Wanting to Love You (Houston's Finest Book 3)

by Erin Rylie

  She took a deep breath and tried to ignore the anticipation coursing through her at the thought of seeing him again. Shit, she’d seen the man over breakfast this morning, and found that she was still excited to see him mere hours later. This was not what she needed in her life right now.

  When she opened the door, however, revealing Reese in simple jeans and a Henley, looking more delicious than any man had a right to look after a long day of work, the butterflies in her stomach swarmed.

  Down, girl. He’s here for support while he tells his brother that their mom only has months to live.

  The reminder of Reese’s situation was like a bucket of cold water dumped over her head. She gave him a small, awkward smile, which he returned, and gestured for him to come into the house. He had his laptop clutched in his right hand as he walked through her house and straight to the kitchen, like he’d been here a million times before and not just once.

  She had to admit, having him here felt good. She’d been such a bitter, angry person for the longest time. It was like she’d been at war—fighting against her parents and the state for her son, fighting her lingering feelings for Reese. Getting Ryker back and releasing all of the latent hostility she’d held within her toward Reese felt like taking a deep breath of clean, crisp air after years of breathing in smoke.

  She entered the kitchen after Reese and sat next to him at the round table instead of across from him. She didn’t want to be in frame, but she wanted to be close enough to offer him her hand to hold if he needed it.

  Neither of them had spoken since he’d entered her house, and he was sitting at the table just staring at his closed laptop. His expression was completely closed off, but she could only imagine the thoughts running through his head right now.

  Becky reached over and opened the laptop. “You can’t predict how he’s going to take the news, but you have to give it to him. At least it’s coming from someone he loves.”

  He nodded and swallowed before moving his hand on the mousepad to open what she assumed was the FaceTime app. She heard the electronic ringtone, and he reached out and took her hand in his. Looking down at their clasped hands brought back a wealth of memories of them in high school. They’d always been touching in one way or another, and his hand in hers, their fingers intertwined, brought all of the emotions of those days right back.

  Reese’s grip on her hand tightened significantly when the call was answered, and for a brief instant, the fear he was feeling flashed over his face. He got hold of his expression quickly, smothering the fear and smiling at his brother. Though the smile was one he had forced, she could tell that he was genuinely happy to see his older brother.

  She remembered Reese talking about Jesse constantly in the year they were together, and it was clear how proud he was of his big brother and how much he looked up to him. She wondered how close they’d stayed given their geographical distance.

  “Hey big brother, it’s good to see you.”

  “You, too. Where are you? That’s not the kitchen in your apartment.”

  It spoke volumes that Reese hadn’t thought of this question coming up or how he would answer it. His eyes shot to hers, a question in them. She nodded and he turned the laptop so that her face was in frame. She’d expected him to tell Jesse he was at her house, not for him to show his brother whose house he was at.

  Becky waved awkwardly at the camera, not sure what to say to a member of a family she’d once thought herself a part of. A family that had cut her out like she meant nothing all those years ago. Her anger threatened to bubble up again, but she pushed it down firmly. This wasn’t about her.

  Jesse’s eyes widened in surprise. “Becky! I haven’t seen you in so long.”

  She offered a small smile. “Yeah, it’s been a while. How have you been?”

  “Good.”

  Well then…I’m glad this hasn’t gotten awkward.

  Reese, sensing her obvious discomfort, turned the computer back to him, squeezing her hand again.

  “So is everything all right? We don’t usually FaceTime on weekdays. Kate is getting dinner ready, so I don’t have long.”

  Becky rubbed her thumb in circles over his, trying her best to lend Reese just a little bit of her strength for the upcoming discussion.

  “No, not really. I got a call from the hospital the other day. Mom collapsed and was admitted for testing. Apparently the cancer has come back and it’s worse now.”

  “Okay. Okay.”

  She could almost picture Jesse nodding, trying to absorb the news and sorting through the possible ramifications.

