Finding My Breaking Point

by C. C. Masters

  I inhaled a breath of cool air as we stepped outside. “You know we might get snow tonight?”

  Sam shrugged. “I’m not that fond of snow, Ms. Arctic Wolf.”

  I laughed as she passed the flask back to me and I took a much smaller sip than I had last time. “I was hoping to find some time to talk to you tonight,” I said quietly.

  Sam sighed. “I know it seems like I’ve been blowing you off lately-”

  “Because you have?” I suggested.

  She gave me a small smile. “Yeah, but only because I knew you’d have questions that I wasn’t sure how to answer.”

  “With the truth?” I murmured.

  “You should know that it’s not that easy,” she said quietly. “My secrets aren’t just mine to keep.”

  “Walk with me,” I suggested as I gestured to the path that would lead us to the beach.

  “Are you suggesting a romantic walk on the beach?” Sam joked.

  I gasped as if hurt. “Are you saying you won’t be my date tonight?”

  Sam raised her chin and gave me a stern look. “You should know that I’m not going to get naked with you on the first date.”

  We looked at each other and burst into giggles. Sam and I passed the flask back and forth to each other as we strolled towards the beach and I looked up with a smile on my face when I saw a couple of snowflakes gently drifting down towards us. There was a sea breeze tonight and the scent of the salty ocean air helped to settle my nerves.

  “If we want to be good at being girls, we should probably squeal and run for the house before the snow messes up our hair and makeup,” Sam suggested.

  I shrugged. “Let’s be honest, we both suck at the girly-girl stuff.” Despite my words I stopped on the wooden planks that led across the sand and put a barrier around us. It would keep us protected from the snow and cold winds, but also keep our words from carrying to curious ears.

  Sam narrowed her eyes when the barrier went up and looked over at me suspiciously. “You can see it, can’t you?” I asked her quietly. “That’s how you knew something was up with Gemma the second you saw her.”

  “Yeah,” Sam confirmed with a sharp nod. “I can see a tiny bit of glimmer around us, so I know you did something, but I’d have to work on it to see what exactly it is.”

  “I thought it would be better if no one else was around to overhear this conversation,” I said quietly. “I won’t keep secrets from my mates if it’s something they need to know, but if there’s anyone who would understand being different – it’s me.”

  Sam turned to face the ocean instead of me. “I didn’t lie to you - I am a panther.”

  “But…” I prodded gently.

  “But that’s not all,” Sam admitted before she took a deep drink from the flask. “My parents raised me away from other panthers, so I didn’t realize right away that I wasn’t completely normal. And they died before I could ask the questions that I really needed the answers to.”

  “So you don’t know why you’re different?”

  Sam shook her head. “I don’t. I just know that I have a little something extra inside of me that makes me able to see more magic than the average shifter. But my parents were the ones to teach me how to use the little bit of ability that I have.”

  I hesitated to push her further, because I knew how confusing and heartbreaking it could be to be completely alone and unsure of what you were. “Is that part of the reason you want to go back to Colombia?”

  “Yeah,” Sam murmured. “My grandmother might know more, and I think I’m finally ready to confront her.”

  I gave her a shoulder bump. “What’s the status on your position in the marines?”

  Sam grimaced. “I’m realizing that I’m going to have to get out.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to, because it feels like I’m giving up on the most important part of my life. And I’m not sure about what comes next.”

  “I could talk to Austin,” I suggested. “Now that we have the whole pack back together, he might be willing to spare you and a couple of other guys to go to Colombia.”

  Sam shook her head. “Not until this shit with the Zilker asshole is resolved. I’m going to be here to fight with you guys.”

  “Anna, I need you back at the house,” Austin told me with our pack bond. “It’s almost time for presents.” Austin had a tradition of giving every member of the pack a gift on Christmas Eve to thank them for being loyal members of his pack and to show his appreciation of all the hard work they did throughout the year. Everyone got a bonus check to spend on whatever they wanted, but he also took the time to purchase a small gift for everyone. This year, I had already started planning what I wanted to get each one of my six guys, so when Austin mentioned the tradition, we had decided to give the gifts together this year.

