See How She Runs

by Michelle Graves

  I freshened up quickly and moved myself toward the kitchen. There, I found Kennan placing two plates on the table that were piled with eggs, bacon, and buttery toast. Sitting on the table was a present wrapped with a beautiful green bow. I wrapped my green sweater more tightly around me as I sat down. I still hadn’t come to grips on how exactly to reconcile the two Kennans.

  In fact, it was getting harder for me to stay mad at him. In all of the ways that mattered, he’d always been there for me. He’d saved me from that hellish trunk all of those years ago. Back in Chicago, the man had saved me from my own stupidity, even if his methods sucked. And sitting there, right in front of me, wrapped in a beautiful green bow, was proof that I was more than an assignment. Our friendship mattered.

  I wiped at my eyes trying to hide the tears that threatened to fall. I knew myself well enough to know that I wouldn’t yet be able to fully trust him. But I decided to end the "Kennan-is-a-stupid-head-liar-face" pity party playing out in my head. No matter how amazing the decorations and cake were. That ridiculous green bow was proof that part of that friendship was as real to him as it still was to me.

  I looked at Kennan as he sat across from me. He was dressed in a thermal layered under a buttoned up red flannel over worn jeans and hiking boots. He looked like a super sexy version of the Brawny Man. Once again, I had to tamp down my hormones. Still not ready to look too closely at that.

  I looked at him, then I glanced back at my present. I was anxious to open it, but in the light of everything it seemed like I shouldn’t be able to have this sort of easy happiness. I bit into my perfectly burnt bacon, and looked back up to Kennan who was looking as anxious as I was for me to open it.

  “It isn’t a magical wombat or anything equally weird is it?"

  I felt justified in asking. I mean, it could’ve been. Kennan over here was like a zillion years old but still looked thirty. Magical wombats seemed a viable option.

  “No, it isn’t a magical wombat. They haven’t been around for at least three hundred years,” he said as he bit into one of his eight pieces of toast. I looked at him blankly, until a deep rumbly laugh overtook him. The spark of amusement in his eyes after an emotionally charged few days was a welcome sight.

  I shook my head as I reached for the box with trepidation. Inside was a tablet with a note on top. It was in Kennan’s elegant scrawl:

  Dearest Izzy,

  Perhaps this may not be the best birthday you’ve ever had. I fear that I’ve taken you away from everything and left you with nothing in return. I attempted to bring the things that mattered most to you, but in the end I don’t really know what that is. In an effort to keep my distance and give you privacy, I fear that I only know the basics of what matters most to you. You have never been one to hold value in material things, but I know how much you love your Jane Austen and Bronte based movies. I loaded all of them that I could find onto this tablet. Every version I could uncover. I know it isn’t much in the grand scheme of all that is coming your way. I just want you to find some happiness. I’m so very glad that you were born. You have brought sunshine into my otherwise monotonous world. I pray to the gods that the sun is not taken from you. So, happy birthday. Yeah.

  Yours eternally,

  Kennan

  P.S. I will watch one of these horrible movies with you for your birthday. Your choice. But I reserve the right to make fun of them.

  I glanced at Kennan and for the first time he looked sheepish. Honestly, it was the first time he’d ever expressed any emotion other than happiness toward me. I giggled with delight as I powered up the tablet and noticed not only were all of my favorite movies loaded on to it, he’d also added hundreds of books. Officially, the best present ever.

  I squealed and jumped up from my seat, rushing to hug him. He almost fell backwards in his chair from the unexpected force. He was my Kennan, the same as he’d always been. He looked down at me with a slow heat in his eyes that made me realize, perhaps things weren’t as they’d always been. I quickly got myself back under a semblance of control and sat back down to finish my breakfast while doing a little happy dance.

  Breakfast ended with Kennan gathering up the dishes and doing them while I sat drinking coffee and thinking of what to do next.

  “Kennan?”

  “Yeah, Iz?”

  “I can’t leave her there, no matter what she said. You know that right?”

  He sighed heavily as if I’d spoken the very words he’d been dreading since the start of this whole thing.

  “It won’t be easy, Lass, I mean kid." He looked at me with a sly grin as he continued. “You know she is locked up in a max security building run by the scum of the earth. You know we could very well die or you could get captured in the process, making all she did to protect you pointless, right?”

  “I do, but I also know that I can’t live with myself if I sit here hiding while she suffers. I don’t think she is the only one there either Kennan. How can I live with myself if I just let it go on? That would make me just as bad as them. I’m not saying we should go right now. I’m saying that eventually it has to happen. I know that I am ill prepared and I seriously have no plans of going on some halfcocked suicide mission. I just need a plan of action, like always. I need something to work towards. Hell, I haven’t even had another vision yet, so I don’t even know what to expect there. Just promise me, promise me we will try.”

  “I promise, but not until I think you are ready, do you understand? This could take a long time. This place is secure. We are too far away from anything for them to be able to mentally track you. But if he hacks into your visions again, you must be careful. You have to block him. You have to keep him from reading the images in your mind.”

