the bathroom is the next door over. I put clean towels and some shampoo and body wash in there already. It might smell a little feminine, but it’s all I have, so you’ll have to make do with smelling like me tomorrow.”

  “I know you’ve already done so much for me tonight, but will you be with me when I call Jesse? I don’t know if I can do it alone.”

  She offered him a soft smile, her hand still in his. “Of course.”

  “Oh, and please don’t tell Carlos that I’ve cried multiple times tonight. I would literally never hear the end of it. That prick would hold it over my head until my dying day.”

  “You know, I think you should tell him about all of this. He’s a handful and kind of a hot mess, but he’s also an incredible friend to have. He might surprise you.”

  Reese nodded and stood, dropping a light kiss on her cheek before turning to go to the guest bedroom and catch some sleep.

  Just before he rounded the corner to the hallway he turned for one last look at Becky. The way Becky cupped the cheek he’d kissed as though trying to savor the feel of his lips on her skin made him think that maybe there was something worth rebuilding here.

  The last thing Reese wanted to do was mess up his chance to spend time with Ryker the next morning, so although he didn’t sleep well at all, he made sure to be out of bed by five-thirty sharp so that he could get changed and be in the kitchen before his son woke up.

  He was in the kitchen making scrambled eggs when Ryker came in, groggily rubbing his eyes and sitting in a chair at the table. His son yawned deeply, rubbed his right eye one final time, and then looked around the kitchen, his eyes landing on Reese.

  “What are you doing here?”

  A genuine smile bloomed on Reese’s face for the first time in days—it was such a Jesse thing to say. “Well, I was upset that I missed dinner last night, so I wanted to come over this morning and have breakfast with you.”

  “How did you get into our house?”

  Reese was scrambling for an answer when Becky saved the day by entering the kitchen. She walked right over to Ryker, placed her hand firmly on his shoulder and squeezed, and then took her own seat at the table. She was fully dressed for work in a black button-down tucked into navy blue cigarette pants. The ensemble was simple, but did great things to her figure. He looked away quickly before his too observant son noticed Reese staring at his mother.

  “I let Reese in while I was getting ready for work and you were still in bed, sleepyhead.”

  Ryker stared at Becky for a few moments, as though trying to gauge the sincerity in her statement before giving a short nod.

  “What are you making me for breakfast?”

  Reese laughed then, and though it was genuine, it sounded strained even to his own ears. “Well I made us scrambled eggs and toast. Is that okay?”

  “Mommy usually makes us oatmeal. Do you know how to make oatmeal?”

  Becky chided Ryker gently in response. “Reese already made us breakfast, honey. I don’t think it would be very nice of us to ask him to make something else.”

  Their son was silent for a moment, his eyes moving from the food Reese was finishing preparing, to the cabinet where he assumed Ryker’s oatmeal was kept, and back to Becky. “Okay, can you make us oatmeal, Mommy?”

  “Why don’t you try the food Reese made?”

  Ryker’s hands started to flutter lightly on his lap. Reese wasn’t sure Becky could see them from her vantage point, but he was positive she could see the frustration written plainly on their son’s face.

  “You know, Ryker, I was actually planning to make oatmeal, I just haven’t started yet because I wasn’t sure how you like yours.”

  The smile that Ryker flashed Reese made his entire morning, his entire week, possibly his entire year. He longed for mornings like this. He wanted to wake up every morning to make his son breakfast; he wanted to be involved in Ryker’s school life, help with his homework, coach the soccer team if Ryker tu
rned out to be athletically inclined. He already had so much love for this kid that it felt as though his heart would burst.

  With all of the tragedy in his life right now, this breakfast had been exactly what he’d needed. His son gave him clear, concise instructions on how to make him the oatmeal he liked. The key, apparently, was to make his dinosaur egg oatmeal with exactly a half cup of milk so that the oatmeal would be just the right amount of soupy.