  “She will fight it again, right? They can do more chemo, or maybe there is some kind of trial she can be put in. She’s still pretty young and she’s healthy, so I’m sure there are medical trials she would be eligible for.”

  “Jesse, no. It’s terminal.”

  “No, that’s not possible. She was fine last week. I talked to her. She was okay.”

  Reese’s hand started to tremble in hers, and this time she was the one to tighten her hold on him. She felt tears burning in her eyes, threatening to spill over.

  “The doctors are wrong, Reese. She was fine last week.”

  “Jesse, where is Kate? You should call her into the room.”

  Reese’s brother didn’t seem to hear him, and was just repeating the same sentence over and over again. “She was fine last week.”

  Reese reached into his pocket and pulled his phone out. She guessed he was calling his sister-in-law and was proven right when the person on the other end of the line answered the call.

  “Kate, Jesse needs you. I’m so sorry.”

  Reese hung up the phone and Becky heard a door open through the laptop speakers. “Jesse? What’s going on?”

  Finally, Jesse stopped repeating himself, falling silent instead. She could hear sniffling and guessed that Reese’s brother was crying now. Reese had pulled his eyes from the screen as though seeing his brother break down was too hard to watch. She guessed that he was just barely holding back his own tears. It wasn’t until he reached over and wiped the wetness away from her cheek that she realized she too had started crying.

  Becky could still hear Kate’s calm voice on the other end of the video chat, trying to coax her husband into telling her what was wrong.

  “Reese, I need you to tell me what’s happening.”

  His hand dropped from her face and he returned his gaze to the computer, taking a deep breath. “Mom’s cancer came back and it’s terminal.”

  “Fuck.”

  “I’m so sorry, Kate. I didn’t want to tell him over the phone, it seemed too impersonal.”

  “Don’t apologize. You’re going through this, too. I’m gonna end the call now so that we can process everything, but I’ll call you back for more details and so that we can plan our trip down there.”

  Reese nodded but didn’t reply, and shortly after, Becky heard the sound of the call being disconnected. The moment the call had ended, he pushed the computer away from him on the table and sunk his head into his hands. Though he didn’t make any sound, his shoulders shook. She stood from her seat and closed the small distance between them, pushing lightly on his shoulder to indicate what she intended. He sat back in the chair and she crawled into his lap, offering the comfort of her touch to him.

  Reese wrapped his arms around her and returned his face to the natural nook made by her neck and shoulder meeting. He wasn’t crying anymore, but his strong hands clutched her body to his like she was a lifeline. She hadn’t felt this essential to anyone in a long time, and though the circumstances were tragic, she was glad she could be a support system for him right now.

  She ran her fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp while he held her tightly. “Do you want to stay here again? I know you don’t have a change of clothes, but you can run home before work, right?”

  She felt a small smile curl on the lips currently pressed against the skin of her shoulder. “I kind of thought tonight migh
t be rough and brought an overnight bag just in case.”

  Despite the situation, a small laugh left her. “Awfully presumptuous of you.”

  Reese’s head lifted and he studied her face, trying to piece together her thoughts. Good fucking luck. I don’t even know how to untangle all of the things running through my head right now.

  She was a complete mess at this particular moment, and had no idea how to deal with everything going on. Becky was sad for Reese and Jesse, devastated for Beth, confused by the depth of the tenderness she still felt for a man who had completely broken her heart all those years ago. Under all of that, she still held a touch of resentment and a fair amount of mistrust. Knowing that he’d left because her parents had threatened him didn’t really change the amount of pain she’d felt at his abandonment.

  His hand worked its way up her body, skimming from its place on her hip up her torso. His touch wasn’t particularly sensual, but she still fought a shiver at the way his touch made her feel. His hand continued its path up her body before his fingers sunk into her hair.

  “I can go home if this is too much. I know we still have a lot unresolved between the two of us.”