  “Um, I am assuming this is something you will be able to teach me, right? Along with maybe some jujitsu or something equally as ninja like?" I smiled hopefully up at him. If I was meant to be some sort of super Seer, I should at least get some cool action-figure moves.

  “Maybe we should work on you being able to do a single pushup first?"

  He snickered to himself as he put the dishes away. I threw the balled-up wrapping paper at his head and quicker than my eyes could track he spun and caught it. He looked at my astonished face and winked. Okay then, apparently he had super speed. Awesome.

  “Alright, smarty pants. I’m assuming you have some sort of training plan. Obviously I’m not in fighting condition, so maybe we should start there?" Now that I’d gotten past the initial shock of it all, I felt like I needed to move forward and do something productive.

  “Easy there, Skipper," he said, with that same old twinkle in his eyes. “Yes, I do have a plan. Prepare for some major suckage. My plan involves both physical and mental training. You’ll start having more and more visions and getting you through those will be the biggest challenge. The ones you share with your mother are relatively safe. You can control them easily because she is there to help filter the information. Eventually we will get to the ninja skills." He winked at me as he headed toward the door.

  “So are we starting now?" I asked, since he was giving me absolutely nothing.

  “No, today is your birthday. It is the last day you get to rest and be comfortable. And there is something else I need to give you. Your mother gave me some letters long ago. She told me to keep them safe until they found you." He looked at me with the same sad cast in his eyes as he pointed to the coffee table. There lay a bundle of three letters wrapped with twine.

  “I need to go chop some wood and get some stuff done around the property. Don’t leave the cabin. I don’t want you tripping over a root and breaking something. Give me a yell when you’re done."

  With that, he left me alone with the pile of letters.

  **********

  NINE

  Kennan walked out of the door, effectively shutting me in with the letters. Well, there was no time like the present. Maybe she could help explain some things. A girl could hope right?

 
With a sense of trepidation I reached for the pile of letters and opened the one dated as the oldest. As I pulled it from the envelope, I was assaulted by a vision.

 

  My mother was in a summer dress spinning around in the yard, making me fly. I could feel the sticky humidity and hear the cicadas and frogs chirping in the background. The sun was getting ready to set and my mom was going to take me inside soon. She led me through the door still flying me like an airplane and took me to my father. She leaned in to kiss his cheek then left the room, heading to the office.

  I followed her, there, but not there. She sat down at a desk and inhaled deeply. Just before she began writing slowly. As if something had drawn her attention, she turned toward me and smiled sadly.

  I jerked, surprised by the vision of the past. It was as though my very soul was walking through her memories. Even stranger, it was as if she expected me to be there. She’d somehow known that I was coming. It would seem that she’d known I would grow up alone all along. Embittered that she would still set herself on that course, but strangely comforted in knowing she did all she could for me. I wiped my eyes and began reading the first letter.

 

  My dear girl,

  I never wanted you to live the life that you’re about to be forced to live. I hope you know that I did not want to leave you. I tried to prevent it as long as I could. This day, I know I will only have at the most three more years with you. You’ve been the best thing I’ve ever done on this earth. You have a light that shines from you and touches even the darkest of places. Don’t lose that sense of wonder and optimism. No matter what they do to me Izzy, or what you must face in the days to come. I’ve tried to see the life that awaits you, but I’m never able to get beyond the fog and see what is to come. I hope that you live a life of calm and that you are never forced to deal with the madness and greed that is coming for me. I hope that you grow old, you have babies, and you are free from the insanity that has been brought down upon so many Seers. I wish for you a fate vastly different than my own.

  I know that you feel alone. I know that I’ve left you with a terrible burden to bear. But know that you do not have to do this without help. Kennan is there for you. He may be hard to crack in the emotions department, but I saw the way he lit up around you. He left today. Your father had a talk with him. I think he was beginning to feel the Guardian’s pull toward you. Even though you are so very young. So he and your father felt it best that he left. Most Guardians don’t meet their charges until they reach the age of seeing. What happened with you and Kennan is almost unheard of. He would have started aging had he stayed. So, for him to be fit to protect you, he left. He sacrificed finally having a place to call home in order to do what was best for you and your father. So please, dear daughter, trust him.

  I love you more than you will ever possibly know. I know you will be faced with so many obstacles. Your future is not something I can see, so it is something you must create for yourself. Be brave, be smart, and above all trust your heart, my dear one. I will miss you so very much. Just remember to be the very best version of yourself you can possibly be.

  With all that I am,

  Mommy

  I sat motionless and numb for longer than I could imagine. By the time I finally pulled myself out of my reverie I realized I was no closer to understanding anything than I was before reading the letter. I glanced back at the paragraph about Kennan. I’d wondered why he left when I was young. Though, with the feelings that kept surfacing toward him, I was kind of glad he’d left when he did. How creepy would that be? Uncle Kennan.

  No thank you.

  I wasn’t quite ready to deal with the feelings brought on by my mother’s words. Kennan, I could handle. The overwhelming sense of love that poured from her every word scared the bejeezus out of me. I read through the letter twice more before glancing at the clock. I realized four hours had passed without my notice.