  Throughout breakfast, they talked about school and what Ryker liked about it. He loved math and science, just like his uncle Jesse. Reese couldn’t help but imagine the two of them together, and wanted nothing more than for his family to meet the new, most important person in his life. He knew without a doubt that they would love and accept him, just as Reese did.

  When the three of them left the house and parted ways so that they could go to work and school respectively, Ryker asked when Reese would be coming back to have breakfast with them. Surprisingly, Becky had smiled at the two of them together, and told their son that Reese would come over to eat with them again soon. He could still hear Ryker asking his mother to clarify the definition of soon as she closed the door and started the car.

  He watched her car back out of the driveway and drive down the street, standing by his car until they were out of sight. His whole heart was in that car, and spending time with Becky last night and Ryker this morning had been exactly what he’d needed. He was still terrified for his mother, and nervous about calling Jesse later tonight, but now he at least had hope that he could make it through the day without breaking down.

  Reese had just put his vehicle in park in the precinct parking lot, when his door was yanked open. He reached quickly for his gun before recognizing the voice of his ever-obnoxious partner.

  “You tell the captain that you have a family emergency and need a full five days off, but don’t even bother to text your fucking partner? I’ve been worried sick about you all week! Do you not know how to answer a damn phone call?”

  Reese stepped out of the car, forcing Carlos to take a few steps back. “Nope. I never learned. What’s a phone anyway? How does it work?”

  His partner tossed his hands in the air. “Now is not the time for sarcasm! Are you all right, dude? I’m being absolutely serious, I’ve been worried as hell, and none of our friends knew what was going on with you. Becky texted all of us frantically last night when you didn’t show up for dinner with her and Ryker.”

  For the first time since he’d pulled into work, Reese took a moment to study Carlos’s face and did see the worry there. He instantly felt bad for not realizing that his partner would be so worried about him. In Dallas, he and his partner had worked well together, but Reese wouldn’t have called them friends. They’d definitely been work acquaintances. It was strange to have someone at work that cared so much about him missing a few days.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call or text you, I’ve been going through some really rough family shit. Let me get in there and talk to Captain Stevens, and then you and I can talk, and I’ll tell you everything.”

  Carlos shrugged. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on if you’d rather keep it to yourself. I would like for us to be friends though, and if I can help at all, I’m going to.”

  “We are friends, you big idiot. Let me go talk to the captain and then I’ll take you out for a unicorn Frappuccino and we’ll talk.”

  Carlos performed the most exaggerated and ridiculous fist pump Reese had seen in his life, and yelled across the parking lot to Rafe, who apparently had just stepped out of his own car.

  “Hey, dill hole! You were wrong, I laid on the guilt thick as hell and I’m getting a free coffee out of the deal!”

  Rafe flipped Carlos off and yelled back, “Unicorn fraps don’t have coffee in them, you jackass!”

  “You’re just jealous of my free drink.”

  Instead of walking across the parking lot to have this conversation like grown-ass men, the two continued to hurl insults at each other at top volume until Captain Stevens came outside.

  “Let me settle this for you—you’re both idiots, and you’re both one minute away from being late to work and really pissing me off. Get your asses inside, get changed, and, Petrov, meet me in my office when you’re ready.”

  Reese heard their captain mutter under his breath that dealing with Pierce and Ramirez was like wrangling stray cats, and he couldn’t help but agree. That being said, they were good dudes, so maybe it was time to let them into his life a little bit more. He would need all the support he could get over the coming months.

  After a brief conversation with his captain, during which Reese explained concisely what had been happening with his mother and what was to come, Captain Stevens asked Reese to keep him apprised of the situation, and told him that he could take time off when needed. Apparently, his new captain had called his old precinct and ensured that the vacation time he had accumulated transferred over. Reese had used his job in Dallas to isolate himself as much as possible, so he had rarely taken any time off.