  I smiled at Sam. “Duty calls, let’s head back.”

  The snow started falling faster as we walked back to the house, and because I was vain about looking pretty tonight, I kept the barrier around us to protect us from the weather. I met Austin’s eyes as I stepped back into the house and grinned gleefully. I was pretty excited to hand out the presents and I couldn’t wait to see the looks on the guys’ faces.

  Our entire pack gathered in the living room/kitchen area and Austin called for silence. “First, I want to say how happy I am that every member of our pack is here tonight.” Cheers went up around the room and the guys back from overseas got slaps on the back or punches in the arm.

  “Tonight, Anna and I are carrying on the pack’s tradition of gift-giving,” he announced to a hushed room. “We’ll be handing out presents, not in the order of pack rank or favoritism, but as we draw your names from a hat.”

  Cody held up a red Santa hat that was full of little pieces of paper and there were chuckles from most of the pack. Austin pulled out name after name, and most of the gifts that he had chosen were either funny or sentimental, but each one was personal. I grinned when he pulled out the paper with Mason and Jason written on it, I knew they would put both of their names on the same slip, which is why I put their gifts together.

  When Jason bounded up with Mason not far behind, I handed them each a box that was wrapped in shiny blue paper and white ribbon. They tore into the wrapping and paper flew everywhere. “Fuck, yeah!” Jason said with a huge grin on his face when he saw what I had hidden in the box under a layer of tissue paper.

  Mason’s grin was just as big when he pulled out one of the custom-made throwing stars I had ordered for them. To avoid arguments over whose set was better, I had gotten the same variety of four-point, six-point, and futuristic stars for each of them. I’d also had all of them engraved with either an M or a J to personalize them.

  Jason picked one up and held it in his hand as if he were thinking about throwing it at the wall. “Cody put up a target outside for you guys to practice on,” I interrupted sharply. There were quite a few laughs around the room, but the twins took their seats without any damage being done to the house.

  After a couple more guys that I didn’t know that well, Cody’s name was pulled. Earlier today, he had been trying to guess what the large, heavy package with his name might contain, and none of his guesses had even come close. Cody rubbed his hands together. “I’ve been waiting for this moment since you had Austin carry this in for you,” Cody said with a wink at me.

  Cody looked shocked when he opened the package to see a double-headed hand-forged battle axe with steel guards and a twisted wire wrapped grip. I cleared my throat. “Talen had thought that this would be the best weapon for your natural fighting style.” Talen had constantly scolded Cody not to hack at his opponent during sword training, but in private he had told me that Cody wasn’t the problem, the weapon was. “He came up with the custom design for you.”

  Cody blinked a couple of times before he picked up the axe and swung it a couple times. “I wish the fucker was here now to give me some pointers.” His words might have sounded harsh, but I could hear the affection and loss in
his voice. Talen’s death had affected all of us in different ways.

  When Caleb’s name was called, he came up to the front of the room reluctantly and looked nervous to be standing in front of everyone. I gave his hand a squeeze to reassure him and we shared a small smile. Cody brought out the box that carried Caleb’s gift in it and Caleb’s face lit up when he saw what was inside. Anxiety forgotten; Caleb hoisted it up for everyone to see. “This is awesome!”

  Through one of Austin’s contacts, we had managed to get an experimental drone that was better than anything else on the market. I couldn’t take credit for this one, because the guys had set this in motion months ago. Apparently, something like this wasn’t easy to get a hold of. Caleb brought his box over to the side of the room and immediately started pulling out the items inside.

  My name was pulled a few minutes later and I bounced up and down in excitement. I didn’t really need anything, but my life hadn’t exactly been full of happy Christmas gifts. It was more symbolic than anything else, but that didn’t dampen my enthusiasm.