  Becky shook her head. “I know it isn’t fair, but I’m still resentful. How fucked up is that?”

  “It isn’t fucked up at all. Our past reads like some kind of Greek fucking tragedy. If me being around is too much though, we can go back to only seeing each other around Ryker.”

  It eased something in her to hear him say that this was still hard for him, too. Something about being wrapped in his arms again felt so damn right, but they still had so much to work through. She wasn’t sure that she could ever trust him with her heart again, but the stupid organ refused to let her spend time with him without involving itself.

  “I don’t think I want that. I don’t know what I want, honestly. I just know that I need to be here for you, comforting you.”

  “I think I need that, too,” he said softly.

  His eyes traced the lines of her face, moving from her lips to her eyes, telegraphing his thoughts in the moment. She wanted him to kiss her. At this particular moment, she wanted nothing more than to get lost in his touch, in the feel of their bodies coming together. It wasn’t a good idea though, not with everything so twisted.

  Reluctantly, Becky stood from Reese’s lap. She felt the loss of his hands from her body keenly, and fought the urge to crawl back into his arms. “I’m going to get ready for bed. It was a long day.”

  He nodded and pushed his chair back to stand as well. “I’ll grab my bag from the car and do the same. Thank you for being with me while I made that call. I don’t know that I would’ve been able to do it alone.”

  She reached out and squeezed his hand once before letting go. “Of course.”

  Before she said anything else, or invited him to bed with her, she turned on her heel and retreated.

  Chapter Thirteen

  After grabbing his bag from his car, changing into loose sweatpants, and brushing his teeth, Reese crawled back into the guest bed he’d stayed in last night. Although knowing that he was under the same roof as Becky and his son helped ease some of the ache in his chest, he couldn’t sleep. He stared at the ceiling, thoughts of his brother’s reaction tonight keeping his mind running.

  He’d known that Jesse wouldn’t take the news well—who possibly could? He hoped that Kate had been able to calm his brother down. She was an incredible wife to his brother, and she knew what to do when he was upset. He pushed thoughts of his brother from his mind, trying to clear it so that he could get some sleep before a long day of work tomorrow, but when he wasn’t thinking about Jesse, he found himself thinking about his mother.

  She was still in the hospital as she recovered from her collapse and discussed treatment options with her doctors. He knew that she would decline treatment though. Pumping her body full of chemicals that would only prolong her life by months wasn’t something she wanted to do, and though Reese wanted more time with her, he couldn’t deny that he would feel the same in her position.

  He was running through a list of things he needed to do when he heard the door to his bedroom open and close, light footsteps sounding as Becky crossed the carpeted floor and drew closer to the bed. Without a word spoken between them, she lifted the comforter and crawled into bed with him.

  His body moved toward hers instinctually, seeking the comfort of her touch. He pulled her to his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist and their legs tangling together. Feeling her curves so close to him, in a bed nonetheless, had his cock hard in seconds, but he knew that there was nothing sexual about her joining him tonight.

  Somehow she’d known that he wasn’t sleeping, or maybe she couldn’t fall asleep either. With her warm body wrapped around his, however, he felt his eyes start to drift closed, his thoughts finally quieting. For the first time in days, with Becky holding him together, Reese fell into a deep sleep.

  Work passed quickly for Reese the next day, and he even managed to find himself smiling throughout his shift, thoughts of Ryker and Becky floating through his mind. The three of them had had breakfast again this morning, and eating together felt so right that it hurt. He didn’t know what he wanted out of this whole thing with Becky, but he couldn’t deny that being with her calmed something in him.

  When they were younger, she’d been one of the few people he felt comfortable enough to really talk to. He’d always been the kind of person to keep a pretty tight lock on his emotions, but Becky pulled them out of him every time. He’d have thought that time would diminish that bond, but if the last few nights were any indication, it was still alive.