  Now that I was pulled back to the present, I heard a constant thwack noise coming from outside. I got up and moved toward the window in search of the noises’ source. I found Kennan chopping wood, and by the grace of God himself he was shirtless. I’d seen him without a shirt before, but this was different.

  This was the real Kennan, not the mockery I’d been seeing for the past two years. I gawked at the intricate tattoos that started on his back and looped in and out across his broad shoulders and down his arms. The knots seemed to have no beginning and no end. They spoke of old magic and times long forgotten. His muscles rippled and glistened as he swung the axe to split another log.

  He stacked the split logs on the growing pile behind him. He turned toward where I was standing and winked before he went back to chopping. Shocked that he knew I was there and more than a little mortified at being caught gawking, I blushed crimson. Yep, certainly glad he was not dear, old Uncle Kennan, because that would’ve been super skeevy.

  Determined to calm my hormones and distract my mind from everything happening, I moved into the kitchen to fix some sandwiches. One for me, and three for Kennan. A growing man needed to eat. After I piled everything up on two plates, I stuck my head out the door and hollered that lunch was done. Kennan picked up his shirts and wiped his face before heading into the cabin. Between the drizzle and the sweat he was drenched.

  He walked past me toward his bag and pulled out a plain tee shirt. I was suddenly struck with the desire to be that shirt clung to him as tightly. Maybe I needed a cold shower. This was getting out of control. Two years of nothing and then whammy, hormone overload.

  Trying to distract myself, I headed back to the kitchen and filled two cups full of water. I sat down and stared directly at my sandwich. Not willing to make eye contact for fear of blushing again, I dug into my sandwich.

  Kennan lowered himself into his chair with more grace than should have been afforded the mountain that he was. He snickered at me.

  “You alright there, Red? You look a little flustered. Thanks for the grub by the way. I’m famished.”

  “Nope, not flustered, totally fine. Just feeling a bit weird about the letter from my mom."

  Even to my own ears, I sounded tightly wound and ridiculous. Luckily for me, Kennan didn’t press the issue.

  “So, what did it say? Anything that might help us figure out what to do next?" he asked around a mouthful of sandwich.

  Must not look at his lips.

  “Hm? Oh, well, she said she couldn’t see through the fog or something like that. Most of the letter was about you actually. Were y’all really close when I was younger? I mean, I have these vague memories of someone that must’ve been you being around. But nothing that is clear. It gets kind of fuzzy where you’re concerned." I looked into his eyes, realizing the truth of it. My memories had been hacked again.

  “We thought that it would be best if you didn’t really remember me. It would make it hard for you when you got older to treat me like a peer or a friend. If we’d known back when you were born that I would be your Guardian, I would never have stayed as long as I did. We’re meant to be the same age as the one we protect. So when I left, I took the memories of a girl that radiated sunshine and you were left with vague memories of a family friend." He went back to eating without saying anything more.

  For a while we sat in silence, both lost in our own memories. But a question that kept tugging at my mind wouldn’t go unanswered any longer.

  “Wasn’t it weird for you though, I mean to see me again and have to act like you didn’t know me? Don’t you see me like the five year old you left, the daughter of your best friend? I just don’t know how we’re meant to be on equal footing when you’ve borne witness to my entire life. You still have all of the memories that were taken from me." I looked at him, hoping my question wasn’t a foolish one. With everything else happening, it somehow seemed petty to even spend time thinking about it.

  “I was afraid it would be. After Grams died, I knew that I had to come back into the picture. That first nigh
t you came into the bar, I immediately knew it was you. The same hair as your mother, the same eyes as your father, and the same sense of lightness that always seemed to cling to you, I knew. But you were so different from the last time I saw you. I didn’t watch you grow up, I couldn’t or I would have aged as well. So I got reports from Grams and from everyone else. I knew how well you did in school, and all of the little events that made up your life. But I wasn’t witness to you. Just the events." He got up from his chair and moved toward the kitchen. I could see him weighing his next words and wondered what would come next.

  “Izzy, I do have the memories of a little girl, a bright ray of sunshine. You were always so happy as a child. I think that I only ever saw you cry twice. But when you came into the bar, well, you aren’t the same person. You hadn’t lost the sunshine, but you were grown. You were a woman, tempered by loss and tragedy. Your brightness not gone but dulled by a life of loss. Even right after you lost Grams and came down to the bar, you still had a sense of optimism that I would’ve recognized anywhere."

  He walked back over toward me and placed his finger under my chin tilting me to face him.

  “Make no mistake Izzy, I don’t see you as the child I left." He looked at me a moment longer with a fire burning in his eyes before releasing me and heading out the door once more. I could swear that I heard him mutter something about complications before he left.

  Alone with the unspoken promises in Kennan’s eyes, I was forced to distract myself with something mundane like the dishes. I stood up and moved into the kitchen, taking my plates with me. As I got to the sink, I was struck by a wave a nausea so strong I doubled over, dropping and shattering the dish. Just as I felt the wave of nausea subside, my head suddenly felt as though every synapse was firing simultaneously. I yelled out as the overwhelming pain threatened to pull me under. I fell to the floor as my consciousness slipped to somewhere far away.