  Austin took a small box out of his jacket pocket and my eyes brightened. “Anna, at first I was against getting you a piece of jewelry, because it seemed too stereotypical and you’re far beyond ordinary.” Austin cleared his throat. “But this isn’t just a piece of jewelry, this is a promise for our future.” A huge smile spread across my face when he opened the box to reveal a necklace with a pendant. “The six stones represent each one of your mates, and we chose an infinity symbol because our love will last for all of eternity.” My heart soared at the explanation, but he wasn’t finished. “Instead of diamond, we wanted alexandrite because the changing color is a reminder that no matter how much our lives might change, our love will never fade.”

  His final words brought me to tears and I gave him a kiss before he put it around my neck. I gently touched the pendant as it laid on my chest, feeling unbelievably lucky that I had found true love. Austin and Cody accepted my thank you kisses with a smile, the twins smothered me with affection, and Caleb blushed when I gave him a light kiss. I smiled over at James, but let him keep his hard-ass reputation in front of the rest of the pack.

  Finally, there were two gifts left and no names left in the hat. “James,” I called out. “You can’t escape this just because you didn’t put your name in the hat.”

  He scowled at me, but through our bond I could tell that he was cautiously optimistic. He wanted to know what was in his box, he just didn’t want to admit to it. Because James was James, he whipped out a combat knife and used it to dissect the packaging. Because I was me, I hadn’t made it easy for him. The twins had gotten me a hundred pack of zip ties and I had put every one of them to good use to seal the next box that he had to open. James shot me a look that was more amused than angry, but I just gave him a serene smile.

  When he finally got into the box that actually housed his present, he hesitated for a moment before pushing aside the padding. Talen had helped me with this gift as well. James had immediately shown talent in learning the sword and Talen had suggested a katana would be best for James as it’s a light and fast sword. The tsuba had been engraved with a pair of snarling wolves and the saya was lacquered to a shiny black finish. James gripped the tsuka and pulled it out of the saya to admire the high carbon steel blade that had been perfectly balanced.

  Because the entire pack was watching, James merely gave Austin and I a nod of thanks before taking his sword back to his dark corner. I smiled after him, knowing that we would talk later, in private.

  “Last, but not least,” I teased Austin. I had thought long and hard about what Austin would want for Christmas. What do you get a man who can afford to get whatever he wanted? Then, I realized that Austin had spent years building a pack and changing the lives of every single one of these guys for the better. What Austin loved most was his real family – his pack. I had come up with the idea of creating something that would symbolize our pack and what we stood for, but once I got the rest of the guys involved it had turned into something even better than I could have imagined on my own.

  The twins carried up part one of Austin’s present, and unfolded it once they were in front of the entire pack. Throughout all of the branches of the military, having a flag or guidon for a company, battery, or platoon detachment to carry was a source of pride and self-identity. As a pack, we had come together to design something to symbolize who we were as a group. We had decided on a proud, snarling wolf along with our stylized pack initials.

  Austin grinned at the sight and gave me an affectionate kiss on the head before thanking the other guys. “But wait, there’s more!” Jason called out once the cheers had died down.

  I grabbed Austin by the hand and tugged him in the direction of the game room. Austin had worked hard to create a place for his wolves to relax and unwind and so we had decided that was the perfect place for part two of his gift. A bunch of the guys crowded around the entryway to the game room as I showed Austin the result of a week of hard work. Jamie had volunteered to do the majority of the painting, and as it turns out, he was a very talented artist.

  A more detailed mural of our snarling wolf and pack initials were now covering the largest wall of the room, but even more importantly, every guy in the pack had signed his name somewhere on the wall. It was a symbol of our pack coming together for a common goal.

  Jason handed Austin a paintbrush and a small cup of paint. “We saved the best spot for you, boss,” he said with a grin.