  Truth be told, it scared him. He’d spent most of his twenties keeping his distance from other people. He’d never really gotten close to anyone but his family. He’d kept lovers, friends, and co-workers all at a distance, only sharing small parts of himself with them. If he really cared to think about it, he was sure he could trace his guardedness back to the heartbreak he’d felt when the person he loved most in the world had been taken away from him.

  Although her parents weren’t in the picture anymore, he couldn’t help the creeping fear that something would take Becky and Ryker away from him again if he let them get too close. Letting people in was a recipe for disaster.

  “Hey jackass, what are you over there brooding about?”

  Unfortunately for Reese, Carlos refused to be a surface-level friend. The dude clearly sucked people into his life and kept them there. It was both an endearing and frustrating personality trait. “Just thinking about asking the captain for a new partner. The one I have now is exhausting.”

  Walking by Reese to get to his own locker, Rafe slapped him on the back. “Been there, buddy. I hate to break it to you, but you’re definitely stuck with Ramirez. If the captain approved every change-of-partner request, literally nobody in this precinct would be left to work with Carlos.”

  Carlos, not caring even one bit that he had already stripped down to his boxers and didn’t really look imposing or scary at all in Tweety Bird underwear, put his hands on his hips and glared. “You’re all just jealous.”

  “Of?” Reese asked, quirking an eyebrow.

  Carlos waved a hand at his body. “All of this. I’ve got it going on. Meanwhile, Rafe is over there rocking the beginnings of a dad bod, and Reese you just look like an overinflated sex doll.”

  In the mood to be just a touch competitive, Reese responded by pulling off his own shirt. Now, Carlos was a good-looking dude and clearly took care with his workout routine, but Reese worked harder.

  “I don’t really think you have anything I need to be jealous of, Carlos.”

  “Whatever, broseph. Those are superficial muscles. I bet you can’t even lift more than me.”

  Just to be obnoxious, Reese flexed his pecs, making them dance one at a time. “Right. My muscles are definitely just for show.” The sentence practically oozed sarcasm and condescension.

  Rafe, keeping his und
ershirt on while he changed, laughed at the display. “I don’t want to poke the bear or anything, but I think Reese has you beat, Carlos.”

  “What the fuck? I thought you were my best friend. Fucking traitor.”

  “You literally just said I have a dad bod.”

  “The beginnings of a dad bod. Right now you only have the love handles.”

  Rafe scowled and looked to Reese. “If I hold him down, do you think you could kick his ass?”

  Reese nodded. “Oh, definitely.”

  “I resent that statement. I can hold my own in a fight, you douche-canoes.”

  Never one to turn down a challenge he knew he could win, Reese smiled menacingly. “Care to make it interesting?”

  For the first time since he’d gotten the news about his mom, Reese felt like laughing. His friends were absolutely ridiculous, but damn they knew how to cheer him up without being obvious about it. Hell, he honestly didn’t even know if it had been Carlos’s intention to get him out of his own head, but he’d managed it anyway.

  “All right,” Carlos started, flexing in the ridiculous wrestling singlet he’d pulled on in the gym locker room. Reese didn’t even want to know where he’d found the damn thing, or why he insisted on wearing it when they were weightlifting, not wrestling.

  “So we will start out small; I wouldn’t want to burn you out, Reese. We can do sets of five and steadily increase the weight per set until one of us—” he coughed twice, both coughs sounding suspiciously like Reese’s name. “Bitches out.”

  “Hmmm, and what do you get if you win?”

  “You’ll owe me one favor. A no-questions-asked favor that I can call in at any time.”

  Rafe cringed. “The last time I did Carlos a favor, his naked ass cheeks were in the back seat of my car. Be careful, buddy.”

  Reese eyed Carlos’s arms, flexing his own muscles and trying to decide whether or not he could win. All joking aside, Carlos had worked pretty hard in the last few months to get back into prime physical shape following his accident and grueling physical therapy. Reese hadn’t been injured though, and had always been able to bench more than Carlos in the gym.