  When he walked out of his boss’s office and into roll call, Carlos was waiting impatiently by his desk while Rafe pouted nearby. When Reese was within hearing distance of his partner, Carlos stage-whispered, ensuring his voice was loud enough for Reese to hear him.

  “Detective Jackass over there is upset that we’re going to get Fraps without him.”

  Reese heaved a heavy sigh, feeling more and more like a middle school teacher by the minute. “Come on then, I’ll take both of you to get your disgusting sugary crap.”

  Assuming that Rafe would invite himself along, he’d already spoken to Captain Stevens and asked for an hour with Rafe and Carlos to explain what was happening. They’d struck the bargain that he wouldn’t get a lunch break later if he took this time now, but the sacrifice seemed worth it. Maybe the guys could help him come up with a good way to tell his brother that their mom only had months left to live.

  After Reese had explained everything and they’d all finished their drinks, Carlos had literally pulled him out of his chair to give him a hug. His partner slapped him on the back a few times before sitting back down.

  “I’m so sorry your family is going through this, man. What can we do to help?”

  He realized now that it had been a mistake to assume that he would be going through any of this alone. Isolating himself wouldn’t make any bit of this easier. He couldn’t afford to reject the help and support of true friends who were willing to offer it up to him.

  “Well, the biggest concern I have at the moment is how I’m going to tell my brother. He doesn’t live in Texas anymore, so he’s going to need to fly down here to spend time with her. The issue is that I don’t know how to give someone news like this over the phone.”

  Rafe winced in what Reese assumed was sympathy for the tough situation. “Yeah, that’s not exactly something you can blurt out. Would it be possible to FaceTime him? Maybe ask if the two of you can video chat tonight and tell him that way.”

  “Well I definitely planned to do it in the evening when he and his wife are both home from work. He has Asperger’s, and this is a nightmare situation, so I want to make sure he has a support system.”

  Carlos shot him a pointed look. “Good call—you wouldn’t want him to lock himself up in his apartment and refuse to speak to any of his friends.”

  Reese smiled back sheepishly. “Right. Only an idiot would do that.”

  He didn’t know Carlos was capable of looking so smug. “Exactly.”

  Chapter Twelve

  After Ryker had gone to bed for the night, Becky texted Reese that he was welcome to come over so that they could FaceTime Jesse. Of course, she wouldn’t be in the video chat, but she wanted Reese to have someone near to support him after what was sure to be a difficult conversation.

  She’d also spoken to Ryker’s child therapist, Dr. Cumberland, today, and given the gravity of the situation, they’d agreed that Ryker should get to choose if he wanted to me
et his grandmother. She knew that it was a hard decision to lay in the hands of a small child, but she wanted him to have his options open, and she wanted for Beth to meet her grandson. He was an incredible little boy, and she knew that Beth would see that immediately. They were also going to give Ryker the option to meet his father. Given how she had originally introduced Reese as a family friend, she was concerned that it would be confusing for Ryker, but she had been aware of that going in. This entire situation was a mess, and she worried constantly that she had made all the wrong choices, but she’d just been trying to protect the most important person in her life.

  She and the doctor had a long conversation about it and had agreed that if Ryker was ready to meet his grandmother but not his father, the two of them would just have to visit Beth without Reese present. She wasn’t looking forward to having that conversation with Reese, but she hoped that he would agree to the plan as it was what was best for Ryker’s mental health. He’d had so many choices taken away from him already in his life that she wanted him to have the power to make this one.

  Becky fought frustration at the way her stomach clenched in anticipation when Reese’s text came through indicating he was at her door. She tried her hardest to hang on to the anger she’d felt toward him only a week ago, but could find none of it given the current circumstances. Something about learning of Beth’s terminal condition had washed all of her frustration with Reese away, leaving only a tenderness she’d harbored toward him for ten years now. It had always been easy to bury the remaining love and longing she held for the man under the fiery rage she felt at the thought of him leaving her, but with that emotion gone, she was left with the reminder of all of their good times.