  Austin painted his name carefully in the center spot we had reserved for him and stepped back to admire the work as a whole. I couldn’t resist the urge to snap a pic at the look of pride and happiness on his face. The flash of the camera on my phone snapped him out of his thoughts and he strode back to the doorway. “Take off your jackets and loosen those ties, because it’s time for the Seaside Wolf Pack to celebrate!” he called out to the pack. The roar of the wolves almost shook the entire house and I laughed in appreciation. I could feel the happiness and camaraderie flowing through the pack bond and realized that this was the happiest I’d ever seen the entire pack.

  Once the beer started flowing and shot after shot was poured, our well-dressed group quickly deteriorated. The suit jackets were strewn around the house, ties were flung in every direction, and a lot of the guys had even lost their button-down shirts. I could see Austin and Cody making the rounds to socialize with each and every member of the pack while the twins had disappeared outside with another group to throw their stars. Sam had challenged Trevor to a drinking contest, but I couldn’t tell which one of them had actually won. She was now drunkenly singing with Mike while Trevor had Quinn in a headlock.

  I shook my head at the shenanigans. I knew James would be prowling around and on guard while the rest of the pack was partying, so I went in search of Caleb. Before I could make it to the stairs, Blaze stepped out in front of me. “Anna,” he said with a smile that didn’t match the look in his eyes. “I was hoping we’d be able to speak in private.”

  “I was just going to look for Caleb,” I said smoothly in the hopes of deflecting him from his goal of cornering me.

  “It’ll only take a moment,” he assured me as he motioned for me to precede him into an empty room.

  His odd behavior was making me apprehensive, but I kept my chin up and didn’t show any hint of my nerves. Even if he had nefarious reasons for wanting to get me alone, I was more than capable of defending myself from a single wolf and my mates were all in close proximity if I needed them.

  Blaze closed the door behind us, but it didn’t block out the noise of the party. “I’ve been through shit and I’ve seen things,” Blaze said ominously.

  Inwardly I cringed, but I kept my face stoic on the outside.

  “I know you’re not what everyone thinks you are,” Blaze said quietly as he watched my eyes.

  “And what’s that?” I asked nervously. Is it possible that he could somehow sense what I really was? Was he going to tell everyone that
I was more fae than wolf?

  Blaze confirmed my fears with his next statement. “I’ve met fae before, and you feel a hell of a lot like they did.”

  “My mother was a white wolf tasked with defending our world against the fae,” I told him carefully. “We have more magic than the average wolf.”

  “And your father?” he asked pointedly. “I have friends up north, and they remember some interesting events that occurred the same year that you were born.”

  He had guessed correctly, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of being right. “You do realize that all of us are descended from the fae, it’s just a matter of how many generations back,” I said defensively.

  “So I heard,” he muttered. “But you just happen to appear at the same time as all this fae shit starts going down? And you have all of our top wolves wrapped around your little finger within days of meeting you? I don’t believe in coincidence.”

  I stared at him with wide eyes. Everything that he had just said was true.

  “Problem?” Austin asked as he stepped into the room and walked up to me to put his hand on the small of my back.

  “Nope,” Blaze said with a grim smile. “I was just getting to know Anna a little better.”

  Austin stared at Blaze in challenge. “I don’t appreciate it when another wolf corners my mate alone in a room during a party.”

  Blaze met his gaze defiantly for a moment before dropping his eyes. “Of course,” he murmured to Austin. “I meant no offense.”

  There was silence for a couple of heartbeats while Austin kept Blaze pinned with his stare. Just as Blaze started to look uncomfortable, Austin shifted his gaze to me. “There’s a couple inches of snow on the ground now, I wanted to see if my arctic wolf would be interested in going on a run?”

  I brightened up immediately at the thought. “I was just going to find Caleb. I’ll ask him if he wants to come with us.”

  Austin smiled at me. “I’ll walk you upstairs. Why don’t you shift inside, just this once? It’s going to be too crowded outside for you to have any privacy.”